Admit it, you have one too. A close friend who you’ve known forever, you guys talk about everything, you go out and cruise for chicks together. You cry on her shoulder and she cries on yours and you totally want to know what it’s like to sleep with her. In spite of obvious sexual tension between the two of you for some reason, neither one of you has ever acted on it. Sure, there’s been some drunken make-out sessions and questionable fondling on the dance floor. But nothing either one of you couldn’t cover up with another shot of vodka followed by molesting the next three strangers that walk by just to make it look like you’re that drunk.
So what’s held you back from going all the way sober? From what I can tell, here are the major reasons:
- Timing. You’re always single when she’s happily hooked up to the wrong girl. Leaving you to sit there and bite your tongue as you listen to how fabulous the new wench is. Then by the time your friend wises up and dumps the tramp, you’ve already met someone equally undeserving in the eyes of your bestie. But love and lust are blind and now she’s stuck listening to you go on and on about the newbie. For some reason, the universe conspires against you two would-be-fuck-buddies and you’re never single at the same time.
- You don’t want to ruin the friendship. Now this is a legitimate concern. Many a lesbian friendships have gone the way of awkward silence after a drunken night of truth telling and sloppy seconds. So it’s understandable that you don’t want to risk losing a true blue bud over sex.
- Then there’s the creep factor. You guys are so close, you’re like sisters. Eew! But no matter how close you feel, the fact remains, you are not related and no court in the world would blame you for sleeping with her. So the creep factor sits heavily on your conscience but you manage to push it to the part of your brain where things like algebra and calculus go to die.
- You’re scared. You’ve seen the girls she’s been with, you’ve heard the tales of her sexual conquests and maybe you’re not so sure how you’d measure up. Nothing could be more mortifying than having your best friend think you’re a bad lay. Not only does that not bode well for the two of you, it also has the potential of getting around to your other friends. Ouch! The possibility of losing your friend and your rep all in one fell swoop? Not such an appetizing idea after all.
But let’s say you’re a rock star in bed and you know it. By some miracle you’re both single at the same time and you’re over the pseudo-incestuous angst you were once hung up on. So now what? Do you throw caution to the wind and make a move? But wait! There’s one more problem!
What if all this sexual tension you’ve been feeling over the years is all in your head? What if you’re the only one who wonders what it would be like to take your friendship to another level? What if you’re slightly psycho and you just never realized it before?!
Does any of this sound even slightly familiar? Well welcome to my world. So I settle back into our comfortable roles of sexually frustrated friends with a healthy dose of denial thrown in for good measure. Does she like me or is it in my head? Honestly, I’m sure she likes me. But for all the same reasons, I’m sure she’ll never act on it either. Ensuring another ten years of friendship unmarred by sex, no matter how good we both know it would be.
Tags: best friends · friends with benefits · fuck-buddies · sexual tension6 Comments
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ps: if you’re wondering if I’m writing about you, I’m NOT! Well, unless I am
…. you know who you are!
Oooh I have so been there!
My experience goes a little something like:
Tequila + BFF’s + Hot Tub = GETTING IT ON!! ;o)
Upon reflection…this could have been one of the most monumentally stupid things I’ve ever done in my young life. But luckily for me…it wasn’t. A good night was had by all. We even sat around and talked about it the next day…which then led to the odd pairing off for a more intimate one on one kinda discussion.
It hasn’t been repeated, but I think we’re all much closer for having cleared the air…so to speak ;o)~
So…I’d have to say that sleeping with my best friend wasn’t a bad thing at all. But that’s just my experience…It’s not for everyone I’m sure. ;o)
My best girl friend is J, and I can without a doubt speak for both of us when I say we have never fucked, nor had any awkward nights of ‘what can we get away with cause we’re drunk?’. Again *points to self* NOT the typical lesbian. J and I are always adding to our reasons why we could never date, or fuck. HOWEVER, I do have a laundry list of women I have slept with or dated who are NOW my friends, but it never returns to fucking.
I know within 5 minutes of meeting someone new if I want to fuck them, or befriend them. The line never blurs, and I have almost ALWAYS gotten what I wanted.
However, in the interest of the subject I will re-open a chapter I experienced this year… She was my first girlfriend from when I was 19. We dated for like 5 minutes (which in lesbian time is 3 weeks) and during those 5 minutes we didn’t sleep together. She moved out of the country and got married (to a man) and we lost touch over the years. I always held a candle for her (we always do for our firsts), and knew this wasn’t over. This year, thanks to my best tech friend, Myspace, I found her. She was back in the US and was working 15 miles from me.
We got in touch, got together for dinner and our friendship grew back to where it was like she never left. She had been in a relationship with her current boyfriend (after getting divorced) for going on 5 years, but there was trouble.
The flirting between us started, and comments here and there became more frequent. All the while I’m thinking nothing will happen because she is obviously straight, not having been with another woman since ME 7 years ago.
Her relationship with her boyfriend goes on hiatus, and she wastes no time letting me know she wants me. Wondering what it would be like, the build-up of never having slept together and missing me all these years… Here is where the stars align and the timing is perfect and there are no more GOOD excuses to not scratch this 7 year itch… so we did. Three times.
How many people get the chance to go back and have this experience? I don’t think many! Being the mature friends and women we are, we talked about it. It was a great experience, one both of us wanted. Now back to reality. I knew to expect nothing from her, enjoy the fun while it lasted. Don’t ruin the friendship, and certainly don’t get my heart involved. She isn’t the type of girl I could actually date, she is such a dude in the brain. 5 years ago I don’t think I would have been able to compartmentalize this experience and enjoy it without getting all girly about it. We are still amazing friends, a little closer than we were before.
Yes, it does sound slightly familiar. I am a rockstar in bed and I know it. And yes, I sleep with my best friend because she happens to be my gf too. Yea, mushy mushy, barf barf.
But…I say nay to fuck buddies. The only buddy I effed was a mistake and I know this. Right, Maggie? *nudge nudge
I’ve never slept with anyone that I considered to be a friend, and I intend on keeping it that way. The only exception, of course, is that I’m dating someone AND I also think they’re a completely awesome rockstar human being (which is my criteria for friendship (as you all know already))… but short of that, no. I’m 100% with Maggie and J on this one.
Just for the record, the girl that inspired this particular post is someone I met LONG before I was part of The Walking Awesome.
Now that I know you guys, I see a lot of things differently …
and thank you for that.