Maybe I should have posted this earlier, but better late than later.
(Slight disclaimer: For the right girl I might be willing to work a bit on 1,2,7 & 8 …. well, probably not 2. But the rest depends on you.)
1. I’m emotionally distant … I’ve been called cold on more than one occasion.
2. I’m severely allergic to cuddling. If you’re new to my blog, let me fill you in. I will, let me repeat, I WILL have sex with you and then leave AS SOON as possible, usually in various stages of undress just to make sure you don’t have the chance to ask me what I’m thinking.
3. I put my dogs and family first. My friends and career after that. So that leaves you in a dismal third, fourth or fifth, depending on your math skills. Even if you manage to claw your way up my priority list, you’ll always come after my puppies. Always.
4. I will probably blog about you and any dumb ass thing you do or I do to you.
5. I don’t believe in marriage, so even if gay marriage ever becomes legal, I won’t be signing any contracts with you and the state.
6. I don’t want children and I don’t want your children. Cold, right? I know, I already warned you about that.
7. I hate talking on the phone.
8. I’m a loner, a hermit, a recluse. Just ask my friends. I can be bribed to go out and when I do, I’m worth the trouble. But it’s not often enough for most. Don’t get me wrong, I’m good with the one to one, but I need my space.
9. I have a fabulous vocabulary … if you don’t, then you don’t want to date me. I won’t be rude about it, but I’ll think less of you and quickly stop calling you back if you ever ask me, “Can you stop using such big words?”
10. I have beautiful ex’s. A few of them have been in Maxim. I have no feelings for them at all, but don’t ask me whom I’ve dated, Google them and then give me shit about it every time you see them on TV or something.
11. I won’t take you to meet my friends until I’m pretty sure you can withstand the harsh gaze of Maggie and Jeanine. The others are cupcakes in comparison. I should be totally honest and tell you no one’s lasted long enough to meet them … so if I take you, you’ll be under a special kind of scrutiny that comes from being the first girl I ever bring over for their approval. Mind you, their approval will be required … so that’s about 7 more reasons right there, you don’t want to date me.
Well there you have it. The down and dirty truth about yours truly. I mean really, don’t you wish all your ex’s posted all their worst faults for you to peruse before you got emotionally attached? I’m just trying to cut the middle man out and save us both a lot of trouble.
I’m sure after reading this, I seem like quite the catch …. yea, I thought so.
Tags: 17 Comments
17 responses so far ↓
It is a nice vocabulary!
So I suppose a fuck is outta the question? LOL! ;o)~
LMAO….just ignore me. I think a have a syndrome or something ;o)~
Ummm… Alejandra, it’s NEVER out of the question
Would have been nice to read this a few days ago.
I don’t care what your friends think.
Guess you do though.
I’m having a big problem with #7.
To the beautiful girl who wrote to me and corrected my grammar … thank you, I fixed it.
To “C” …. I don’t have my phone on me, honestly. I gave it to my mother to use today. I swear! I have to go do some stuff and I might not be online for a while, but please calm down. I’ll call you later.
Buahahahahaha…. hahaha. ok… really, I’m sorry to laugh… (*sucking in cheeks to avoid smiling*)…. It’s not funny. hahaha. Really, it’s not amusing at all… (Side note: Aside from the obvious humor in all of this, I still feel awkward and uncomfortable on your behalf.)
awesome!
i’ve always thought that honesty was the best policy. of course, not everyone is ready for honesty. but i’m sure you know that already, especially based upon the comments brought to you by the letter “c”…
*singing* sunny day, sweeping the clouds away…
After reading all the comments everyone left you on this and the other one i’m thinking you’re lying about being such a loner. if you don’t want to go out any more just say so, dont make shit up. and your friends seem like real “nice” people.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
*deep breath*
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
It just sounds like 11 reasons I WANT to date you.
This is pretty fucking funny. I must admit girly that you sure sound like a catch.
Your perception of yourself is quite true…… unfortunately.
To “whatever you want to call me” …. you can’t say I didn’t warn you. I constantly blog about the MANY reasons women should not get too attached to me. I’m sorry if you were one of the one’s I’ve hurt, which by the comment you left me, I’m sure you are.