On the car lot of lesbian dating there are the “New” lesbians. Those would be your typical baby dykes. Newly out and/or young enough not have been ruined by repeated heartbreaks and Prozac.
Then there are the “Certified Pre-Owned” lesbians.
Your Certified Pre-Owned Lesbian comes to you in impeccable condition, inspected by technicians using a checklist of 117 points, and a comprehensive head-to-toe limited warranty.
Within this category we have two sub categories: The long term leases and the rental cars … er …I mean lesbians. The long term lease is equivalent to a serial monogamist. While the rentals may have had many drivers but are in mint condition and still under warranty. So they either have low miles or were mostly highway miles. Leaving both groups of women in decent enough emotional shape to enter into a healthy relationship. Theoretically they are the cream of the crop.
Then there’s the “Used” lesbians. They’re on the next lot over. They’re a little dusty, high mileage and definite gas guzzlers. They never got a tune up when they needed it and were driven into the road. This means that they’ve been used and abused by past lovers and their warranty ran out a few years back. So if you date these chicks you may have problems with abandonment issues, excess emotional baggage and perhaps some substance abuse problems stemming from their painful past that they will no doubt talk about all the time.
Lastly we have the “Salvage Title” lesbians. These women are uninsurable. Sure, they may have had body work done and they look good. But if you pop the hood and take a look you’ll see it’ll cost more to fix her than she’s worth.
So which one are you? Well I know I’m a salvage title and I’m OK with that. It just means I need to find someone who thinks my pretty paint job is worth all those trips to the garage … um, I mean worth the trouble.
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9 responses so far ↓
Hi! A newly self-outed lurker here!
And will four years-into-my-first-lesbian-relationship still qualify me as a “new” lesbian?
I like to think of myself as certified pre-owned. But I’m like the Pontiac in the corner at the BMW dealership that they got on a trade-in and are still trying to sell, since I don’t really belong on the lesbian lot, yanno.
Hm. I’m gonna say I’m “used” but I’m workin’ on getting my odometer turned back to get in on the “Certified Pre-Owned” action….
i am proudly “certified pre-owned” - i.e. the serial monogamist.” i just regret some of my former errr, “drivers.”
Hah. Turning the odometer back only works til they get under your hood and see the wear. Certified Pre-Owned lesbians come with their baggage itemized and documented truthfully!
now I would see the long term leases as those who CAN’T make a commitment….as soon as they sign on the dotted line they’re already looking to see what’s next!! (and what about the perpetual test drivers and damn tire-kickers??)
Dang it, I never should have told you about my sneaky test drives
Hahaha I think I am a “Used” Lesbian…. lol at least I am honest.
I can fix anything and from I can tell you don’t need any body work.