It’s one thing to blog about yourself and confess all the countless reasons that you are unsuitable for “in a relationship” status. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting when one of your “victims” leaves a biting, yet true comment on said blog confirming your less than ideal view of yourself.
I won’t apologize for anything today since I didn’t really do anything wrong THIS time. Actually this time I was more straightforward and honest than usual. I admitted that I was already seeing someone else. I told this person that I was not looking for an instant relationship. Maybe my mistake was being too polite. I don’t know but if the woman I’m referring to reads this, feel free to leave another comment about what a crappy person I am. I don’t censor my comments, no matter how much I would like to sometimes.
If I were trying to play women and treat them badly do you really think that I would refer you to my blog for the selfless reason of forewarning you about myself?
No, I wouldn’t. Instead I would keep my mouth shut and my ears open … among other things, to give myself something juicy to blog about. But no! I don’t do that.
Maybe I should though. Maybe I should revert back to my old ways of hittin’ it and quittin’ it…. then I would have something blog worthy almost every day. Well, at least until I ran out of women.
There is one reason that I won’t be doing that any time soon. OK, more than one reason. The first is that I respect women more than that. I’ve grown up a lot since those days and I no longer feel the need to prove my gayness by bedding every girl I see. I don’t like hurting girls, even unintentionally and sometimes my being too polite gets me in trouble. I guess it would be better if I could be a bit bitchier when called for. But I’ve never been good at that. It’s like pulling a bandaid off in one quick motion instead of easing it off a little at a time. I need to yank more and pull less.
Whatever I need to do, the fact remains that unlike most lesbians, I come prepackaged with a huge warning label that reads:
Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your emotional health. Highly flammable, handle with care.
Tags: 3 Comments
3 responses so far ↓
I realize the blog isn’t directed at me (at least I hope it’s not! as those subjects have never been an issue between us) but I think it’s ok to not be monogamous right now. It doesn’t mean you’re out to hurt people. In fact the “she doth protest too much” quality of those posts makes me think that you’re actually really conflicted about not having found someone you love yet, and you’re trying to “get there” with people who just don’t do it for you.
At what point IS it ok to back out, anyway? What if four or five dates in you decide you don’t really like the person, or you see this new side of them and go “yikes”? That happens to me more than I wish it did. You get that first spark of interest, and then as you get to know the person… the chemistry is just not there. That means you’re not in love yet, and I think you’re like me in that you don’t compromise for anything but love.
Not every person, not every relationship, is going to be one we can value in a big way over a long period of time. It’s just not that easy to find equals. So don’t anguish about it — have fun for a while, take trips with girlfriends and be open to people. The right person will come along, and you’ll know her as soon as you meet her.
Nica, of course this is NOT directed at you. You are one of my dearest friends and you know how I feel about you. But thank you for your insightful comment, it only shows how well you know me and yet again, reinforces why we clicked the instant we met.
FUCK YOU SASHA OR AT LEAST LET ME FUCK YOU AND THEN YOU WONT BE COMPLAINING ANYMORE