A while ago a reader named Donna left this comment:
I think the 20-something lesbians of today are - or are trying to be - the equivalents of the gay men of the 70s. i missed out on all that since I’m now 40, and I’m glad for that.
Which made me wonder, do we fuck too much now a days? As opposed to “making love”…. It wasn’t long ago that even attempting to say “making love” would have been interrupted with my very strong gag reflex. But I’ve been reading a lot lately about our lineage and our herstory: gay rights, butch/femme dynamics, Stonewall, etc.
I have a new found gratitude for the position I find myself in as an out lesbian in Los Angeles, California. I took for granted my ability to walk down the street holding hands with my girlfriend, to kiss her in public, to go to lesbian bars and not have to fear for my life. I stepped into this role like a privileged, spoiled brat that had no idea the price that was paid for my comfort and security.
I’ve blogged about sex like the game it’s become within my social circle. Lacking sincerity, love, compassion. Instead, full of sarcasm, power plays and one-night stands all in the name of fun. But how fun is it really?
Meaningless sex can only prove so much and even then, only to you. It might be able to prove that you can’t be hurt, can’t be bothered to get attached, can’t commit. It might go to show that you’re equal to your male counter parts. That you’re as untouchable as you think you are. That you’re wanted, desired and sought-after.
But if it really proves any of that, it’s probably only in your imagination. Maybe to a few women, who’s hearts you stepped on, on your way to “player” status. But eventually, the excitement begins to wane and the fortress of solitude you’ve so carefully erected around yourself begins to feel a bit claustrophobic.
Do we fuck so that we don’t have to talk about our feelings? So that we don’t have to listen to hers? I do.
Do we fuck for shock value? To push the limits of social acceptability so that whatever we do that’s less that FUCKING is found more palatable and met with less hostility?
Do we fuck as a preemptive strike? I do.
Do we fuck to forget the stress of the day? To self-medicate? To lose ourselves in the orgasm, if only for an hour or ten? I do.
No matter how mind bending the fucking is, when it’s over it’s over and I find myself in my car driving home on deserted streets in the wee hours of the morning, just to avoid spending the night. God forbid I stay longer than it takes for me to find my panties.
Do we fuck out of laziness, because we’re too tired or too rushed to do anything real? To actually connect to another human being?
So we fuck for a thousand reasons. But one of them, I think, is because we’re afraid. We’re afraid to fall in love. Afraid to feel something, because than we can and will, eventually get hurt. We’re afraid that we can’t survive being hurt again. Because we’ve been there done that. Could we be any more jaded? Not really.
So I ask you, do we fuck too much? And by “we” I mean this current generation of lesbians. This L Word, Lesbian Sex in the City, independent, educated social circle of up and coming dykes. Have we become the “gay men of the 70’s” but with less polyester and better shoes?
Tags: card carrying3 Comments
3 responses so far ↓
i hope u don’t put every lesbian in their twenties in that category cuz that would be a shame.
Don’t worry, I never make sweeping judgments about entire groups of people, ESPECIALLY lesbians! We (as in lesbians) are far too complex and individual to make any assumptions.
But they say, write what you know, and from what I see and experience within my own social circle is what I draw from when I write.
Having said that, not every girl I know is “player” or a “slut” …. I’ve met some really sweet women that have yet to become jaded and still take sex very seriously.
My blog never has been and never will be about judgment. Just my musings on lesbian culture as well as a healthy dose of self-exploration put out there for the whole world to see …. for better or worse.
I don’t know, I fuck and I’m in love with the gal that I do it with. I fuck her all the time, and she fucks me. In public places, outside, in the car, in the park, on the floor, in the hottub, etc.
I don’t do it to avoid intimacy. I think the one who knows how to make me shove my face in a pillow out of fear of getting another neighborly complaint is the one for me.
Ah, Love….isn’t it romantic?
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