According to various googable sources, it takes 66 days, or there about, to form a new habit. As most of you know, I am a hopeless insomniac. Insomnia is like my arch nemesis that always wins! It’s like that mean girl in high school that was thinner then I was, more popular, faster and on top of it all, called me fat every day at lunch time. Insomnia is a vicious bitch and I hate her.
Insomnia, being exactly like my arch nemesis from high school, also, occasionally makes a truce with me. We even pretend to like each other, forming a superficial friendship based on our common devious traits. We both think we can get something from one another. But like a real villain, Insomnia was born evil and beats me at my own game. I suck at being evil and Insomnia wins again. Fucking bitch.
But last night, when I had a mini breakdown and threw my glass of wine across the room, I realized, I couldn’t let this skank named Insomnia continue to ruin my life.
Let me back up a bit. Remi’s schedule was recently adjusted, again. Oh yay. I love change. Not. She now has several start times during the week, so fuck any hope of a normal routine. Every day is different. Literally. Fuck me with an analog clock, this sucks for bipolar girls.
But I know that it’s hard on her too … I mean, she is the one having to go to work at ungodly hours and never once, do I hear her complain. Me on the other hand, I get to stay home and sleep as much as I want, so what the hell is my problem?! Exactly. So I’ve been putting on a polite smile and trying to be OK with her un-schedule like schedule. But, like any bipolars out there know, fucking with our sleep schedule can have some serious effects. I’ve been on a string and that string has a little monkey on one end gnawing at it.
But last night, the arguments going on in my head broke out of their prison and killed a glass of wine to prove they meant business. They were like a rabid prison gang and their shot caller was Insomnia. She was calling the shots all along, but making it look like it was a bunch of smaller, unrelated crimes against my sanity.
At first, I thought the main offender was Remi’s work schedule. I was mad at everyone that had anything to do with her getting that schedule. Before this latest change, it seemed like all was right in our world. I was sleeping and waking up with my wife. We had started back at my fight gym, together. We were seeing friends. Life was looking up. Then as if it had never happened, her schedule got turned upside down and all of my progress disappeared.
I found myself saying goodnight to my wife, when she woke up to go to work and I finally made my way to our empty bed. The gym? Ha. Moving on. I don’t even want to get started on how everything else just seemed to get lost, as if they had never been found.
So last night, I got angry. I was angry at her, her schedule, her work, my bipolar, Insomnia but most of all, myself. I was and am so mad at myself for letting something as simple as sleep beat me. And it has for as long as I remember.
For anyone that thinks insomnia can be beaten by a more forceful will, you have never met her. But that doesn’t stop me from fighting her again and again. Hoping that one day, I might win. Not just the battle but the war.
So today marks day 1 of 66 that I have promised myself to wake up at 7:00 am, 7 days a week. No matter what. Now this means, if I get two hours sleep, I still get up at 7. If Remi got up at 2:30 a.m., I still get up at 7. If its her day off and she’s sleeping in till 9 …. Guess what? I still get my ass up at 7!!!
See a pattern here? That’s right baby, I’m trying to be consistent regardless of her schedule. That way, no matter what her work dictates, I shall remain on a reasonable and consistent schedule. There’s a bunch of other good things that should come along with this major life change. But let’s just see if I can manage this first.
Wish me luck because I need it.
Do I think I’ll be able to do it this time? Honestly, no. But I’m hoping by publicly documenting it, I’ll be able to shame myself into success.
If it was this easy why haven’t I done it before? Because its not easy!! It’s been the one major thing I have never been able to control!! But I have to try. Because this time, it’s not just for me. It’s for Remi, so that I can be a better, more functional, more successful and more awake wife for her …. And maybe I’ll be able to keep my mixed metaphors in check.
66 days to a new life?? OK, I’ll take that challenge.
You can do whatever you set you mind to BUT do not beat yourself up if you don’t because everyday is a new start- a new day. Best wishes on each of your todays. Hugs hang in there.
Once you take away your choice in the matter, it does become easier. Because of work, I’ve woken up between 6 AM and 8 AM no matter what. No matter how much or how little sleep I’ve gotten. IMO, it really does take a week for the body to adjust, and after that it’s all in the mind. Best of luck.
As a fellow insomniac, I know the struggle you are going through. One thing you must remember, though, is you need to make sure you are getting enough sleep. Sleep is something your body NEEDS and MUST have in order to make the necessary repairs to face the next day. I know you set a schedule to rise, but you didn’t mention if you also set a bedtime. If you’re rising at 7, then you should try to get to bed no later than 11 on most nights. I realize there are always the nights when you go out and have fun, but those are occasional and you can get it away with going to bed later every now and then. I, too, have been trying to get to bed earlier so I don’t feel so crappy when I wake up earlier. Many nights I just lay there with my mind wide awake, but I force my head to stay on those pillows. I listen to meditations to give my mind something else to focus on until I drop off and it works pretty well. It’s better than my mind racing about all the things on my To Do list, and then remembering I didn’t do something that day, which means my OCD will nag me until I get up and do it. For me, insomnia means I fight myself to go to sleep and then fight myself to get out of bed. I think it is because I was born a night owl. My natural rhythm is upside down and always has been. I want to sleep when the rest of the world is busy and then I want to get busy when the rest of the world is asleep. When I am working overtime this can really affect my health because I am working all day like a normal person, but then, I feel cheated out of the “me” time after work so I stay up way too late to get a decent amount of sleep. This has really unhealthy consequences and I become susceptible to every bug that wanders by. A body will shut itself down if it’s not getting enough rest, and mine definitely has turned on me before. Wishing you to best as you attempt to regulate your habits. If things go well, you should be adjusted around the beginning of the new year. Here’s hoping next year this issue will be behind you.
I wish Starbucks had delivery service. It’s better than going down there in my lollipop pj’s, fuzzy slipper and bedhead. I’ve been known to do that. hehe
good luck sasha! i will be rooting for you to make this change and stick to it! i agree with rexie tho, you def. need to set a bedtime. i have a crazy work schedule that gets me up @ 330 am. i found out the hard way that if i don’t go to bed by 9, and have a nap in between the day, my body will give out on me. i will say though, that having a set time to get up does make things easier, a schedule def. keeps me on track and doesn’t let my ocd get too out of hand.
Get it babe!!
Well day 1 didn’t go exactly as planned. I overslept … By like 2 hours! But that’s still 2 hours earlier then normal. Ughhhh! I’m such a night owl, flipping my schedule is like the hardest obstacle I’ve ever encountered. But I’m not giving up…. I did however finish everything on my to do list for the day before Remi even gets off work, including a quick little run on the treadmill! Yay me!!
lol …. Tomorrow I’m aiming for 7 again …. But realistically, 8 would still be pretty good …..
Wtf is that blogger symbol popping up for? I thought it was a link for another blog, which I would be fine with but just noticed it on my own comment.
meh. I fucking hate when weird shit happens, it makes me paranoid.
Hmmm…I don’t see any “blogger shit”. Maybe it’s just on your end? I get paranoid, too, when my computer does weird shit.
Lol Rexie! Sorry for my language, I’m in potty mouth mode. …. You’re right, it’s gone now. What the hell!? Maybe I’m having a psychological break with reality and I hallucinated the blogger symbol all over my comments.
lol.
Hey…what’s a little potty mouth between friends? I can take it.
Dude, have a kid. I NEVER get to sleep past 7:00…most days it’s 6:30 tops. (Yeah, because prolonged sleep deprivation with an infant didn’t throw me for a major bipolar fuck-loop!) That said, now that I’m adjusted to it, I love being on a schedule. It makes sanity so much easier to stay in touch with.
So, hang in there woman – if you can find a way to stick to 7:00 most of the time, it will indeed eventually become habit. And for those nights when Insomnia comes knocking regardless, I *highly* recommend Similasan Sleeplessness Relief!! Homeopathic and zero hangover feeling the next morning.
Kick that bitch’s ass. You can totally do it!