Stonewall Riots, Photo by Bettye Lane

I recently had a brief email encounter with a reader that almost made me cry. It all started with a simple misunderstanding when she read an old blog of mine. It was one of those old blogs from when I was dating a stone butch, who wouldn’t “allow” me to touch her below the shoulders.

This reader misunderstood and thought that I, as a femme, didn’t want to or was uncomfortable touching a butch lover. But of course, nothing could be further from the truth. After a few emails, I explained myself to her and she to me.

After we both realized it was a simple misunderstanding and that we are both on the same side of this issue, so to speak she sent this email. It touched me so much it brought tears to my eyes. Very reminiscent in some respect to Stone Butch Blues …. at least in the way that here is a butch from an older generation talking to me. Telling me a little bit about what it was like, back then. It still gives me chills.

It’s because of women like this, that we have the freedom to be ourselves today. Having said that, I asked her permission to share with you part of her email.

That “touch” issue….there’s so very much behind it…Butch or Stone Butch…..
If I may:  I can only truly speak for myself…….

Life is “different” for BUTCH…..we know early on in life who/whom we are and simply refine that (most do, I did)
Asside from having to “accept” this Gay Life and Fate bestowed upon me…Back then (50′s & 60′s & 70′s)
I had to not only “defend” who/whom I was and am….But constantly and consistently I had to “defend” my
family…tho I was cast out….I had to “defend” every woman I was with from the ignorant…I have had to “defend”
my entire life and (here’s the key)..”to never submit” to anyone, any people, place or thing for my right to be as I am.
Hence…Butch is not “submissive”…Never on my back….always On Top…On Top of everything…everything I’ve ever done
I had to Be On Top……

My Life is “Personal”….My Life is “Private”….what goes on behind the door belongs to me and my partner…no one else.
I do not put my woman on display in public….I hold the greatest of respect for women…and all should be treated like princesses…
and should not settle for less than, ever.

In Private….I must say….not every Femme..knows “how” to seduce a Butch…and laying on my back is not an option…
It’s the “Masculine” energy we possess….We are NOT MEN…don’t want to be MEN….But we are Pure Masculine Energy
in a female package…intuitive…understanding of another womans needs…..

When the Masculine Energy Clashes with a Feminine Energy….we become a mess….but hold our heads….
A Femme renders us so to our knees…..Just a Femme’s presence….can make a Butch come unglued…However….
that Feminine Energy you have also drives a Butch to “take”….even to a Femme’s seduction…it can’t be helped, we flip…
We flip her over because of the “adore” we hold…and love her to death….

In loving Femme….she responds to our needs…we create that space for her to let go….at the same time, all of Femme’s responses
are exactly as we need…hence we make love for “2″…..and just as exhausted as you are…so are we…to “touch” ….we’d have
to start from the beginning again…..and Sometimes, Femme just wants to go down….in that respect, we are not MEN…Men are
submissive…..we are Female…but have just come and climaxed just as hard as Femme has……
And…..Psychologically….sometimes…it’s simply a “bonding issue”………..

Be light….enjoy your lives together…..God knows, I have fought long and hard for many to have the right to be….from that Young Female
wanting to wear a Tux to her Prom Dance to a 5th grader who realizes he or she is gay and is treated with the same respect as
the other kids……It was worth every ounce of sacrifice and defense I and others put forth….
At this point in my life….I no longer have to “defend” my right to be…..I simply AM.

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