erm, I don’t even know how to start all this and I really don’t know why I’m writing to you either but…maybe it’s because I don’t like to talk to people about my personal, inner life, not even to my friends and I feel like I need to get certain things out of my system but I don’t know how so…please bare with me.
I’ve started reading your blog some time ago and I like it veeeery very much, it’s like the only thing with such a subject that really caught my attention. Anyhow…wait, I have to figure out why I’m bothering you…oh, yes. People write to you about their problems concerning relationships and stuff right, so…I was thinking I might give it a try too. The thing is- I think there must be something wrong with me or that I must be doing something wrong. I’m gonna be 21 tomorrow and till now I’ve only had one relationship that I would label ‘a relationship’ even though I was 16 then and it lasted only for three months so it wasn’t anything ground braking. Before or after that, nothing. And it was with a girl. I’ve never had anything with men and I don’t even want to but that’s not the point here I think, the point is- my lack of any kind of a girlfriend. And it’s not just that nobody seems to be interested in me but also that I’m the only lesbian I know. Even the one girl I had turned me down for another girl (and she told me on my birthday by the way, it’s actually kinda funny) and now they both have boyfriends. My best friend, who I thought was at least bisexual and on whom I had a platonic crush at one point, has a boyfriend now too. And I don’t know where else to turn since I don’t have that many friends and all of them are heterosexual. I also can’t just walk into a gay bar cause I live in Slovakia (which is in the middle of Europe) and even though I live in the capital we only have like one such place in here and 99% of people who go there are male. …and they don’t throw you very nice looks when you walk in there trying to have some fun.
I guess I’m not that kind of a person who would just go to a random stranger and say ‘Oh hi, you look kinda cool, can I have your number? Oh, and aren’t you, by any chance, a lesbian?’ No. I need a bit more time around people to get comfortable but once I’ve reached that level I’m very talkative and sociable and everything…
So,um…I really don’t know what to do and where to meet girls like me. My sexual experiences are reduced to that two times I was so wasted I hardly remember anything, I’m still friends with those girls, both have boyfriends and nor I, nor they take it as anything serious. And I’m starting to be a little afraid that when I finally do find a girl I wouldn’t know how to satisfy her sexually. If I find a girl that is, which I don’t see happening in the near future. In any future, in fact. I kinda persuaded myself that I don’t need a relationship and that I’m better off on my own and that maybe I’m destined to spend my whole life alone or something but…sometimes it does suck when all I see around me are people hooking up and people being with somebody that love them and everything. And then I’m reduced to thoughts like ‘damn, I’m more pretty than her, how come she has someone and I don’t, that’s so unfair…but how do I know I’m more pretty, maybe I’m just ugly as shit and nobody wants me cause of that..’
That’s all I wanted to say I guess, and even if you won’t reply, I’ll at least feel like I finally did something cause I was planning on writing to you for more than three months now actually
…and I never know how to end emails to strangers so… the end
Well, I’m glad it only took you three months to write to me. I promise, I don’t bite and neither do most women, unless you ask politely. Which is one way of telling you, you need to work on getting out of that shell of yours! At least, a little? Pretty please?
OK, so last I checked, I don’t know diddly squat about Slovakia. But going on what you’ve told me, it looks like you’re going to have take things into your own hands. And this is where the internet can be your be your best friend. Long gone are the days that meeting people online was looked down on, and thought of as a last resort for the socially awkward or facially challenged. Now, it seems like EVERYONE and their momma has met their partners online! Seriously.
Look into some online social networking that has local girls on it. Set up group coffee dates for all the gay girls in your area. This is actually a prime opportunity for you to become the queen of the lesbian social scene in your area. If there isn’t any “lesbian scene” then make one.
Create little gathering opportunities for other gay girls to come out and play. It doesn’t have to be one on one dates. It can be small groups and if sparks fly? Awesome! If not, well the night could result in some new friends. Some new GAY friends. And that is always a good thing. Because nothing makes you look gayer then hanging out with other gay people.
I’m serious. Maybe you don’t have a girlfriend, because you’re not sending off any gaydar activating vibes!
As for infiltrating the one gay boy bar in town. Just do it. Go in there, with a smile and stake out a little table or area where you can people watch. Smile at everyone, especially other women. I’m sure other lesbians go there, if there isn’t anywhere else to go. Don’t worry if it’s 99% men, it oly take 1 woman to change your life.
Oh, I almost forgot!!! You’re only 21. Let me repeat that, YOU’RE ONLY 21!!!!! There is nothing wrong with you for not having a long string of lovers in your wake. Give yourself time, it will happen. ……. You might just need to give it a nudge.