OK so I came across this article when I was searching for a hot pic of a butchie to post one day. I read it and wasn’t sure if I should feel insulted on behalf of my butch brethren or just amused that this was actually on wikiHow.
I’m not a butch so maybe this article is not as bad as I thought, please correct me if I’m out of line. But the entire tone of the article seemed to be talking down to the reader. I read it to Remi and asked her what her thoughts on it were and her response was, “I thought it was kinda lame. Like this is how to be more masculine. This is how you should be. Like we don’t get enough random people telling us how we should be.”
I wasn’t even going to post this because the last thing I feel good about doing is putting down another writer’s work. But when I tried to find out who the author was it was pretty unclear. Apparently this is an article that has been edited or modified by several people but I was unable to find the original author. Anyways I decided to post this after LB_Boi’s latest blog about yet another article telling butches what they should wear.
Here is the article in it’s entirety along with a link to the original post.
(This page was last modified 20:26, 13 April 2010 by wikiHow user PSE1nf0_. Based on work by Teresa, Chris Hadley and Random, wikiHow user(s) Benwa, Amazon111, D rae, R0cker1992, Happyvgirl and PSE1nf0_ and Anonymous.)Have you ever felt that you were a Butch Lesbian? Butches can be very attractive, handy and even sweet. The challenge is balancing the style so it looks good.
Ask yourself a few questions. Why do you want to be butch? Do you feel attractive and natural in this look? or is this just a cheap scheme to get women’s attention? Can you handle people knowing about your sexuality? How will others react?
Develop more masculine mannerisms. Walk with more confidence and stride. Don’t slouch or sit with your legs together. Watch the way men move and move like them. Try to only copy more of the popular guys, when observing them think, is this guy cool? Does he seem attractive to girls? If yes, he is a good example since you do not want to move awkwardly.
Get some masculine clothing. You can buy men’s clothing, or, buy women’s clothing that is boyish. Choose colors that you like in sizes that fit your body nicely. Some good things to get:
• A few polo shirts
• T shirts with cool designs on them. Try not to go with big logos or dorky souvenir shirts.
• Loose-fitting jeans. Not too baggy, not too loose. You can go with men’s jeans or women’s boy-cut jeans since those are made for a female frame.
• Dress clothes. Pants suits, shirts with ties and nice shoes are great for special occasions. Do learn to tie a tie , as clip ons are tacky.
• Accessories. Get a few belts and a nice watch (go for a neutral color). A chain to wear around your neck can look handsome.
• Shoes. You really only need 3 pairs: comfy shoes, dress shoes and boots.
• Binder. Some butches dislike having large breasts and may wish to bind them down.
• Boxers – No butch should wear girly undies. Go for comfort. Plaid, solid or simple patterns are best. For the most part, you will be the only one that sees them; keep in mind that your girlfriend will see them so they need to look good.
• Messenger bag or backpack. Purses are to be avoided.1. Skip the make up. Concealer for blemishes and pimples is fine. Eyeliner is okay in small amounts.
2. Get a short hair cut. Look at both women and men for inspiration. To find a look that will look good on you, ask the hair dresser what will match your face shape.
3. ?Be active. Try to get into a sport or just work out. Be proud of your body and its strengths. Looking attractive and gaining muscle can also be a benefit.
4. Act the part. Be confident and masculine. Be chivalrous and gentleman-like. Try your best to stay calm and in control of your emotions in public. Confidence is key, so be sure to take charge and be assertive. Most of all, be yourself.Tips
• Don’t hate men or straight people. This makes you sink to the level of homophobes. In fact, don’t hate anyone at all.
• Men’s clothes fit women differently. Make sure they feel right, if they do not support your body type your body will suffer. This goes double for footwear.
• Do be ready for people to possibly pick on you.
• If someone calls you “sir”, don’t get upset. If you mind, politely correct them with what you’d like to be called.
• Be nice. “Angry lesbians” do not attract friends, get good jobs or get girlfriends. Friendly lesbians, on the other hand, do all of these things very well.
• Be your charming self. Don’t be fake or try to pretend. People should like you for you.
• If you are trying to be gentleman-like, do be courteous to men within reason.Warnings
• Some areas might be less accepting of those in the LGBT community. Use your head if people try to start a fight or insult you.
• Try to avoid conflicts with less accepting people if you can.
• Only use binders made for the intent of binding down breasts. Ace bandages and other things can cause injury. Do not use one if you are still going through puberty as this can cause stress cracks in your ribcage and stop your breathing.
• If you wear binders wear only one. Two binders can cause stress cracks to your ribs.
• Do not wear binders while exercising if you can help it.
• Be mindful of public restrooms, if you look like a guy this can startle women and in some areas make you a target for harassment. (You can use the family bathroom, don’t use the mens room you can get arrested)Things You’ll Need
• Some money for shopping
Minor disclaimer on my part: I realize that this article might be helpful to a total newbie. And the stuff about not hating anyone is always good advice. I know that when I was newly reborn as an Out Lesbian, I searched the internet and bookstores for any and every piece of information that might help inform me on the new life I was now embracing. And in my search I filled my bookshelf with a lot of really crappy reading material. But at the time, I didn’t have ANY other reference point, so anything was better then nothing. So hopefully this article is helpful to some new little baby dyke out there in BFE America who’s looking for a jump off point. I don’t know? What do you think?
I feel the insulting tone when I read this article but like you, Sasha don’t think the writers meant it that way.
But yea, I would rather be left alone to decide what I want to wear. If I liked fitting into a preconceived image, I would be married to a man by now. Hmpf.
Any butch worth their salt knows these things instinctually. Yea this was insulting.
I can see why this might not be taken so well by butchies. It talks to them like they’re 5 year old little kids, telling them to emulate the cool boys. Oh brother! Give me a break!
This is why I love you Sasha. You’ve got our back and you never insult our intelligence. I think that you and the few true femmes out there like you that can see the depth of our souls and emotions, are why it’s worth putting up with all the bullshit the world throws as us as soon as we open our front door.
Thanks darlin’, you’re a doll.
Oh heavens. It’s funny, when I read the beginning at first, it almost seemed like it was directed to anyone but dykes. It seemed for a little bit to be directed to straight women, and for a little bit (well, a lot) to be directed towards men! It took until the mention of the acceptance in the LGBT community that I was like, “oh yeah, this is for LESBIANS!”
But yeah, quite ridiculous. Even a relatively baby dyke like me could figure these things out on instinct, without having to sit and read about what type of jeans to wear (I mean really, I’m too petite for men’s jeans, so I wear women’s jeans that are loose. Don’t need an article to tell me that!)
I am still in that scouring-the-internet-for-information phase, but I feel like this was not written by a compassionate and experienced gay gal. It sounds more like it was written as a high-school English class assignment maybe as a joke. Though I am not all that butch, this article seems to be mildly insulting, or just completely misguided.
I don’t think anybody tries hard to be butch, it just comes naturally. I bought guy-style jeans because I thought I looked cute. Not because I wanted to look like a man.
And all you need is “some money.”
Oh God I love this!!! It sounds like a het trying to tell another one how to pretend they’re a butch. Hilarious, yet sad at the same time because some people really eat this s**t up.
Being a butch is a little more complex than what I choose to wear and whether or not I open the door for an elderly lady at the local grocery store. Who decided what is entailed in being a “proper” butch anyway?
Personally, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and feel good about myself.
Thank you for wondering if you should be offended for me though, but at 50 years old it usually just amuses me when someone tries to define who I am(or I should be).
What’s in the heart defines the person, both the dark and the light.
If this article isn’t satire, it should be. Being a butchie is not something you try to learn. It is something you just are. My friend Jules has a 4 year old butchie named Karly who refuses to wear stuff her mom buys in the girls’ dept. of the store. Furthermore she flexes her little butchie biceps for the neighbor girl next door. And even more convincing that butchies are not made they are born, is that my little friend Karly does not like to be referred to by her given name and would prefer that you leave it at just Karl. She begged her mom to let her get her hair cut like mine the first time she saw me and stares up at me in awe every time I give her the slightest bit of attention. I happily call her Karl. Baby butchies don’t need men to look up to. They need us butchies to stand our ground and not become extinct.
@ Raye, OMG how freakin’ cute is little Karl!!!!???? I wanna see her! I hope her mom is OK with how she is and accepts it and lets her grow into whoever she needs and wants to be.
And I totally agree with you. Little butchies don’t need men to look up to they need people like you.
Wow.
My last girlfriend, who I am irrevocably still enamoured with, was butch. I mean, she was a female combat soldier in the Army, my little badass. She was my first butch, and I loved everything about her. Our fourth date in, she wore jeans that were tight around the ass, and it about drove me insane. There is no manual, and while she pretty much stood by those guidelines, there was more to it than that.
I think it’s a little ridiculous that anyone should have to read a How To to understand what they want to be. You should just BE, regardless of society’s expectations what you need to be.
Sasha, i noticed there wasn’t response as to how Karl’s mom treats her. Jule’s is the MOST accepting and LGBT loving mother I have met. She buys that little butchie boy clothes and lets her get her hair cut. I wish some of us were so lucky to have such an amazing person as a parent. Karl is so fortunate to have Julie as a mother