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Best Places to be A Lesbian

Portland, Oregon

Sometimes the hustle and bustle of life in Los Angels wears on my nerves and I start day dreaming about running away to Little Town USA and starting over. Maybe buying some land, putting up solar panels and buying the water rights to my very own well. You think I’m joking? I’m not.

For what I could sell my 4 bedroom, 2 bath house here in L.A. for, I could literally buy a freakin’ estate somewhere else …. almost anywhere else across the country and have a nice little nest egg. I’ve researched the markets, talked to realtors. I even convinced Remi we should just do it.

But of course I want to move somewhere gay friendly. I’m more then a little spoiled here in LA, where we have Long Beach to the south and WeHo to the north. I’m conveniently located smack dab in the middle of two of the gayest places on earth. So of course if I’m going to uproot my whole life, I want to make sure I’m not moving somewhere that will try to force me back into the closet.

After a lot of thought, I seriously considered Salt Lake City, Utah. Don’t yell at me just yet. Hold on and hear me out. SLC has one of the fastest growing gay populations in the US not to mention that for my money, I could literally afford to buy a gorgeous, renovated Victorian in downtown Salt Lake City and still buy myself that new BMW I’ve been drooling over. Not to mention enough seed money to start up a little business. Ya, not sounding too stupid now is it?

Well, we were getting all excited about the idea when I started getting in contact with the local GLBT community out there to really find out what it’s like to be gay in Utah. The unanimous opinion from every gay person I spoke to was, “It’s great out here, we have a strong, vibrant, close knit community. But make sure you stay within the city. Oh yea, and the laws suck, we have no protections, no rights and you could get fired just for being gay. But other then that, come on over!”

Eeeeeeek. Excuse me?

So I did some more research and found out, unfortunately that Utah is not for me. While there are good deals in real estate out there, I’m not about to move to a state where every one warns me to stay within the city limits for my own safety. WTF??!!! Not to mention the long list of civil right infringements that go along with being gay in Utah, No thank you.

Apparently, one of the many prices you pay for living in a gay friendly area is sky high real estate prices. Like someone said, but i can’t remember who, “I always knew I’d live in a million dollar home in L.A. I just didn’t know it would be a two bedroom, one bath.” :(

So for now, I’ve resigned myself to staying in sunny southern California for the foreseeable future. But out of curiosity I googled, “gayest cities in the USA” and came across this list of the top 5 best cities for lesbians.

I’ve only been to San Francisco, but I’ve got to disagree with this list. I firmly believe that Los Angeles should have made the list. But here it is anyways, for your perusal.

Top 5 Top Lesbian Cities in the United States
By Kathy Belge, About.com

1. Northampton, Massachusetts
Dubbed as “Lesbianville U.S.A.” by the The National Enquirer in 1992, Northampton, MA is the best city in America for lesbians. The Northampton area has always been a great place to live, and because gays and lesbians can get legally married in Massachusetts, it tops our list. Northampton is a small town, but because of the numerous universities, including Smith College, Northampton has all the cultural offerings of a big city.

2. Portland, Oregon
If Northampton is Lesbianville of the East, Portland is Lesbianville of the West. Lesbians flock to Portland for the same reasons straights do, it’s a great place to live. Among other distinctions, Portland was rated the Best Walking City and Best Bicycling City in America. Although voters passed an anti-gay marriage law last year, Portland residents lean more to the left than the rest of the state. Add a great music scene and plenty of lesbian hangouts to the mix.

3. San Francisco, California
San Francisco must be the gayest city on earth. And it’s not just the boys who find home here. Whether you’re a young, politcal dyke or gender queer or a six-figure power lesbian, San Francisco can’t be beat. Take a stroll in Golden Gate Park or shop for wedding bands in the Castro. With one of the nation’s best domestic partnership rulings and child protection laws, San Francisco is also a great place to raise a family.

4. New York, New York

The largest city in the world is a mecca for lesbians. Brooklyn’s Park Slope neighborhood is where the sapphic sisters of New York tend to congregate, but the city that never sleeps has something for lesbians of every age, political persuasion and background in all of its borroughs. From the classic Rubyfruit bar to esoteric performance art in Soho. Whether you want to visit the home of gay rights Stonewall Riots or if Riot GRRL is more your scene, New York City is the place for you.

5. Atlanta, Georgia
Atlanta is the queer capital of the South. And one of the nation’s most diverse. Whether you want to dance your feet off at My Sister’s Room lesbian bar or spend a leisurly afternoon at Outwrite gay and lesbian bookstore. With one of the nation’s largest gay pride parades, gay film festival and numerous other cultural events, you’ll understand why they call this “Hot-lanta.”

123 Responses to “Best Places to be A Lesbian”

  1. Heather June 29, 2009 at 9:01 pm Permalink

    Rubyfruit in nyc closed. :(

  2. Deb June 29, 2009 at 9:29 pm Permalink

    Well, I am from Atlanta, and it is indeed, very very gay. As a matter of fact, Decatur, located just to the east of downtown, is often referred to as ‘Dykecatur’. However, it is NOT a small town. And our traffic has actually now EXCEEDED LA. Yes, this is the truth. We also have the attendant air pollution, with advisories posted MANY days during the heat of the summer, NOT to exercise outdoors. Atlanta, like LA, sprawls. An interesting sidebar; Atlanta has the largest local dialing district in the world. It is a hard-assed, balls to the wall drive from the far northern ‘burbs to the far southern ‘burbs (approximately 1 – 1 1/2 hour drive) and the call is not long distance. Not that it matters anymore, with cellphones.

    My ‘partner’ (I know, I know…..you struggle with this term} are seriously considering a move to Asheville NC (and environs.) It is the ‘gayest’ small town in America, very tolerant, very artsy, very liberal and….well…slightly ‘new agey’. On any given day the temperature is a good 7-15 degrees cooler than Atlanta up there.

    I have grown every soooooooo weary of the city. Tired of the heat, the noise, the vagrants, the ‘homeless’ aka drunken, drugged out BUMS who have drank and drugged themselves OUT OF A FREAKIN’ HOME and then roam the streets hittin’ everybody up for money and breaking into cars and homes. Tired of the leaf blowers, car horns, car alarms, 10 garbage truck runs a week right outside my window and OH MY GOD I AM RANTING AND RAMBLING.

    Clearly I need the cool, calm and quiet of a nice mountain home.

    What was the question?

  3. Sasha June 29, 2009 at 9:36 pm Permalink

    Asheville NC, huh? Well now I must google the hell out of that … thank you :)

    Even though I do love LA … there are many MANY days I ache for a simpler, QUIETER life. There’s not a moment in the 24 hours that the sound of traffic is not a constant in the background. Ugh.

  4. Jessica June 30, 2009 at 1:00 am Permalink

    I live in Portland! It truly is a wonderful place to live, as long as you’re not a twentysomething looking for a job. Unemployment among recent college grads and college students is like 40%. But everything else about it is great. And there are a LOT of lesbians here. :)

  5. Donna June 30, 2009 at 10:36 am Permalink

    I would move to the Pacific Northwest to some podunk town in a hot second if I had a girlfriend and a job there. As long as the town had a good library system and I had high-speed internet access and cable and a Netflix account, I’d be much happier than living in Los Angeles–where I never go to the lesbian bars or hang out in the lesbian meccas of West Hollywood or Long Beach but suffer the miserable smog and traffic and general strip-mall and concrete ugliness that goes along with life here. Unless you like moving along at 5 mph for an hour while you breathe in toxic fumes while surrounded on all sides by concrete and chrome just to meet a friend for coffee, living outside these “lesbian meccas” is equivalent to living in some podunk town, but *without* the benefits of clean air and space to think and breathe and live, let alone a decent cost of living. The meccas and the bars and the scene in general holds no appeal to someone past the age of 28 or so. (Or before the age of 28 as well.) This may sound harsh, but I’m living the spinster life as a result of these feelings (I’m walking the walk, not just talking the talk), but If you’re not a typical lesbian and not physically attracted to typical (soft butch, androgynous, butch, etc.) lesbians, there is absolutely no reason to put up with what you have to put up with to live here in L.A., unless you’ve got family or a job here, or some other valid reason to be here. Perhaps I’m just a bitter lesbian, albeit an astereotypical-looking and acting bitter lesbian, but a bitter lesbian nonetheless. Maybe it’s just that lesbians always assume that in L.A. all lesbians look like they do in the L-Word. Nope, they do not. They look, for the most part, just like the lesbians in your hometown. And they act the same, or maybe worse. There is something, a kernel of truth within the stereotype–and there always is a kernel of truth to a stereotype, to our rep of being a bunch of vacuous idiots. Glad you didn’t include L.A. in your top 5 places for lesbians, Sasha.

  6. Lindsy June 30, 2009 at 1:28 pm Permalink

    I really need to move to one of these places. I feel like I’m the ONLY lesbian in my little country town. It’s so depressing.

  7. Tara June 30, 2009 at 1:29 pm Permalink

    I live in Long Beach and it rocks for lesbians. But if you EVER have to drive outside of LB like say into Los Angeles or even worse the west side, you’re looking at 2 hours of your life you’ll never get back, wasted on the 405 fwy.

  8. Joe June 30, 2009 at 1:30 pm Permalink

    I live in Palm Springs and there is a huge gay population down here. I love it. I think we should have made the list Sasha.

  9. Judith June 30, 2009 at 1:46 pm Permalink

    Well I don’t know about Northhampton, but I disagree with Atlanta. I would also add two lesser-known options: Iowa City has a huuuuge lesbian population, especially college-aged and the 35+ family-type crowd, and Carborro, NC is also super lesbian-friendly.

  10. sheila June 30, 2009 at 2:50 pm Permalink

    I like *parts* of SF and the east bay, but move too far away from the water and it basically turns into Kentucky. Last fall I was at a friend’s house in Alameda and saw so many Yes on Prop 8 signs en route I wanted to turn the car around.

    And like Los Angeles, SF is expensive. Really expensive. The strolls in Golden Gate Park are great but I can’t afford to live anywhere near there, and unless Lisa and I win the sfraffle.com “dream home” next to GGP we never will, I’m guessing (though I do hold out the hope that I’m lucky, tho the day to day does not bear it out). Berkeley is a nice town though with somewhat better prices and excellent food; I recommend it to anyone, gay or not.

  11. Deb June 30, 2009 at 3:18 pm Permalink

    @Judith – you “disagree with Atlanta”????? Huh? We’re the third gayest city in America:

    http://federationofideas.wordpress.com/2008/01/31/gayest-us-cities/

  12. Buffy July 2, 2009 at 12:33 am Permalink

    If you can stand the cold and snow I’d recommend somewhere in MA (Northamptom or Provincetown perhaps). You’ll have better rights and protections than anywhere else in the nation–even here in CA barring the overturn of Prop 8. My wife and I will be heading there as soon as we can if they don’t permanently ditch that hateful nonsense. I left some years ago and swore I’d never return but I’ll gladly face the New England winters to have my rights.

  13. Joker July 3, 2009 at 4:49 am Permalink

    Where are you from? Is it a secret? :)
    Have a nice day
    Joker

  14. Sasha July 3, 2009 at 3:11 pm Permalink

    I don’t seem to have any secrets … anymore. I live near Long Beach. :)

  15. H July 5, 2009 at 11:32 pm Permalink

    You should check out Louisville, KY. Not so small but it is very liberal and gay friendly community. I would be there in a second if I wasn’t stuck in the small town country place with a bad housing market.

  16. Meghan October 20, 2009 at 3:46 pm Permalink

    Asheville is awesome, no joke. It’s a small city with tons going on at all times. The houses are old and adorable, though some can be expensive, the cost doesn’t have anything comparable to CA costs. I’m a college student, experiencing Asheville at this very moment. I’ve lived all over the country (including CA), and this is my favorite place. Though I’m not a lesbian, I have noticed the awesome amount of love and tolerance here. Asheville is the place to be.

    On a side note, the coffee is fantastic here too.

  17. Hel February 15, 2010 at 7:35 pm Permalink

    We moved to Northampton a few years ago to get away from homophobic N.E Pennsylvania. We’re now married and can be out at work without fear of losing our jobs. Pluses – Arts, Culture, beautiful natural areas, welcoming religious institutions, strong support for whole living,.

    We had checked out Asheville (pretty but living is mostly rural), Ptown is too pricey, NYC (grew up there…too frenetic and expensive). The Minuses – long winters, low wages/higher cost of living.

  18. Danea March 29, 2010 at 4:09 am Permalink

    You don’t want to live in Salt Lake or any of the surrounding areas If you are gay/lesbian. Having no rights is scary. I’m moving out of here in 5 weeks !

  19. Jen April 3, 2010 at 5:27 pm Permalink

    seems this should be “best US places to be a lesbian” since you strategically omitted Toronto, gay capital to the north ;)

  20. PB April 10, 2010 at 2:42 pm Permalink

    Northampton is very queer. We have a lesbian mayor who was challenged in the last election by a gay city councilor. You can walk down the street holding your date/gf/wife’s hand and nobody blinks (except your jealous ex). Lesbians come in all sorts here, though it remains mostly white, educated, and middle class.

    Come visit us!

  21. Be. May 17, 2010 at 8:02 am Permalink

    So, I live in Asheville, NC. I am pretty shocked we didn’t make the list – although this could be an old list? Asheville was voted the #1 place to vacation if you are GL – NOT so much BT!

    Yes the weather is great. Short winters but 4 seasons with mountains you can see whenever and whereever you drive. I read online that 75% of the population inside the city limits is Gay/lesbian. There are several “lesbian organizations” – LIM (lesbians In the mountains – a purely social group); ALPS – Asheville Lesbian Professionals – NOT so much for professionals anymore; OLE – Older Lesbian Energy – mostly social and older like it says; Sheville After Dark – mostly younger and a bit edgy (don’t get mad girls!) more “SM friendly” if you get my drift but you don’t have to be of course; There’s a dinner group that is both G and L more kind of “couples acting straight” if you ask me – so probably don’t. Only went once and most everyone was a couple living in very expensive mountain homes ourside the city more towards Lake Lure. It’s good for the most part.

    down side? Like any city with a largish Lesbian community it can get to feel pretty small after a while. Everyone is someone else’s ex. We tend to do the “related by exlover’s thing”. It’s more retirement age lesbians – silver hair, flannel, butchish (maybe because we can be?), very “butch-fem” stereotypical in the coupling it seems to me. Lot’s to do if you have the income to do it. Unemployment is huge. Cost of living is rising since the hurricanes in FL of 4 years ago drove all the “gated community building developers” to come here and buy up mountains and destroy the landscape with million dollar “green” homes. I never quite get it to tear down entire moutains of tress to put up “green homes”? There is NO industry. There are NO rights. inside the city, you can be as “lesbian” as you want. Outside the city, it’s Baptist! period. There are gay bashings that never hit the news. There is a huge huge meth problem among the youth. There are gangs although probably NOTHING like atlanta and LA. It’s mostly white, middle class, retired urban yuppies whose parents retired to FL so they came here instead. it’s VERY new age – which leads to many many healer types (self included!) landing here which means you have to have your discernment on. Cost of living is going up and up and up because it can. The more people move here, the more the rates rise. The city of Asheville also changed their tax structure about 5 years ago which led to the issues we are having with mountains being sold and bought up by land massacre-ers!

    I landed here from Florida – so I am referred to as a “half-back”. Yankee who moved to FL then decided to move half way back up north. But there are lots of “GRITS” and for us yankees, we are always reminded that “NC is the south”. There is a drumming circle that meets every friday downtown which becomes a huge selling point for the city – yet people move here and try to shut it down. Quaint old buildings are being torn down and high-rises being put up – even in the middle of downtown – and are now “million dollar” condos.

    I moved here from Naples, FL (originally from MA). It seems the same to me. there are those who get waited on, and those who do the waiting on. and then the barely making it retired/disabled folks.

    So, if you don’t need to work, love the mountains, want to feel accepted in public but still have zero rights and want to pass as straight at your job (you will be easily fired if you are out on your job!), live 30 miles from the home of the KKK (Black Mountain – a really wonderful place regardless of the KKK and Billy Graham in Montreat etc.), find a not very diverse racial mix, live in a place that can’t figure out who it is (very artsy, very folksy, homemade beer capital of the US – tied this year with Portland OR, southern friendly hospitality, OK to be GL IN the city and NOT out of the city – and the city is really small…

    come to (A)sheville. (also known as “Sheville”) We welcome new dykes all the time, you will find a very friendly community, you will be hit on as most new “energy” is, Just make sure you 1. have a job first or can work from home via the internet and your job is somewhere else. 2. Don’t mistake WNC as “entirely gay friendly” 3. Know what it means to be living in the south. For me, coming from New England, I still have a hard time with people saying one thing and meaning the opposite. “Bless your heart” means “you are an idiot” – mostly. Folks with smile to your face and gossip about you later…

    I am NOT bitter. I love Asheville and would move someplace else if I knew of any place better. I just am not sure there really is any place any better. We ARE a sea of BLUE in a red state. We DO have a black female Mayor. We DO have an “atheist” city counsel member but they are trying to oust him – in NC you are not allowed to hold public office if you don’t “believe in almighty God” as the state law reads. I think it probably IS a great place to visit – esp since if you are on vacation you probably don’t care how much money you spend. We have extremely expensive hotels. Obama came here a few weeks ago – most of us didn’t leave the house! There are downtown festivals almost every weekend in the summer – which most locals don’t go near – it’s just a drunk fest. Did I mention traffic is really actually pretty bad?

    Did I also mention that I really do love Asheville? I know sounds like I don’t, but I do. It’s really beautiful. It’s very peaceful. You can live 10 minutes from downtown and see mountains views from your driveway and hear birds chirping and see bears. It’s an interesting place. We will make you feel welcome. Asheville is where the pot-smoking hippies come to retire and we are proud of it! We ARE the tie-dye mecca of the US! So, get your funk on and come visit Asheville, NC. You can Kayak, hike, and breathe – although our air quality is NOT ranked the best in the world!

    http://www.exploreasheville.com and http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbiantravels/a/Asheville.htm

    I am not sure why we didn’t make the top 5 list since we are number one or two most everywhere else. Anything I missed? haha

  22. Be. May 17, 2010 at 9:07 am Permalink

    Oh, did I mention that Asheville has NO pride parade? We just started having a “pride day” celebration – that divided the community in half actually with “in-bashing”. Although we could probably have an “on the street” parade, we kind of allow ourselves to be invisible here even tho we don’t need to be. it’s an odd “walking – not talking our talk” or “talking not walking” thing. Coming from the Boston area, it’s just weird. Almost seems like we “apologize” in asheville instead of demanding…where we don’t even need to be “demanding” so much – just stop being afraid to “ask”?. Has a lot to do with the “we will lose our jobs if we are out” thing sadly. NOT just in Salt Lake City, clearly! Sometimes it seems like the backlash against the “rights movement” is more painful than things were 20 years ago? it’s an interesting and sad thing. If Boston Pride Committee were in Asheville, we would have a pride the size of atlanta! We could do our own version of “disney gay days” and the town would make tons of money and that’s all we would need for the businesses to embrace gay pride!

  23. Sam May 23, 2010 at 12:13 am Permalink

    @ Be- I, too, live in Asheville and agree with a lot of your points. I was living in Atlanta before I made the switch to the fresh mountain air, so I had visited a-ville frequently before relocating on a more permanent basis.

    Once I settled in, I was never quite able to find any sort of organized, stable ‘community.’ There is a missing demographic- probably due in large part to the lack of sustainable jobs… you have the college age kids (a category I no longer fit into), and then you have the retired/almost retired/ I make enough money to work form home and vacation frequently age group. What’s missing is the giant chunk in the middle of mid 20’s to early 40’s.

    Anyway, I love that I found another Ashevillian that reads Sasha’s blog! I love Asheville and all that it has to offer, but also understand your criticism as well. No place is perfect so if you’re gonna live somewhere with flaws, it might as well have a great view!

  24. Lacey June 6, 2010 at 9:36 pm Permalink

    ive almost completely givin up on guys and i have always been interested in this lesbian scene….i have never done any thing with a girl but would be willing to try anything…..any advice would be wonderful

  25. lost June 7, 2010 at 10:22 am Permalink

    I’M A LESBIAN THAT IS BLACK 100% BLACK. WANT TO BE AROUND A RESPECTFUL GROUP OF BLACK GAY MIDDLE AGED WOMEN THAT ARE MATURE AND SETTLED. PEOPLE WHO LOOK THERE AGE .”MATURE” I’M 33, IN SAN FRANCISCO CALIFORNIA AND I HATE THIS PLACE. THE PEOPLE ARE RUDE UNWILLING TO HELP AND WHORES HERE! NO RESPECT FOR THEMSELVES NOR OTHERS. I WOULD NOT SEND ANYONE HERE THAT WAS RESPECTFUL OF THEMSELVES! IF YOU GET MY HINT! I WANT TO LEAVE BADLY, I HATE THE MEN HERE THEY CONSENTLY SIGNAL WITH RUDE INTENTIONS! I’M STAYING TO MYSELF SEXUALLY, UNTIL I CAN FIND A BLACK WOMAN WITH RESPECT AND CLEANINESS ABOUT HERSELF. THE PEOPLE ARE DIRTY AND THEY SMELL HERE! THEY DON’T LIKE TO SHOWER HERE AND THEY ARE ALWAYS WITH COUGH. SOUNDS LIKE A SICK ENVIRONMENT AND ALSO LOOKS THAT WAY GERMS. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET EMPLOYMENT HERE, THE PEOPLE ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU OWE THEM SOMETHING. THEY NEVER OFFER RESPECTFUL EMPLOYMENT. I NEED HELP GETTING TO THE PART OF AMERCIA THAT DOESN’T HAVE THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR GOING ON. SOMEONE PLEASE EMAIL AT vernitamtarver@hotmail.com. WITH GOOD IDEAS OF SAFE PLACES FOR BLACK LESBAINS TO GO.

  26. Tammy De Jong June 8, 2010 at 4:00 am Permalink

    Why even stick to USA..?? South Africa is faaaaantastic!! Firstly we have all legal rights that any straight couple has. The woman are gorgeous…. just have a look on our websites of parties we have like 1st friday and bent in durban. The country side is really gorgeous and the city is really buzzing. And Personality…?? you can’t even compare to the rest of the world!

  27. Jessica July 30, 2010 at 10:18 am Permalink

    This is for LOST

    I would say that good places for black lesbians are Atlanta, GA, Washington, DC or New York, NY.

    All of these cities have enought diversity to have a large black lesbian population. I am from Atlanta, but I have had a lot of fun in Washington and NY.

    Good luck.

  28. "single lesbian only need reply" July 31, 2010 at 4:38 pm Permalink

    Tired of guys liking me! i am LESBIAN” tHAT’S ALL I WANT TO BE! I SMOKE WEED, PARTY AT GAY CLUBS! I ONLY WANTED TO HANG -OUT WITH “SINGLE” WOMEN THAT ARE ALL THE WAY GAY! NO BI SEXUAL WOMEN NOR MEN! I HATE MEN! I HAVE PEOPLE STOCKING ME SINCE I BROKE UP WITH MY LOVER! THAT WAS WAY BACK IN 2003 WHEN I BROKE UP WITH HER! I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE WE WEREN’T THE SAME RACE I DON’T KNOW I DON’T CARE! I WANT PEOPLE OUT OF MY BUSINESS AND OUT OF MY LIFE! I WANT MY LIFE PIRVATE AGAIN! I’M STUCK HERE IN SAN FRANCISCO WITH WEIRD PEOPLE THAT DON’T UNDERSTAND MY POINT ! I NEED HELP WITH THE DIRCTION OF WHERE THE BLACK HARD CORD STUD WOMEN ARE THAT’S WHAT I’M USE TO DATING! HIT ME ON THE EMAIL XTACY_0@HOTMAIL.COM

  29. Sonya September 9, 2010 at 5:59 am Permalink

    Greetings,

    I’d like to discuss how housing costs, tend to exclude minorities, from living in Northampton. One bedroom apartments there, can run between $750-$2000 a month. The average price for a one bedroom pad there, is about $1000 per month. That’s outragious, considering that Noho is a very small city.

    Noho has long been a city, that has a progressive rep. Well not when it comes to housing! Real estate companies there, are very exclusionary. And many of them use illegal tactics, such as charging hefty up-front fees, before they even accept their client’s applications. These real estate companies, also demand that their clients have good credit scores. So even if you can afford the sky-high rents in Noho, a bad credit score will destroy your chances of renting in Noho. And only the affluent (who are mainly whites), tend to have the best credit scores.

    Northampton is also a haven for lesbians. But mainly white lesbians live there, because whites as a group, have higher incomes than minorities. As a lesbian of color, I was shocked at how few of us there are, living in Noho. With rents being so high in Northampton, now I know why it’s basically for affluent (and thus, mostly white) lesbians only.

  30. S September 18, 2010 at 6:54 pm Permalink

    I agree mostly with the people talking about Asheville. I was born and raised there but not in the open part of town. For years people told me that we were a open gay community and to be honest I never saw it in the 20 something years I was there before I moved full time up to my college and even on trips back home I still don’t see it. If you don’t know someone there in the gay community you will never find it. That’s how I see it and yes if you do go out of the downtown area your back into the judging world of yes the baptist and they are some stubborn southern baptist in the area my family is part of that. Black Mountain is about half and half liberal most of the people there are seeming not to care but if you go to deep up a road you will find some country folks who won’t agree with you. Fairview area is all country expect for the developments which are people who just moved here from FL so they will most likely won’t say much to your face. West Asheville is close to downtown and most likely they won’t bother you if you don’t bother them. East Asheville is like the hawk creek area and its a mixed crowd because its half developments half old homes but that’s where a lot of the churches are that look down on it. If you are christian and looking for a good church there is one downtown and actually one in fairview area that are really open to any members I just can’t think of their names right off the bat. I do love asheville since my family is there but it gets old after a while and like I said if you don’t have an “in” with the community it can be hard to find. There are some bars and clubs to go to but the people are either the older crowd or college students driving in to check it out. I would recommend finding another open city first.

  31. jenny rodriguez September 30, 2010 at 5:55 am Permalink

    i just want to found a good friend

  32. J-Lyn November 10, 2010 at 9:49 am Permalink

    My wife and I are moving from Florida to Northampton next month. Yes the cost of living is high, and I pray every night that we’ll find decent jobs to support a decent living. But, Northampton is worth every penny. If you love live music there’s tons of venues…and the lesbian music scene is awesome. They also have a movie theatre that plays a new up and coming queer film every month during the winter/spring. Northampton even has a sign outside of its parking garage that says “Northampton, where the coffee is strong and so are the women.”
    My wife and I have found a 1928 house that was renovated into 2 condos that we’ll be renting for $1350 a month. Our condo will have 2 bedrooms and 1100 square feet, plus a finished basement that adds an additional 1100 square feet. Our credit is far from perfect, but we were upfront with the owners and have agreed to pay an additional month’s rent in advance to help offset the risk that they are taking with us.

    Have I mentioned that Noho has a 13 mile bike trail that runs through it and it is right on the edge of the Berkshire Mountains? Oh, and a river runs through it? :-) There’s really something for every kind of gal here….great food, great activities, and great community.
    I’m about to make a huge step in my “adult” life, and I know that good things will come from our migration north.

  33. Jazmenha November 10, 2010 at 5:00 pm Permalink

    Love living in SF – free to be me. My brother and his partner love living in the Laguna/Long Beach area and say there is a strong gay community there. A guy friend lives in Austin and says there is a good gay community feel there too. I’ve lived in Portland and agree w the commenter above- it’s good too.

  34. Allyson November 17, 2010 at 5:15 pm Permalink

    I’m a lesbian and a junior in high school from Texas but I’m graduating early. So would Smith be the best college for me? Like in Texas not very many people accept gays and lesbians. At my school people are very close minded and don’t like when people are different so I really want to get away from these types of people and go towards a community that’s more accepting.

  35. Jazmenha November 17, 2010 at 6:21 pm Permalink

    @ Allyson- I did some research for you on this. (I am obsessed with researching stuff for people LOL don’t ask LOL it’s better then drinking I guess hehe) Here is what I found. Hope it will help you.
    http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayteens/a/friendlycollege.htm
    http://lesbianlife.about.com

  36. Jazmenha November 17, 2010 at 6:46 pm Permalink

    Allyson- YOU HAVE TO ADD…correction on 2nd link – try this instead
    lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbianactivism/a/TopColleges.htm
    and
    gawker.com/5655407/the-top-10-colleges-for-gay-students
    :) Jazzi

  37. Allyson December 26, 2010 at 2:59 pm Permalink

    @Jazmenha – Thank you so much! That was a huge help (:

  38. heirloom January 21, 2011 at 11:02 pm Permalink

    I’m a lesbian and am trying to choose between two grad schools– Western Carolina (45 minutes from Asheville) or Univ. of Nevada at Las Vegas…any advice, ladies?

  39. Jazmenha January 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm Permalink

    @heirloom I’m not firmiliar w the areas, but check out the above links I posted under college sites that I posted for Allyson because most likely they cover grad schools too. Hope that helps you too. Good luck. Jazmenha
    gawker.com/5655407/the-top-10-colleges-for-gay-students

  40. Goddess January 29, 2011 at 9:04 am Permalink

    Im looking to take a vacation in march and I would like to know where a good place to go to meet new people. I am a 29 year old black woman who would like to hang out with the the same but its not mandatory. I know the usuals like atl, new york, and dc. Been there done that. I would like to go somewhere alone to relax, clear my head, have fun meet people and feel safe. I’m over the huge club sceen although if its nice I would not mind it. Please some one help!!! My email is ishowyouhow1982@yahoo.com . Thanks in advance.

  41. Jennifer April 5, 2011 at 1:49 am Permalink

    I was born and raised in Utah, and believe whoever told you to not leave the city boundaries probably doesn’t know any other areas well, or is just spreading unreasonable paranoia. I’ve never seen any hate crimes here, and I’ve lived a lot of places in Utah. Park City is quite liberal. But even the areas that are not are still peaceful.
    I’ve only seen a handful of fights in my entire life, and none of them were sexuality related.

    I’ve thought about moving to L.A.- people tell me all kinds of stories about how awful it is.. but I wont believe it until I see it.

  42. Angelic1 April 23, 2011 at 10:54 am Permalink

    LOOKING FOR FRIENDS AND A NEW PLACE TO LIVE
    Please send any and all info to: myangelbeatrice@yahoo.com

  43. Toni May 8, 2011 at 12:44 pm Permalink

    I am an older ex military retiree but young
    I want to find a place to live and find a partner there. I am black looking for interacial relationship and tolerance. Any recommendations? I am really looking at Asheville or Providencetown.

  44. Toni May 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm Permalink

    Toni is Toni12121@netzero.net

  45. Sasha May 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm Permalink

    Hi Toni, I have to vote for my hometown of Los Angeles. Long Beach in particular is great for lesbians and more affordable and more chill then west Hollywood. But that’s just my two cents :)

  46. Jul May 15, 2011 at 1:00 am Permalink

    OK, so I moved from Atlanta to Portland 5 years ago. I know Atlanta as something of the gay capital of the south (after Miami), but if you grew up there, it can be suffocating. I moved to get a different perspective, and damn, did I! I find life in PDX more…something. I miss the sun a great deal in the Winter and early Spring, but at least I can enjoy it all summer long. LA and NY are pretty awesome too; I was sorely tempted when I was on vacay a few months ago in LA, and last year in NY (I was born there, so it’s like home too) Honestly though, PDX is a good combo of small town and big city to be just right for someone looking to hang up the big city life, but not bury it forever!

  47. Mary June 2, 2011 at 2:43 pm Permalink

    How about the state income tax in NC? I’m considering retiring to eastern Tennessee but haven’t done any research yet on level of acceptance. Any thoughts, please share.

  48. cassie June 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm Permalink

    Some people have mentioned Washington, DC. I’m curious as to whether there are particular parts of town that are especially lesbian friendly. I’m not terribly into nightclubs, and would like to meet other lesbians and gays during the daylight hours. I think it’s hardest for those of us who “look straight” to randomly meet other gays. I’ve considered get a Pride key fob (http://www.alwaysproud.com/keychains.htm). Something to sort of put on my table at a coffeeshop to quietly say, “Hey, out-and-about queer over here!”

    Also, no one has mentioned Baltimore, MD. That’s actually where I live (though not in the city, itself), and again, I’m looking for places I could go during daylight hours, maybe even by myself, to meet potential dates and just cool people. I like really, really smart people (please differentiate from super well-educated), as well as folks who don’t behave like they’re still in college. Sometimes those folks avoid nightclubs.

    I want to meet my mate at my mechanic, bump into her in line at my favorite eatery, find her in the library, or look her up because I thought her on-line of the newest show in town was superb. Is there an online directory of the places in Baltimore and DC that are most gay friendly or at least most gay frequented? If not, I damn well want to start one. Guidemag.com was a total bust. This was the best I found: http://www.gaytravel.com/guide-to/local-tips/in/baltimore/ and it was sort of laughable, though I suppose helpful for a total newbie. Anyone know of other guides?

    Bottom line: Saying a CITY is gay friendly or not is of little practical use. A sortable guide for the LGBT community would be very helpful. I just wouldn’t want to hurt any businesses by outing their owners accidentally or something. Maybe the damn key fob idea is the way to go.

  49. Sasha June 6, 2011 at 6:47 am Permalink

    Cassie, I don’t know anything about Baltimore, but I did do the key fob thing for a long time. I had a gay pride dog tag that I put on my keys. It was actually SUPER useful whenever I saw a girl I thought might play on our team. I would just fiddle with my keys and make it super obvious, or simply lie it down on the counter with the flag showing. I could usually see if they noticed it and then they would do a quick double take at me and give me a sly little smile. I actually got a few dates off of it and had some people I knew from the gym come out to me.

    So I think you should do 2 things:

    Get a gay key ring and whip it out a lot.

    And second, YOU should write that city guide for your city. Plus, it gives you an excuse to talk to strangers you think are hot …. Great ice breaker right there, “hey I’m researching a book, could I ask you a few questions?”

  50. SURAYYAH July 15, 2011 at 1:08 am Permalink

    ALL OF YOU SEARCHING FOR A GOOD GAY/LESBIAN FRIENDLY PLACE-TRY
    “It’s easy-going COWTOWN,without the (COWS)!
    That’s a joke-about the cows running around much anymore.Columbus
    is a fast growing Gay-friendly city on the positive move.Cost of
    living is lower here then many cities.You can drive where you need
    in most of columbus with-in 12-30 minutes.(Average 15-minutes).
    Many quite/peaceful places to live.And there’s the wild side if
    your looking for it! But Columbus wild,crazy is mild compared to
    big cities.You can walk the streets at night in most places.We
    enjoy the parks,lakes,fishing ,restaurant,art,and festivals where
    Columbus really comes alive in the summer.We do enjoy our festivals.
    Our state has a law that allows women to go around TOPLESS.Of course
    no one does,except during the PRIDE PRADE,and our famous COMP-FEST.
    Where you find several gay and straight painted,or bare-breasted,
    couples holding hands walking freely, happy. “Very AIRED OUT”
    The COMP-FEST is a 3-day like 60’s/70’s hippie fest in Goodale park
    every year around the last weekend of June.A week after PRIDE WEEK.
    All kind of MUSIC for every taste.Great local bands,the smell of a
    little weed,and a little sex! “Well you know-when it gets dark”.Got
    to keep the green on the “down” if you don’t want to get a
    mistermeaner ticket from the POPO and their new plane-close snooping
    around now.But it’s still cool. We have a great time anyway.And for
    some reason most of our fests serve Wine and Beer freely,and much
    food.”It’s a midwest thing”.The LGBTIQ community does have political
    and religious support.Some of those groups march in the PRIDE PRADE.
    Theres around 52 churchs that are friendly in the surrounding area.
    And it is quitely believed that current Mayor Coleman is BI/Gay.And
    it was a lot of the gay vote that help put him in office.Now several
    terms.Crime here is less then “Big” cities. Rural area crimes are up.
    But thats almost everywhere these days.Anyway those few area are many
    hours way- out. People who don’t want to stay to themself,and we let
    them! The Amish ,hicking parks,most travels are cool.Also come to what
    is said to be the biggest nonprofit,volunteer women promoteing
    festival recognize in the world–THE OHIO LESBIAN FEST.In Kirkersville,Ohio.Held every year in SEPTEMBER/2011 dates-(9-11).An
    hour outside Columbus.Like WOODSTOCK-ladies can bring gear and camp,
    oa stay at nearby lodgeing/motels.Arts,music, food ,make friends,info.
    It’s all there.You can even go on line to see who is sharing a ride
    once you get to Ohio.Or you can see who needs a car ride if you have
    a car.If your in the mood. There are fees.But not too pricey.And they
    have a policies about((NO ADULT MEN)).CHILDREN are allowed.Check about
    pets?www.ohiolba.org.&,or http://,or ohiolesbianfestival.com.You can
    find all the info and performers,camping,about Men,volunteer/crew,ect.
    And i think Greyhound Buses might get you pretty close.Also check.And
    you can check Columbus out by picking a cheap but clean motel and stay
    a week or two.Or a 4-day weekend.Some motels will work with you on price.$40-$45-$47 a day./$160-$170-$185 a week.Motels on(some) parts
    of Et.Main Street.-From Wal-Mart to Hamilton Road.Foreign own.Also
    the apartment-hotels> IN-Town sites and Extended Stay America.Google
    for Columbus,Oh .Westerville,Worthington,Upper Arlington,Tuttle Area,
    Pol—–,Dublin,Sawmill area,route#161-dublin-grandville rd. Easton
    area.YALUE PLACE,only about 3-yr old long/short-wks/months term stay.
    Apartment/motel also with area washer/dr.like In-towne sites and
    Extended-Stay. Value Place>Zumstein rd 614-841-0002.It’s off #161.
    North. And West -North Wilson rd.614-272-2170.And we got a few famous
    people here too!!! Sales tax %6.55.And some state liquor stores are
    open SUNDAY!.We also have on-line Columbus Public & charter home-
    schooling.For older children they spend some hours a week at a computer /teacher center.Which may have only 5-8-12 or less students
    to one 1-2 teachers and working on-line some times with a teacher.We
    have all types jobs, plus it’s a college town,food,health care,low pay $7.50-$8.50,Average $9-$10.50.If you really search.Some non-CDL needed
    transport jobs,warehouse,forklift,package.Outdoor work,Seasonal
    $9.50-$12.50,or $12-$18. Our public transpt,is always hiring CDL bus drivers.It’s call(COTA).Daypass $4,one-way trip$1.75 transfers free to
    get to the next buses.Monthy $55,Express $76 ,children to age 12/48″
    tall $ 27.50.children & seniors daypass $2.00.Oneway 75c and 85c.
    regular oneway express $2.50.Taxie/cabs around main Columbus it takes
    one trip cost $6-$20,-$25-$27.Average $8-$16.90.Yes some will work
    with you on or off meter if you have several trips,and pay them a
    fair wage.Get to know the city .For some cabies try to get more money out of you if you don’t know the straight way to get there!Humm did
    they come from NY !When you get here at some point go downtown to
    the main Library on Grant & State sts.Across from the hospital.
    around the (two) entrance.The other area in the cafe’.Get all the
    free magazines,newspapers ,shows events, Gay publications,all that
    interest you.Some are free in those black newstands on the streets
    downtown and other spots gay/lesbian bars,rest.,The Wexner Center
    off Nt.High -OSU campus shows gay theme Shorts/movies,Art.There are at least 23 gay/lesbian bar/clubs/rest. Check Alive,THE OTHERPAPER,614,
    C-magazine,ShortNorth,OutLOOK, and others.You’ll do better and like
    it even more here if you have a car.But many are making it with bikes.
    You can bike & ride with COTA buses here .The bike sits in holders
    at the nose of the bus.You pay your fair on the bus to get to it’s
    end point.And ride where the bus doesn’t go.Like a job. Some try to do it most of the winter.Believe me there something here for every-
    one.More interracial dating.Mercy for Animals.BlueJackets Hockey.
    Rollergirls,groups/single- gay night out at Clippers baseball,
    The Crew soccer,Ladys Softball,Wexner Movies center,trips,tours,ect.
    Or visit the ww.thewilds.org.A wildlife safari,birding,horseback
    riding,biking,fishing,groups,cabin stays,or a romantic get-a-way at
    the nice Luxury tent camping,private deck-NOMAD RIDGE with a professional chef.$325-$425 per nite.Tours$125 or$55..74 miles from
    Columbus.Regular day trip to see the wildlife,$20 or $30 per adult.
    Now Some of the lower wages;or even $10-$12.95 go much further in
    Columbus.Also we do have shelters.Some rather sleep out side.There’s
    a program here that try to lessen the panhandling by selling
    community minded newspapers for $1.00.They pick their own hours
    and how many to sale.According to several that come to Columbus
    from afar roughing it.Said they were told that homeless are feed
    well and can get put up and some help! IT IS TRUE .BUT AFTER THE FUN.
    AND AS YOU LEARN THE CITY.DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO GET THE HELL OUT
    OF THE SHELTERS. UNLESS YOU HAVE HEAVY ISSUES.START WITH A PLAN
    FOR JOB,TRADE SCHOOL,THE FREEDOM OF YOUR OWN PLACE.A PERSON WITH A
    PLAN WON’T STAY FOREVER.BUT IF YOUR DOWN ? YES IT’S THERE WHEN
    IT IS NEEDED.AND BUCKEYES DO EAT WELL.THEY DO TRY TO CLOTHE AND
    FEED ALL WHO NEED.THESE DAY THAT CAN BE ANY OF US!YOUR TAXES PAID
    FOR SOME OF IF. As for the very open GLBTIQ FRIENDLY areas to live.
    More of the 18-34 age are spread out.Because gay or straight unless
    they share living space and expenses.It takes discipline to keep up
    a CONDOS, HIGH-END APARTMENT/ PRICEY REMOLDED AGED HOUSES.AND KEEP
    CAR PAYMENTS,JOB,CLUBBING in the night!But in these areas it can be
    done.You will have to really search,go a block or two over,behind
    the main street area.Some area around OSU college,Lane ave.Better
    Neil ave. If you want peace! It is said that Columbus is the most underrated gay-friendly city.Yes it still needs to work on more
    issues for all.And it’s not a high crime city.We walk, nap in the park.
    .I have live here over thirty years. Those older then me will say
    it’s a lot better.And some of those older people i know are
    African-AMER,Trans,others from the GLBTIQ commy.If you only believe
    negative then you will only see negative.Use your head when your out
    at night.STAY OFF THE CELLPHONE AND TAKE THE MUSIC OUT OF YOUR EARS WHEN YOUR WALKING BY YOURSELF.SO YOU CAN BE AWARE OF YOUR SPACE.Some feel Columbus seems boring compared to fast cities.It’s laidbk.You
    don’t see a lot of public displays of affection from any group here.
    Your likely to see more affection at times in the strongly lesbian
    and gay community of the SHORTNORTH on North High st.& it’s Goodale
    Park a block over where some of the Pride week fests,and the CompFest
    also plays in June.Also Lesbian quiet-strong further down High st.
    in CLINTONVILLE,And another area Victorian VILLAGE.Which is some of
    route for the very funny DOO-DAH parade around 4th July. I find Lesbians ages 14-21.Then 22-31yrs. are the most affection here.
    But i’ll tell you, many walk freely at night.Partners holding hands
    in the moonlight,or clubbing/movies/vegan meal with your friends.
    Just keep pepper spray in your (hand) as you walk by yourself.And
    when you research a town read up-to-date info also.Columbus is still
    a family town.Columbus also keeps it’s streets clean of trash.
    There are many good and great places to live.Far and Near here.
    AREAS;;;; SHORTNORTH,CLINTONVILLE,WHETSTONE,DOWNTOWN COLUMBUS,BEXLEY-
    JEWISH. BREWERY DISTRICT.GERMAN VILLAGE -Said to be the most althinc
    German settlement outside Germany,UPPER ARLINGTON-Old money,world-
    -known Jack Hanna & the ZOO.Golfer-Jack Nicklaus,Muirfield Golf Club.
    HILLIARD-Those who couldn’t quite buy the wealth of upper Arlington.
    NEW ALBANY-New money.Mr. Victoria’s Secret underwear man -Les Wexner,
    yes his name is thrown on some things around here,among others.
    GRANDVIEW HEIGHTS, VICTORIAN VILLAGE,ITALIIAN VILLAGE,OLDTOWN EAST;
    GAHANNA-Use to be part farm land with some of New Albany.REYNOLDSBURG
    -Far OUT.WESTERVILLE.WORTHINGTON-The Pontifical college Josephinum
    only place outside the Vatican to study to be a POPE. POLARIS
    AND THE TUTTLE NEWER SHOPPING AREAS.EASTON -LES WEXNERS HIGHPRICE
    SHOPPING PLAYGROUND-Said to be the largest of it’s type in the U.S.A.
    Also his clothing brands-Big Black warehouses.Those Victoria’s Secret
    mannequins in different poses above & below,are down right creepy.
    they look like real people ! See i told you we have jobs.You might
    have to take less at times.But Columbus is nice.And a little MOO !
    And we do have apartments here from $380-$450-$575.And you can find
    some in decent,okay and good area.Some of the OSU area has these
    prices.But OSU Parties It can be hell getting down High Street when
    there are home games.I’ed live elsewhere.Unless you like campus life
    or you fine a sweet spot a block over.I would also pass on some of
    the Summit street area. But life is what you make of it, your place
    included. I’ll be at the annual JAZZ & RIB FEST -JULY 22-24.2011.
    Check out-WWW.CITY-DATA.COM/FORUM/COLUMBUS OHIO. LOOK AT DATES
    FOR THERE HAS BEEN IMPROVEMENTS.TAKE SHORT TRIPS TO CHECK IT OUT!
    Columbus downtown zip is 43215.Phone Area code 614 and 740-some.
    And Columbus,ohio is in Franklin County.Hope something here helps
    a few.

  51. Kim July 15, 2011 at 9:55 am Permalink

    I lived in Columbus, Ohio which has a vibrant gay/lesbian community. Within the city, protections exist but the state has taken on a severe conservative mood. My spouse and I moved to Connecticut five years ago, though we are legally married and no one bats an eye at us, I find myself lonely for more of organized community. We do visit North Hampton often to get our fill and also we have many friends in NYC/Brooklyn.
    I love Brooklyn but I think we may consider a move 45 minutes north to North Hampton.
    The issue impacting CT/MA is employment-jobs are becoming more scarce and while taxes continue to increase. In Columbus, there are still jobs, taxes are not at high as the east coast but the lack of state protections and the growth of fundamental churches has discouraged our move back. Brooklyn is just lovely but the cost of living is god awful and the neighborhoods are rapidly changing to catered to the next generation.

  52. Danie1974 July 28, 2011 at 2:23 pm Permalink

    So, I am a thirtysomthing black female thinking of relocating from Phoenix. Currently in a long term dead end relationship. I will be finishing grad school in about a year and thinking of moving to Denver,CO. Does anyone have any info on Denver as far as it being lesbian friendly? I would love to find an intelligent black woman, with no children, mentally stable and self sufficient. Just checking out my prospects.

  53. ThegreatSouthwest August 6, 2011 at 2:22 am Permalink

    Danie1974

    I have grown up in NM, TX and AZ. When I was younger I really didn’t care to much for CO. I had never been but heard it was extremely closed minded and conservative. I have spent time in the Denver area and Colorado Springs and I absolutely loved it there. I like cooler weather, snow and greenery and it has all of that. People are much more open minded in the Denver area than in springs which is more military oriented. I am in the military.. But Denver is wonderful. Co economy is good and the state has money. I am black/white/hispanic mix and have had no issues. Best of luck.

  54. Valen August 15, 2011 at 8:23 am Permalink

    Hello Ladies,

    I am a 25 yr old Lesbian living in Jacksonville, FL and I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT HERE!!!! I’m looking for a place to move to next year where femmes who dress like femme and dates femmes exist lol. So tired of all these studs and andros. Interracial dating would be lovely.I’m looking for some place not overrun by the gay boys too. I sincerely don’t wanna move to anywhere with a lot of snow or long winters nor do I wanna move overseas although Capetown, Africa was pretty nice :) Somebody please help me. San Diego was not for me….. No place pricey!!! Please email me at tribus20904@yahoo.com

  55. FPD August 19, 2011 at 2:26 pm Permalink

    Sounds like Rochester NY is the idea sweet spot! Large and vibrant lesbian population, ability to get married, lesbian biker gangs, female (most lesbian) local pro football team (Empire State Roar), great scenery, lots of great outdoor activities, wonderful museums, low cost to buy a home (some very quaint older homes and fix-me-ups), great services, relatively mild Winter temps due to being close to a large body of water (a Great Lake), lots of Arts & Crafts, ability for women to go topless outdoors without being arrested (thanks to the Rochester Topfree Seven), very liberal and accepting community, no killer weather (tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, flash fires, earthquakes, tsunamis, mud-slides, etc.), no traffic to speak of and you can take a walk outdoors pretty much year round without having to run to an air-conditioner. Even the strip joints cater to lesbians as most of the strippers are either bi or lesbian. So what are you waiting for?

  56. shan October 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm Permalink

    if SF is lesbian friendly, someone needs to come point out where they’re all hiding! go for pdx….

  57. tandm October 16, 2011 at 10:44 am Permalink

    hello! i found this string of comments while googling best places for lesbians to live. i’m 33, creative/tech industry professional partnered up with a 30something educator. we are looking to relocate to a low cost of living, warm, city with both water and mountain climates that has plenty of outdoor adventures. (she’s a sailor and i’m a hiker). i would prefer to stay in the u.s., she’s lookn at the islands. :) any ideas? i’ve thought about portland, or, austin, tx, possibly MA. but i need some warmer climates….btw, we already live in SF bay area – too expensive and want to bounce.

  58. Brandy November 22, 2011 at 6:48 pm Permalink

    I know this list is for places to live , but here is one to avoid at all cost Dayton, Ohio and anywhere near it . There is no lesbian life there at all just a few gay bars (male).

  59. Colorado November 26, 2011 at 4:58 pm Permalink

    To all of you that have posted so much information…thank you:) I have a question for anyone that may have lived in or around Pensacola, FL…any luck with this area being gay/lesbian friendly? Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks and to all…take care.

  60. armlou November 26, 2011 at 10:27 pm Permalink

    @ Colorado – I live in Daphne, Al about 45 minutes from Pensacola. My friends (gay and lesbians) talk about the GL scene in Pensacola a lot and have invited me on many occasions but I never got the courage to go. this is mainly due to what I see in Mobile and it doesn’t interest me. The people here are either butch, stud or nasty ghetto-ish. I am a young 24 yr old professional and looking for someone who knows who they are and what they want out of life. You will not find that here. But I have to say, I was surprised by the size of the community here. Don’t get me wrong this is not comperable at all to the lesbian community in Brussels where I am just moving back from but nonetheless I was simply surprised that there is even a community.

    It is a work in progress..I hope this helps. I am available for any further information. :)

  61. Colorado November 27, 2011 at 8:58 am Permalink

    Thank you armlou, I appreciate the response. Wish you the best of luck in finding someone more suited to your style:) Interesting to hear that there is such a large GL community around Mobile. If you chat with any of your friends that frequent Pensacola and/or that cities surrounding burbs pick their brain and see what they have to say. On another note, what do you like and dislike about the weather in your area? Again, thank you for the response. Take care.

  62. Colorado December 9, 2011 at 7:35 am Permalink

    Anyone out there live in the Kenai Alaska area?

  63. ConsiderNC December 11, 2011 at 8:05 am Permalink

    I just wanted to mention that Asheville is not the only lesbian city in NC. Greater Durham (including Carrboro, Chapel Hill, and Hillsborough is actually more liberal and more lesbian. They hold the annual NC pride parade every year there and it is probably the most wholesome gay pride you will find. I also want to clarify some things about NC politics. LGBTs have rights in many urban areas but not at the state level. The state is traditionally blue at the local level and red at the presidential level. Until the red mapping that occurred during the last election both houses had been controlled by democrats since reconstruction. The article below points out how when Obama carried NC during the last elections the corporate right wing money machine poured money into the podunk elections to turn the state red:
    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/10/10/111010fa_fact_mayer

    There have only been two republican governors since reconstruction as well. For that reason NC never had a constitutional band on same sex marriage. Now that both chambers are controlled by Republicans that may change during the vote in May.

    While NC has the baggage of being in the south, it also has a strong progressive coalition and Durham is the heart of this political movement. I’ve been amazed at how impassioned the liberal straights are about seeing that the constitutional band not pass. The head of the NAACP wrote a powerful letter saying whatever your views are on gay marriage you don’t change a constitution to take rights away from people. The is a web site for heterosexual married couples that say their marriage is not threatened by gay marriage. I was also impressed by the letters from married men calling this nothing but pure bigotry. If you have time, listen to this speech by a state senator representing 3 rural counties with a total population of 60K. His says that putting the marriage ban in the constitution amounts to stamping a pink triangle on the document.

    http://youtu.be/Fbxgi8kaBVk

    So while NC has its bible thumpers making sure we don’t get any rights at the state level, there is also a strong progressive coalition that is fighting hard to gives us more rights. I think that gets lost to people outside the state when they only hear about our defeats.

    Greater Durham is a great place to live as a lesbian with great jobs, lots of culture and plenty of smart people. It is like a small more liberal Austin. (Yes Durham is more liberal) You are only two hours from some of the most beautiful beaches in the country, and 2.5 hours to the mountains. We need more of you here to help turn this state into the gay south. The two counties (Durham and Orange) have an abundance of protected nature too that makes for great hikes, kayaking and biking. So if for all of you considering a move, give Durham a look. We could use some help strengthening the progressive coalition.

  64. Lyn December 19, 2011 at 9:33 pm Permalink

    Glad to have stumbled onto this site, and more importantly; the replies are still continuous to date!…

    I too, like many threads I’ve read from many, am a single, early 30’s lesbian looking to leave NYC for a more laxed, slowed down lifestyle in a friendly lesbian town.

    I wish the “race” stigma didn’t have to be brought up (although not sure if it really, truly applies any longer), but I am a bi-racial woman (my father was African American and my mother is French/Irish), so naturally I have to be sure as to where I travel myself. I was wondering of all the States spoken of as lesbian friendly, which of them would be best for a woman like myself?

    I’ve dated both Black and Caucasian women, just the same as I enjoy having the openness of enjoying leisure time with both socially, and have been to certain States (like Texas, AZ and even Sacramento CA) where people had a habit of peering unacceptingly over the friends I choose to keep.

    Mind you, I’ve traveled and I at least know well enough that the South and the other few I’ve mentioned are not at the top of my list.

    Anyways, to wrap things up, I’m basically able to move wherever in the US and always have my humble job to follow me. So, somewhere around May 2012, I’m looking to try a “lease to own home” and would really love some input on my “unique” situation :)

    I would also love to hear from anyone interested in meeting a new friend, and possibly that’ll be how I meet my future wife.

  65. Lyn December 19, 2011 at 9:44 pm Permalink

    @ FPD – No offense, but Rochester would’ve NEVER come to mind!.. IMO, a complete ghost town, older married straight couples with families and nothing but old, run down industrial yards. I went in August of 2003 when I accompanied my sister visiting a friend.

    It was SO depressing up there!… Not to mention, we left NYC at 99 degrees and humid; got up there and had to go to the local Walmart to purchase fall/winter sweats, which, unsurprisingly was the only type of clothing they were selling there. The temps never got past 72 chilly degrees by late afternoon.

    Sorry hun, gotta give you a big NO on that one. That being said, I’m hoping these “lesbian friendly” cities aren’t a bunch of smoke as a ploy to grow business in their respected towns.

  66. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 7:56 am Permalink

    Lyn – Sacramento hummm can’t imagine that was too lesbian friendly (not that you said it was or wasn’t just that I know it/been there several times but didn’t live there). I just moved to a major suburb :( in 2 weeks ago and MISS city life SO much. The suburbs are complete hell – only married straights w young kids or really old couples. Literally no one talks to anyone and everyone is VERY rude here. Yes I am bitter lol. My suggestion is stay away from the suburbs unless you want to feel like a fish out of water living amoung robots. (or maybe that’s just how I feel) Good luck to you.

  67. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 8:23 am Permalink

    Lyn I think most if not all above suggestions are genuine (well except possibly SURAYYAH whose sounds like a commercial, but who knows). Again stay away from the suburbs it totally sucks even they there are more affordable in some ways than the city. I literally don’t even want to leave my house ( i literally haven’t in 4 days now) because everyone is fucking rude and unfriendly. And I have only lived here (moved from SF- went from heaven to far away lonely hell) 2 weeks ago- it’s going be a long life. :(

  68. Lyn December 20, 2011 at 9:23 am Permalink

    @ Jazmenha – WHOA, thanks for something I pretty much figured out through my travels. Btw, where do you live now? And do you think with all this said, it’d be wise for me to look into Portland, or should I, like you’ve already suggested, just go for where I know and where I feel I’d be comfortable (if not NYC, the Los Angeles areas/suburbs)?

    So sorry you wound up miserable. Hopefully you may find a way out of the hellhole you’re residing.

  69. Lyn December 20, 2011 at 9:25 am Permalink

    LOL, and you’re right Jazmenha…. Ohio???? That too is comparable to Rochester NY!

  70. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 10:20 am Permalink

    Portland is great. SF is great (though- respectfully said (my brother is gay) there feels like/appears to be a much higher gay men population in SF then lesbians- especially in the Castro- though there are definitely areas/districts (Delores Park etc) more populated by lesbians) Portland is wonderful! I think it all depends on if u are city or suburb person. I am VERY city, but could no longer afford it so I just bought a beautiful place in the suburbs – out very FAR from the city and feel like I’m trapped in the middle of a tv citcom and NOT the show Modern Family. Everywhere I go it is like people are making love to their computers/IPhones/Blackberries/laptops and have totally lost touch with how to communicate with a human. Literally NO ONE talks to anyone and I VERY rarely see anyone who remotely resembles what I find OMG SI hot butch. Sigh DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MOVE TO THE SUBURBS!!!!!!!!! Lyn I hope u find the perfect place for u. I LOVE the inside of my home. ;)

  71. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 10:24 am Permalink

    Typo- SO (not SI??) Lyn Not sure about the Ohio comment think that was someone else. Yes dear god I don’t think I could handle that lol having a hard enough time adjusting to living here. ;)

  72. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 11:56 am Permalink

    Lyn Sorry for another post but have to any answer your other ? – no don’t just settle for somewhere u are already firmiliar with. I did that and am really struggling. You’re single and young w the job freedom so do something big and daring- a real change. I’m also in my 30s and single BUT do not have job flexiblity (Job security but not flexibility) so I feel painfully trapped where I had to move/live. I say go for it. Move to Portland or SF in an apt and move if it isn’t for you. Trust me feeling trapped to the location of your job sucks so celebrate your freedom and move somewhere fun.

  73. Lyn December 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm Permalink

    Jazmenha – I think for now (at most for two years), I may decide to move within the LA, or anywhere down by Laguna or San Diego. You’re right, I shouldn’t be too quick to sow my roots, as a place like Portland will always be there.

    From what I hear, NYC is more expensive than LA (not sure how true that is, never been there), but I’m willing to give it a shot and see how I like it.

    If it’s too pretentious to where someone femme and thin framed like me feels it’s a bit much, I will definitely get going elsewhere (I’m a true New Yorker, so my persona is nothing comaprable to LA); But passing up the experience of SoCal for a short while would be ridiculous. It’s too tempting when you’ve only heard of a cities within SoCal, :).

    I wanna settle in a place like Portland….. But not before I have fun in the sun and sand, as well as the oppty to date a “different animal” so to speak.

    Well, at least you have a home now, and just think, if you were still in SF (which I’d never consider moving to being that there isn’t a large lesbian populous btw), you wouldn’t have the means to get out and enjoy yourself anyway, which is why you had to move to begin with :) Hope that eases your frustration a bit!

  74. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm Permalink

    Lyn – Yes SoCal is a good choice. Yes I agree w u like I mentioned SF has a large gay men population but not so much lesbians- that is for sure. Though where I live now I feel like I am the only one. :( At least in SF its not like I never had a fellow lesbian sighting ;) Im so damn lonely where I live now :(. Oh well I now have my own (real) art studio in my place so that is a huge plus. My bro and his husband LOVE New York (got married there) and they live in Laguna/Long Beach area and love it too so since that’s similar to your background I think you’ve made a good choice. However, I do wonder if Laguna has more gay men than lesbians (like SF). I’m not sure, you should check. When we went there it did seem like that but maybe that’s just where bro and his hubby took us. Good luck and best wishes.

  75. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm Permalink

    Lynn It all comes down to paying a HUGE rent somewhere u LOVE or paying less and money going towards owning a home u LOVE in a place u hate. OMG I’m starting to freak out about my choice. :(

  76. Lyn December 20, 2011 at 2:51 pm Permalink

    LMAO…. Where did you relocate? You’ve got me overly curious since you haven’t told me, LOL!

    I will keep that in mind about Laguna.

  77. Lyn December 20, 2011 at 5:28 pm Permalink

    @ Jazmenha – May I ask a favor? Would you ask your brother which circulars, or local listings I may search for either online or when I get to SoCal, that’ll have rental listings for more reasonable prices?

    When I go online, the apartments I see listed for rent are ALWAYS California’s most EXPENSIVE, RIDICULOUSLY OVERPRICED apartments they showcase, and when the rent seems reasonable, it is in the ghetto?

    That’s why I questioned as to whether NYC is really more expensive than SoCal. Since I live in NYC, I know it well enough to know where to look and how to get a reasonable lease.

    Which brings me to this; If you still live in Cali., don’t be as depressed as you are, especially if you’re driving distance from SF.

    When I make the move, I don’t care if I have to move deeper inland to get a better cost of living. I can always drive to the coast on a day off a few times per month, no biggie ;) See, am I making it all better for you yet?

  78. Jazmenha December 20, 2011 at 5:54 pm Permalink

    Lyn Yeah I’ll ask my brother and post any suggestions he has regarding any postings/listings to find less expense places in SoCal. My other brother would know too since he has lived all over SoCal (in the different beach areas). I’m happy to help. You wrote-“When I make the move, I don’t care if I have to move deeper inland to get a better cost of living. I can always drive to the coast on a day off a few times per month, no biggie See, am I making it all better for you yet?”- ok,ok YOU win- good point. Thanks for the positive perspective. Happy holidays. Jaz

  79. Lyn December 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm Permalink

    Hehehe, no prob. Happy holidays to you too.

  80. rory December 21, 2011 at 9:04 pm Permalink

    I live in Carrboro NC & it’s crammed full of lesbians. So is Durham, actually Durham is the lesbian capital of the Southeast.. Yes the rest of N. Carolina is antiquated, but you’d never know it living here. Lots of culture, everyone’s liberal, great restaurants, nightlife, only none of the big city crap. I’m from NYC and don’t miss it a bit. And tons of lesbian groups, dining out, kayaking, dancing, knitting etc if the bar scene isn’t for you. (we have only one)

  81. Jazmenha December 21, 2011 at 9:59 pm Permalink

    Rory- Carrboro NC & Durham truly sound like wonderful places to live.

    Sasha- This is a wonderful topic for a post- “best places…” people have been adding so many resources since you started the topic going. Terrific resource. Unfort I don’t live in any of the posted listed throughout anymore (since I just moved far from/out of SF recently), but this gives me lots of terrific vacation location ideas. :) Sasha, you write so many posts about topics that people add comments to years later. So impressive. :) Again, more proof that Sasha’s the best blogger ever. :) Jaz

  82. Jazmenha December 28, 2011 at 5:10 pm Permalink

    LYN- As you requested I asked about finding places in SoCA area- check out http://www.westsideretentals.com Unfort I am still not liking it here since (now) I live SO damn far from SF :( (Yeah stay away from moving to the middle of no where suburbia.) BUT :) one can find positive aspects of anywhere they live :). Good luck!

  83. Lyn December 29, 2011 at 6:21 pm Permalink

    OOOOOOoooo, OUCH! Yes, I checked the site @ west side rentals and just the same as my other searches (maybe even worse), the prices are out of the ballpark!

    Even with a roommate, it isn’t worth being crammed in a studio or 1 bdrm at monthly rent prices starting near $2000. And the site you referred me to wants to take monthly fees out on top of it, just to search for apts. I’ve already found on my own. Talk about a rip off, lol!

    Thank you for your your help though Jazmenha, I truly appreciate it. But I may have to search throughout the Central parts of Cali for rent that equals to what I’m used to here in Staten Island.

    I’ll just make due with traveling to the shore on my days off is all.

  84. Lyn December 29, 2011 at 6:43 pm Permalink

    You know what sucks?!… I’m walking distance from the beach here where I live and most renters pay no more than $950 a month for a one bedroom. Whomever claimed California is less expensive than NYC is a flat out liar!

    I’m really trying to contemplate whether or not it’s worth experience life on the West Coast, not just due to cost issues, but the homeless issues plaguing the West…. Those two factors alone are gonna take some getting used to if I do choose to relocate.

  85. Jazmenha December 29, 2011 at 8:57 pm Permalink

    Lyn If you have your heart set on CA there are cheaper parts of CA, but definitely not “lesbian havens”. Again- look into Portland. It was a lifetime ago but I loved living there.

  86. Jazmenha December 30, 2011 at 1:11 am Permalink

    Lyn Did a CA search for you- check out Guerneville, Eureka, San Luis Obispo, Santa Cruz, San Diego and LA (Long Beach, Laguna etc)- all in terms of lesbian living places in CA. As far as affordability CA is $$$$ but you might find some (nothing to do w lesbian living areas unfort) place less expensive in Holister, Gilory,Tracey (though all of these 3 no where near water). Good luck.

  87. Lyn December 30, 2011 at 5:35 pm Permalink

    Thanks Jaz, will see about it within the next few months!

  88. Amy January 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm Permalink

    I am a married lesbian living in San Francisco with a one year old daughter. I have been here for 15 years, after living in New Orleans, LA, Athens, GA, Washington DC and Charlotte, NC. My family is originally from the Asheville, NC area. I’d like to give my two cents worth. San Francisco (and Oakland and Berkeley) is CHOCK-FULL of lesbians (and gay men, and bisexual people, and transgender people). It is unfortunate that any lesbians who lived or visited here felt so isolated–not sure what that is about, except maybe it being hard to make friends in a city. The neighborhood I live in (Bernal Heights) may be practically 100 % lesbian for all I know. San Francisco is truly a magical place, the most beautiful city (aside from Paris) I’ve ever seen–however, it is not a realistic option for many, many people because of the high cost of living. It’s also just not the place for everyone. I know it was like cupid shooting his arrow at me the first time I visited (and fell in love) with San Francisco, but I know that is definitely not everyone’s experience and that SF is not everyone’s cup of tea. I am definitely a city person and about as far left as a person can get, and SF suits me well. Sometimes my wife and I fantasize about moving to another city or town where we could not have to worry about money all the time, but I don’t know if we could find another place where our family (an interracial lesbian couple and daughter) can live with the level of dignity and respect we expect and experience here. That’s how I came across this blog! Thank you to everyone for all of the information. Right now, the only other place I could imagine living and being culturally stimulated enough is NYC–so so much for finding a slower pace or less expensive lifestyle. Also, I should mention that I HATE THE COLD, which rules out a lot of places.

    Just a couple more thoughts about places mentioned–Atlanta is definitely a good place for LGBTQ folks, especially of color, but you really have to be okay with the amount of sprawl, which is really out of control. Asheville is a very pretty town, and it is small–small, but with a cultural/arts scene more like that of a larger city. Chapel Hill and the surrounding area is also very pretty, in a different way. I was fine being an out lesbian in New Orleans, but it wasn’t very easy being progressive there. The south, in general, is a very complex place, and I think if you’re from somewhere else, it can take a good while to adapt.

    Good luck to everyone looking for a place to be happy and safe, and thanks again for the blog.

  89. Jazmenha January 10, 2012 at 11:09 pm Permalink

    Amy I agree that SF is a “magical place”. I LOVE it there and was beyond sad to move. I’m settling into and LOVE my home, but the location not so much. I miss SF even more (if possible) after reading your post. Best wishes.

  90. Elegy January 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm Permalink

    Get the cost of living down and I will travel anywhere! x3

  91. TAMPA FL OR ASHEVILLE or DURHAM NC? February 11, 2012 at 5:34 am Permalink

    we would love to hear the PRO’s and CON’s of each place….considering a move….

  92. Arin February 12, 2012 at 8:45 am Permalink

    I have to give my little city a thumbs up for its gay lesbian bisexual and transgender community.
    I live in Gaineville, Fl.. Yes home of the Florida Gators! I am not sure if it is because of the University or not. The city passed an ordinance for transgender.. They can use any public bathroom that they feel represents their gender. There is an annual gay

  93. Arin February 12, 2012 at 8:51 am Permalink

    Lesbian pride week that has a huge turn out from the community.. Our bar scene is lacking is the biggest downfall. But with bigger cities being just a short drive not a problem. There is a wonderful pride center that has a diverse schedule of events. The Methodist church has a service devoted Kay to the gay community. It is also close to the beach. Several areas to hike, bike, or walk. Sporting events that are free or minimal cost. And did I forget to mention home of the Florida Gators!!

  94. Colorado February 19, 2012 at 7:07 am Permalink

    ConsiderNC or Rory

    Am now considering moving to NC and am looking at about a 30 mile radius around the Durham area. It looks like both of you are in this area and might be able to tell me how it might be living in the outskirts of Durham. Have looked in Mebane, Oxford, Burlington, Prospect Hills areas and have found some potential homes. Any thought on these areas? Thanks for all the input on NC:)

  95. FloridaFemme March 3, 2012 at 10:07 am Permalink

    MY RANDOM THOUGHTS BASED UPON WHERE I HAVE LIVED:

    I have to agree: Rochestor, NY is horrifically depressing. I visited my sister and felt like I was stuck in the Color Purple movie reel. Very very sad. Even the sky is low. Yikes!

    Florida is okay but very crowded, dirty and southern. I want to move to a place like Provincetown–own a small lesbi bookstore, tutor students in phonics, live on a farm and live my life -no television.

    New Orleans: old, dirty people are mean
    Atlanta: crowded, lots of people, a tad below in intellect for my liking–I hate to be snobby but —
    Lesbians with children should avoid Florida: pedophile state/child abuse state…neighbors are nosey and if you live with your partner EVERYONE KNOWS!!!
    \Miami: dangerous fun dirty fun corrupt low income blacks crucifying the “Queen’s” English *yeah I am black and I am fine with stating the grasp of the English language in Florida is horrible. Black, white, Latin–I hate hearing the tragic annihilation of the English language.

    Fort Lauderdale old dirty fun corrupt stippers, girls that love strippers, low income blacks–6 kids suddenly we are gay kinda thing very weird

    If you have a problem with interacting with antiintellectuals-do not move to Florida. FloriDuh has a huge “stupid” population.

    Los Angeles: Scary.

    Pensacola: old, racist, mean, very good ol boyish.

    Alabama: old, but beautiful

    North Carolina: low income, poor

  96. Kim March 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm Permalink

    I don’t know about the rest of the cities you listed, but FloridaFemme nailed Pensacola. (And Florida.) Recently moved to NC\Greater Raleigh and still not happy about the climate. (Same-sex marriage law up for debate and I already dealt with the fallout in Florida… so here we go again. Joy.) At any rate, we are thinking of Connecticut because of possible job relo – Anyone know Connecticut??

  97. Lorraine April 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm Permalink

    I am a recently married Black woman. My wife and I are educated and are in our very early thirties . We reside in a small suburb in Michigan. We have no problems being openly gay in our careers but will like to relocate somewhere that our marriage will be recognized ( we got married in Niagara Falls. NY), but also where we can make new friends and not have to worry about racism . I am a PR professional so I also have to keep that industry in mind when moving, and my wife is an Engineer so that is also a factor because I will love to find a small lesbian town, but we would also need to find jobs in our fields. I know I am asking for a lot, but there is more, lol. We are recent college grads so the cost of living needs to be reasonable. I don’t want to live in any places like Atl, because places such as that will not fit our relaxed lifestyle . We enjoy hosting dinner parties, and going to coffee houses, not clubs . Any help will be greatly appreciated .

  98. Traveler Girl June 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm Permalink

    Hey Girls,

    I will move to Pensacola, FL next month and I’m little bit scared about everything I’ve read here. So.. how about lesbian scene there? There is any GL bar or nightclub?

    Thanks

  99. Cindy Johnson June 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm Permalink

    I have to say Ithaca, NY is an amazing place for lesbians to live. The entire community is so welcoming. I love my city. Check out http://www.autostraddle.com/the-21-most-lesbianish-cities-in-the-us-128377/

  100. virgo June 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm Permalink

    “…I start day dreaming about running away to Little Town USA and starting over. Maybe buying some land, putting up solar panels and buying the water rights to my very own well. You think I’m joking? I’m not.”

    That’s my dream and or ultimate goal. I’m already saving money for it, however I plan on living around my area, just more so on the outskirts away from people, etc. The problem with being in large cities is the cost of living, where you end up working for a dying, never really taking life in, at least that’s what I think. I suppose it’s a matter of preference and what you are willing to compromise with though. *shrug*

    Oh and I absolutely love SF, every time I take a trip there, I feel at home because I can actually relate to people, where typically I cannot relate to anyone.

  101. Jazmenha June 30, 2012 at 11:36 pm Permalink

    The suburbs suck. :( I am trapped because of my job location. Anyone starting out my advice give serious thought to your job location. My version of complete hell ( as an unmarried person without kids) is living in the suburbs but I need my job. :( And I do not even like where I work. Sigh…

  102. Jul July 1, 2012 at 12:15 pm Permalink

    For some reason, some other person posted as ‘Jul,’ on this thread, but to clarify, I’m the one from Grrlplanet and not the above poster who just linked to some Facebook crap.

    As for places to live – Kathy Belge posted this article. So I think you have to take this into account. I don’t rip her, but she’s about twice my age…so I don’t know that her ‘ideals’ or opinions would be the same as mine.

    Northampton, MA – Been there many times and the home of Smith College. It’s VERY hippie, lesbian, ‘granola’, etc…and it’s very trans-friendly (which I really thought was cool). But, It’s not my scene…there are a lot of lesbians, just not my kind of girls. I like them a little more urban sophisticated and…groomed (can you just shave? pluck?). No big hangouts, great little places to eat, kitchy stores, and the dirtiest Starbucks I’ve ever seen in my life…also a huge homeless population because I think people are pretty generous.

    I live in Philly. Philly is cool, but it’s gritty. The girls don’t keep up with themselves as much as Boston (where I’ve lived before)…but that’s not my issue since I’m ‘taken.’ As a bonus, there are city protections (they can’t discriminate in housing, job, etc..by sexual orientation) and it’s fairly welcoming on the whole. They are a lot more gay-male focused in their clubs, etc.. but, it’s pretty reasonable to live here, great arts scene, cool cultural stuff. Lots of hipsters. Tons of tattoos. I have seen more girls tatted out in Philly than anywhere I’ve ever been…so if that’s your thing, move here immediately, you’ll be in heaven. If anyone would be moving there, hit me up and I’d be happy to share where to live and where to avoid.

    San Fran, CA is meh. I have relatives that own there and I’m totally not impressed. I think it used to be more gay, and now it seems more tech people and kind of sterile. They do have some great restaurants. I think there are still some lesbians in the mission section.

    LA – very gay friendly. My aunt owns a few properties there in WeHo, and it’s cool…it’s just SO congested. I couldn’t do it. I like parking.

    NYC actually has some great lesbian sections now, particularly Park Slope in Brooklyn. Great going out, and of course all the things NYC has to offer.

    Personally, I like Boston the best for year-round living. Great girls, great food, fitness, and a wonderful place to live. If you want an awesome weekend trip, just take the ferry to Provincetown, MA (super amazing) to hit the beach. It is actually rare to see a straight couple in Provincetown…

    Anyway…that’s my take.

    The only places I wouldn’t move? Anywhere in the south or midwest. It’s just my own opinion.

  103. Effi August 15, 2012 at 12:29 pm Permalink

    For any uk girls, no? just me? London is amazing. Candy bar is just the most amazing club. Manchester has a brilliant gay scene. Liverpool has a few good clubs. Brighton is the place to be, you can not find anywhere better and surprisingly Birmingham has a few good lesbian bars. Cant friggin wait to come to America!!

  104. Jazmenha August 26, 2012 at 5:04 pm Permalink

    I would love to live somewhere w lots of lesbians. I’d even settle for a few. I live in the middle of fucking no where and fucking hate it. Minus work and then walking the dog I NEVER leave my house. When I have seen openly gay people/couples (I’ve seen two the entire year I’ve been here) where I live I think it’s wonderful. It’s “easier” to be open in a heavily populated area of gays/lesbians but when it’s a rarity to see then that is awesome belief in being oneself.

  105. Elegy August 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm Permalink

    Jaz, you should take a trip. Reserve a day just for you, drop the kid (your puppy-dog) off with a trusted friend (or even leave her at home, whatever it is you normally do for her), and just drive. Travel out to one of the nearest cities for an LGBT event and just take it all in. My location isn’t big on LGBT either, so I too must reserve a day or two to just go out and “be.”

  106. Jazmenha August 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm Permalink

    That is an awesome idea Elegy! ((hugs)))

  107. Jazmenha October 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm Permalink

    I guess the “best place” is where the universe crosses your paths. OMG I met the most amazing butch woman (of course a “100 footer” the best type ;) in my opinion) literally right around the corner from my house. :) And she is HOT – both in personality and in looks.

  108. Jazmenha October 14, 2012 at 7:57 am Permalink

    Of course though she was only visiting from out of state (one of the listed cities ;) actually). However, we keep in touch and she wants me to go visit. So I guess you never know. Even if there are no lesbians were you live they might visit where you live (even though you never would lol).

  109. Elegy October 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm Permalink

    Ooo, congrats, Jaz!

  110. Jazmenha October 16, 2012 at 9:00 pm Permalink

    Thanks Elegy Who knows it’s totally band new. I mention it on here because even if there are no lesbians actually living where u live it’s important to not live as a hermit like I was doing but to get out. Trust me I know it is NOT easy. You never who is visiting your city. ;)

  111. kim November 8, 2012 at 2:38 pm Permalink

    Jaz,
    I too live outside Portland in the wine country. Getting to PDX is not easy as my wife and I have a wonderful 5 year old son. Life with a child has a way of eliminating alot of the social events of Portland. For me, the worst part of life in Oregon is the lack of sun during the 9 months of the rainy season.

    We have what many of the previous posters are looking for: small piece of land, organic garden, pasture with ponies for the boy, lots of tall trees but no lesbian community. Unless you live in the city having a lesbian life is difficult. Prior to moving to the Portland area I lived in a very redneck area outside Eugene. I loved it! I would ride my horse to visit other lesbian farms. Having grown up in the Midwest I came to realize having a tight knit community is often better than having a city filled with queers. In a smaller community we are all forced to “get along” and it is easier to become involved. Acknowledging another lesbian in the feed store usually results in a dinner invitation.

    We like the open atmoshere in the valley. In fact we have become very good friends with our Morman neighbors. They have learned we are just like everyone else and we have learned they are not hate mongers. One place our family has found community is the United Church of Christ in Forest Grove(if you are on the west side) The church is very liberal and has an out lesbian minister and bell choir director. I guess 30% of the young children are from queer families.

    What I have come to realize living outside Portland is this: lesbians move to Oregon to mostly be in the hip urban area. For a family like mine, wanting a more rural lifestyle there are better places in the country (which I am seeking). Hating where you live can erode away soul. Owning a home is can never be worth more than having a happy existence. Rent the house in the burbs and find something in PDX. Otherwise, show up to church on any Sunday and introduce yourself to the pastor. Most likely one of the many lesbians in church will spot you and speak to you first. If you are musically inclined the bell choir is looking for new ringers, lots of lesbians.

  112. Jazmenha November 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm Permalink

    Hi Kim, Wow you are dead on!!! “Hating where you live can erode away soul. Owning a home is can never be worth more than having a happy existence. ” I struggle with where I live and where I work. I am a fish out of water in both. The girl I mentioned above lives in Portland and I live in CA. If I didn’t own this house and have this job…but I AM thankful I have a job and AM thankful I have a house. It all connects back to your comment “Hating where you live can erode away soul. Owning a home is can never be worth more than having a happy existence. ” Hummmm. Best wishes to you, your wife and your lucky little son.

  113. Jazmenha November 9, 2012 at 7:36 pm Permalink

    Oh Kim Check out one of those sun light lamps. They help with lack of sunlight in turns of mood. Years ago I lived in Portland and coming from CA ( w lots of sun) it helped. Best wishes

  114. Femmelover November 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm Permalink

    Hello Jazz.- I would love to see/meet you. I believe we kinda know one another in some ways. You are such a kind person. There’s no woman out there like you!

    What rule say’s we cannot meet each other? I live Cali and so do you. To meet you would be so fullfilling for me. I think you are such a wonderful woman! I am so serious, lady…might we meet…maybe in a public place so that you do not feel unfomfortable meeting me for the first time?

  115. Femmelover November 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm Permalink

    Ohh, sorry Sash… this is your blog and not for this. SORRY! How are you my friend?

  116. Jazmenha November 14, 2012 at 8:04 pm Permalink

    Femmelover- Thanks for the compliment. My love (Oct 13th comment above) lives in one of the mentioned cities Portland. On topic- Even if you don’t live where there is a high population of lesbians you never know. My amazing butch love and I meet/ saw each other and even my dog was jealous (literally lol) of our connection.I’m going to visit her very soon OMG she and I both miss each other!!! Femmelover you are a wonderful person and you will meet someone special too.

  117. Traveller Girl December 8, 2012 at 3:03 pm Permalink

    Hey Girls,

    Where are the good places to hang out in San Francisco? I am going to travel to there in one week and I would like to have some plans to enjoy the lesbian night in SF.

    thanks :)

  118. Cara January 6, 2013 at 12:10 am Permalink

    I currently reside in NC. I’m being considered for a position with my company near Athens, GA. I have to admit, as I look at the map of cities and towns near Athens and read the demographic information, I wonder if I really want to move. I really want to live in a diverse and gay friendly community with options for an active social life. I don’t know that I’m going to find it in the deep south between Athens and Atlanta. I guess I have the option of moving closer to Atlanta and having a longer commute to work. Perhaps I should have done my research before I applied for this position :-(

  119. Elizabeth March 15, 2014 at 4:55 am Permalink

    So, the last comment is over a year old now, and the article itself much older still, but hope springs, etc. ^^

    My fiancee lives in Melbourne, VIC, and we’re trying to decide where we would be better off living. We’re both on disability assistance, which means that likely the one that ends up moving will lose hers since governments tend not to like sending their money overseas to actually help their citizens… >.>

    Anyway, for my part, I’m researching areas that could be potential future homes for us. Criteria-wise, we want to find an area that is both lesbian- and trans*-friendly, that is inexpensive (I know that’s going to be an issue… >.< ), and where we might be able to either connect with friends/support networks, or where we can reasonably easily build them. She's looking at places down in Oz (though we're a bit down on that side currently as she's tired of all the Yobbos (Aussie Redneck-types) everywhere). ^^

    I'm trying to put together a list of locations, and then narrow our options from there. We don't mind cold, but too much rain/cloudy might be an issue. We don't mind some warm, but excessive heat is a no. ^^ We're not picky, not at all!

    So far, I've got the following as early-potentials (I'm hoping for a list of 15-20 of these):
    – SLC, UT
    – Northampton, MA
    – Seattle, WA
    – Portland, OR
    – Durham, NC
    – Asheville, NC
    – San Francisco, CA
    – Los Angeles, CA
    – Albany, NY
    – Ithaca, NY
    – Syracuse, NY

    From these, I'm hoping to get about ten that I can do more in-depth research on, and then narrow that to a list of five to discuss with her. Note that I included Salt Lake as I'm from there, and have a pretty good support network in place.

    So, help please? Can I get some thoughts or suggestions? Thanks in advance! ^_______^

  120. Sasha March 15, 2014 at 2:07 pm Permalink

    Elizabeth … I’m no expert BUT we’re sort of going through the same thing so thank you for giving me my next blog topic. Hopefully opening the comments up, will bring some extra knowledge on the topic out from the readers :) Stay tuned, gonna write it now :)

  121. jes April 5, 2014 at 1:57 am Permalink

    I’m surprised no one has mentioned Denver. Totally full of LGBT folks. Artsy, outdoorsy, liberal (in the city and metro area), many accepting and ordaining churches and always something going on in this town!

    I just visited Asheville and LOVED it as well. I did wonder where the 30 something lesbians were though. But great city!

  122. Mara April 16, 2014 at 7:39 am Permalink

    I live in the Netherlands and I have never been in America so I can’t really comparise it , but hey if you want to move anyway, why won’t you just make it even more exiting by moving to another country. Even better, moving to the Netherlands ^^.
    Amsterdam is a really great place to live for gays, I guess especially if you like drama ’cause there are so many out there! The advantage of the Netherlands (and many more European countries I believe) is that there is just one country with one (gayfriendly) law.
    And even better, unless you want to live in a really small town with 20 inhabitants, there are not many people who are against homosexuality. There are of course neighbourhoods in big cities in which people live who don’t really like gay people, but I guess you’ll have the same shit in every country/city.
    So I hope my recommendations are sufficient for you guys to believe that the Netherlands is a great place to live haha!

  123. Christine July 21, 2014 at 8:33 am Permalink

    I live in Naples Florida and it is wonderful ! I would love to meet a gay woman (artistic, elegant, feminine) around 50 or 55. life is fabulous here.

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