OK, apparently I offended my bi-sexual readers with my last post about Bi-Sexual Lesbians. That was not my intention. Especially since when I wrote it, I was talking about myself.
Gasp!!!!! What??!!!!! No, not Sasha!!!!
Well yes, it’s true and if you’ve been a faithful reader you already know that I’ve had boyfriends in the past and before I came to the realization that I was indeed, a full fledged lesbian, I identified as bi for a little bit. Even now, there are days that the thought of sex with a man doesn’t exactly turn my stomach. Sex is sex. To me, being a lesbian is about wanting to share my life with a woman. To be in a relationship with a woman and yes, to make love to a woman. But “fucking” is another story.
I am one of those people that can have sex without a single emotional attachment. Especially with men. It wasn’t until I was with a woman, that I finally heard all the heavenly choirs rejoice, gray skies turned blue, the birds sang and I understood the all too sappy term, “making love.”
So does the fact that once in a while, the thought of having sex with an attractive man crosses my mind, make me bi-sexual?? I don’t think so. If I acted on it, then maybe.
But the truth is that I live my life as a self-identified lesbian …… with the occasional bi-sexual tendency thrown in just to irritate my girlfriend. (Just kidding about that last part, I can’t help it! Just like I don’t think any of you can help it.) The occasional fleeting thought that brings a wicked little smirk to my face does not a full time bi-girl make. Admitting it openly on my blog however, does make me braver then most lesbians I know who hide and lie about the fact that they still occasionally date men on the side.
Who cares? I don’t.
The “Bi-Sexual Lesbian” post was actually a re-posting from about two years ago. I wrote it when I was hanging out with a group of lesbians that constantly accused me of being bi-sexual because I didn’t seem “gay enough”. Only to find out later that three of them had slept with and DATED men more recently then I had, but lied their asses off about it!
Which brings me to another point of random thought, but I thought I’d bring it up anyway. I know a few girls that claim to be “Gold Star” lesbians, whooopydooo. I’m happy for you. But that doesn’t make you gayer then me or any other lesbian that’s been with men. It makes you lucky that you figured it out sooner. I have slept with more women then men. A lot more. I was rather prudish with my male suitors but let my freak flag fly once I started dating women. I have also dated women for almost twice as long as I dated men. Don’t I get something for that? Like a bronze or silver star?
Another slightly random point that I can’t find any easy way to bring up is the whole bipolar thingy. What does bipolar disorder have to do with being bi-sexual, you may be asking yourself? Well I’m not sure and neither are the experts. But in a lot of research I’ve read about the disorder, there is a very good chance that people with bi-polar will at some point identify as bi-sexual. Could it have to do with the extreme emotional states, swinging wildly from one end of the spectrum to other? Maybe. Perhaps some of those same chemicals that affect the brain and moods, affect what or who you’re attracted to on any given day? Huh ….. who knows for sure.
But that doesn’t sound too far fetched to me. When a woman nurses her baby or makes love her brain produces a neurotransmitter called oxytocin, known as the love hormone. It’s what makes her bond to her baby or her lover, among other things.
Bipolar disorder has to do with neurotransmitters noradrenaline,serotonin and dopamine. Not to get into a medical debate over the causes of bipolar disorder but just to point out that if chemicals in the brain can affect your moods, your bonding, your feelings of love …. then it may be possible to also affect who you are attracted to, especially in those already susceptible to chemical imbalances in the brain. I’m just sayin’ ……
They always say to write what you know and I happen to know (from personal experience) that bi girls are not easily welcomed into lesbian circles and I stand by my previous statement that there are good and valid reasons for this.
I actually have experience from both sides of this. Like I said, I identified as bi for a short period. During which time I was literally shunned by gay women for that very reason and they weren’t shy in telling me so. Then later, I dated and fell for two different bi-girls and found out first hand what was once said about me was sad but true, “Bi-girls are too much trouble.” One of them broke my heart and the other cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend and then MY ex-boyfriend. Good times.
So there you have it. I have had nothing but negative experiences either as identifying as bi, personally. Or later, dating bi-girls.
So to sum things up. I didn’t mean to hurt any of my readers. If you re-read that post you’ll see that I was making generalizations about what I have personally experienced as well as what I hear from other women in our community. But I also very specifically pointed out that there are always “exceptions to the rule.” Maybe you’re one of them? If you are, then good luck because I don’t think you have a particularly easy road ahead of you.
Old related posts … sorta’