I’m sure some of you have seen some of the comments a few readers have left me, indecent proposals I suppose. If I were single I’d be flattered, maybe a little worried since some of them have a bit of a stalker feel to them. But still flattering non the less.
Let’s take a look at some of the comments from my greatest hits list, shall we?
Wishful Thinker has left a few:
I’m jealous of that old Butch. I’m not old but I can eye fuck you like no one else. Just give me a chance. I want to take you to dinner. I’ll take you to my favorite place, Murano. Ever been?
Not to be stalker like here or anything, (like some other commenters) but in all seriousness, if you ever need to be treated like a princess I’m the one for you. I’m a successful lawyer here in LA. I’m 37 yrs old, butch and I know how to take care of a woman. Even a woman like you. Call or email me. You’ve got my number. Let’s meet for drinks at least and be friends.
I know that I’m a strong butch who’s looking for a soft femme. I love spoiling the lady in my life and making her feel like she has nothing to worry about, I’ve got it all under control. Why haven’t you given me a call? You can’t really be sure Remi’s the one for you till you at least meet me.
LuvaBoi left: I have to say Miss Sasha that I’ve had a crush on you from the wings for a while. But you got with Remi and I thought my chance had slipped away. But now that I find out that you’re such a FREAK (as queen put it) that you need a safe word!? Good Lord Woman, I’d be willing to go head to head with Remi for a chance at that!!! Dammmmmnnnnnnnnnn girl. Can I get with that?
As I’m sure you can imagine reading comments like these does not leave a warm fuzzy feeling in my girlfriend’s tummy. Not at all. Like any good girlfriend it pisses her off but she realizes that it’s just part of the deal when you date someone who compulsively blogs about personal things for the whole world to peruse. She’s pretty understanding but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that some comments have sparked a few lively conversations.
Two nights ago I was in brat mode (which is my default mode lately) and Remi was trying her best to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Although what’s wrong with me remains a mystery, she did say a few things in the course of the evening that I knew I had to blog about.
One of them was, “You’ll never be alone. Even when you’re older, you’ll never be alone. It’s easier for you because of the way you look. It doesn’t mean you’d be happy or that you’d be with a good person, it just means they’ll always be somebody there, somebody willing and wanting to take care of you.”
She mentioned the fear of ending up alone later in life and commented on how many old butch women we’ve seen that seem so lonely. I never realized that she feared that, or that it was even something she thought about. I never do. Which was her point, I’ve never feared ending up alone. I don’t know why, but it just never crossed my mind. But I guess it should have. I’m 7 years older then Remi, if anyone should be looking towards the future it should be me, but like most things, she seems to be the more mature between the two of us.
The point I’m trying to get to is this: Do femmes have it easier because there’s something inherent in their “role” that makes it seem as if being taken care of or provided for is somehow expected?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not implying that femmes are helpless little girls that need a strong butch to take care of them. I’m very independent and have managed fine on my own so far. But it is nice when whom ever I’m with usually wants and offers to take care of me in some way. That’s not to say that there isn’t ALWAYS some sort of reciprocation. Because there is.
But the issue remains. Do femmes have it a little easier then butches or tombois? Do we have some sort of built in safety net? Is being a “house wife” a viable career option for lesbians who look the part but not for others, based on appearance and gender identity?
It’s clear that some view beauty as currency. Currency to be exchanged for any number of things, dinner, a date, sex, relationships, money. How many lesbians (like straight men) are more then happy to go to work every day and work hard for that pay check just to come home to a beautiful woman that’s waiting for them every night? More then happy to be the provider and she the nurturer?
I know this post is totally politically incorrect of me, but since when has that ever stopped me?
What do you think about it?
alrighty you two..
first off… Sasha get out of brat mode!
next… Remi you have nothing to worry about huney.. I have seen pictures of you… you are beautiful.. you have fantastic eyes and beautiful hair.. I would date you in a min if you were single huney..
*hugs up on both my favorite ladies*
now as for the topic at hand.. I do believe that femmes do have it easier because they are closer to the sociaty norm and gender identity of “female” femmes can use sex appeal as currency..
gotta jet ladies will comment more l8r
I think that in this society (especially Hollywood) we are obsessed with beauty. We value it over other things that should really mean more then looks. Looks fade but inner qualities like kindness and character never do. I think you’re right Sasha and that makes me sad to say, but beautiful women are born under a lucky star.
Sasha, I’ve known you since you were 19 years old. I won’t tell your readers how many years that is, but I’ve known you for a long time. First of all I’m really surprised you wrote this because I know for a fact that you never think you’re very pretty (even though you are) and that in truth you have really bad self-esteem, but god knows why. I wanted your readers to know that although you are truly beautiful on the outside, it doesn’t even compare to how beautiful you are on the inside and it’s no wonder people fall for you. I did (but that’s another story). People who don’t know you will judge you on your looks but if they’re lucky enough to be in your life and know you like I do, they’ll find out what an amazing person you are. You don’t just have your beauty to trade on my dear. As impressive as that is, it doesn’t even compare to what we can’t see. Remi’s a very lucky woman. But from what you tell me about her, you’re just as lucky to have her too. I’m so happy you found her.
Just because you’re feminine doesn’t mean you’re pretty. I’m feminine and I’m attractive, but I’m not a sexpot. You can be butch and be a walking sexbomb.
Being feminine does not automatically mean hot mama.
And there are plenty of late 30s lesbians who are feminine and alone. I know several. (But they, like me, are all attracted to feminine women.)
Maybe a more accurate statement would be that any feminine lesbian who is attracted to butch lesbians will most likely never be without a partner (unless she chooses to be). I’ve often wished I was attracted to soft butch and butch women for this very reason! So many more of them out there and available…..:(
Excellent point Donna, I didn’t necessarily mean to equate femme with sexpot or beauty. I know this post was a bit all over the place, as usual
But I agree with you. When I dated other femmes, life was a lot more lonely then when I started appreciating more types of women.
ps: I don’t think I’m hot stuff AT ALL. I’m just lucky enough to have an amazing gf that thinks I am. (she needs glasses)
What am I to think about the fact that you wrote a blog almost entirely dedicated to my comments and interest in you? I think you’re playing hard to get. I like that. Maybe I just need to figure out exactly what you want so that I can prove to you how good I can be for you.
“It doesn’t mean you’d be happy or that you’d be with a good person, it just means they’ll always be somebody there, somebody willing and wanting to take care of you.”
we’re finally making some progrees with that one… i think it’s very close to acceptance
you know, thisis my first time reading this blog and i must say, i love this post – as a femme, i hate being steroetyped into “housewife” material – i dont see things this way – i dont want to be taken care of anymore than i take care of my partner doesn’t that seem more right than anything else