By the way, AWESOME freeze frame, don’t ya think?? Sheesh … what I do for the laaaaadieeeeeez.

Personally, I’ve always been a real loner. Which extends to my work life. Nothing suits me better, then working alone all day, every day. But it did get me thinking that it might be nice to have another voice on Card Carrying Lesbian every once in a while.

But what kind of voice?

Well a butch one of course!

So I’m officially looking for someone who self-identifies as butch, who would like to be a contributing blogger on CCL every once in while. You all know my love for all things of the butch/femme dynamic no matter how politically incorrect it may be sometimes.

So if you think you have something interesting, strong and of course very butchy to say, please email a writing sample and something about yourself to CardCarryingLesbian@gmail.com.

So come on, don’t be a shy butch. Be an outspoken one!

If anyone has ’09 iLife and they know what I’m talking about, could you help a sista out?

So sorry lovergirl that I made you throw up in your mouth a little for nothing … don’t worry I’m still going to tell you what I think you should do as soon as I can figure out my mac thingy.

I’ve been window shopping relentlessly to no avail. So I did what any good blogger does, I shopped online. I found and ended up buying two different dresses for the white party. Why two? Well since I bought them online I wasn’t sure how they might fit and secondly, I preferred one while Remi wanted to see me in the other one. So she bought them both for me.

But I want your opinion so here are photos of them. Before you ask, “No, that is NOT me!” But I wish it were.”

Remi's Pick

My Pick

What do you think? Should I hooch myself out for Dinah? Or stay true to my personal sense of style and take the slightly classier road?

The only difference is that some of us will go through it uninformed, angry, scared and if you’re anything like my mother, you’ll go through it a raving lunatic.

Or you could be smart about the inevitable and when the time comes, you could be prepared, informed and ready. Enter Shmirshky. It’s sort of like having your funniest and most clever girlfriend go through it first and then tell you all about it in ways that will make you laugh out loud. But like all best friends, she’ll be brutally honest. Only her honesty will come wrapped  in the caring and light heartedness that only a true friend can offer.

So if you or anyone you know is nearing premenopause, perimenopause or even the big daddy of all pauses: menopause itself, then you really need this little book. Buy it for yourself, your best friend, your mom or anyone you know that has a vagina and might want to know a little bit more about what’s going on down there.

Check out the website www.shmirshky.com to buy the book. They even have some cute little tank tops that cleverly show punani pride, which every lesbian I know should appreciate.

Oh by the way, since you’re one of my reader’s you get a special little code that will give you an awesome 20% discount on the book. Just type in “CARDCARRYING” in the discount code box when you checkout.

I’m serious ladies, this is a must read for you and any woman in your life.

I’ve gotten a few comments lately from readers that are asking my advice on relationships, how to know if they’re gay, what’s up with Tony and whether or not Remi and I are going to have a “temporarily open relationship” for Dinah Shore.

Well here’s the deal, I could write about it and probably will anyways. But Remi bought me that nifty little camcorder so I could start doing vlogs. The only reason I haven’t yet is, well to be honest I’m nervous! I’m used to writing, safe behind my keyboard and screen in my pajamas and glasses. But if I vlog, you’re all going to see what I look like! And contrary to some comments that accuse me of being a self-absorbed girl that thinks I’m the sh!% … I am not. I’m actually pretty insecure about my looks, as I’m sure a lot of women are.

But I’m going to tell myself that most of my readers don’t really give a crap about what I look like, throw caution to the wind and just do it … eventually. LOL … no really, expect my first video blog the end of this weekend … I hope.

My other reason for not having posted a video blog yet is that I wasn’t sure what to talk about! But I think I’ll address some of the recent comments pleading for some advice.

These will be some of the first comments I address. So if you’re one of the girls that left them, be sure to check back for a video response to your comment. Ha, don’t you feel special? Well you should always feel special, even if someone isn’t putting their insecurities on the back burner to make a vlog for you.

lovergirl wrote:

I have a boyfriend. This girl hits on me at the gym… It’s unlike any way i’ve ever been approached. I don’t think I like girls. I like her though. I really hope it’s no just me liking attention. I wouldn’t want to hurt her by my selfishness. She has pretty hair, and the way she looks at me makes me nervous…..
I’m 22. Femme, but athletic.?I like her.

GreenIIsGood write:

Here is a shocker: I’m in my 30s, married for a while and have a litter of kids.
I really, really like women. Kinda always known that but….
Finally got “it” to happen a while back with someone who’s in her 40s. This was a first for both of us. Now we can’t get enough of each other. She is in a relationship long term with a guy. He tells me he would have never known that about her. He is cool with us, which is great. I am realizing men are so lacking.
So, I am kinda confused, I am thinking I’m bi, cuz yes, I do have interest in men, but I mostly just like to dominate them but when it comes to my girl, it’s a whole different feeling-like what have I been missing all this time????
Anyone out there with a similar situation?

AGirlInTheMiddle wrote:

From the time I was in elementary school until now I’ve always been attracted to tomboy-ish or androgynous girls. In high school I had a huge crush on a girl and still fantasize about her now and then. And its not purely a sexual fantasy, I think about holding and kissing her passionately and telling her sweet things to make her feel good.
After all this explanation, in short, I’M CONFUSED! lol I want to be with a girl so bad, the thought seems so right, but I love the man I have with all my heart… Please tell me theres been other girls that have been this confused.


Well you get the point. The topic of my upcoming, debut vlog will be “How To Know if you’re a lesbian!”

So stay tuned.

All too often lesbian clubs remind me of those horrible 6th grade dances when all the boys would stand on one side of the gym and all the girls would line up on the opposite wall, waiting, hoping and wishing that that cute little boy that was 6 inches shorter then them would have the nerve to come over and ask them to dance.

So after multiple assurances on my part, that Lana would not be molested on her first night at a dyke bar, the ladies of West Hollywood quickly took up the challenge to make a liar out of me.

We hadn’t been there ten minutes before a girl walks up to our group, circles around, gives Lana an up and down appraisal, literally shakes her head yes, as if to say, “Yep, that’ll do!” and walked over to our group of five. I mean really, how often does a woman have the guts to approach an entire group of females just to get at one in the center?

She leaned in and yelled over the blaring music, “My friend is having a party right down the street and told me to come and find some hot women to bring over.”

We smiled, said thank you and maybe. Laughing hysterically that Lana had just been cruised mere moments after sitting down.

This type of thing happened through out the night. It was actually pretty funny watching the women circle around Lana like sharks circle fresh chum.

But nothing would make my night like what ended up happening out on the dance floor. Apparently, Lana is irresistible to older, shorter lesbians. Well, one in particular. Before we knew it, she was being man-handled by a very pushy woman.

Seeing my friend in distress I did what any good friend does, I threw my girlfriend in between them, confident that the interloper would take a hint. I mean really, if you were dancing with some chick and her friends come up and effectively cut you off from her, enclosing her completely within their protective circle, wouldn’t you get the hint???

Well she didn’t. She took it as an opportunity to molest Remi in ways that inspired, not anger but pure amusement on my part. To see my girlfriend, who was looking very sporty/almost butch that night in her black wife beater get felt up from behind by this tiny Mexican butch woman was almost too much for me to handle.

But being the persistent little thing she was, she did not forget about Lana. Nope.

Since she couldn’t get directly at her through us, she would occasionally take her hands off Remi’s ass and reach around her towards Lana, feeling for any boobage or booty action she could find.

After doing this extremely awkward anti-mating dance on the floor for a few songs, we gave up and went back to our seats.

Every once in a while though, Lana would throw herself down on the couch in the middle of our conversation. I was confused the first time this happened thinking maybe she had just suffered a stroke or something. But a quick look over my shoulder and I spotted the cause of her aneurism, the Mexican Molester was on the prowl again, looking high and low for Lana.

There were a few other encounters that while uncomfortable for Lana, were perfect for my night’s entertainment. Including a very very rough looking roller-derby girl with a very strong body odor that came and plopped herself down in the middle of our group to get close to Lana. And then on the way out there was a very tall, giant of a girl that fell into step right behind us as we left. She jumped out from behind the bushes of Girl Bar, right behind Lana and in the manliest voice I have ever heard let out a guttural, “Hi there!” Followed by an odd grunting noise.

It was at this point that I realized that Lana had earned a new call sign, “Bait.” Or “Lesbian Bait” or my personal favorite, “Pussy Bait.”

In spite of all the unwanted attention from creepy molesters, smelly roller derby chicks and six foot four women, Lana claims to have had a great time. We’re already planning out next adventure out to the Abbey.

Tony attempted contact with Willa repeatedly over the next 24 hours. It wasn’t until Willa was good and ready (and probably done fucking whoever she was with) did she bother to return Tony’s calls.

I’m not privy to exactly was said between the two, all I know is that in no time at all Willa was back at Tony’s place, securely ensconced in her role as “Trophy girlfriend.” Tony was still paying her lawyer bills for the divorce and everything seemed to settle back into their fucked up little arrangement.

Until Willa went out for another “night out with the girls” not to return till the next morning, disheveled, panty-less and hung-over. At this point Tony had had enough and lit into Willa. Or so she tells me. But whatever she said got Willa to spill the beans as to where she’d been sneaking off to all these times.

Anyone want to hazard a guess??? Yep, you’ve guessed it. Her husband!!

That hoe bag was crawling back into bed with her so-called “emotionally abusive” husband that Tony was paying for  her to get a divorce from.

Whoa. Can anyone else feel the hit to the gut Tony must have experienced at the moment of impact? Apparently the revelation was so shocking and upsetting to Tony she threw up a few minutes after finding out. I know I’ve been that upset before and I know if it gets to the point of tossing your cookies over the fucked up shit your girlfriend is doing to you, it’s time to leave.

Thankfully Tony called Willa’s bluff this time and kicked her out. In spite of Willa’s begging, pleading and no doubt lying through her teeth, Tony stood her ground and told her to get out.

Willa swore up and down that she could never go back to her husband. That she was confused and wanted to be sure it was really over before she fully committed to Tony. I think she even threw in there, that he had bullied her into sleeping with him and that somehow she had actually done it for Tony. But whatever lies came spilling out of her, Tony told her she had to go.

But being the chivalrous and just plain too nice person she is, Tony told Willa she could hang onto the car for a few weeks till she got back on her feet. Since apparently Tony did believe her when Willa promised she wouldn’t be moving back into her husband’s house. But instead would be staying at her sister’s.

I really wish this were the end of the story. But it’s not.

To be continued.

Basically, I love Ellen and if she weren’t already married and I was single, I would totally hold out hopes for running into her some day. Hey, everyone has a celebrity dream-lover and now you know mine.

So when Remi showed me this video of my wife on You Tube, I had to share.

I’m sure most of you have already seen it, but I don’t have TV anymore so I’m always the last to see anything.

Having laid out all those disclaimers, I say fuckit ….. here’s what’s on my mind right now.

Taxes are coming up. Remi and I are living together, sharing a house, all bills, cars and oh, did I tell you? We just opened up a joint bank account and I am officially in charge of all the bill paying. When I told Lana this, she just looked at me and said, “Duhhhh … you are the wife! That’s what wives do.” Then continued to choke me, since we were in krav class at the time.

Wife? Am not!

Errrr …. wait. Yes, it has been pointed out to me more then once that for all intent and purposes, Remi and I could be interchangeable with characters on Mad Men. For anyone not familiar, that’s a show that takes place in the 50’s or early 60’s, complete with hubby that wears suits and leaves every morning for work. While wifey stays home with the kiddies, cooking, cleaning and attempting to look perfect whenever her man is around. Alright …. so there are a few similarities and by a few I mean ALL OF THEM.

But I’m no wife. I didn’t sign any legal document. I didn’t say any vows in front of God and all our friends. I didn’t wear a fabulous dress and throw an amazing bash celebrating our love. But even more important, and let’s not mince words here: I do not have a ring on my “I’m married or at least engaged” finger. So while I may be doing all the duties and enjoying all the benefits, sans all federal ones, of being wed to the woman of my dreams, I am by no legal means, a wife.

While Remi and I have on occasion, lackadaisically day dreamed aloud about a “someday,” “far off,” “down the road,” “maybe,” “probably” wedding, there are no immediate or even intermediate plans for such a festive day.

We have talked about and think that sure, someday when we have plenty of money to do it right we probably will. Hopefully by then we’ll be in our dream house with more money then worries and then and only then will we tie the knot. Maybe.

However and this is where my logical, rational brain gets in the way …. I have been hearing from other gays that there are possibly some big tax breaks for people who are domestic partners. I heard from more then one source that if we were domestic partners we could get back at least $6,000 on our taxes!!!! What???

Now I don’t know if this is true or not, but we are seeing her tax dude next week to get the low down. But for arguments sake, let’s go with that figure.

This is what I’m thinking and tell me if I’m loopy. But say we’re together for the next 5 years before we decide to get “married.” (domestic partnership is all we’ve got so far) But during those 5 years we are already living as a married couple. In EVERY way, financially, emotionally, etc. If Remi were able to really get that big of a tax break then it would be about $30,000 that we would or wouldn’t have depending on whether or not we put our names on that dotted line.

Does anyone see where I’m going with this? Why give the government all that money when they already screw us nine ways from Sunday just for being gay?!

The flip side of that is, are we cheating ourselves out of what should be the most beautiful day of our lives for the almighty green back? Are we rushing something that should NEVER EVER be hurried? Are we putting too much pressure on our relationship too soon? Well, I don’t think that’s valid since we’ve been together a while now. But here is where Remi’s age comes into play. Remember she’s 7 years younger then me. So while I may be ready for something like this, she clearly is not.

Don’t even get me started on the slippery slope this starts my brain sliding down. I’ll try to stay with the topic at hand which is cold, hard cash.

Is it the smart thing to do, to file domestic partnership papers to save some serious dough, when we’re already living those roles anyway?

Is it wrong to do it for the money, and then keep it a secret from our friends and family (which by the way if you fall into that category, kindly have your memory wiped after you read this blog.) until later when we can afford to throw a big fancy wedding?

I don’t think I could sign those papers without it really meaning a lot to me, even if it was just to save money that we’re entitled to anyway. But then I think I would be tricking myself into feeling like there was more between us then there really was. Ugh!!!! See what I mean?

I feel like we screw ourselves financially if we wait. But we could screw ourselves even more if we do it for the wrong reasons. Then again, it would be real for me, but maybe not for her? Not yet anyways.

Another thing that Remi has brought up before is that I have been engaged before. To men and several times at that. For a while, my nickname was the Runaway Bride because I had called several weddings off. I know that bothers her a little bit. But I wish she would believe me that I ran away from those men because I didn’t realize I was a lesbian yet. I was in denial but I knew it was wrong to marry them. I did them a favor. Believe me.

But now, it’s all different. I’m totally and utterly committed to her. Even if we’re never legally bound to one another, I’m in it for the long haul. This is it for me.

Which is why it bugs the crap out of me to think of us wasting so much money!!!

What do you think?

HYPOMANIA

(from Wikipedia)

Hypomania (literally, below mania) is a mood state characterized by persistent and pervasive elevated or irritable mood, and thoughts and behaviors that are consistent with such a mood state. People experiencing hypomanic symptoms typically have a flight of ideas, a decreased need for sleep and/or rest, are extremely outgoing and daring, and have a great deal of energy. However, unlike full-blown mania, those with hypomanic systems are generally fully functioning. Specifically, it is distinguished from mania by the absence of psychotic symptoms and by its lower degree of impact on functioning. Hypomania is a feature of two mood disorders: bipolar II disorder and cyclothymia, but can also occur in schizoaffective disorder. Hypomania is sometimes credited with increasing creativity and productive energy. A number of people with creative talents have reportedly experienced hypomania or other symptoms of bipolar disorder and attribute their success to it. Classic symptoms of hypomania include mild euphoria, a flood of ideas, endless energy, and a desire and drive for success. A lesser form of “hypomania” is called hyperthymia, which is essentially a normal human emotion commonly called happiness.

One of the only up sides to being bipolar is the occasional hypo-manic stages. These are times that you have just a bit more energy then you really need, you’re super productive, unbelievably creative but you’re not soooooo manic that you’re self-destructive. It’s like being the Goddess of Multi-Tasking.

It’s also the time that you can get enough work done in a week to make up for the three months you spent in bed crying. Incase you haven’t figured it out, I think I just may be in the early stages of a hypo-manic episode which, keeping my fingers crossed …. will last long enough for me to accomplish the following list of lofty goals:

1. Finish two theses that have been the bane of my existence for the last 3 years!!!
2. Finish the floors in our house, which have been a twin bane for the same 3 years or so.
3. Last but not least lose about 30 pounds in the next 35 days.

All three of these things have a dead line. Can you guess what it is? Yep, that’s right Dinah Shore.

No I really don’t want to hear how unhealthy a crash diet is, or how I shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on myself … bla bla bla.

I only want to hear positive things, like, “You go Sasha! You can do it!!! Rah rah, sis boom bah!” Stuff like that. OK? Thank you.

So here’s a recap, ‘cuz we all know how much I love those. Just ask Remi. Almost every night, right before we go to bed, in the dark she usually has to hear, “OK, so let’s recap …. bleh bleh bleh … yada yada yada. Goodnight.”

God bless her, she never tells me to shut up. She just smiles, listens to me list off a dozen things on my mental “To Do list” and then kisses me goodnight.

Oh yea, as I was saying …… by the time we head off to Dinah Shore I am hoping that our house will be at least acceptable to have guests over, I will be A LOT thinner and I’ll be able to legitimately use the prefix Dr. when we sign in at the Renaissance.

If I’m able to pull off in a month, what I’ve been putting off for over 3 years …. I’m going to feel pretty darn good about myself. If however, I crash before then and once again postpone all my projects, well …. then I guess I’ll just suck.

But for now, I’m throwing down the gauntlet and I’m picking it up! (Just call me Sybil) I feel like the old quote, “If you’re not playing a big enough game, you’ll screw up the one you are playing, just to give yourself something to do” is very apropos.

So please, just wish me luck and pray, for my sake and Remi’s that for once I’ll have good timing.

I think Tony was avoiding me for a few days, because I didn’t hear from her for more then a week. When I finally did get a call, it was to tell me that yes, she did indeed get Willa a Mercedes. But I was not to jump down her throat before I heard her out. Here is her lame defense, “Well I didn’t buy her a car. I simply traded in the Caddy for a Mercedes and I’m letting her drive it. It’s still in my name so it’s not like she can just drive off with it.”

Uh huh. OK, I guess this was better then buying her a $50,000 ring that she could turn around and pawn. But still, it was pretty freakin’ early in the relationship to be taking on a ginormous car loan for someone. But whatever.

It seemed like everything was going pretty smoothly for them and I actually let myself hope that maybe, just maybe Willa wasn’t all bad. The divorce seemed to be going through. Tony was happy. Willa was pampered. All was right in the world.

Until late one Saturday night, a little after midnight my phone rang and it was a very upset Tony. Willa hadn’t been home since Friday afternoon. She wasn’t answering her cell phone and she couldn’t find her anywhere. Poor Tony had even called all the hospitals to see if there had been an accident.

When she finally did hear from Willa it was a flippant little text stating, “Hey babe I drank a little too much wine last night and stayed at my friend’s house.” Which was a lie became Tony had already called that friend and knew she hadn’t seen her all week.

Tony was beside herself. First she had been scared to death that Willa had been in some horrible automobile accident, for which she was actually blaming herself for getting her such a fast car. (Can you believe that!?) Then when she knew she was alright, she was furious and justifiably so, concerned as to whether or not she was being cheated on. Hmmmmmm????? I wonder? <—– insert sarcasm here.

Willa finally found her way home early Sunday morning. At which point, she somehow turned the whole thing around and blamed Tony for being jealous and controlling. She actually had the nerve to pack a bag and storm out of Tony’s, telling her she would come back when Tony had calmed down and was ready to apologize!!!!!!

Grrrrr arrrgghhhhh!!!! Let me at her!!!! I was so ready to slap the shit out of her at this point!!!!! I had never heard Tony so upset and hurt in all the years I had known her. Who the hell did this woman think she was treating my friend like this?

Tony is a very intelligent, successful woman yet for some reason she’s totally dumb struck by this chick. While my advice to her was to change the locks and throw Willa’s crap out on the side walk, Tony decided to give her another chance.

So she called her to talk about it.

But wait. There’s no answer. Willa had turned off her phone, taken the Mercedes and disappeared. Again.

For Valentine’s Day this year, she bought me a Mini Cooper!
Then yesterday she bought me an new little pocket camcorder so I can start video blogging, or vlogging as it’s called.

If it sounds like she spoils me, it’s because she does. Lately I’ve been having to pinch myself to remind myself that all this good stuff is actually happening … to me! I guess it’s just been so long (more like never before) that life has been this easy and this good. I’m afraid to get too comfortable in it. I don’t know about you, but I almost feel like if I let myself relax and enjoy it, that I might jinx it somehow. Do you know what I mean?

It’s just so hard for me to really believe that I found someone this amazing. A woman that still loves me after bipolar episodes take us on monumental, emotional roller coasters on a regular basis. Someone that goes to work every day and never complains that I can’t work on a regular basis. Someone that takes care of me more then I would ever really want to admit to. But the fact is, I need someone like that … I need her.

Being vulnerable in relationships has never been my strong suit. I have a modus operandi and that is to bolt at the slightest hint of the other person pulling away from the relationship, at all. Which is why I have a flawless record of always being the one who walks away first.

But for the first time, I don’t want to walk away. Ever. And that scares the living daylights out of me. To actually admit that not only do I love her this much, but I’ve come to depend on her in more ways then I can count. It actually makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it right now.

I worry that one of my “episodes” will just scare her away one of these days. Believe me, there have been some major doozies and the fact that she’s never wavered in her commitment to me, not even for a second is something that just seems too good to be true.

But let me ask you, am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by not living in the moment and always worrying that things will not last? I feel like I’m totally cheating both of us by worrying about something that might never happen instead of being fully present in the now, which is actually pretty fucking awesome right now.

Geeeez!!!! I really need to lighten up, be thankful and just enjoy the ride.

Will someone please kick some sense into me?!

What could possibly come next, you might wonder? Well hold on to your seats ladies, because it’s about to get really bumpy for our friend Tony here ….

It wasn’t more then a few weeks into living together, before Willa came to Tony asking for a new car. Now Tony is a rather successful woman and already had two very nice cars in the garage. Her BMW SUV and Cadillac CTS that she rarely ever used. Common sense would have thrown up a giant red flag that read “Gold digger!” But apparently the only red thing she saw waving in the air were Willa’s panties.

As horny as any red blooded lesbian might be under similar circumstances, reason would have still said, “Well sure honey. Why don’t you tool around town in the Caddy?”

I don’t think anyone would have said that was less then generous on Tony’s part. But no, that wasn’t good enough. Why would Willa want a  second hand Caddy (2009 BTW) when she figured Tony had the means of getting her into a Mercedes?

Yep, I can hear the collective groans now as you all read this …. “N o!  D o n  ’t  d o  i t!” – as we all yell in slow motion, unable to stop the inevitable collision of Tony’s heart and wallet against the cold hard concrete we’re all too sure Willa will eventually smash it into.

But like the true gentlemen that she is, she took her to the car dealership later that week. But not before calling me and having this little conversation:

Tony: “Hey Sasha, you used to be in the jewelry business right?”

Sasha: “Yea ….why?” I asked suspiciously. My dykey senses were tingling already.

Tony: “Do you still have some connections in that world?”

Sasha: “Yea …. why?” Suspicion literally dripping from my every word.

Tony: “What do you think a 3 to 5 carat diamond, marquise cut would run?”

Screeeeeeeeeeech!!!!!!!!! Hold on, this is a woman that I have never seen wear any more jewelry then a watch. Now all of a sudden she’s asking me about diamonds, carat weight and cut? This is not my friend. This is an alien impostor that has stolen her body.

Sasha: “You have got to be kidding me?!!! Are you out of your ever-loving mind! You barely know this woman! She’s STILL fucking married!!!!!! You are NOT thinking about buying her a a $50,000 ring are you??!!!! Are you!!!????”

See, this is when you know that you’re really good friends. When you can yell at the top of your lungs, swearing at your friend and questioning her sanity and all she says back is …

Tony: “So can you help me find a good deal or not?”

Grrrr arrrrrrrghhhh ….. my blood was boiling. I wanted to look this woman, Willa in the face and tell her that I saw right through her and that if I had anything to do with it, Tony would to.

After about an hour of me trying to talk her out of it, she told me that if I didn’t help her she would go by herself and probably be taken for a shmuck and pay way too much. If I was her friend I would help her. I had made my feelings abundantly clear and now the only thing I could do was to help her out.

Of course I agreed to do this. But not without talking a little sense into her first. I made her  promise to at least wait 3 more months before buying the ring. If in 3 months she was still gung ho over the idea, then yes, of course I would help her buy the most amazing ring for the she-devil currently scamming my friend.

Three months is not long at all … but it was all the time i could buy.

Meanwhile however, Willa was test-driving Mercedes …

Would you be a fool for a woman like this?

One of my good friends is going through some pretty serious lesbian drama. I wouldn’t be blogging about it, if she hadn’t given me permission. That’s how serious it is. Let me fill you in a little ….

For her privacy and the purpose of this blog, we’ll be calling my friend, Tony.

Tony is someone that I dated briefly about 8 years ago. She was more of my knight in shining armor whenever I got screwed over by my current love affair. She was the one I would call and she always came running. Ready and willing to take me in for the night, or weekend.

But I was an idiot back then and didn’t fully appreciate what a good catch she was. Years later, we’ve grown into good friends, sans the rebound sex. So while I’m now in a committed relationship, I can look at Tony objectively and see that she deserves to be happy with a good woman. If only life were that easy.

Remember how I mentioned Tony’s penchant for playing the hero, coming to the rescue of any helpless femme?? While that may be one of her best qualities, it’s also her biggest weakness.

Enter Willa. I’ll call her Willa because she could be Willa Ford’s twin sister. Tony met Willa about 4 months ago. It was a whirlwind romance. Before two weeks were up, they were living together. Both very successful women in their chosen fields. It seemed too perfect to be true …. and so it was.

It wasn’t too long after Willa moved into Tony’s that we found out Willa was married. To a man!

Not only did Tony not see this coming, she was floored that she was bisexual. A tiny detail Willa had never mentioned. But Tony was too far gone. Instead of kicking her to the curb, Tony paid for an excellent divorce lawyer to free Willa from a miserable marriage.

OK, as her friend, this did not leave a warm and fuzzy feeling in my tummy for Willa or what I feared she would put Tony through …. as time has passed, I have not been proven wrong yet.

This story is too long for a single blog and Tony deserves more time for me to get her story out there … you’ll see what I mean in the coming installments of what is quickly becoming more of a saga then a fairytale.

FYI: Willa is not aware of my blog. After all, she’s a married woman living a hetero-life up until 4 months ago. So she’s not exactly in the know for all things dykey. Tony however doesn’t mind me sharing her story with you, because she realizes she’s too caught up in the woman to be objective. After reading some of the brutally honest comments people have left me in the past, she’s hoping to get some fresh perspectives from you, the reader.

So don’t hold back as the story unfolds. Please, tell it like you see it …. Lord knows I’ve been doing that, but does ANYONE ever listen to me?????

At the time I bought into the hype. I thought that we were all really friends. That we had each others back and would be there for each other through thick and thin. Of course, assuming everyone actually stayed thin enough to remain a member of this pseudo-soriety. But over time, in-fighting, dating & breaking-up within the group lead to the inevitable fractioning off and eventual disintegration of the entire so-called sisterhood of the “Walking Awesome” … their name, not mine.

I was left pretty much betrayed, hurt and confused as to what I did to earn so much disdain from fellow ex-members. So what if I made-out with someone’s best-friend one drunken night, seeking comfort from a crappy relationship I was in at the time?  It wasn’t like she was with that person anyways. Not to mention, it wasn’t anyone’s business. But other then that one incident, the fall out that ensued was beyond me. However I quickly got over it and moved on.

I mean hey, I was in a happy relationship with Remi. Good riddance to poisonous relationships. We made a pact with one another that we would be more picky about the people we let into our lives from now on. Only good, kind hearted people would be allowed in to share our lives. Period. And if that meant friends were few and far between then so be it.

I’m glad we made that decision and stuck to it. Because now, when we look around at our life we realize that we have made a new group of friends. Every single one of them are kind, smart and funny people that we love to share our time and lives with. The only thing that surprises me about our group of friends, that is quickly becoming more like family then anything else, is that they are all straight! With the exception of a few of Remi’s good friends that she’s had forever, all our new friends are as straight as they  come!

There’s Lana, a girl so straight I had to buy her a tee-shirt that says, “I love DICK” for her to wear to Girl Bar, just to be sure she doesn’t give anyone the wrong impression. Then there’s Rod, a truly amazing guy friend we met through Lana who told me, in all seriousness one night he wanted to be my beard. But after further discussion realized that the title, “Lesbro” was more fitting. There’s a few other friends from our fight gym that are sweet and beautiful girls. They’re so conservative in their political and religious views, I never would have thought we would hit it off so well. But that just goes to show you, never judge a girl by her skinny jeans. There are more and I’m sure over time, I’ll blog about all of them individually. But it warms my heart to know that I have some good friends now that I can trust and trust me.

Oh, as I’m writing this I just asked Lana if she wanted to go to Girl Bar with us next Friday and she said yes! This will be her very first time at a lesbian bar. This should be interesting.

So as it turns out, having your sexual orientation as the only common denominator as the basis for life-long friendship??? Um …. yea … doesn’t always work out. But having things like sense of humor, hobbies, values, personalities in common, regardless of which way your door swings, makes for a solid foundation to build, hopefully some life long friendships on.

So now, Remi and I are the token lesbian couple at all our weekly hangout sessions. But honestly, no one cares. Our sexuality doesn’t make a difference to our new friends. We’re all just friends and that’s the way it should have been all along.

First piece of AWESOMENESS is that Card Carrying Lesbian has been nominated, again this year for Best Lesbian Personal Blog!!!! Last year I think I was in the best new lesbian blog. I didn’t win last year, but the cliche saying, “It’s an honor just to be nominated” is so true!

So please don’t be shy, vote for me!

(Apparently you will be sent a confirmation email that you must click in order for your vote to be counted.)

OK, now for the second piece of AWESOMENESS ….. drum roll puhleeeeeeez ……..
I got a brand new MINI Cooper!!!!

Yep, that’s right. I officially have the most amazing, perfect, generous, wonderful girlfriend in the entire world! Remi and I bought our new baby, that we have named Belmont at Long Beach Mini this last Wednesday.

It’s a 2010 Mini Cooper S Clubman and I am truly in love with my new car! But even more in love with Remi then ever. Not just because she bought us a new car, but because it was a really big step to buy something this big! Which says a lot about how she feels about our future together. Basically, this just renewed and confirmed our commitment to each other. Nothing says you’re serious about someone like buying them a new car.

OK, so just so you all know, in case anyone ELSE wants to do this, here’s the website: http://www.q2dspeeddating.com/

Apparently there’s a lesbian speed dating event at the end of the month at the Abbey!!! So of course, I wanted to go, but it’s already full. Phooey.

But there is one in Long Beach this Friday. I would go but Remi’s working so it would just be me, by myself and somehow that defeats the purpose and just looks REALLY bad. But I wanted to get the word out in case any of you single ladies didn’t have anything planned this weekend. Go! And then tell us all about it.

First of all, my friend Lana is single, straight and recently took a vow of “Yes.” She swore to herself that she would say “Yes” to any and all social events, given that they don’t include nudity or felonious behavior. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t blatantly exploit this situation to my amusement? No, really … I would never do anything to hurt her. But I will try to push her out of her comfort zone. Enter: Speed Dating.

I had a flash of brilliance one night, that we should take Lana to speed dating event. But we can’t very well throw her to wolves and tell her we’ll be back in an hour. So we promised her we would do it with her. Yep, Remi and I are going to pretend to be straight, single gals one of these nights to help push Lana back into the dating game.

That’s all fine and well … no harm done to unsuspecting men. I figure I’ll use my fake gypsy accent and call myself Esmerelda. I’ll be so out of my mind eccentric no man in his right man would pick me anyways. As for my lovely girlfriend, Remi, playing a straight girl? Well I don’t know how I’ll hold back the laughter and will seriously wonder if  any man there will buy it or are they really that blind, dumb and horny that a girl that looks that gay would ever really want to date them?

Okay, so maybe lying to a room full of men about ourselves is forgivable …. and then again, maybe it’s not but I’m still going to do it. The real question is how horrible would it be if we do the same thing at a Lesbian Speed Dating Event? With Lana in tow as an honorary lesbian for the night? I mean hey, we’ve already brought up the possibility of opening up our relationship for Dinah Shore. Maybe this could be a test run?

While I always swore that when I finally did go to Dinah it would be first class all the way, I never planned on being in a serious relationship for my maiden voyage into the lesbian seas of Dinah Shore. But as fate would have it, I am. While we are staying at one of the host hotels, the Renaissance, for the four days of excess and indulgence, we are still in a committed relationship. Therein lies the rub: What’s the point in going to a lesbian spring break when I can’t indulge in a simple little fling here and there?

Remi and I have toyed with the idea of opening up our relationship a little bit for Dinah. I know, I know, I can hear the groans from here! Our closest friends have advised against this bone head move. But I can’t help myself, I want to have the “Dinah Shore experience” as cheesy as that sounds, I really think being able to make out with random, hot women in the elevator or pool is a key point in making that happen.

We keep going back and forth about this. One week, we’re feeling super lovey-dovey and the thought of even looking at another girl seems wrong. But then there are those days when we’re fighting or just not feeling overly romantic and the idea of a little healthy flirting doesn’t sound so evil. I hate to admit it, but sometimes, we feel more like best friends then lovers. It’s those times that I think our relationship could stand a little healthy jealousy to jump start the passion. When better then at a lesbian smorgasbord of such magnitude as Dinah Shore?

If we do this, there will be strict rules. Like no one comes back to the room. No actual sex. No one we know in our real lives. You know, stuff like that. But above all else, we’ve sworn not to be another Dinah Shore casualty. I am well aware of the countless relationships that have fallen by the wayside during this week of debauchery and I refuse to add my name to that list of heart broken women that were swayed away from their loves by the sirens of the White Party.

But here’s where you come in.  Any and all advice, shared experiences or just all out ranting about opening one’s relationship for a limited time only, please don’t hold back. I want to hear from you!