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“Find Your Voice” by Elegy

By Guest Writer, Elegy

Find your voice. It’s a scary thought to some, I know. But what terrifies me the most is when your voice is comprised solely of whomever you’re dating or living with at the time. It’s disconcerting to say the least. You have no voice, you don’t even know who you are. How do you expect to live like this? You’re going to wake up, you’ll be withered and grey; and when you squint, finally able to see in the dusty mirror how much of life has passed you by, unlived.

There is something about you that people can’t help but notice. It’s probably not a bad thing, or a good thing- it just is. It’s something about you that you can’t help but hear- everywhere around you, someone you know has commented on it. Maybe it’s as obvious as you always wear red boots, or you squint a lot when you’re mauling something over.

I’m vaguely curious about what that thing is. I want to know if you’re ashamed of it; I want to know why. I want to know if you’re proud of it, indifferent to it- why? Why not?  I want to know why you don’t use it to your advantage. How you use it to your advantage.

I have a thing.



I have a few things. Some of them I never noticed, some of them I let float in and out of my conscious gaze. There’s my neck- apparently it’s long. More noticeably is the way I walk, everyone seems to comment on it at some point. I honestly am not quite sure how it is, I’d imagine it’s influenced from various styles of runway, either way it does not go unnoticed. I’m just walking, but apparently it’s more than that- there’s a draw to it, an allure.

There’s this other thing. Until early this year this thing had no name, and I may have even viewed it as some sort of flaw to polish, or discard all together at a later date. This thing is my tendency to come into someone’s life like a hurricane, and leave like a fox. I won’t hang out, I don’t want to talk. This isn’t a reflection on the company, but rather my own preference to be with my thoughts, to analyze and think on my experiences, and the energy exchanged. I used to apologize for this aloofness- sometimes I still find myself doing it. But now, now I’m seeing it with clarity; I’ve read about how this very trait is the reason why people have lusted after my company. If this is the case, it’s quite the powerful skill, why wouldn’t I hone it instead of letting it strike out haphazardly?

So I ask again: what is it about you that people notice? What obscure thing in your possession is significant to you? Do you like it? Can you use it? Maybe you’re already using it, and never noticed. When I realized that my obscure little thing was a weapon, I took a conscious step towards learning to wield it, and when to put it away.

14 Responses to ““Find Your Voice” by Elegy”

  1. RadDyke February 17, 2012 at 10:08 am Permalink

    Damn, grrl. I love your writing. Again, we are quite similar. I too do the hurricane/fox thing…but unlike you, I don’t like it or want to hone it. I fear it. Instead I long to be consistent, to keep myself, my energy at the same place throughout the entire friendship/relationship. I have a hard enough time attracting people towards me (as friends), that knowing that the initial intrigue will wear off and then I’m there…until all of the sudden, I’m not….well, it’s detrimental to me. I find myself only doing it for those people who seem to care about me more than I care about them, which is problematic in itself, but once I realize the disparity, I’m gone. Just…poof. And I know that’s slightly different from what you described, but I still identified with that.

    Also, this runway walk makes me smile. Love it. Cowgirl used to tell me I walked “prissy”. Needless to say, I changed that shit real fast. :D

  2. Femmelover February 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm Permalink

    My,my,my…would I like to see that walk! :)

  3. Jazmenha February 17, 2012 at 4:52 pm Permalink

    Great post. For me everyone constantly notice two things- the color of my eyes and my very extravagantly creative collection of 5 inch heels that I wear everyday.

  4. Elegy February 17, 2012 at 7:42 pm Permalink

    Thanks for the compliments, and for sharing, guys. ^_^ I’m still exhausted, too much so for in depth comments, but I just wanted to share that.

  5. Sarah M. February 18, 2012 at 7:51 am Permalink

    a “catwalk” is a very sexy and powerful trait. hottness points across the board for you!!!!

    hmm…physical? i always get compliments on my lips and ass. i think it’s hilarious that i used to get picked on for them when i was a kid! do i use these assets to my advantage now! oh you bet. when i saw a boi i liked i wear clothes that accentuate my curves! i do this for raye now on days she’s not working. as far as using my lips to my advantage … umm…

    personality wise? i’m blunt, short, to the point. my advantage, it keeps people from walking all over me. and my friends know that i don’t lie to them about anything! lol! i hate it when i get misunderstood (it happens lol). or i get so outspoken that i don’t even think how it might effect the person i’m talking to. i feel really bad when that happens and i have to try and figure out another way to word.

  6. Sarah M. February 18, 2012 at 7:52 am Permalink

    by the way. thanks for this blog elegy. it’s empowering ;)

  7. Jazmenha February 18, 2012 at 8:37 am Permalink

    Elegy I love your style of writing. In my opinion it can best be describe as powerfully sexy and empowering lesbian self- help ;) increasing one’s on sense of self worth in this crazy ass world. Keep up the wonderful writing you are very talented.

  8. Novia February 19, 2012 at 12:14 am Permalink

    I like this post Elegy. It really prompts one to think and analyze themselves.

    Physically, people always notice how tall I am. I used to be self conscious until I realised that it is a very good thing…it allows me to have endless legs. ;-)
    I have been accused of having alot of energy… so much so that when I walk it seems that I’m bouncing up and down. :-D

  9. Novia February 19, 2012 at 12:46 am Permalink

    Oh, I found a way to use my height as a tool of sorts. I have not come out to my parents…its a long story. Anyway, whenever my mother asks me about a boyfriend, I usually tell her that all the guys I know are far too short, and because she doesn’t have a comeback, she drops it.
    And what Sarah said :”I get so outspoken that i don’t even think how it might effect the person i’m talking to. i feel really bad when that happens and i have to try and figure out another way to word.” That happens to me as well a lot. I don’t regret it when I’m trying not to be misunderstood, but I do regret it when its my girlfriend that gets hurt.

  10. Kenda February 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm Permalink

    Wow Elegy, what a great question. It’s like you’re out there pointing a finger at what’s right about us. And so often, we and people we know point out what’s wrong.

    Hmmm, I’m going to have to think about this, but that’s your intention, right?

  11. Elegy February 20, 2012 at 8:10 pm Permalink

    Whooo, I’ve finally got some energy back, so I wanted to dedicate it to this post!

    Rad Dyke:
    “Instead I long to be consistent, to keep myself, my energy at the same place throughout the entire friendship/relationship.”

    Bear in mind that a relationship without highs and lows, it doesn’t provide for growth.

    Sarah:
    “do i use these assets to my advantage now! ”

    Haha, go Sarah!

    And thanks for the catwalk compliments, Sarah and Femmelover. I swear I’m just getting from point A to point B, haha, but it’s consistently pointed out by both people who have known for a while, and who just met me.

    Jaz:
    “In my opinion it can best be describe as powerfully sexy and empowering lesbian self- help”

    Novia and Kenda:
    “I like this post Elegy. It really prompts one to think and analyze themselves. ”
    “Hmmm, I’m going to have to think about this, but that’s your intention, right?”
    Damn right! I’m so happy people find this helpful, it started out as a venting post.

  12. Kenda February 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm Permalink

    Ok so here’s one – I haven’t gotten this lately, but friends used to always tell me I looked “taken” and that I never noticed the guys who were checking me out. I guess this worked to my advantage in keeping some guys away and maybe, in hindsight, being a hello/clue to me. *snickers*.

    The other is something I think we all have, and that is presence or a certain energy. And it seems to have something like a dial adjustment to it. Like somedays you walk into a coffee house and everyone turns to look. And everyone’s nice to you. Other days it just ain’t there and people can be downright rude. I suppose if I could figure out how to control this, I would be pretty powerful. And wealthy. For now, I just ride the wave when it’s there. Lol.

  13. Jin February 23, 2012 at 4:28 am Permalink

    I’ve only recently started reading ccl and this is the first time something really shouted at me to comment. I love this post. Love it. My girl anf I have been together for nearly ten years and we’re both thirty. At this age its easy to get so wrapped up in someone you forget who you are. I’ve been that person and it nearly killed me. I realized recently that I no longer knew who I was, and how the hell am I supposed to teach our ten year old how to stay true to himself when I haven’t done the same? So I startted reclaiming who I am. Turns out I’m a giant southern nerd. Yes I carry a wallet shaped like a ninentendo controller. Yes I wear batman tshirts and crazy glasses. Yes I am the woman who can outplay anyone I know on a video game.
    Thank you for this post. Its brilliant.

  14. Elegy February 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm Permalink

    LOL! You go, nerd-woman!

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