This seems to be a topic Remi and I keep coming back to: Open relationships. Very recently a woman came into our lives that has reignited this topic. Oh wait, I haven’t told you about her yet? Well let me fill you in a bit 
……
It actually starts before Remi and I ever began. There was this girl that Remi was “dating”? …. I used quotation marks and a question mark because that is debatable. But in the very beginning of our relationship we got into a HUGE fight over this woman because she wanted to bring her to my birthday party. Which was fine with me until Remi let it slide that she was the last woman she had slept with before me. At which point, I was not a happy camper that my brand new girlfriend wanted to bring her most recent lover to my birthday. 
So that left a bad taste in my mouth about this other woman, at no fault of her own. Over the years they remained friends but I refused to meet with her. I felt a little jealous??? I’m not sure but I avoided meeting her.
Then last month at Long Beach Pride, I see this tall, gorgeous model with legs that reached up to heaven smiling and coming straight at us!!!! It was her. It was Remi’s past lover/current friend bounding towards us like a gazelle. Only I was the deer caught in headlights!!
Yes, this is actually her.
This amazon of perfection introduced herself to me with the warmest smile and hug ever. I immediately liked her and was more then slightly impressed with my wife for having shared an intimate moment with this gorgeous creature at one time or another.
We immediately hit it off. And I mean IMMEDIATELY. There was a bit of a spark. We couldn’t really stop touching each other! And Remi was more then a little amused.
Our night together was cut short because my new friend, who I’ll call Lena (because that’s actually her name and she’s not shy about anything) had come with a separate group of friends who were leaving early. But it definitely crossed my mind to ask her to stay the night with us in our room at the Marriott.
After she left, Remi admitted that knew we would get along, but had NO idea just how well we would get along! I wasted no time and asked her that night, “So you’d be OK with a threesome with her?”
To which Remi replied, “Hmmmm ….. that might work.”
Well no duh! You guys saw her picture, what woman wouldn’t mind?! But this brought up a lot of interesting conversations. Things that I will have to blog about in several upcoming posts. Including more about Remi and Lena’s history and why I’m so OK with us all hanging out now on a regular basis. But in the mean time, I can tell you that we have taken a baby step into slightly opening the door of our relationship and that baby step is allowing each other a little harmless flirting here and there. We might be married, but we aren’t dead.
No kidding it would be easy to want an open relationship if that walked in. It’s a question of what’s worth the risk, isn’t it?
Haha, best of luck! I got a heads up of that from your facebook and what can I say? You gals make a handsome trio.
Wtf. Your life should be a reality show.
Really!?? Why can’t my life be like this? Oh wait, I live in bumfuckmiddleamerica. Damn, Remi is one lucky bastard. A sexy wife and beautiful women like that in her past?! I need to move to LA.
Lol, Elegy you picked up on the chemistry from that one pic on FB? Can’t get anything past you!!
Wow….fantasy land…too bad it wasn’t me
Me:
*Raises eyebrow* They’re looking quite content together… *Sees FB comment intereaction, brow raises so high it vacates her face* Mhmmmmm.
And now this: vindication! XD
Ok been a reader/lurker for about a year now and after reading your old posts before getting married, I thought you had the most amazing experiences as a lesbian. Things I can only dream of living here in Utah. Then you got married and as expected your writing got a little more tame. But now this. Holy hell woman, you really do lead a glamorous life compared to some of us. I’ve been thinking about moving to CA and the photo of your friend makes me think I really should risk it.
*Interacted
That is completely normal Sasha, My girl and I do this as well. But a word of warning, always communicate with Remi no matter what it is. With healthy communication of what both you two want and where you see things going, this is completely workable for a relationship.
If you want do it, go for it! Relationships are constantly changing, try it out if it doesn’t work for you and Remi at least you have no regrets or lingering what-ifs. Open relationships are no different than any other: be honest about your expectations and needs.
Oh, how does your new friend feel about this? Tell us more, lol.
No.
I know of a couple of poly couples, but they are heterosexual couples wherein at least one partner is queer.
I tried the open relationship thing twice – once with a female ex which led to our relationship’s demise. And once with a male ex – because I was trying to get him to let me date women. Don’t think I’d go for it again. But good luck to you and Remi.
Continue to be honest with each other (including being honest with yourself). Continue to respect, value and appreciate all parties involved (including yourself). She IS hot (OMG) so I see the interest. However, be careful that things don’t snowball into something that wraps emotions , fears, histories, human insecurities into a twisted ball of pain and regret. On the other hand this could create something beautiful and result in the powerful experience and a magical bond. What is meant to be will be. Good luck and have fun.
To clarify my ” have fun” I mean don’t get hurt. Keep things positive and be careful.
Looks like I’m going to be the only one that thinks this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Of course it sounds exciting & intriguing, she’s beautiful, but I think that unless both of you aren’t capable of being jealous or insecure in your relationship at all & never have been then it seems like a sure fire way to eventually ruin your marriage.
Have you ever been around three little girls playing together? Two of them always end up leaving one crying. There’s a lot behind the saying “three is a crowd”.
The real question for both of you to ask yourselves is ” is it worth the possibility of losing my wife”?
I’ll love you both no matter what you decide to do but my gut has been telling me this is bad news since you first started posting on fb with her.
Oh Lana, I agree wholeheartedly (see my above comment about my relationship’s demise – she was the one I’ve loved above all others as well). It’s like a lot of things that sound awesome and glamorous, until someone gets hurt.
My ex and I could NOT handle it, in part because she claimed she didn’t get jealous (while I plainly stated I did) but she sure as hell acted like it, in a passive-aggressive and cruel way that I’ve never forgiven her for.
I’ve also been the third in a three way with two lesbians. I wasn’t really into either one of them (they wanted me to watch and then join in), but I constantly checked in with the more jealous one of the couple to make sure she was okay with everything. I was an awesome and considerate third
*pats self on back*
If your third doesn’t do that, and doesn’t realize that her role is, well, to provide sex to the two of you (and while this sounds distinctly unglamorous, the third’s role is pretty much like that of a prostitute – be there to service the couple – and DO NOT get emotionally entangled with either member of the couple – and then leave), then it won’t be good. Yes, some couples actually make the third a third partner, but even in polyamorous couples there is often a “main partner” and side partners.
Read The Ethical Slut before so much as a kiss is exchanged. Trust me on that one.
And as Lana mentioned, do be prepared to lose your marriage over this. Will it definitely happen? No. But is it a distinct possibility? Yes. Yes, it is.
Lana I agree with you- I wrote “However, be careful that things don’t snowball into something that wraps emotions , fears, histories, human insecurities into a twisted ball of pain and regret. ” I then included the possibility of the flip side of that to cover all bases since I dont know the 3 of them in non-cyber space life. My gut feeling is also caution.
Lana and WWG pretty much put into words what I couldn’t, and still can’t. This is not a good idea, and I don’t see it turning out well.
Rexie I AM on the same page too. I don’t see that turning out without hurt feelings and “snowball into something that wraps emotions , fears, histories, human insecurities into a twisted ball of pain and regret.” I threw the other possible side in as well since I don’t know all of them on the same level as they (and or Lana) all know each other.
I will go against my words above to say one thing positive about it – it is always better to discuss an open relationship than to just go ahead and cheat. An open relationship, done right (and even done right it can still fall apart), is truly about communication and being sensitive to your partner and your partner’s needs and wants.
The thing is you can discuss all aspects of what might happen or what your limits are prior to the meeting and it sounds ideal and works great, but then reality happens and suddenly, something you never thought would bother you suddenly does.
Can it work? Yup. Krista of Effing Dykes and her partner, CJ, are in an open relationship and have been together for 5 years. But (and don’t quote me on this), I think that they never were a monogamous couple. And I’m sure, if you go playing online, you’ll find many other open relationship couples (there are many monogamish couples) and learn from how they got through things. But as others have mentioned, if one or both people have insecurities or jealousy about the relationship, it’s doomed to fail. Period.
Whoa, hold your horses friends. Yes, she is beautiful and yes she was the catalyst for our most recent conversations concerning this topic. But she is also turning out to be a really good friend and that fact alone gives me pause. I can see that I need to do a follow up post pronto to give more detail on the situation.
Open, honest communication x 3 is key
I agree with above statements of caution. 3somes sound exciting and everything but sex is supposed to be intimate- with feelings and emotions. I also must say that the whole possibility of losing your wife is present – she’s Remi’s ex and as we’ve seen you can be pretty jealous and Remi can to and she cold end up jealous in this sitation since you and her ex it it off REALLYwell. It is possble to have adventure but also drama. While your blogs may havee gotten ‘tamer’ I still find the blog extremelly entertaining and enjoy reading happy posts that what lacks in ‘excitment’ instills 10 times more hope for happiess and stablity- something not a lot of lezzie media is concerned with. So I still think CCL is the shit. This idea will definetly result in blogs but I doubt they will be good for you, your marraige, or your(and Remi’s) happiness.
It is so rare to find somthing as beautiful as what you two have – for such a rare gem to break would be a tragedy.
hehehe Sasha “hold your horses” yeah post set fire to our concerns. Your post was probably totally harmless (focusing more on new friendship that just genericallyopened the topic for you and Remi) and all of us in your CCL fan club jumped to “rescue” you as if before you
made a threesome porno.
hehehe We are all so passionate about looking out for ya.
Damn she’s HOT! DAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNN!!!!
Wow! She’s waaay hot!
I don’t think that you should go through with it, too much risk, too little return. It is an interesting idea though.
I have to say that the idea of threesomes isn’t necessarily exciting to either of us since we have both had our fair share of them, before meeting each other. I’ve had several, a few that had more then 3 people but I think orgy just sounds tawdry.
So I don’t want anyone to think that it’s this “unknown” that has me intriqued. Well i am intriqued, but not by the idea of a threesome. Been there. Done that.
What I want now is the next step … Call it the evolution of our relationship? Maybe?
I have to agree with Lana, Rexie, and WWG..probably not a good idea! The strangest part it, I was just discussing this with a certain someone yesterday:) This would absolutely NOT work with me..I am way too territorial and even with the best of intentions and communication, I think jealousy and insecurities would surely ensue. I strongly believe in strong, open communication between partners, and if there needs to be a little extra “spice” in your relationship, figure out a way with your partner, not by adding someone else into the mix! To me this whole idea simply spells disaster!
Really? I’m sorry but when someone even starts mentioning an open relationship, it is the beginning of the end. Having a third wheel is never a good idea. Besides that, marriage is supposed to be a commitment. Not a time for people to be sowing their wild oats. Apparently most of the readers here just agree because it’s fashionable. Two of the three of you will be going off together, leaving the other heartbroken.
Ok, I have to admit.. before I posted I ran straight to fb to see what all the photo commenting was about. Juicy!
And Sasha, I think only you and Remi know what’s really right for your relationship. All relationships do evlove to some extent. You can’t stay the same as the first day you met. If you did, you’d grow apart. That doesn’t mean threesomes or open relationships are right. That doesn’t mean they’re not.
I’m not casting a vote one way or another…
… that being said, please give us all the juicy details when you decide what you’re going to do.
We’re in susepense here!!!
P.S… holy hell she’s hot!!
If you don’t do her… can I??
Kidding. Only kidding… (sorta)
All the voices of reason up in here would fall on deaf ears if this gorgeous creature was standing before my eyes.
To me, open relationships and threesomes are just asking for heartbreak. I could never share my girl with someone else no matter how much I wanted to sleep with that person too. I’m a one on one type person. No third party required or wanted. Sadly, that’s why I’m single. Crazy, right? Who would of thought that being 100% faithful would be reason NOT to be dated?
I personally believe that “monogamish” can work (yall read Savage Love, right?) so long as everyone is honest and true to their significant other, but it’s often Dan Savage’s advice that the third party, or bonus couple, or whatever, be outside the primary couples’ group of friends to avoid blending of relationship/friendship roles. Old flames, even when willingly shared with current lovers, can burn everyone.
I’m not trying to judge anyone, but your description of Lena as being “not shy about anything” alone gives me pause. I’m friends with plenty of my exes and their significant others, and it has to do with my respecting the commitment of the couple as a single entity. Lena clearly is aware of the ongoing conversation / negotiation of her possible future role in your relationship. In my mind, that would better be discussed and decided between you and Remi before anyone else knows anything about it.
I recently decided to end contact with an old flame after they confessed they still felt they “messed up” our chances together. I’m still attracted to this person and have a soft spot, so I decided that the most fair and smart move (for us and both our significant others) after this careless, bittersweet and ultra-romantic exchange, was to let that be the last we saw of each other. No need to revisit all that made that relationship start, continue, and end – especially with my new love in tow.
Just my two cents. Be careful.
i don’t like this, woman…
it may not bother you right now while in fantasy mode…but it may come around to bite you in the ass. and not in the sexy kinky way
Ps: at WWG “I’ve also been the third in a three way with two lesbians. I wasn’t really into either one of them (they wanted me to watch and then join in), but I constantly checked in with the more jealous one of the couple to make sure she was okay with everything. I was an awesome and considerate third *pats self on back* ” ——— LOLOLOLOLOL! Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.
And you were right about being the third. I’ve never been the third …. But … Wait . I think we should both blog about this!!