Written by Guest Butch, K
My neighbor seems uncomfortable with me. 
I was outside today with J and the kids…when our neighbor pulled up. Now seeing as how I was doing my butch thing (climbing around on the roof cleaning my gutters out and such like that,) I noticed a branch from my neighbors tree that had been lowered by the weight of all our snow over the winter. Now…branch on my side of the property….not a big deal right? Well this particular branch was pushing up on my shingles making it necessary to come down. So….me not being shy at all noticed my neighbor had come home. I went over and introduced myself (mind you I’ve lived here for oh…4 months now.) And of course I stuck my hand out and attempted to shake his hand. And by attempted. I mean failed horribly as he looked at it and ignored it.
Which brings me to my title. Why why why are people sooooo uncomfortable with us? And by us I don’t just mean gays….I mean butches. I’ve been pulling out of a spot at the mall and been called a “dyke bitch” because apparently putting on my seatbelt is just a nuisance. J doesn’t get that treatment. She’s all eyelashes. All she has to do is bat those bad boys and men women and children of all ages will give her anything she wants.
I don’t mean to sound like a whiner. I’m not whining ill gladly puff my chest out to anyone who has a problem with me or my family. I’m a protector. I’m a butch. And I’m proud of it.
BAH!
What a jerk! That guy is just rude. He’ll get his karma.
Im a femme and definately the difference with how people treat a femme and a butch is distinctive. I think its rude how your neighbour responded, but we all know by now that ignorance feeds intolerance, superiority and rudeness.
I honestly believe that until “religion” per se stops preaching in a holier than though message, there is always going to be discrimination in this world.
Perhaps a man is rude because your perceived as a threat? And, I say threat meaning…he doesnt get what you represent. A woman in the hetero culture is envisioned as looking very feminine and the roles have been etched in stone for hundreds of years. A butch woman, while still can appear feminine, also visually is what society has termed “masculine” features. So, I think to a man who has grown up conditioned to what women are, a butch woman confuses the hell out of him!
Does he open the door for you? Does he shake your hand or nod his head in recognition? Does he admire your legs or consider you one-of-the-guys?? And if your dealing with a homophobic man, he’s probably wondering if he’s now gay just by looking at you!
Your neighbor doesn’t even shake your hand? That sucks. I noticed as me and my girl are moving from a loft to a brownstone that our neighbors are already “very curious.”
Fill us in on your resolution to this.
And…it’s weird you are getting that reaction. To be honest, I’ve always thought of you as a “tough femme” – maybe that’s intimidating for some. Or…as I might suggest…he fears his wife is going to be WAAYY into you….
Wait…I totally thought this was Sasha’s post…oh well. I don’t know who you are…but I support you anyway.
As hard as it would be, I would try and kill this guy with kindness, especially if he’s an older guy. Destroy any notion he has of lesbians all being militant man-haters first, as that’s the most immediate challenge he perceives.
It goes against all natural impulse to want to do that, but I think one of the best options for beginning to knock down someone’s walls is to first knock them off balance from their expectations.
It’s hard not to treat someone as a decent human if they spend enough time treating you like you are.
( I have a nosey elderly lady neighbor and I wish I would have tried this with her first. We’ve unfortunately had a few shouting matches. Nothing makes you feel as awesome as chewing a new asshole in an 80 year old woman, let me tell you).