By Guest Writer, WWGIn the past, there’s been the assumption that lesbians are man-haters. There’s the idea that they had a horrible father or a worse mother, or perhaps some dude did her wrong and she turns to women as an escape. For as many lesbians there are around the world – and in my estimation, there are probably tens of millions at the very least – some, if not all of those statements might have a ring of truth to them. We are, after all, women, and those statements have truth for many heterosexual and bisexual women as well.
But for many others, such as me, it is absolutely not true. I have always been surrounded by AWESOME men. In honor of father’s day, I wanted to bring that up and hopefully demolish some of the stereotypes at the same time. As I look back at my childhood, I see a grandfather for whom I was the light of his life. To this day, thirty years later, I still melt when talking about him. I only knew him for a brief period of my life, but he was that special to me, as I was to him. I have a father who is actively involved in my life. My father, once a teacher and generally a calm man, once stated that if anyone harmed his family, he’d rip them apart with his bare hands. Of that I have no doubt. He has always done his best to make sure I’m taken care of. I also grew up with many “uncles” - family friends who looked after me, who taught me well, and showed me what love looks like.
Part of what made coming out so difficult for me is that I never really dated any true assholes. Sure, some of them I don’t have the fondest memories of, but there wasn’t a single one of the bunch who did me true harm. Each of them cared about me, some of them possibly even loved me. In some ways, this made it harder for me to reject their advances, and to come out. When you have a great guy in front of you asking for your affection, a guy who is sweet, intelligent, has a decent or good job, who is a catch, it’s hard to say no to dating them. For years I wondered what was wrong with me to not want these great guys. It was only once the light went off that I was gay that I felt at ease turning them down – and pointing them towards my wonderful heterosexual female friends. Even now, some of my closest friends and people I turn to for advice are men – many heterosexual, some bi, some gay.
So, on this Father’s Day, I wanted to do my part to demolish the stereotype that lesbians exist because of awful experiences with men. Nope, if experience was going to define my orientation for me, then I would be a raging heterosexual, a woman who couldn’t get enough of men! But I’m a happy gay woman, who happens to have some awesome men in her life who support me and love me for who I am.
Happy Father’s Day!