Coming out

Girl Zero: Chapter 6

Zoe dropped me back off at campus so I could get my car. She was staying at the boarding house until she moved into her new apartment so I went home by myself to get ready for that night.

The entire way home I was panicking. What was I doing? What was I feeling!? Was I gay? I wasn’t gay. Was I bi? I have to be bi. Right? What was happening to me? My entire life I had had boyfriends. Now all of a sudden I’m kissing girls and feeling torn between two??

Zoe was driving that night because I was an anxiety attack waiting to happen. Part of me was super excited and loved drama. The fact that Zoe was showing signs of jealousy made me happy. Maybe there really was a chance with her? But I had no idea how S and Zoe would get along. Was I setting us all up for a disastrous  night?

We drove out to Hollywood and picked S up at her place. Since parking was a nightmare in her area, we just called her when we were outside her building and she ran down and jumped in the backseat. Zoe and S exchanged quick hellos, before someone was honking at us to move out of the way.

So far so good. It just felt like a group of friends going out for a girl’s night. We exchanged small talk about the traffic and weather as we drove the few blocks to the restaurant S directed us to. It wasn’t until we had been seated, caught our breath and were all sitting at a table looking at each other did the night really begin.

There we sat, three girls at a square table. S sat on my left and Zoe sat at my right. They sat directly across from each other. When S broke the silence, “Azdidane shoma khoshhalam. Aya farsi sohbat mikonid”

To which Zoe responded, “I’m only half Persian.”

“Oh, you don’t speak Farsi? What a shame. It is a rather difficult language I suppose.” S responded with fake sympathy for Zoe and smiled sweetly in her direction.

Zoe narrowed her eyes as she looked at S. I felt like I was watching some National Geographic where two lionesses circle each other over fallen prey.

“I understand most of it, I just don’t speak as much.” Zoe said in her defense.

S shrugged as if she had already moved on, “So you go to school with our beautiful Sasha-joon? What are you studying?”

“Yes I do. Public relations.”

“Really?! You? In PR?? Ha! …. Well if you need a job after you graduate give me a call and I’ll see if my publicist needs an intern.” S  just smiled coolly waiting for Zoe to respond to the not-so-veiled insults she just lobbed across the table.

I didn’t know what to say to either one of them but luckily the waiter appeared as if he knew we needed a distraction from the growing hostility at the table.

The conversation actually calmed down over dinner. Both girls got a few digs in, here and there, but somehow they seemed to be getting along by the end of the meal. When the bill came all three of us grabbed for it in the middle of the table. After ten minutes of fighting over who pays, we decided to split it evenly.

We ended up going to one of “the” hottest clubs that night. As usual there was a long line waiting to get beyond the velvet ropes. But S wasn’t one to wait in lines. We walked passed everyone to the door and S smiled and kissed the bouncer on the cheek. It wasn’t clear if she actually knew him or not but he bent down and let her whisper in his ear. He looked up at Zoe and me, nodded and let us through. This was a usual night for S and I was used to it too. Growing up in LA, I was going to places like the Viper room at 15 and go-go dancing at 18. But Zoe wasn’t from LA and I saw that this impressed her a little bit and she was trying hard not to show it.

The crowd was the usual Hollywood crowd which meant, S would be “networking.” Zoe and I were more similar in our personalities, which mean we were more reserved and quiet. We weren’t shy, we just weren’t the type to walk  up to a VIP area, introduce ourselves and ten minutes later be everyone at that table’s new best friend. S was that type. And before long we lost track of her and it was just me and Zoe, sharing a drink and people watching from a corner.

When all of a sudden, S popped back up and drug me out from the corner and away from Zoe. She started dancing with me and making a bit of scene. This was a straight club and it was more of a lounge then a full on ‘dance club’. Although in West Hollywood, nothing’s that straight. No one else was really paying attention to us except for Zoe who was now standing by herself, drink in hand and eyes glued to us.

S loved to be the center of attention and she didn’t like to compete for it. She pushed me down on one of the beds (at this time there were these big white beds around the area, I don’t know what it’s like now) and started dancing for me. I didn’t mind at all and just leaned back a bit to take in the show. S was about a minute into her performance when Zoe came and sat on the bed with me. She scooted right up behind me so that I was sort of leaning on her, almost laying in her lap.

I wasn’t sure how S would respond to this but it didn’t seem to bother her at all. She gave Zoe a seductive smile and kept dancing. Eventually the dance turned into a full on lap dance and S was practically straddling me, Zoe was basically wrapped around me from behind when it happened.

She kissed me again.

This was only the second girl kiss I had ever had and it was happening right now. On a bed in one of Hollywood’s most famous clubs, sandwiched between these two beautiful women.

S didn’t stop dancing, she just moved slower, as she lowered herself on my lap and kissed me. She pulled away slightly, looking at Zoe. I couldn’t see Zoe’s reaction because she was sitting slightly behind me. But I could see S’s …. she seemed to be sizing up Zoe’s reaction.

S got up from my lap and kept dancing, she walked around the bed and pulled Zoe up to dance with her. I just sat there, sort of stunned. Watching Zoe and S dance together in front of me. They both kept looking over at me, but when they weren’t looking at me, they were looking at each other like they wanted to kiss each other.

I just sat there and decided I would let this play itself out. I had no idea what either one of them were thinking at this point and if it turned out they liked each other more then me, then so be it. So I watched and waited.

While their dancing was more like foreplay, it never went any further. And it had the unintended side-effect of bringing a circle of men around us to enjoy the show. At which point we left the club.

We took S back to her place and double parked in the street to say goodnight to her. To my surprise (or not really, I was totally confused as to what was going on with this two at this point) Zoe jumped out of the car and ran around to give S a hug goodnight. They seemed like they genuinely liked each other.

I was about to say my goodbyes too when S said to me, “Walk me to my door?”

“Oh. Yea, sure.” I turned to Zoe to tell her I’d be right back.

But Zoe just waved me on and said, “Go! Go! Take your time I’ll be in the car” as she ran back around and jumped in the driver’s seat. She sounded OK with it so I walked S up to the outside door of her building.

“So I had fun, did you?” I asked. Unsure really of what I should  be doing. This was all still brand new to me and I was scared out of my mind at this time.

“Yea it was great. Drive safe and call me when you get home.” she said.

“OK,” I said and started to turn to walk away when she grabbed my hand to stop me. I looked down at her and she stood up on her tippy toes, grabbed me behind the head and pulled me in for a kiss. This was the by far the best one yet. It was definitely the longest one. We ended up making out for a second before part of my brain screamed at me, ZOE’S RIGHT THERE, IN THE CAR!!!!

I gently pulled away from S, smiled and waited for her to get into her building before leaving.

When I jumped into the car, the look on Zoe’s face was hard to read.


This article has 13 comments

  1. Elegy

    Ah, this certainly is tangled.

  2. FemmeInBlk

    OMG!!! Epic. Just. Want. More!!!

  3. cecilia fernandez

    LMAO!! i am loveing how you are a lost baby lesbian at this point, lol!!!

  4. WWG

    Ugh, S sounds like a horrible person.

  5. Kristy

    Dammit I want to read more Sasha ur teasing us please write more pretty please

  6. Alex

    White beds? Must have been at Skybar. For people not from LA, NYC or Miami let me explain something. The lines to whatever “it” club can be redonkulous. It’s all about beauty and money. But in LA beauty trumps money 9 out of 10xs. I used to party with these girls and more then once, the bouncer let them in and held me back till I slipped him a $20 or more. LA sucks but that’s the way it is. As a butch I expect to pay. No biggie. But for people in small towns, the velvet rope is alive and well in Lala land.

  7. Sasha

    ALEX!!!!! I NEVER EVER LEFT YOU behind to pay!!! I would never have done that!! I never leave friends outside!! Never.

  8. Jaymini

    Loving this story! Such an intense-driven love triangle. You have a wonderful writing style, I must say. Love, Jay xx

  9. GlitterGirl

    I love your storytelling but omg the drama! I feel anxious for you even though it’s over.

  10. Ricki

    Even though I’m happily married now, I never had amorous adventures like yours. Can’t wait to hear the conclusion.

  11. Femmelover

    @ Alex – okay dude you’re friends with her…no prob! I just had a feeling (during these last comments) you were a bit rough on her; be nice, man!
    People will always try to protect Sasha from stuff but, it really is Remi’s job to do this. And, I am sure it is not a chore but a pleasure… : )

  12. Alex

    Sasha, it wasn’t your fault. I never wanted you to see that. Butches know that straight male bouncers aren’t going to let us in without greasing some palms. Men are haters especially when we cruise in with beautiful women on our arm that they think should be with them. Don’t worry about it babe, you didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know. 😉

    Femmelover, relax man. Sasha and I go waaaaaaaaay back. I just like to give her a hard time sometimes on this. No one here wants to hurt her, especially not me.


    Omg just started with this chapter how can i get the begining someone please tell me!!!

Comments are now closed.