Written by Guest Lesbian, Jolie
Well, good lord, it’s been a minute.
Sorry I dropped off the planet on y’all. Thanksgiving, paired with changes to work schedules, life schedules, and family craziness, have slapped a fairly effective muzzle on me!
Although, since I’m a writer, maybe I’ve been caught in a finger trap? Hmm.
But I digress (which is common for me)…
This was my first Thanksgiving with Rhett as a married couple, my first Thanksgiving back here in New Mexico, and the first time in years that I’ve prepared a Thanksgiving meal for my mother. All in one fell swoop.
Not to mention it was Rhett’s first major family holiday with his Mother in Law. Poor guy.
The dinner itself was a rousing success, if I do dare toot my own horn. What it was, though, was occasionally interesting from the transwife perspective.
See, my mom got to have her first Big Gay Thanksgiving. My two bestest gay boy buddies drove down from Albuquerque to join us for dinner. My college roomie, also a big ol’ dyke, was here as well. And, of course, there was us. Five queers, total. Awesome? Absolutely. Except for the moments where my mother referred to Rhett as “she.”
Now, this is okay, because Rhett hasn’t yet started the process of coming out to immediate family as transgendered. All of the friends present at dinner were aware, though, and used the correct pronouns. Mom did pick up on the fact that we use male pronouns at home, that we refer to Rhett as “Dad” with both the animal and human kids. None of that seemed to phase her. But this is Mom, and moms don’t generally change their stripes quickly, if at all.
My mother has been amazing since she met my first girlfriend, years ago. She has been the biggest advocate and ally I could have asked for, and continues to be so to this day.
She just doesn’t know yet that Rhett’s a dude.
It wasn’t awkward, or uncomfortable, listening to people slide back and forth between pronouns all day, trying to remember that Mom isn’t on the trans bandwagon yet.
It was, however, really funny when we went shopping on Black Friday. As Mom was talking to a friendly salesperson, she referred to us as “the girls.” I looked around to see who the hell she was talking about.
Even funnier was the moment, shortly thereafter, when Rhett belted out my name from halfway across the same store. My habitual response, being the cutesy smart-ass that I am, was “Yessir!”
Six different people gave us a National Geographic stare after that outburst. One of the six people was my mother. Yes, I do know how slick I am.
It won’t be much longer before we sit Mom down and explain the birds and the bees to her. I’m not worried about her reaction; like I said, she’s awesome with the world o’queer that her eldest daughter inhabits.
It will just cause this Thanksgiving to make a lot more sense to her!
I hope you all had a lovely day with laughter and friends and family and love, and that you’re looking forward to your Christmas/Yule/Hanukkah/whatever. My mom, and her loving acceptance, remind me how lucky I am to share this life with such good people. I’ll be taking the time, this holiday season, to celebrate that.
Way to mock your mom…….honestly I don’t get it – yeah yeah, totally get the trans thing…..just don’t get if you haven’t spoken to your mom about the trans thing and “Rhett hasn’t yet started the process of coming out to immediate family as transgendered” why you are mocking your mom. Oh well, I’m good not to get it, I just wonder if your mom might be a little offended to read this….she didn’t really get the chance to accept it – or did I miss something?
Jolie – As always, delightfully insightful, witty, and yes, eloquent. You have a way with words, woman. Your commentary on the human condition that we all navigate on a daily basis is a joy to read. (And I hopped on your blog recently – let’s just say you also have quite the way with erotica!!)
Hmmm – From the way she described her mom, I’m guessing she would likely find this quite an amusing and illuminating read. I didn’t see it as mocking at all, but rather bemused adoration. A state that makes the quirks of our parents delightful rather than maddening (or at least delightfully maddening).
@Hmmm – I assure you, if I was mocking *anyone* in this piece, it was only myself. I’m so used to seeing Rhett as male that it throws me to hear him referred to in any other fashion. I’m also not so slick about switching back and forth between pronouns, as is still necessary for now. I hope that clears up any question you might have had about it!
@Natalie – Wow, thanks for the lovely remarks! “Delightfully maddening” might just cover it.
@ Jolie I read your very well written Thanksgiving recap to reflect a beautifully rare relationship between you and your mom. And from what you wrote, a relationship that is grounded in mutual admiration and respect plus one that includes the necessary “mother/daughter playfulness” to not end up throwing the turkey at eachother
but I can tell you’d throw the turkey at any one who disrespected your mama. 
We love our mamas. 
When I read this, I chuckled and wished I had been at that table! It sounds like her mother has been a wonderful support and I didn’t gather from this story that Jolie was mocking anyone, just laughing a bit at the slight confusion and the entire situation, it just sounded like a good time in general.
I have a good trans friend and I’m always afraid I’ll slip up and call him, “her” as left overs from how I used to know him. But he knows that I support his transistion a million percent! We’re all human and therefore, make little mis-steps here and there. Not everything has an evil motive behind it.
Thanks Jolie for sharing. I enjoyed it. I love your writing. I always Facebook about your Naughty Sundays!!! My friends are addicted now!
Jolie, good for you to have such a great relationship with your mom! I had to chuckle too, didn’t think for a second you were “mocking” anyone. My mother and I tease each other all of the time, and your story reminded me of the relationship that I have with her.
When I met my girlfriend, I said “Mom, what would you think of me dating a woman?” (I had been in ‘relationships’ with men prior, but had several flings with women, which wasn’t any of my mother’s business). Mom said “Fine by me, as long as she treats you well”. And that was it!