I received this comment on an old blog about Horny Straight Men in Lesbian Bars and I thought I would address it here, so that anyone else who might have some helpful advice could charm in as well.
He wrote:
I’m a straight guy going on a date with a straight girl to a gay club for the dancing.
If a gay man should hit on me, what is the polite but firm way to indicate I’m straight?
I don’t want to make anyone feel bad nor do I want to not feel welcome.
many thanks. ~ Ignorant Dork
Well I have to ask the obvious question, if you’re both straight why are you going to a gay bar? Is it one of those straight people on safari things? You know, to see gay people in their natural habitat? Or do you have gay friends that you’re going with? Or are you going so that you can dance all night long without worrying that your lovely date will get hit on? (assuming it’s a gay boy club and not a lesbian bar?)
Well no matter why you’re going, I do appreciate that you’re thoughtful enough to worry about hurting someone’s feelings and I give you credit for coming on a lesbian blog to seek advice. So onto the question at hand.
I think the best way is to be straight forward (excuse the pun) and say something like, “Oh thank you but I’m here with my date.” And gesture towards your lady friend. You might not even have to say you’re straight if the guy hitting on you has any gaydar at all.
If you get someone a little on the pushy side, just be honest and say, “Thanks for the compliment but I’m straight.” Just smile and be nice. Don’t worry, you won’t get jumped for being in a gay bar.
And if anyone asks why you two straighties are there, just be friendly and open and tell them the truth, whatever that is … i.e, she wanted to go where there was good music, or you guys have some gay friends or whatever. The point is, don’t be offended if someone flirts with you and don’t be scared by it either. Just let them know you’re there with your girl and that should be enough.
One last thing that I feel I should mention. I have no idea what you look like and you may just be the next George Clooney or whoever the boys are into now. But remember this, no one is more image conscious then gay men. You may be surprised and slightly humbled when you get there as to the level of attractiveness in the gay male population. Especially if you’re in a big city like LA. My point being, many straight men fear that they’ll be like cat nip to the gay boys. But it’s usually unwarranted because #1 there a ton of gorgeous gay men for them to choose from, so why would they want the hassle of turning a straight man? #2 don’t assume that just because women find you attractive, gay men will. In my opinion gay men are much harsher critics.
So go have fun. Don’t worry that you’ll get mauled and don’t assume that just because someone talks to you, they’re hitting on you. Just have fun. Be friendly and honest and I promise that you’ll be OK.
By the way, where are you going? West Hollywood by any chance? Because if you are, I could give you a better heads up since I know that area pretty well.
Good luck! Hope this helps.
Straight people wanting to go to gay clubs for dates…we live in strange times.
i wonder whether guy in question was perhaps less straight looking than i was when i and a lesbian friend got turned away from a mixed gay bar she wanted to go into in Manhattan (i used to drink). She was very gay and i was seeking some abuse, but was told straights were not allowed. The photo of myself in full drag didn’t help (but being in drag probably would have). They must have recognized me for the ignorant lecherous dork i’m inclined to be.
I have a question. So there is this butch girl that I always see. She stares at me, and always comes in my general space, but she never talks to me. She never smiles or says hello. I don’t understand why she can’t just make conversation…?…. I’ve said hello and she’ll just nod. Is she ever going to approach me?
Just Curious?
@ Curious. It is most likely you are an attractive femme, and if this is the case, butch girl is afraid to approach you for fear of rejection. Seems like she is trying to get up the nerve and that is why she invades your general space. I on the other hand would have no problem going right up to you. It just depends on the person and their level of confidence. Good luck to you.
This post might be too old and you and butch are together now but, since no one responded to you I thought I would give it a shot for you anyway.