When you realize you’re a lesbian ….

Posted on 13. Apr, 2009 by Sasha in Butch/Femme

I’m in a constant state of awe at my total lack of self-awareness as far as figuring out I was a lesbian. I mean really, how could I not have figured out I was gay before the age of 24!?

I mean I could understand if I was bi. But I’m not. I’m just gay, I’m sooooooo gay it’s hard to fathom that it took me SO long to figure it out.

My girlfriend is one of the lucky ones, a lifer. She’s known her entire life since she was a little tomboy trying to impress all her older sister’s friends that she was a lesbian. Before she even knew the word for it, she knew what she was. God how I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self, “Hey don’t waste your time on him. It’s his sister you really want.”

I can’t help but try to imagine how different my life would have been if I had known back in high school when I started dating. How smooth I’d be with women by now if instead of honing my skills on the more brutish of the species I had spent that time sweet talking the ladies. I also wonder how many women I would have slept with by now. No doubt I would have been a huge slut and slept with every girl on my cheer squad, every girl on the basketball team and even a few on the softball team. Then by the time I got to college I’m sure I would have been nothing less then a total mac.

I even wonder how knowing so early would have affected my style. Would I have ended up more butch? More tomboi/sporty? Would I have pushed for those karate lessons I wanted so dearly in lieu of all those ballet classes I took for twenty years? Maybe if I had known I was a lesbian in my formative years I might not have ended up such a femme?

Hmmmm ….. I really wonder what affect it has on one’s identity within the lesbian community at what age you come out, at least to yourself. Do lesbians that know from an early age tend to be more butch? Are femmes girls that didn’t have a clue till after they had molded themselves into societies idea of a lady?

What do you think? Does knowing you’re gay early in life affect what type of lesbian you’re going to end up being? Or is a butch a butch and a femme a femme no matter when the proverbial light bulb goes off that says “Oh, I like girls!”

Tags: butch/femme dynamic

38 Responses to “When you realize you’re a lesbian ….”

Jul

13. Apr, 2009

I didn’t date my first girl until I was 20, and even then it was because “she” hit on “me.” I thank God for that chick…

So, I wasn’t someone who “always knew,” but someone who definitely looks back and says “why didn’t you know sooner?”

Women are just gorgeous…I’m glad to be one, and equally happy to sleep with one.

I don’t know if discovering your sexuality makes you more “butch” or not…but for me, I’m an athletic femme chick….it’s who I’ve always been, and I’m willing to bet it might be the same way for others out there who might identify differently than me….
Sasha

13. Apr, 2009

Yea, Jul you’re SO right. When I look back on it there were a million signs! But I didn’t know what those signs meant! LOL
B

13. Apr, 2009

I always knew I liked girls, but I liked boys too! But I didn’t know any better, I thought everyone felt that way. I eventually realized that I’m bisexual, which turns out to be the ultimate CURSE! How am I supposed to have a relationship with just one sex when I want both???? Thats another story for another day. But yes, I knew from a very early age. I never acted on it until high school.
JLengle

13. Apr, 2009

Well….Myself being a baby butch knew all along. I was in 5th grade age 10 when I had the biggest crush on my reading teacher.Then after that I just couldn’t wait to have a girlfriend…..then it was age 14 that I made a move on which turned out to be my first love and it lasted 7 years. I’ve never been with a guy nor do I intend on. I want to say that your whole….If you know at an earlier age that your more of a butch…and the girly girls figure it out later on,but….I’ve seen that all reversed too. I’m going to stick more to the being scared to come out and girls have “boyfriends” to cover it up….so maybe thats what takes the girly girls longer to figure it out. Dunno
Cassie

13. Apr, 2009

I can relate to this post SO much! I was 20 when I came out and had just gotten out of a 2 YEAR relationship with a man. What was I thinking?

All the signs were there. Hell my parents were even worried about it when I was in high school. Why didn’t I know? Why did I spend so much time with stupid boys? Hell why did I sleep with said stupid boys? I was so not interested.

Sorry about the tangent. I just wanted to say that I feel your frustration and can totally relate!!!

Idk if I’d be more butch or not. That’s something new to think about.
Hannah

13. Apr, 2009

I’ve known I was gay since I was around 7. I was always running around with my guy cousins and doing all the stuff they did. I wouldn’t consider myself butch exactly, but more the androgynous-to-butch side. Definitely not femme
Kitcat

13. Apr, 2009

I didn’t know until I was 27. Yes, 27. Totally a late bloomer. But I was always super feminine as a child (my mom had to add lace to most of my clothes at my insistance) and still am now. So I don’t think discovering my sexuality late in life had anything to do with my femmy-ness.
Judith

13. Apr, 2009

Cliché as it is, everyone’s different. I’m no gold star lesbian. I was obsessed with boybands, totally boycrazy, etc. when I was young. Granted, a lot of that was going with the crowd, but it was how I was. When I told mom I was bisexual, she was sceptical, but said “well, I guess I understand it. You could never be a lesbian though, with how much you mooned over those Backstreet Boys.” And her statement was a big part of why I believed I never could be, even though I was awkward around men and didn’t like being with them much and the sex sucked. It wasn’t until I was 21 that I realised lesbians don’t have to be completely incapable of a relationship with a man, and that yes, I am a lesbian. I don’t know if it’s changed how I am, though I suppose I go a little androgynous in backlash to my earlier girly style that seems straight to me. I could never be a confident, super-gay lipstick lesbian. I am starting to want to dress a bit more feminine now though (short of skirts and heels) and I’m not quite sure how to transition back to that.
collegegirl

13. Apr, 2009

Yea i just recently came out (22) and I wonder why I didn’t figure it out earlier. I’m a senior in college and I feel like I missed the crucial college years of exploring my sexuality.

Things are great now though..and I am pretty femme but I’m not sure if it has anything to do w/me taking so long to figure it all out….I think a study should be done.
MelanieTrini

14. Apr, 2009

I knew from about when I was 14 that I liked girls and I’m totally femme and my wife figured it out when she was 21!! I look back at pictures of her growing up and see what a HUGE tom-boy she was and all the sports she played, refused to wear dresses, copied her brother and not her sister and I’m like “HOW could you not KNOW!?”

so we’re the opposite of your theory I guess
Jill

14. Apr, 2009

I started realizing I was a lesbian when I was about 14. I had this hunch before that I wasn’t like the other girls, but didn’t really know what that difference was. Until one day I saw The L Word and then it hit me. I liked girls. I don’t really identify myself as butch or femme, here in Belgium a lot of people don’t even know what that means. I think I’m somewhere in between but I did get more feminine since I figured it out. I guess it doesn’t really matter, when you’re going through puberty you try to develop who you are and I think your sexuality is always part of that, whether you realize it or not.
Crystalline

14. Apr, 2009

What a great post, I can totally see what you mean!
(I hope my English will be bearable in that message…)

I think I figured it out when I was a teenager, but kept on thinking that I had to date boys because that’s what people were doing (yeah, I know, stupid…), and because I was a funky plus size girl who shouldn’t have another layer of “eccentricity” in her life (so I thought…), it was too complicated already, dealing with people looking at me, judging me… I’m also very feminine and thought it wasn’t totally compatible (ignorance, ignorance…)…

I tried with men, geez, I did try, but whenever I was seeing a man naked, it totally freaked me out (DO NOT WANT! LOL), and after three failed attempts, and a lot of embarassing moments, I realised it was about time I was honest with myself, and admit I was gay. Late bloomer, I was 22. What a waste of time!!
I still find some men attractive but more as a person, it’s almost an artistic point of view (as in “beautiful people attract the eyes, and that’s it”) and I don’t think I will ever be able to have a relationship or sleep with one, it’s just not my thing.

But admitting it was such a relief, I came out to my Mom instantly, and to a few friends as well. I’ve been spending more and more time with the lesbian community here in Paris, and even if I find it difficult to meet someone, I feel free and true to myself, that’s a major change. I had a few nasty comments from some friends who couldn’t accept it, and the funniest comment I had was that I was a “frightened heterosexual virgin who wanted to avoid sleeping with men by using the lesbian excuse”. To this day, I still think it’s hilarious

Again to answer your question, I tried to fit in the lady/woman archetype first, but even with that, when I came out, I knew it was more than a society thing, I’m a girly and very feminine person, I love fashion, I love taking times to look great. Problem is, when I go to a gay bar, most of the people thinks I’m some kind of bi-curious, and because I’m kind of shy in the relationship department as well, it’s a struggle! It’s like I should wander around with a tee shirt saying “hey, I’m a lesbian, no kidding!!”. LOL!

(Oh my, I babbled…)
stevie

14. Apr, 2009

I love this entry! I completely get where you are coming from. I just figured out I’m *super* gay about 6 or 7 months ago, and I’m a few months shy of my 26th birthday. I always believed in bisexuality and allowed that belief to be the obstacle between me and figuring out I am a lesbian. Cuz there is no way I am bi. I am completely, totally a big ole lesbian.

I’ve grappled with the situation, of course. I’m still not out entirely but can’t wait until I am. As many say, looking back- all the signs were there. And I’m frustrated I didn’t come to this conclusion earlier, but I’m thankful I arrived at it at all.

Yes, I’m gay. Yes, it’s a huge part of my identity and who i am. But I’m still me. I’m not femme or butch or tomboi or anything. I still wear skinny jeans and chucks and tshirts, but like to wear a cute skirt once in awhile. I think your theory has some merit to it for sure.. but when you came out doesn’t necessarily dictate if you are femme or butch. You are still going to be *you*…. if anything, who I am becoming, what I wear and feel comfortable wearing -now- is more authentic and true to myself than anything in the past b/c I am now aware of myself fully, completely… super queer and all.
Becca

14. Apr, 2009

Hey Sasha, I didn’t come out until I was 32, so yeah I was definitely a late bloomer. I still wonder why it took me so long… I used to stand in Walmart with my son when he was a baby and just cry and cry when they played Indigo Girls ‘Closer to Fine’.

Anyway, I asked my partner b/c she has been out so much longer than me, and she said she thinks it doesn’t effect what kind of lesbian you are, but it depends on what kind of person you are when you come out. I would have to agree, I have always been more feminine and enjoyed my curves while C has always been more the jeans and cowboy boots type of girl. I think she’s hot!
Donna

16. Apr, 2009

I knew at 14 and I was (and am) feminine. And I could never pull off a tattoo either. (And that’s just fine with me.) And I am only attracted to feminine women.
Donna

16. Apr, 2009

And from the other side: There are a lot of butch women who are and always have been 100% straight.
LesbianBride

17. Apr, 2009

I came out last year (I’m 32) after years of knowing I was attracted to girls and assuming I might have been bi but marrying a man and assuming my bi-sexuality should be a secret. I’m not bi – I’m definitely gay.

I’m also femme, now, but I was a tomboy growing up and loved being mistaken for a boy when I was a kid. I had a boyfriend and realised the boys liked me in my mid-teens. I used to model my wardrobe on one guy who I thought dressed really well! I then had a boyfriend tell me after I cut my hair (when I was 18) that I looked gay, so I started wearing dresses and makeup and became obsessively girly and growing my hair. What I SHOULD have done was dumped him and dated a girl instead. My older sister is a very girly hairdresser and taught me how to become very girly and I did it well – I still remember when my wardrobe turned around full circle.

I don’t think that I am femme because I came out late in life, but I DO believe I could have come out in life BECAUSE I’m femme. I always thought you’d know it if you were gay and though I questioned it a lot growing up, I figured there was such a thing as gaydar and lesbians would identify that I was a girl-loving girl simply by looking at me. When they didn’t, I decided I wasn’t gay and had horrible relationships with men. Finally I decided ‘enough’s enough’ – my attraction for women was growing, I kept hurting men by not wanting relationships and I realised that despite my femininity, I was actually gay.
squeak

24. Apr, 2009

Hi!

I’m femme (along with a lurker of your blog and a soon-to-be LA transplant by way of Florida) and didn’t come out until I saw my first butch. Thankfully, that happened around 13 or so. But before that I definitely thought I was destined for the nunnery!

Being femme definitely helped the GLBT public relations in my high school, and people tended to see me as a way to think outside their stereotyped GLBT notions. I enjoyed being the anomaly. Unfortunately, that fascination didn’t come from butches. Sigh!

xosqueak
bigbraingirl

24. Jul, 2009

i am so glad to have found your web site!

i knew i was gay from the time i was in the 4th grade, so about 10 years old. didn’t know what to call it, because nobody i knew talked about those things way back when (1967).

what was nice though is, that even at that age, i found other girls like me… what a relief it was to know i wasn’t the only one with the feelings i was feeling.

i was/am a tomboy to this day… and love living the life!

love the blog… keep putting out good information so that the new generation of tombois and femmes have a place to go and feel welcomed.

~bigbraingirl
Andrea

19. Aug, 2009

I am 23 and still don’t know if I am gay. I like have had crushes on girls and oh do they turn me on. But I have never really been with a woman. So I don’t know if I am bi or gay, can anyone help me.

Anyway, I knew I like girls at the age of 8 cause I loved the womens underwear section of my clothing catalog. And ripped the pages out and kept them hiden in my room. My mom found them and told me it was a phase, would grow out of it, andsaid I was just curious of what my body would look like. She was wrong.
Tammy

19. Aug, 2009

I began questioning myself when I was 25 and started to have feelings for my best friend. I did not confirm my “gayness” until my first encounter when I was 33. I was so nervous but it was like a light bulb moment when all of a sudden I realized this is what love & sex was supposed to be. I came out to my mother when I was 34, and only some of my friends over the last year. Most of those you now know said they knew a long time ago. HELLO – did someone want to clue me in on the secret????

Now, I can cleary recount why all my male relationships failed and why I always valued my “girlfriends” so much. I should have known just how gay I was/am a long time ago.

I am 35 and have no idea how to “be a lesbian”. No clue where to meet lesbians. No clue how to suddenly tell my huge circle of friends I am a lesbian. I would just like to show up to the next party with a girl on my arm but I don’t know where the hell to meet the girl.

I am you typical femme suburban pta mom. Not interested in cutting my hair or changing my look. My gaydar sucks – I am afraid I will hit on the wrong person. I wish there was a button, sign, or something to let people know.

I look forward to reading more of you blog.
lucyloo1989

23. Aug, 2009

I am 20, complete femme, love to wear fashionable cloathes. Heels. And known to the world as “straight” I have good looking boyfriends who are troopers in the bedroom but i feel they myt not be doing it for me and probly neva have done, not like a woman might!

I feel like i want to explore the female body up close n personal and that there really isnt much to explore sexually with a man?! I am very curious.. curious enough to know that ill have alot of fun with a woman when it happends!

Im good at “the stuff” i know how to hit my own spot…. and i only EVER fantasize about women. Thats always been the case so i think all the clues are there! I know that im a lesbian and ive never even slept with a woman.

I think i always have been and known it but have just spent the whole time kidding myself…. The stupid thing is i probley will spend more time kidding myself until i meet a lesbian i like. Because im not out for the first bit of skirt that comes my way! Like all first times like with a boyfriend. This has to be right too.

What i want to do is get speakin to somebody online, get to know them then who knows 1 day meet.. but why arnt i just putting myself out there am i scared or am i just not ready yet? Or am i ready i just dont want to admitt it lol oh dear now ive confused myself xxx
justjo

08. Sep, 2009

So, so nice to read these entries…but I think I take the “late bloomer” award. I’m 47, and just figuring it out….talk about wasted time!

I can relate to the poster who wished for a button or a t-shirt. I have no idea where to go, what to do, or what to say. I feel 13 all over again and just as confused and awkward as I did then – ack! Even worse, I live in conservative upstate NY…and wish I was in that Brooklyn neighborhood instead where it would seem much easier. Not for another 6 years though…when my son goes away to college. I’ll be 53 then (sigh).
sarah

08. Sep, 2009

love this post! i came out about a year ago…after a horrible marriage of seven years. i’m 27 and this past year is the first year i have actually felt like i’ve lived. i was always a little on the tomboyish side growing up…family always worried that i was a lesbian. i always had girl crushes and actually hit on a girl in highschool, but i did what i was “supposed” to and got married. i never was very femme but never butch either. now eight years later i have finally met the love of my life ( a 32 year old femme beauty who has always known she was a lesbian). i still am neither butch nor femme…just me. only a better, gayer me
Claire

15. Sep, 2009

wow, this is awesome there are so many others who realised a lot later on too! i’m 27 and realised for certain when i was 26 that i was a lesbian. It seems quite a few other people knew before me too, i dunno how i didn’t see the signs lol… My lack of interest in maintaining relationships with guys may have clued in a few people. It wasn’t until 24-25 that my interest in guys just disintergrated. At 26 when i kissed my first girl and i went insanely weak-kneed and everything felt amazingly right, (something i never felt kissing a guy) i knew then i was totally into girls, and that was that.
K

30. Sep, 2009

I’ve always been attracted to men, but every once in a while, I’d have sexual experiences with women. Some women I was attracted to, but not as much as men. As I get older, I become more attracted to women and less attracted to men. I’m very confused. Some days, I love men and some days I think I’m gay. I’m also in a relationship with a man, who I’m in love with, but all I can think about when we are having sex is women…but then I also fantasize about certain men. With men I tend to be more specific, with women, I seem to love them all. Then every once in a while I’m super attracted to one woman. I’m all over the place and extremely confused.
I’m 29…
maria

03. Oct, 2009

Wow,
This is a great post. I’m 30 and just came out. I distinctively remember having my first erotic dream at the age of 14. In my dream i was being dominated by an older woman and i enjoyed it.
When i woke up i was so confused. I went straight to my grandmother and told her. But my gran was no help at all. She said that i’m watching too much TV lol.

I still don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out though, i mean that dream was the first major sign that i’m gay, you’d think i would’ve figured it out then right?
I grew up in a country where many people back then didn’t know what the hell a lesbian was, funny i know.

Anyway, i left my country to study in the UK, and that’s where i had my first experience with a woman at the age of 22. It was amazing and i couldn’t believe i was wasting time having sex with men, however i was seeing a gay at the time who i almost married. I was so confused and unhappy which was the reason for the demise of our relationship.
Three years later i returned home and i was still in denial.
God forbid my family found out, but there were rumours that got so out of hand that i had no choice but to come out. For the first time in my life i feel free!

I’m ultra femme and still single cos there aren’t that many openly gay women in my country, but i’m keeping my fingers crossed
Elizabeth

05. Oct, 2009

I’m 23, fairly femme, and still figuring it out. It’s weird… when I was little, I was only attracted to women. But it was a general sexual attraction to all women. I never got a crush on a particular girl, I never wanted or thought about a romantic relationship with another girl. On the other hand, a very attractive man will occasionally make my nerves stand on end. (The other day, I saw a man so handsome I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him directly for fear I’d dissolve into giggles.) Even so, as young as 11, I felt a spark of recognition when I saw an interview with Ellen Degeneres about being gay. I immediately thought, “Oh, that’s me.” But now I’m not so sure about that.

I have no clue when I started gradually becoming more attracted to men, but now I sort of am. It’s strange, though – I’m very romantically attracted to men. I’ve always fantasized about romance with men, and a man giving me flowers still makes me swoon. But sexually, it’s more sporadic: only a few, very specific types of men are sexually attractive to me (whereas I find a much wider variety of women arousing). But I don’t know if I actually want to have sex with them; I just like looking at them. Weirdly enough, I’m also seriously turned on by gay men. The thought of guys doing it with each other turns me on SO MUCH – almost as much as two girls together. Whereas I’m kind of bored by the thought of a guy and a girl together. Strange.

I’ve never been with a woman sexually or romantically. I’m shy, closeted, and no girl has ever hit on me. I’d probably like it, but I don’t know. I’m kind of scared to wade into whatever lesbian scene there is here because I don’t like butch or androgynous girls, and I’ve gotten the distinct impression that among lesbians, if you’re not butch or androgynous, you’re not welcome.
sGarb

07. Oct, 2009

Amen, sister. I didn’t realize I’m a complete lez until I was 23 and had been in a relationship with a guy for 5 years. I wish someone had tapped me on the shoulder in high school and said that, no, it wasn’t so straight to have crushes on numerous teachers, put posters of hot girls on your walls, and tend to like your best friend a little too much.
melissa

08. Oct, 2009

I came out as “bi” when I was 24, but never had a relationship with another chick until a little over a year ago. Quite frankly, I dated guys for so long because it was “easier,” or so it seemed. I tended towards rather effeminate men, though, so eventually, I figured if I’m going to be with people who are going to act like girls they might as well at least have the tits to match.

What’s sad, though. is that’s really only halfway joking.

I chased a girl for a few years WHILE I was dating and living with men. I just kind of kept a guy around as a crutch because I was frankly afraid. Despite growing up in a family that is literally 50% lesbian, I didn’t have a clue to get started. I finally got a date with that girl after years and it was a total dud.

I finally met the right girl, though, and within just a short time of being with her, I could never imagine going back to guys. I like them as people and friends, but sex with one is about as appealing as slamming my own head in the car door repeatedly.
Amanda

12. Oct, 2009

“I don’t think that I am femme because I came out late in life, but I DO believe I could have come out in life BECAUSE I’m femme.”

YES.

I thought I just wasn’t a sexual person when I was in relationships guys, and then when I was 19, I had my first bang-on crush…for a girl! I felt really dense after my inital shock. I always just thought girls were more fun and that I could identify with them more. I’m still just coming to the realisation that even though I probably could be in a relationship with a man, it would just be hard work and I’d have no real sex life- soooo, not a relationship at all. The fact that I can only emotionally connect with a woman actually was my first indicator…hah! My first crush was pretty femme and maybe it took longer to sink in since I wasn’t attracted to the girls I saw everyday since they were like family (nor my type, give me a cheekboned femme any day!). I’m already an easily confused person as it is! I really don’t know… But it does just all make sense now: first basemen on the softball team, post in basketball…yeah! I don’t think friends were surprised to hear either. I would’ve loved to hear of their suspicions too!

Now that I’m growing into my Gayness, my hair’s grown longer and I’m more femme than ever. I don’t actually identify with or see myself as butch so I don’t think I’d be comfortable as a person going down that route. I can’t actually bring myself to get a star tat either since it’s just so indie/punk these days. Now the lambda’s a great idea for a dork like me!

Some great ideas for femmes who constantly feel the need to carry our proof of membership!

(…I love boobs!)

see?!
eliana

09. Dec, 2009

this post is great. i also LOVED reading everyones responses, as i can relate to bits and pieces of each one.

i dont think the timing of your outness has anything to do with what kind of lesbian you are. the girl i love (a hot sexy butch, as a matter of fact) figured it out around the same time i did (maybe about 6 years ago or so). i really think, like you said, butches will be butches and femmes will be femmes. unless the curiosity kills them and they switch sides. which happens. hope that helps.

also wanted to add, that it may seem common for femmes to like femmes. but i am very much not part of that generalization. i feel that femmes are beautiful and loving, however i crave the dominance of a butch and definitely find it more attractive. though the woman i love does let me be a top every once in a while. :]
Kana

09. Jan, 2010

Haha, I always knew, from a young age
I guess I was a gay baby?
I was a tomboy in grade school, now femme
I think whether you realize or not, you might have some subconscious preference of the type you fit in to.
Then again, I guess I was flexible – changing from tomboyish to femme because I was still at the growing age..raging hormones and all.
AGirlInTheMiddle

19. Feb, 2010

I JUST found this blog and its GREAT! I love it

I’ve wondered that question myself, whether knowing you are a certain way effects you actually *being* that certain way. With lesbianism or, well, pretty much anything else.

I’m 26 and still confused. My entire life I’ve been sexually attracted to females. I experimented sexually as a child and it was almost all females. The only reason I ever experimented with a boy was because he wanted to and I remember NOT wanting to touch him. I’m an attractive female and have had numerous boys/men throughout my life desire me, so finding a boyfriend was never hard. I never really cared too much about the guys I dated and, although I was/am a little nympho, I didn’t get much sexual satisfaction from it. I was even married for 7 years and have a beautiful child from that marriage.

I am currently in a relationship with a man that I love dearly but I still have strong sexual and emotional feelings for women. My current man is understanding (what man wouldn’t be interested in seeing two girls).

From the time I was in elementary school until now I’ve always been attracted to tomboy-ish or androgynous girls. In high school I had a huge crush on a girl and still fantasize about her now and then. And its not purely a sexual fantasy, I think about holding and kissing her passionately and telling her sweet things to make her feel good.

After all this explanation, in short, I’M CONFUSED! lol I want to be with a girl so bad, the thought seems so right, but I love the man I have with all my heart… Please tell me theres been other girls that have been this confused.
GreenIsGood

01. Mar, 2010

Here is a shocker: I’m in my 30s, married for a while and have a litter of kids.

I really, really like women. Kinda always known that but….

Finally got “it” to happen a while back with someone who’s in her 40s. This was a first for both of us. Now we can’t get enough of each other. She is in a relationship long term with a guy. He tells me he would have never known that about her. He is cool with us, which is great. I am realizing men are so lacking.

So, I am kinda confused, I am thinking I’m bi, cuz yes, I do have interest in men, but I mostly just like to dominate them but when it comes to my girl, it’s a whole different feeling-like what have I been missing all this time????

Anyone out there with a similar situation?
lovergirl

05. Mar, 2010

I have a boyfriend. This girl hits on me at the gym… It’s unlike any way i’ve ever been approached. I don’t think I like girls. I like her though. I really hope it’s no just me liking attention. I wouldn’t want to hurt her by my selfishness. She has pretty hair, and the way she looks at me makes me nervous…..

I’m 22. Femme, but athletic.
I like her.
Crystal

05. Mar, 2010

I’m 19 years old now, and I only figured out I was a lesbian less than a year ago. The idea that I might be never even occurred to me at all, despite my many crushes on girls growing up. I’ve also had crushes on men, but my crushes on girls date back to before I even knew what crushes were.

One day, it just hit me all at once, & it was like in movies when the character realizes something & all the flashbacks come to them really quick. I couldn’t believe it. I think I just sat there in shock after realizing it, for like an hour, but by the end of that hour, I was completely convinced.

I don’t think your personality/lesbian-type is affected by what age you come out, because I’ll always be the same person.
Sarah 1.2

06. Mar, 2010

Y’know, Sasha, I’m going to have to say that I don’t think age of realisation impacts lesbian-type at all. I was always to most tomboyish thing growing up.
Through high school, I looked gay. (Come on, there’s gotta be someone out there that agrees with me that there are some people that you can just look at and go, ’so gay.’) Despite that, of course, I insisted upon my straightness. (Haha, so wrong.)
I femmed out a bit (a LOT) post-realisation, without consciously doing so.
So… no, I wouldn’t say that I would have been any different if I’d've known earlier.
I think a lot of people’d agree that it’s mostly just a personality thing, really, and personality doesn’t change because you’ve realised something about yourself, especially if it’s something that pretty much had to have always been there.

Anyway, great blog. You write well. Pity I didn’t find this post earlier!
Oh well.