I’m in a constant state of awe at my total lack of self-awareness as far as figuring out I was a lesbian. I mean really, how could I not have figured out I was gay before the age of 24!?
I mean I could understand if I was bi. But I’m not. I’m just gay, I’m sooooooo gay it’s hard to fathom that it took me SO long to figure it out.
My girlfriend is one of the lucky ones, a lifer. She’s known her entire life since she was a little tomboy trying to impress all her older sister’s friends that she was a lesbian. Before she even knew the word for it, she knew what she was. God how I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self, “Hey don’t waste your time on him. It’s his sister you really want.”
I can’t help but try to imagine how different my life would have been if I had known back in high school when I started dating. How smooth I’d be with women by now if instead of honing my skills on the more brutish of the species I had spent that time sweet talking the ladies. I also wonder how many women I would have slept with by now. No doubt I would have been a huge slut and slept with every girl on my cheer squad, every girl on the basketball team and even a few on the softball team. Then by the time I got to college I’m sure I would have been nothing less then a total mac.
I even wonder how knowing so early would have affected my style. Would I have ended up more butch? More tomboi/sporty? Would I have pushed for those karate lessons I wanted so dearly in lieu of all those ballet classes I took for twenty years? Maybe if I had known I was a lesbian in my formative years I might not have ended up such a femme?
Hmmmm ….. I really wonder what affect it has on one’s identity within the lesbian community at what age you come out, at least to yourself. Do lesbians that know from an early age tend to be more butch? Are femmes girls that didn’t have a clue till after they had molded themselves into societies idea of a lady?
What do you think? Does knowing you’re gay early in life affect what type of lesbian you’re going to end up being? Or is a butch a butch and a femme a femme no matter when the proverbial light bulb goes off that says “Oh, I like girls!”
i just turned 19 the other night…and i didn’t come out to anyone till about half-way through being 18. I think, for me personally, i grew up in an environment where being gay or bi was the worst sin you could do. when i was younger, there was no doubt that i had an attraction to girls but i just figured that i thought they were pretty and i wanted to be like them…only i didn’t know i wanted to be with them lol. it was always some forbidden thing to my family. though they had issues with that kinda sexuality, i was always super accepting of other people being gay and i still have a lot of friends that are gay/bi to this day. i always wondered why i felt so at home with them..not just cuz they’re awesome friends, but because they always were open-minded and accepting ..not just of sexuality but of unique/different people in general. so basically, most of my life, i just tried to supress the thoughts of being gay until literally one day i just woke up and it was like a reality smack in the face. i just knew i had to stop lying to myself..it was just completely unhealthy for me and i was soooo tired of dating guys. no offense to guys or anything, but i just never really clicked well with any guy…well maybe except for my very first boyfriend, but after that, every guy that i did date was only because it felt like what i was “supposed” to do. ya know, i just thought, well i’m a “straight” girl and i should be dating guys. and eventually, everything just kept getting worse, i broke a lot of guys hearts unfortunately..i just never had that deep connection. and not to get too graphical here, but even during sex or alone time, girls was the only thing i could think about if i ever wanted to have a happy ending lol. ok that was probably a really bad line, but u know what i mean lol. as far as what age you are when u truly know your sexuality, i really don’t think it matters. even if you’re in ur 30s, 40s, 50s, ect…i think everyone is different and so people are gonna know at different times. also, i think it might be different depending on how you were raised, because, like i said my family was very much an anti-gay crowd (still is today) and that was the main thing that stopped me from figuring out who i really was at a young age. anyways, i think whenever you come to terms with who you are, it is a blessing, because then you can really start living your life and i know i’m 100xs happier now that i know i’m gay…a relationship with a girl is a whole lot more exciting
:)…and it feels more meaningful too. but anyways..sorry this entry was so lengthy..just wanted to get all my thoughts across to people. i hope it helped 
email me if ya want ^^
—Jen
I doubt that the age that you realize your sexuality has much to do with what kind of lesbian you end up as.
I am still young, and still finding my place in the gay community, but I realized towards the end of high school (which wasn’t so long ago), but had pretty real relationships with boys before then. So that seemed pretty late to me, but I have always been a total tomboy.
But then again, even though I had no idea that I was gay, when I look back I realize that there were many girls that I had strong feelings for, but just didn’t understand those feelings.
So maybe I have always known?
I feel caught between my lover and my family. I love my family very much my father had a heart atack on my 25 b day. It just made me realize how short life can be and I want them to be happy with me. I am not a perfict child when I was a kid I gave my parents hell on earth while raising me. I just don’t know if I can handle disapointing them anymore than what I already have.
As for my lover we were best friends for a while before we became an item. Then we separated and then got back together mean while our relationship was suffering. With the, lieing, stealing, and many other stupid things on her part. Well since then it has been a year and a half. She gets in contact with me for the first time. At first I ignored her then I just listened and she listened. There is forgiveness there between the both of us. So I feel stuck I don’t really know what to do??? Make myself happy and be with her….. Or even if that’s the right choice for me… or move on? My parents dislike her very much because of what she did to me IDK. I do love her very much and I would love to give it a shot if several people in my life including my family were supportive. I serousely thought I had gotten over her. But I guess not. IDK what to do? Ugh!
Hi Erin, it has been my humbling experience that no one can tell you to get over someone a second before you’re ready. If your heart is telling you she’s the one, you may owe it yourself to try again. If for no other reason, so that when it’s over the next time, you can walk away knowing you gave it your best shot.
However, not knowing the whole story … you’ll have to ask yourself are you willing to be hurt again by her? Because past behavior is a strong indicator of future actions. So go into this with your eyes wide open.
Is your family supportive of you being gay? Or is it just this particular girl they don’t like? If they’re supportive of you being gay, then it would seem that their disapproval may be out of love and concern for your best interest. Maybe you could talk to them about your dilemma and ask them out right for support in your decision?
Best of luck, Erin.
I need some advice from anyone willing to help. I am unsure of my sexual preference. When it comes to a relationship without sex(for example being able to openly talk about anything) I prefer to be with a man. When it comes to a relationship that involves sex I prefer being with a woman. My big dilema is that both of my parents aren’t even able to talk to me about my so called “choice”. I have dated a woman in the past and LOVED her unconditionally. My parents were aware of my dating her (they didnt like it), but since then I have dated a few guys. I never told them that I prefered one over the other, but now I am wanting a relationship with a woman again. I am wondering how I can tell them that I want to be with a woman again and maybe smooth things over with them? I need the acceptance from my parents, however they won’t be able to always hold me back. Please, if anyone has any suggestions leave a comment for me. Thank you, Amanda