Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

Gay Ballroom Dancing

Posted on 25. Oct, 2009 by Sasha.

Who’s heard of the World Outgames?

Well I hadn’t until today. I used to teach ballroom, salsa and swing dancing but I haven’t so much as stepped foot in a dance studio for at least 5 years. Honestly, I thought I might never dance again for various reasons. Being burned out was at the top of that list.

But recently I’ve started missing the feeling I would get from gliding across that perfectly polished, wooden floor. The smell of resin and the tingle I used to get as soon as I walked into a studio. I don’t miss the eating disorders, the warped body image issues and the self-loathing of ballet classes.

I do however miss the elegance of the tango, the sensuality of the rumba, the sexiness of salsa and the fun of swing. I had heard some time ago, rumors that there were gay and lesbian ballroom classes somewhere in Long Beach. Hmmm ….. let the hunt begin!

So I began trying to talk Remi into taking classes with me if I could find the right place. In my Googling I stumbled across the World Outgames on YouTube and had to share this with you. These gay boys can sure dance!

While not exactly the motivation I had hoped to find for Remi, it was still a great way to start the day. Then while looking for lesbian couples, I found these boys instead. It was too jaw dropping not to share.

Oh and if anyone knows where they actually teach gay and lesbian ballroom or salsa would you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know? Thank you

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Am I over-reacting??!!!

Posted on 30. Aug, 2009 by Sasha.

OMFG!!! I just have to rant here for a second.

As you know, i work from home. Hence my home office consists of my laptop and wherever I chose to keep my laptop. I also have another laptop that’s loaded with biofeedback software and hooks up to another machine. That biofeedback laptop is worth about $30,000. Plus I have another program running on yet another machine that’s over $18,000.

So call me crazy but I have ONE rule: DON’T PUT LIQUIDS ON MY DESK.

I have asked Remi not to place her coffee, her soda, her juice, her milk, her water on the same desk as ALL my equipment because liquids and motherboards DON’T mix.

Yet she as repeatedly now and then, done just that. Absent-mindedly placed various drinks ON MY DESK!!!!! I have always taken a deep breath and tried to calmly ask her to move them. Or on several occasions just moved them myself to avoid hearing the anger rising in my own voice.

But today, on her day off … after I announce that I’m going to go do our laundry and cook for the dogs and a few other chores … she tells me she’s going to go take a shower. “Thanks for the help there, Remi.” I think to myself. But say nothing because she does do a lot and maybe I’m just being irritable today.

So she goes to take a shower and when I finish with my boring-ass chores I go sit down to check my email and get some writing done and nearly knock over an almost full cup of coffee that’s sitting right by my computers.

I saw red.

I went to the bathroom door and yelled at her while she was in the shower, “Remi. Would you please, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE NOT put ANY liquids by the computers!?”

To which I heard a meek, “Ok” come from the bathroom but I could have sworn it was more of a, “WTF are you getting so upset about?” tone in her voice that only infuriated me more!

By the time she got out of the bathroom and came to the door … looking younger then usual, wrapped in a big white fluffy towel, hair still wet from the shower and these puppy dog eyes staring at me … well I should have been calmer by then but I wasn’t.

I ended up almost yelling, “Why on earth do you insist on doing this? Being so disrespectful to my work, to my life! This is my whole life on this desk and you continually put it at risk just because you won’t put your coffee somewhere else!?” (fyi there’s another little table to the left and right behind the the chair, so there are OTHER places for drinks)

My voice was shaking and I thought I might actually cry. It wouldn’t be the first time today anyway and it only gets easier to let the tears flow after the damns been broken.

But I didn’t, instead I let an icy cold quality come through my voice and I could see that it really bothered her. She walked away and the next thing I heard was a door slam down the hall.

Did I over-react?

I feel like it’s if I went to her place of work and every once in a while did something to put her job at risk. But then just said, “I’m sorry, what’s the big deal? You didn’t lose your job. You could have. But you didn’t, so just calm down.”

Am I being an uber-bitch this morning? Be honest.

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Best Places to be A Lesbian

Posted on 29. Jun, 2009 by Sasha.

Sometimes the hustle and bustle of life in Los Angels wears on my nerves and I start day dreaming about running away to Little Town USA and starting over. Maybe buying some land, putting up solar panels and buying the water rights to my very own well. You think I’m joking? I’m not.

For what I could sell my 4 bedroom, 2 bath house here in L.A. for, I could literally buy a freakin’ estate somewhere else …. almost anywhere else across the country and have a nice little nest egg. I’ve researched the markets, talked to realtors. I even convinced Remi we should just do it.

But of course I want to move somewhere gay friendly. I’m more then a little spoiled here in LA, where we have Long Beach to the south and WeHo to the north. I’m conveniently located smack dab in the middle of two of the gayest places on earth. So of course if I’m going to uproot my whole life, I want to make sure I’m not moving somewhere that will try to force me back into the closet.

After a lot of thought, I seriously considered Salt Lake City, Utah. Don’t yell at me just yet. Hold on and hear me out. SLC has one of the fastest growing gay populations in the US not to mention that for my money, I could literally afford to buy a gorgeous, renovated Victorian in downtown Salt Lake City and still buy myself that new BMW I’ve been drooling over. Not to mention enough seed money to start up a little business. Ya, not sounding too stupid now is it?

Well, we were getting all excited about the idea when I started getting in contact with the local GLBT community out there to really find out what it’s like to be gay in Utah. The unanimous opinion from every gay person I spoke to was, “It’s great out here, we have a strong, vibrant, close knit community. But make sure you stay within the city. Oh yea, and the laws suck, we have no protections, no rights and you could get fired just for being gay. But other then that, come on over!”

Eeeeeeek. Excuse me?

So I did some more research and found out, unfortunately that Utah is not for me. While there are good deals in real estate out there, I’m not about to move to a state where every one warns me to stay within the city limits for my own safety. WTF??!!! Not to mention the long list of civil right infringements that go along with being gay in Utah, No thank you.

Apparently, one of the many prices you pay for living in a gay friendly area is sky high real estate prices. Like someone said, but i can’t remember who, “I always knew I’d live in a million dollar home in L.A. I just didn’t know it would be a two bedroom, one bath.”

So for now, I’ve resigned myself to staying in sunny southern California for the foreseeable future. But out of curiosity I googled, “gayest cities in the USA” and came across this list of the top 5 best cities for lesbians.

I’ve only been to San Francisco, but I’ve got to disagree with this list. I firmly believe that Los Angeles should have made the list. But here it is anyways, for your perusal.

Top 5 Top Lesbian Cities in the United States
By Kathy Belge, About.com

1. Northampton, Massachusetts
Dubbed as “Lesbianville U.S.A.” by the The National Enquirer in 1992, Northampton, MA is the best city in America for lesbians. The Northampton area has always been a great place to live, and because gays and lesbians can get legally married in Massachusetts, it tops our list. Northampton is a small town, but because of the numerous universities, including Smith College, Northampton has all the cultural offerings of a big city.

2. Portland, Oregon
If Northampton is Lesbianville of the East, Portland is Lesbianville of the West. Lesbians flock to Portland for the same reasons straights do, it’s a great place to live. Among other distinctions, Portland was rated the Best Walking City and Best Bicycling City in America. Although voters passed an anti-gay marriage law last year, Portland residents lean more to the left than the rest of the state. Add a great music scene and plenty of lesbian hangouts to the mix.

3. San Francisco, California
San Francisco must be the gayest city on earth. And it’s not just the boys who find home here. Whether you’re a young, politcal dyke or gender queer or a six-figure power lesbian, San Francisco can’t be beat. Take a stroll in Golden Gate Park or shop for wedding bands in the Castro. With one of the nation’s best domestic partnership rulings and child protection laws, San Francisco is also a great place to raise a family.

4. New York, New York
The largest city in the world is a mecca for lesbians. Brooklyn’s Park Slope neighborhood is where the sapphic sisters of New York tend to congregate, but the city that never sleeps has something for lesbians of every age, political persuasion and background in all of its borroughs. From the classic Rubyfruit bar to esoteric performance art in Soho. Whether you want to visit the home of gay rights Stonewall Riots or if Riot GRRL is more your scene, New York City is the place for you.

5. Atlanta, Georgia
Atlanta is the queer capital of the South. And one of the nation’s most diverse. Whether you want to dance your feet off at My Sister’s Room lesbian bar or spend a leisurly afternoon at Outwrite gay and lesbian bookstore. With one of the nation’s largest gay pride parades, gay film festival and numerous other cultural events, you’ll understand why they call this “Hot-lanta.”

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Near Death Experience : No I’m not kidding

Posted on 17. Mar, 2009 by Sasha.

OK .. so why haven’t I posted anything in a while? Because …

A) I did, yesterday but it was only up for a few minutes. Never blog while being emotional. Write it all out, it’s good therapy. But then hold on to it for at least 24 hours before you put it out there for public consumption. I ended up hurting a friend of mine because I wasn’t clear enough about WHO I was talking about and I didn’t give all the dirty little details about why I was butt-hurt by certain individuals. My bad.

Plus I realize that by posting it I was taking part and contributing to the very issue I was complaining about: lesbian drama. So I was wrong to post it, I’ve never had a problem admitting when I’m wrong. Just because I got my feelings hurt doesn’t give me the right to hurt anyone back.

B) Another reason I haven’t been writing lately is that recently something pretty personal and pretty serious happened. I won’t say what it is, so please don’t ask. But I will say that I’ve been given another chance and I realize how amazing life is and I don’t want to take it for granted ever again.

The incident has me a little out of sorts and I guess I just needed some time to feel the ground under my feet again so to speak. I’m still not there yet, but I’m working on it.

Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll be up to my old tricks again in no time, blogging about it so you all can tell me what a dork I am yet again.

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Confessions of a Pillow Princess

Posted on 04. Mar, 2009 by Sasha.

I was having one of those uncomfortable conversations late one night in bed with my girlfriend. It went something like this:

“It’s been two days.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired.”

“That’s what you said last night and the night before.”

“I know, I’m sorry!”

“Stop saying sorry! I just want to know what’s wrong.”

Dead silence for a few minutes. Reruns of Ghosthunters playing in the background. Then for no good reason I can think of, out of the blue I follow up with, “You want to know what I miss about having sex with a man?”

Really? What the hell is wrong with me!?

“What?” was the only thing Remi could say but I could already see that I should have kept that part to myself.

Not to mention that I don’t actually miss having sex with men, but in my convoluted thinking I thought to myself, “This will be a good ice-breaker into why I haven’t been in the mood lately!” …. *dunce cap please* …. just point me to the nearest corner.

So what was my brilliant reason for missing sex with men?! (more…)

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My first Ultimatum: Me or Her?

Posted on 17. Feb, 2009 by Sasha.

Remi and I are fighting. We’ve barely spoken since last night. She came home from work and for some reason everything she did was on my last nerve. Little things like not washing her dishes and expecting me to do it all the time to not wanting to eat dinner with me, even though I told her the night before to expect to have dinner together when she got home.

Plus she’s pissed at me for having stayed in contact with an ex. Who I said I wouldn’t talk to anymore. I know, I know …. bad Sasha. So shoot me. I suck at monogamy. But I’m trying.

Ughhh …. living together is not easy. I guess the honeymoon’s over.

That was fast. (more…)

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First Night Out in a While …. Oh boy

Posted on 25. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

A few of you asked me to re-post this so here it is. This is the previously deleted post that I took down because a reader left a scathing comment. Usually I have pretty thick skin but I guess I didn’t yesterday. But thanks to some of your comments I feel a little better so I’ve re-posted in an attempt to stay true to what I like to do, which is be painfully honest about the highs and lows. This was a low. So be it. I’m not only NOT perfect, I’m pretty fucked up sometimes. I know this. Remi knows this. I’ve apologized to her for the evening and she forgave me, so that’s all that matters.

So tonight was the first night that Remi and I have been out since she got discharged from the Marine Corps. But before we get to WeHo let’s back up a bit. (more…)

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I apologize.

Posted on 24. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Yep. I was a jerk last night. Yes I deleted my last post because I was ashamed of my behavior.

Yes. I was a very bad girl. Wow what a surprise. I apologize to anyone who reads this for my saintly behavior.

So to those of you that now side with women I used to date who like to comment on here calling me a bitch. You’re all right. I can be. I don’t know how Remi puts up with me!!!

The end.

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A Lesbian Cluster Fuck

Posted on 08. Dec, 2008 by Sasha.

Where has Sasha been? Well I’ll tell you and I’ll stop speaking in the annoying third person.

Over the last two weeks I have been embroiled in the most complicated, lesbian cluster fuck ever imaginable. Not only is it ALL totally blog worthy, it also happens to be so personal and painful that I actually can not really tell you all the details.

But I can give you an idea.

The said cluster fuck involved my former best friend Zoe, Becky, and of course me. It seemed that the minute Remi’s plane took off, my world would explode into a childish game of “She said, she said” drama of epic proportions.

I really can’t get into the details except to say that after all was said and done, Becky and I remained friends, all though for a day or so we both thought we hated each other and thought that Zoe was the innocent doe she so masterfully presented to the world.

But after all the sh*t hit the fan and we wiped the metaphorical blood from our brow we realized that Zoe had been anything but the innocent damsel in distress we both thought she was. If our emotional wounds, upsets and turbulence that we suffered over all of this lesbian drama had a physical equivalent, when all the dust had settled you would have seen three women, bruised and bloodied. Maybe one or two of them would have had tear stained faces that betrayed the depth of their feelings over what had occurred, even if in the aftermath all you would hear them say was, “Fuck her. I don’t care.” When in reality you knew they did.

A few days have passed and we’ve all retreated to our own corners to lick our wounds and regroup. But one thing is clear. When we come back out, Becky and I will be the only two still speaking to one another. I’m sad to say that even though our friendship survived this debacle, I do feel that it was injured in some way. Hopefully over time, it will heal completely and we’ll be better friends then we were before.

I also learned that there’s nothing more dangerous to a lesbian then falling for a straight girl, or a even worse, a girl in denial over her sexual identity. We can’t change others and we can’t force anyone out of the closet. All we can do is be true to ourselves and respect ourselves enough to realize that our time is too valuable to waste on people who see us as an experiment or a walk on the wild side. We deserve to be surrounded by people who are as true to themselves as we are to ourselves. That way we don’t have to waste any time and we can get down to what’s really important: love and friends.

I’m sure a few of you will read this and shake your heads, thinking that I’m immature for getting caught up in such petty drama. But the truth is, it wasn’t petty. It was about trust, friendship, loyalty and love. If those issues are too insignificant for you to waste your time on, then that’s your business. But the way I see it, it was time well spent to find out who my real friends really are.

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Confess thy sins and purify your soul

Posted on 21. Oct, 2008 by Sasha.

Or, just get drunk and spill your guts.

I’ve always considered myself lucky not be burdened with any feelings of jealousy, guilt or remorse. I know, I know … I sound like a sociopath. I’ve actually been accused of being one. But I don’t think I am. Especially not since getting with my girlfriend.

One night she was getting text messages from other women, constantly. This really odd and unfamiliar feeling started stirring inside me. It started in the pit of my stomach then started to whirl around a bit, like a tornado and I started to get really irritated. I had to ask myself what the hell was wrong with me? What was this I was feeling?

Then a little voice in the back of my head said, “This is what jealousy feels like.”

Oh crap!

Since when am I jealous? Never. At least never before.

Damn …. mental note to self: jealousy sucks. But it also told me that Remi must really be different from the other girls I’ve dated. Since no one else has ever gotten that reaction out of me.

But wait, it gets worse!

I’ve never felt bad about screwing up in relationships. I’m used to being the dick-head that does something jerky like run out, right after sex by pretending to get an important phone call. Or slightly overlapping my women … but hey, if I wasn’t in a “committed” relationship I didn’t owe anyone any explanation. I was a free agent and I acted as such.

Suffice it to say, that with that attitude, I’ve racked up a couple incidents that are maybe less than stellar character references. Which really didn’t bother me at all.

Until now.

The other night, Remi and I were at our favorite local gay bar and I was pounding the drinks. After getting sufficiently liquored up, I started spilling my guts about several dumb ass things I’ve done in the recent past.

Things that I regret doing, only because I knew it would bother her if she ever found out. Things that I felt I had to tell her, because she suspected there was something to tell and for some stupid reason, I can’t lie to this woman!

So with my blood alcohol level well above the legal limit, to be sure, I spilled my guts and told her not one, but two! Count them, TWO slightly horrible and slutty things I’ve done since she’s known me. Ugh.

I’ve never felt compelled to tell anyone the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I don’t get it? What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I keep my mouth shut around this girl?!

It’s as if I have to tell her everything, even the crappy stuff because I just can’t stand not to.

Please, somebody stop me!

Fortunately, she’s a very calm person by nature. She took in the information, drank some more and thought about it. Later, forgiving me but with the admonition that this new information would color how she viewed some of my future actions, especially when those actions involved drinking without her.

Eh. I shouldn’t be drinking so much anyways.

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IM’ing an Angry Ex at Work: Priceless

Posted on 19. Sep, 2008 by Sasha.

OMG!!! Instant messaging with your ex, days after getting with your new girlfriend? Not the best idea. Who knew?

How can Mr. be mad at me when the whole time we were “dating” I wanted to be with her but she didn’t want a real relationship?! Yet now that I’m with someone else, she’s on her high horse looking down at me saying that I hurt her! Wait. What?

How could she be hurt when she told me repeatedly that she didn’t want anything more than friends with naked benefits? I can’t tell you how many times I was at her beck and call. For months, when this woman asked me to come over, I would drop everything and show up on her doorstep just happy to spend time with her doing nothing. Of course we both new that the night would inevitably end in bed.

Yet no matter how good the sex was, it was just sex and we both knew it. I tiptoed around conversations that had anything remotely to do with feelings or our pseudo-relationship. Knowing full well that she would either shut me down completely, making me feel like a needy wanna-be-girlfriend (which I was not) or she would say something so astoundingly hurtful that I would feel as if I had just been punched in the gut.

I remember telling her one time, “You probably won’t appreciate me until I’m gone.”

To which she responded in a flat, monotone voice, “What makes you think I’ll appreciate you then?”

Ouch.

In that moment I knew it was never EVER going anywhere. But I still stayed.

Why you might ask? Well for one thing I still fucking cared about her whether she cared or not. I was still madly attracted her. The sex was awesome. We had fun together … when we weren’t fighting. I was attached to her, despite all my best efforts not to be. So I stayed.

But a girl can only take so much.

So now I’m with a girl that doesn’t say hurtful things. She doesn’t play mind games. A girl who’s actions belie her words. Imagine that!

But in moving on I hurt Mr. Which even after all that’s happened between us, I never wanted to do. I still care about her and hate that she thinks I would do something with the intention of causing her pain. I would never and I’m sorry that is has.

I’ve heard of lesbians remaining friends with their ex’s … I hope it’s not just an urban legend.

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So You Didn’t Read My Warning Label, Huh?

Posted on 20. Jun, 2008 by Sasha.

It’s one thing to blog about yourself and confess all the countless reasons that you are unsuitable for “in a relationship” status. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting when one of your “victims” leaves a biting, yet true comment on said blog confirming your less than ideal view of yourself.

I won’t apologize for anything today since I didn’t really do anything wrong THIS time. Actually this time I was more straightforward and honest than usual. I admitted that I was already seeing someone else. I told this person that I was not looking for an instant relationship. Maybe my mistake was being too polite. I don’t know but if the woman I’m referring to reads this, feel free to leave another comment about what a crappy person I am. I don’t censor my comments, no matter how much I would like to sometimes.

If I were trying to play women and treat them badly do you really think that I would refer you to my blog for the selfless reason of forewarning you about myself?

No, I wouldn’t. Instead I would keep my mouth shut and my ears open … among other things, to give myself something juicy to blog about. But no! I don’t do that.

Maybe I should though. Maybe I should revert back to my old ways of hittin’ it and quittin’ it…. then I would have something blog worthy almost every day. Well, at least until I ran out of women.

There is one reason that I won’t be doing that any time soon. OK, more than one reason. The first is that I respect women more than that. I’ve grown up a lot since those days and I no longer feel the need to prove my gayness by bedding every girl I see. I don’t like hurting girls, even unintentionally and sometimes my being too polite gets me in trouble. I guess it would be better if I could be a bit bitchier when called for. But I’ve never been good at that. It’s like pulling a bandaid off in one quick motion instead of easing it off a little at a time. I need to yank more and pull less.

Whatever I need to do, the fact remains that unlike most lesbians, I come prepackaged with a huge warning label that reads:

Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your emotional health. Highly flammable, handle with care.

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Another Dumb Dyke Move

Posted on 13. Jun, 2008 by Sasha.

Getting involved with emotionally unavailable women.

Yep, I’m sooo guilty of that it’s not even funny. But when I look at it from a deeper perspective I’m forced to admit that part of the reason I’m attracted to these emotionally distant women is because I’m as unavailable and cold as they are. If not more.

Not that I want to be that way, or that I try to be. In fact anyone who knows me would probably disagree with that statement. But that would only go to show that I’ve managed to keep them at a distance far enough away that I appear to be something I am not: emotionally available and secure in what I want and need. Nope, that’s not me. Objects in mirror are farther away then they appear.

Yet even with a moderate amount of self-awareness, I still find myself helplessly entangled with women that can’t offer anything more substantial than a maybe on a coffee date.

Which leaves me kicking myself for not falling for the nice girls that offer up on a silver platter everything I thought I wanted and everything I should want. But instead I’m stuck on stupid for all the wrong women, for all the wrong reasons.


Ladies, if you’re one of the nice girls and you’re reading this: run in the opposite direction next time you see me. I’m not being self-deprecating here for humor’s sake. I’m being brutally honest for yours. If you need a reminder take a look at some past blogs where I tell it like it is in Salvage Title Lesbians and the Top 11 Reasons NOT to date me… believe me girls, I held back. I’m sure there are really 111 reasons to cross the street when you see me coming your way.

Run, don’t walk to your nearest exit if you spot this damaged dyke at your local lesbian hangout.

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Top 10 Reasons You’ll WANT to Date Me.

Posted on 15. Apr, 2008 by Sasha.

1)

2)

3)

Oh man, who am I kidding? I’ve got bupkis.

I sat down tonight and tried to think of a list of reasons why someone would want to date me, to you know … ease the blow a bit. But I couldn’t come up with any! How sad is that? Of course I can think of some but nothing that doesn’t sound like a resume or make me sound like a bigger ass than I already sound like. It just occurred to me that my degree in public relations could use some dusting off and perhaps I could try to use some of those skills on my own behalf. But what fun would that be?

Who new that publicly declaring ALL your worst traits could make a girl so popular? My last post, about all the reasons you should run the other way if you ever see me in a club was the post popular post to date. I’m sort of happy to announce that 500 strangers read it yesterday … yay … I think.

I can’t help but realize that I’m probably shooting myself in the foot as far as dating anyone who ever sees or finds out about this blog. But then again I’ve got nothing to hide, in case you haven’t noticed.

For anyone wondering about the infamous “C”, I will say a few things. 1) She knows I’m going to write about her. 2) The weird thing is she wants me too. 3) I’m not sure how I feel about that. 4) She’s a little crazy and I told her that.

Am I being paranoid in considering the possibility that writing a blog like this could attract some questionable women, with some questionable motives? It freaked me out a bit that “C” wanted to watch me write about her. What the hell is that about?

I need to get out more.

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11 Reasons NOT to Date Me

Posted on 14. Apr, 2008 by Sasha.

Maybe I should have posted this earlier, but better late than later.

(Slight disclaimer: For the right girl I might be willing to work a bit on 1,2,7 & 8 …. well, probably not 2. But the rest depends on you.)

1. I’m emotionally distant … I’ve been called cold on more than one occasion.

2. I’m severely allergic to cuddling. If you’re new to my blog, let me fill you in. I will, let me repeat, I WILL have sex with you and then leave AS SOON as possible, usually in various stages of undress just to make sure you don’t have the chance to ask me what I’m thinking.

3. I put my dogs and family first. My friends and career after that. So that leaves you in a dismal third, fourth or fifth, depending on your math skills. Even if you manage to claw your way up my priority list, you’ll always come after my puppies. Always.

4. I will probably blog about you and any dumb ass thing you do or I do to you.

5. I don’t believe in marriage, so even if gay marriage ever becomes legal, I won’t be signing any contracts with you and the state.

6. I don’t want children and I don’t want your children. Cold, right? I know, I already warned you about that.

7. I hate talking on the phone.

8. I’m a loner, a hermit, a recluse. Just ask my friends. I can be bribed to go out and when I do, I’m worth the trouble. But it’s not often enough for most. Don’t get me wrong, I’m good with the one to one, but I need my space.

9. I have a fabulous vocabulary … if you don’t, then you don’t want to date me. I won’t be rude about it, but I’ll think less of you and quickly stop calling you back if you ever ask me, “Can you stop using such big words?”

10. I have beautiful ex’s. A few of them have been in Maxim. I have no feelings for them at all, but don’t ask me whom I’ve dated, Google them and then give me shit about it every time you see them on TV or something.

11. I won’t take you to meet my friends until I’m pretty sure you can withstand the harsh gaze of Maggie and Jeanine. The others are cupcakes in comparison. I should be totally honest and tell you no one’s lasted long enough to meet them … so if I take you, you’ll be under a special kind of scrutiny that comes from being the first girl I ever bring over for their approval. Mind you, their approval will be required … so that’s about 7 more reasons right there, you don’t want to date me.

Well there you have it. The down and dirty truth about yours truly. I mean really, don’t you wish all your ex’s posted all their worst faults for you to peruse before you got emotionally attached? I’m just trying to cut the middle man out and save us both a lot of trouble.

I’m sure after reading this, I seem like quite the catch …. yea, I thought so.

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My Boy Brain Gets Me In Trouble … Yet Again

Posted on 13. Apr, 2008 by Sasha.

A few days ago a woman who reads my blog on a regular basis sent me an email on myspace. Here’s what it said:

Hi, I read your blog everyday at work. I was curious about what you might look like so I sent you add request on here. Obviously. I don’t know what to say except that I find you extremely attractive, but I’m straight. I’m really very straight. But if I were ever to be with a woman I would hope it could be you.

OK …. so what do you do with that? Well here’s what my reply said:

Thanks.

I thought that would be that. But if it were do you really think I’d be telling you about it now? Of course not. So she continued to email me several times a day. As it turns out she seemed like a cool person, educated, pretty and well rounded. We had some stuff in common and I figured another friend is always good. But then she asked to meet in person.

We arranged to meet at a local bookstore the other day. About an hour after saying hello we were checking into the closest hotel. Before I knew it, it was midnight and I was ready to go home. She however, was under the impression that this was a slumber party. This is when my boy brain kicks in and I start looking for the fire escape. Damn it why did we have to be on the 10th floor?!

After explaining to her I had to get home for my dogs, she grudgingly moved to the side, no longer barring the door to my freedom. I only live 15 minutes from the hotel, yet somehow she managed to leave me 11 voice mails by the time I pulled into my driveway. So I called her back and found her panic stricken on the other end of the phone. She was hysterical. So like a dumb ass, I drove back to the hotel.

She was completely loopy over what had happened and what this meant for her. She was asking me a million questions I couldn’t answer for her. She was the only one who could tell if she was straight, gay, bi, whatever. But now she was putting this all on me as if my being the first woman she was ever with gave me some sort of responsibility over her now.

Oh great! My boy brain was going into overdrive and I seriously considered pretending like I didn’t speak any English. I realize that didn’t make much sense since I was speaking English all day long, but for a split second I thought if I just broke out in Russian or Farsi, she might be confused enough for a second that I could get away. Bad Sasha! I know. Don’t worry, the girl part of my brain told the boy part to stop being so boyish and by boyish I mean stupid.

So I tried to put my girl brain in the driver seat and attempted to be more comforting than usual. We talked and talked …. and then talked some more. (This really reinforced why I never cuddle.) I guess in some ways I do feel a little responsible. But she’s an adult and she initiated the whole thing. I don’t think I deserve to be blamed for seducing a willing party and making them question the foundation of their life.

I’m pretty sure she was already questioning it, otherwise why ever contact me, little lone follow through with the events that followed.

I don’t like feeling like a jerk for sleeping with a woman who literally begs me to. Am I supposed to feel guilty about making her very happy for a few hours? So happy she’s now questioning her sexuality? I don’t think any crime was committed. It’s not like this is Arkansas.

I’m well aware that she’ll be reading this and that’s good. I am what I am and she knew that. (She even gave me permission to write about this.) I write every day about my point of view on things. I admit my faults online for the whole world to see! What more can I do? Geez. Women are so much trouble.

So she’s now considering calling herself a lesbian and I’m left wondering … am I a jerk?

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My Boy Brain Made Me Do It

Posted on 08. Apr, 2008 by Sasha.

Throughout the years there is a phrase that everyone who gets to know me well enough has uttered more than once, “You look like a girl but you think like a dude.”

When a girl starts talking and telling me about her day, an amazing thing happens. I go partially deaf and can only hear a slight murmur in the background of my thoughts. It’s only loud enough for me to hear when she’s paused to take a breath and I know that’s my que to say, “Huh uh.”

It gets worse if she starts asking me what I’m thinking or god forbid, what I’m feeling! Before she can finish asking me, I’m already looking for the door and racking my brain for a feasible escape plan.

Another thing that always gets me labeled with a “boy brain” is that I don’t cuddle. Actually I can’t stand it. I’m sorry to admit it but on more than one occasion I’ve been guilty of leaving post-whoopee-pre-cuddle. I mean immediately after wards, as I beg for forgiveness for my swift exit, spinning some excuse as I hop on one foot while putting the other shoe on. Every hop getting me closer to the door. Until I apologetically close the door behind me and breath a deep sigh of relief as I feel my freedom rush over me with the breeze. The only thing marring that wonderful sensation is the sound of a shoe slamming against the barely closed door. I duck anyway, out of habit. Then happily and maybe slightly guilty, swagger to my car trying to suppress a devious smile

I suppose if those traits earn me the label of having a “boy brain” than I can’t argue too much. I realize that the women branding me with it probably don’t mean it as a compliment but I don’t mind. Apparently, neither do they. At least not until the hopping starts.

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