OMFG!!! I just have to rant here for a second.
As you know, i work from home. Hence my home office consists of my laptop and wherever I chose to keep my laptop. I also have another laptop that’s loaded with biofeedback software and hooks up to another machine. That biofeedback laptop is worth about $30,000. Plus I have another program running on yet another machine that’s over $18,000.
So call me crazy but I have ONE rule: DON’T PUT LIQUIDS ON MY DESK.
I have asked Remi not to place her coffee, her soda, her juice, her milk, her water on the same desk as ALL my equipment because liquids and motherboards DON’T mix.
Yet she as repeatedly now and then, done just that. Absent-mindedly placed various drinks ON MY DESK!!!!! I have always taken a deep breath and tried to calmly ask her to move them. Or on several occasions just moved them myself to avoid hearing the anger rising in my own voice.
But today, on her day off … after I announce that I’m going to go do our laundry and cook for the dogs and a few other chores … she tells me she’s going to go take a shower. “Thanks for the help there, Remi.” I think to myself. But say nothing because she does do a lot and maybe I’m just being irritable today.
So she goes to take a shower and when I finish with my boring-ass chores I go sit down to check my email and get some writing done and nearly knock over an almost full cup of coffee that’s sitting right by my computers.
I saw red.
I went to the bathroom door and yelled at her while she was in the shower, “Remi. Would you please, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE NOT put ANY liquids by the computers!?”
To which I heard a meek, “Ok” come from the bathroom but I could have sworn it was more of a, “WTF are you getting so upset about?” tone in her voice that only infuriated me more!
By the time she got out of the bathroom and came to the door … looking younger then usual, wrapped in a big white fluffy towel, hair still wet from the shower and these puppy dog eyes staring at me … well I should have been calmer by then but I wasn’t.
I ended up almost yelling, “Why on earth do you insist on doing this? Being so disrespectful to my work, to my life! This is my whole life on this desk and you continually put it at risk just because you won’t put your coffee somewhere else!?” (fyi there’s another little table to the left and right behind the the chair, so there are OTHER places for drinks)
My voice was shaking and I thought I might actually cry. It wouldn’t be the first time today anyway and it only gets easier to let the tears flow after the damns been broken.
But I didn’t, instead I let an icy cold quality come through my voice and I could see that it really bothered her. She walked away and the next thing I heard was a door slam down the hall.
Did I over-react?
I feel like it’s if I went to her place of work and every once in a while did something to put her job at risk. But then just said, “I’m sorry, what’s the big deal? You didn’t lose your job. You could have. But you didn’t, so just calm down.”
Am I being an uber-bitch this morning? Be honest.
Definitely not an over-reaction! I would have gone nuts!
It’s hard for people to understand that a space in which they are meant to be at their greatest comfort level (their home) may also function as a space where someone else is on a much more rigid, professional, unrelaxed level due to them using that same space as a working area.
Compromise is hard when both see their primary use of the space as most important to them – my home vs. your office.
Tricky. I’d buy her a special coffee table, with cute coasters, doilies, or whatever will make her want to use that space for her cup. Or put a fence around your laptops and be strict about what you call your office space – don’t switch from the kitchen top to the bedroom dressing table to the living room desk. She needs to know which spaces are definitely ‘home’ and which are ‘office’ – flux creates confusion and tension. In regularly relocating about the apartment, you are effectively saying any space at any time could be your office. In which case she could never put drinks anywhere in case they spilled and (insufficient wiping) somehow put your work in jeopardy – maybe you’d put your laptop on the soggy work surface without looking…
Alternatively, this could be a passive-agressive message that you using your joint home as an office makes her feel that you have two-thirds ownership and privilege in the space to occupy as both economically productive person AND home-dweller, whilst she is left with the remainder to be her home. Maybe she is putting the coffee near the laptops (subconsciously) because she wants the home to be entirely a home and for you to find work space elsewhere.
Nope. Not overreacting.
Yeah, you were being a little crazy. It’s reasonable to ask her to keep liquids away from your computers, since they’re valuable, but accusing her of being disrespectful towards your work and lifestyle is a little extreme. That sort of reaction would be appropriate if she were maliciously doing it just to fuck with you, and it sounds like she’s just being negligent. She probably just forgot, cut her some slack.
Since Remi forgets. Just make or print a notice and post it on your desk;
“No Liquids; or you will be Electrocuted!” make orange and red lighting bolts.
How hard is that.
I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all!
Especially since there are other places to set drinks down and you’ve explained why you don’t want them on your desk.
My ex-gf used to do the same thing with all her toiletries moments after I had just cleaned the bathroom or with dishes after I had just cleaned the kitchen! I’m not a maid! It’s definitely a respect thing and more so for you since that’s your work! Good luck with that.
Nah, you aren’t overeacting. If you’d said it out of the blue it would have been a bit much, but you’ve communicated how important it is and it’s still happening. It seems like it’s a combination of the risk of losing your work and the fact that she doesn’t seem concerned about it enough to move her drink that’s bothering you, which is fair enough. I have the same reaction to things like that- it might seem small to other people but it’s a niggle that bounces around my head until I want to explode at someone for just not Getting It. I’d have probably thrown the drink away ><
I could understand where this all is coming from, but the words you used were harsh. Especially this one: “This is my whole life on this desk and you continually put it at risk just because you won’t put your coffee somewhere else!?” If your whole life is on that desk then where do you put your gf? It’s annoying that she puts at risk very expensive equipment, but come on! Whole life?
No you’re not overreacting, but it sounds like it was an honest mistake. I don’t think she meant to disrespect you but perhaps to her the home is a place for relaxation and being in relax mode she overlooks how important the issue is for you. Just put up some tape or stickers around the area as a visual reminder of the liquid free zone.
You know this is interesting…
This JUST happened to me…my girlfriend accidentally spilled a glass of juice on my laptop and I freaked out. Flipped out.
Crying and swearing and just all together losing my shit.
All that accomplished was her crying her eyes out.
Accidents are accidents. I am still pissed about my computer but I know it was an accident. Anything beyond that seems just not worth it when you love someone right?
I only say that cause I constantly use it against her in arguments and that seems kinda shitty of me.
Things are replaceable…people aren’t.
Lame I know but still…really like your blog and honesty.
C
Here’s my take on this issue. I’m a Computer Programmer and we ALL KNOW that liquids are NOT to be around the equipment. But I have to admit, I’ve done it so many times.
Why, you may ask ? Simple. Because I have, (had) the Mindset/Attitude that I’M NEVER going to Spill MY Cup. And then … SPLASH.
It may take 3 years or more until IT Happens. Only then, did I Correct MY Attitude and realize that Accidents Happen, no matter how careful one may be.
Remi, take NOTE and be Respectful of Her First and Her Work Second.
Would love to give you answer but I am still daydreaming about the picture from the previous post. ;o)
No you were not overreacting. It’s that hard for her to remember not to put liquids by a computer. Unless like someone else said it’s her being passive aggressive and she really doesn’t care about your work. Alot of people think their work is more important than their woman’s especially if their woman stays home.
I think she’s doing it on purpose even if it’s subconsciously. Maybe there’s something wrong in your relationship and she doesn’t know how to tell you so she takes it out on you in smaller ways.
I think you may have been a little more upset then was needed but if you’ve told her a few times or even worse, a lot before then I guess I could see your point. I would start to wonder if she did it accidentally-on purpose if you know what i mean? lol
Hope it all works out.
OMFG I would have a heart attack!!! I’m totally ocd about my laptop and my desk and if that happened I would have gone off on her way before now! Doesn’t she get it? You’re a writer. Your laptop is the equivalent of your office, your boss, your staff and your paycheck!
But some people just don’t get i t.
not over reacting at all, especially since it seems to be an issue more often than it should….not to insult intelligence, but it’s actually simple common sense to NOT place liquids near any computers/laptops
it’s sad that she can’t seem to ‘get it’ by now and it needed to get to the point where you felt you had no choice but to explode on her – but i’m sure the two of you will be licking her wounds away soon enough
Huh. I’m amazed at how many people are crazy about their laptops from the comments. And here I thought I was the only nerd. But then again it’s probably because those people who don’t spend 20h a day staring at a computer have better things to do than read blogs. :p It’s a piece of equipment. If you back up often enough and have all your installations organised it shouldn’t be a big deal even if something happens to your machine (you can do everything you can do prevent shit from happening but things like theft, leaky pipes, earthquakes and falling objects do happen). If you have an expensive machine, insure it. I’m just saying.
I have a rule in my house: I don’t keep any material possessions that are so valuable that I would be furious or inconsolable if they were broken.
Why? Because it helps me remember what’s really important.
I’m not saying that she shouldn’t put forth a better effort to remember, or that you shouldn’t have freaked (because there’s a very good chance I would’ve, too.) What I am saying is that, if I were in your position, I would have to force myself to either reset my priorities or get rid of the computer. Since you need the equipment, maybe you could move it to a different space.
Because a computer is just a hunk of metal that can be replaced or repaired if it’s damaged, but a broken relationship isn’t nearly as easy to fix.
$48,000 is a lot of money to be take risks with. If you’ve told her the monetary value of the equipment and computer software on that desk, she should have been frightened enough to never put liquids–or anything else–on that desk.
Why she isn’t intimidated by that dollar figure, I don’t know.