Sometimes the hustle and bustle of life in Los Angels wears on my nerves and I start day dreaming about running away to Little Town USA and starting over. Maybe buying some land, putting up solar panels and buying the water rights to my very own well. You think I’m joking? I’m not.
For what I could sell my 4 bedroom, 2 bath house here in L.A. for, I could literally buy a freakin’ estate somewhere else …. almost anywhere else across the country and have a nice little nest egg. I’ve researched the markets, talked to realtors. I even convinced Remi we should just do it.
But of course I want to move somewhere gay friendly. I’m more then a little spoiled here in LA, where we have Long Beach to the south and WeHo to the north. I’m conveniently located smack dab in the middle of two of the gayest places on earth. So of course if I’m going to uproot my whole life, I want to make sure I’m not moving somewhere that will try to force me back into the closet.
After a lot of thought, I seriously considered Salt Lake City, Utah. Don’t yell at me just yet. Hold on and hear me out. SLC has one of the fastest growing gay populations in the US not to mention that for my money, I could literally afford to buy a gorgeous, renovated Victorian in downtown Salt Lake City and still buy myself that new BMW I’ve been drooling over. Not to mention enough seed money to start up a little business. Ya, not sounding too stupid now is it?
Well, we were getting all excited about the idea when I started getting in contact with the local GLBT community out there to really find out what it’s like to be gay in Utah. The unanimous opinion from every gay person I spoke to was, “It’s great out here, we have a strong, vibrant, close knit community. But make sure you stay within the city. Oh yea, and the laws suck, we have no protections, no rights and you could get fired just for being gay. But other then that, come on over!”
Eeeeeeek. Excuse me?
So I did some more research and found out, unfortunately that Utah is not for me. While there are good deals in real estate out there, I’m not about to move to a state where every one warns me to stay within the city limits for my own safety. WTF??!!! Not to mention the long list of civil right infringements that go along with being gay in Utah, No thank you.
Apparently, one of the many prices you pay for living in a gay friendly area is sky high real estate prices. Like someone said, but i can’t remember who, “I always knew I’d live in a million dollar home in L.A. I just didn’t know it would be a two bedroom, one bath.” 
So for now, I’ve resigned myself to staying in sunny southern California for the foreseeable future. But out of curiosity I googled, “gayest cities in the USA” and came across this list of the top 5 best cities for lesbians.
I’ve only been to San Francisco, but I’ve got to disagree with this list. I firmly believe that Los Angeles should have made the list. But here it is anyways, for your perusal.
Top 5 Top Lesbian Cities in the United States
By Kathy Belge, About.com
1. Northampton, Massachusetts
Dubbed as “Lesbianville U.S.A.” by the The National Enquirer in 1992, Northampton, MA is the best city in America for lesbians. The Northampton area has always been a great place to live, and because gays and lesbians can get legally married in Massachusetts, it tops our list. Northampton is a small town, but because of the numerous universities, including Smith College, Northampton has all the cultural offerings of a big city.
2. Portland, Oregon
If Northampton is Lesbianville of the East, Portland is Lesbianville of the West. Lesbians flock to Portland for the same reasons straights do, it’s a great place to live. Among other distinctions, Portland was rated the Best Walking City and Best Bicycling City in America. Although voters passed an anti-gay marriage law last year, Portland residents lean more to the left than the rest of the state. Add a great music scene and plenty of lesbian hangouts to the mix.
3. San Francisco, California
San Francisco must be the gayest city on earth. And it’s not just the boys who find home here. Whether you’re a young, politcal dyke or gender queer or a six-figure power lesbian, San Francisco can’t be beat. Take a stroll in Golden Gate Park or shop for wedding bands in the Castro. With one of the nation’s best domestic partnership rulings and child protection laws, San Francisco is also a great place to raise a family.
4. New York, New York
The largest city in the world is a mecca for lesbians. Brooklyn’s Park Slope neighborhood is where the sapphic sisters of New York tend to congregate, but the city that never sleeps has something for lesbians of every age, political persuasion and background in all of its borroughs. From the classic Rubyfruit bar to esoteric performance art in Soho. Whether you want to visit the home of gay rights Stonewall Riots or if Riot GRRL is more your scene, New York City is the place for you.
5. Atlanta, Georgia
Atlanta is the queer capital of the South. And one of the nation’s most diverse. Whether you want to dance your feet off at My Sister’s Room lesbian bar or spend a leisurly afternoon at Outwrite gay and lesbian bookstore. With one of the nation’s largest gay pride parades, gay film festival and numerous other cultural events, you’ll understand why they call this “Hot-lanta.”
Rubyfruit in nyc closed.
Well, I am from Atlanta, and it is indeed, very very gay. As a matter of fact, Decatur, located just to the east of downtown, is often referred to as ‘Dykecatur’. However, it is NOT a small town. And our traffic has actually now EXCEEDED LA. Yes, this is the truth. We also have the attendant air pollution, with advisories posted MANY days during the heat of the summer, NOT to exercise outdoors. Atlanta, like LA, sprawls. An interesting sidebar; Atlanta has the largest local dialing district in the world. It is a hard-assed, balls to the wall drive from the far northern ‘burbs to the far southern ‘burbs (approximately 1 – 1 1/2 hour drive) and the call is not long distance. Not that it matters anymore, with cellphones.
My ‘partner’ (I know, I know…..you struggle with this term} are seriously considering a move to Asheville NC (and environs.) It is the ‘gayest’ small town in America, very tolerant, very artsy, very liberal and….well…slightly ‘new agey’. On any given day the temperature is a good 7-15 degrees cooler than Atlanta up there.
I have grown every soooooooo weary of the city. Tired of the heat, the noise, the vagrants, the ‘homeless’ aka drunken, drugged out BUMS who have drank and drugged themselves OUT OF A FREAKIN’ HOME and then roam the streets hittin’ everybody up for money and breaking into cars and homes. Tired of the leaf blowers, car horns, car alarms, 10 garbage truck runs a week right outside my window and OH MY GOD I AM RANTING AND RAMBLING.
Clearly I need the cool, calm and quiet of a nice mountain home.
What was the question?
Asheville NC, huh? Well now I must google the hell out of that … thank you
Even though I do love LA … there are many MANY days I ache for a simpler, QUIETER life. There’s not a moment in the 24 hours that the sound of traffic is not a constant in the background. Ugh.
I live in Portland! It truly is a wonderful place to live, as long as you’re not a twentysomething looking for a job. Unemployment among recent college grads and college students is like 40%. But everything else about it is great. And there are a LOT of lesbians here.
I would move to the Pacific Northwest to some podunk town in a hot second if I had a girlfriend and a job there. As long as the town had a good library system and I had high-speed internet access and cable and a Netflix account, I’d be much happier than living in Los Angeles–where I never go to the lesbian bars or hang out in the lesbian meccas of West Hollywood or Long Beach but suffer the miserable smog and traffic and general strip-mall and concrete ugliness that goes along with life here. Unless you like moving along at 5 mph for an hour while you breathe in toxic fumes while surrounded on all sides by concrete and chrome just to meet a friend for coffee, living outside these “lesbian meccas” is equivalent to living in some podunk town, but *without* the benefits of clean air and space to think and breathe and live, let alone a decent cost of living. The meccas and the bars and the scene in general holds no appeal to someone past the age of 28 or so. (Or before the age of 28 as well.) This may sound harsh, but I’m living the spinster life as a result of these feelings (I’m walking the walk, not just talking the talk), but If you’re not a typical lesbian and not physically attracted to typical (soft butch, androgynous, butch, etc.) lesbians, there is absolutely no reason to put up with what you have to put up with to live here in L.A., unless you’ve got family or a job here, or some other valid reason to be here. Perhaps I’m just a bitter lesbian, albeit an astereotypical-looking and acting bitter lesbian, but a bitter lesbian nonetheless. Maybe it’s just that lesbians always assume that in L.A. all lesbians look like they do in the L-Word. Nope, they do not. They look, for the most part, just like the lesbians in your hometown. And they act the same, or maybe worse. There is something, a kernel of truth within the stereotype–and there always is a kernel of truth to a stereotype, to our rep of being a bunch of vacuous idiots. Glad you didn’t include L.A. in your top 5 places for lesbians, Sasha.
I really need to move to one of these places. I feel like I’m the ONLY lesbian in my little country town. It’s so depressing.
I live in Long Beach and it rocks for lesbians. But if you EVER have to drive outside of LB like say into Los Angeles or even worse the west side, you’re looking at 2 hours of your life you’ll never get back, wasted on the 405 fwy.
I live in Palm Springs and there is a huge gay population down here. I love it. I think we should have made the list Sasha.
Well I don’t know about Northhampton, but I disagree with Atlanta. I would also add two lesser-known options: Iowa City has a huuuuge lesbian population, especially college-aged and the 35+ family-type crowd, and Carborro, NC is also super lesbian-friendly.
I like *parts* of SF and the east bay, but move too far away from the water and it basically turns into Kentucky. Last fall I was at a friend’s house in Alameda and saw so many Yes on Prop 8 signs en route I wanted to turn the car around.
And like Los Angeles, SF is expensive. Really expensive. The strolls in Golden Gate Park are great but I can’t afford to live anywhere near there, and unless Lisa and I win the sfraffle.com “dream home” next to GGP we never will, I’m guessing (though I do hold out the hope that I’m lucky, tho the day to day does not bear it out). Berkeley is a nice town though with somewhat better prices and excellent food; I recommend it to anyone, gay or not.
@Judith – you “disagree with Atlanta”????? Huh? We’re the third gayest city in America:
http://federationofideas.wordpress.com/2008/01/31/gayest-us-cities/
If you can stand the cold and snow I’d recommend somewhere in MA (Northamptom or Provincetown perhaps). You’ll have better rights and protections than anywhere else in the nation–even here in CA barring the overturn of Prop 8. My wife and I will be heading there as soon as we can if they don’t permanently ditch that hateful nonsense. I left some years ago and swore I’d never return but I’ll gladly face the New England winters to have my rights.
Where are you from? Is it a secret?
Have a nice day
Joker
I don’t seem to have any secrets … anymore. I live near Long Beach.
You should check out Louisville, KY. Not so small but it is very liberal and gay friendly community. I would be there in a second if I wasn’t stuck in the small town country place with a bad housing market.
Asheville is awesome, no joke. It’s a small city with tons going on at all times. The houses are old and adorable, though some can be expensive, the cost doesn’t have anything comparable to CA costs. I’m a college student, experiencing Asheville at this very moment. I’ve lived all over the country (including CA), and this is my favorite place. Though I’m not a lesbian, I have noticed the awesome amount of love and tolerance here. Asheville is the place to be.
On a side note, the coffee is fantastic here too.
We moved to Northampton a few years ago to get away from homophobic N.E Pennsylvania. We’re now married and can be out at work without fear of losing our jobs. Pluses – Arts, Culture, beautiful natural areas, welcoming religious institutions, strong support for whole living,.
We had checked out Asheville (pretty but living is mostly rural), Ptown is too pricey, NYC (grew up there…too frenetic and expensive). The Minuses – long winters, low wages/higher cost of living.
You don’t want to live in Salt Lake or any of the surrounding areas If you are gay/lesbian. Having no rights is scary. I’m moving out of here in 5 weeks !
seems this should be “best US places to be a lesbian” since you strategically omitted Toronto, gay capital to the north
Northampton is very queer. We have a lesbian mayor who was challenged in the last election by a gay city councilor. You can walk down the street holding your date/gf/wife’s hand and nobody blinks (except your jealous ex). Lesbians come in all sorts here, though it remains mostly white, educated, and middle class.
Come visit us!
So, I live in Asheville, NC. I am pretty shocked we didn’t make the list – although this could be an old list? Asheville was voted the #1 place to vacation if you are GL – NOT so much BT!
Yes the weather is great. Short winters but 4 seasons with mountains you can see whenever and whereever you drive. I read online that 75% of the population inside the city limits is Gay/lesbian. There are several “lesbian organizations” – LIM (lesbians In the mountains – a purely social group); ALPS – Asheville Lesbian Professionals – NOT so much for professionals anymore; OLE – Older Lesbian Energy – mostly social and older like it says; Sheville After Dark – mostly younger and a bit edgy (don’t get mad girls!) more “SM friendly” if you get my drift but you don’t have to be of course; There’s a dinner group that is both G and L more kind of “couples acting straight” if you ask me – so probably don’t. Only went once and most everyone was a couple living in very expensive mountain homes ourside the city more towards Lake Lure. It’s good for the most part.
down side? Like any city with a largish Lesbian community it can get to feel pretty small after a while. Everyone is someone else’s ex. We tend to do the “related by exlover’s thing”. It’s more retirement age lesbians – silver hair, flannel, butchish (maybe because we can be?), very “butch-fem” stereotypical in the coupling it seems to me. Lot’s to do if you have the income to do it. Unemployment is huge. Cost of living is rising since the hurricanes in FL of 4 years ago drove all the “gated community building developers” to come here and buy up mountains and destroy the landscape with million dollar “green” homes. I never quite get it to tear down entire moutains of tress to put up “green homes”? There is NO industry. There are NO rights. inside the city, you can be as “lesbian” as you want. Outside the city, it’s Baptist! period. There are gay bashings that never hit the news. There is a huge huge meth problem among the youth. There are gangs although probably NOTHING like atlanta and LA. It’s mostly white, middle class, retired urban yuppies whose parents retired to FL so they came here instead. it’s VERY new age – which leads to many many healer types (self included!) landing here which means you have to have your discernment on. Cost of living is going up and up and up because it can. The more people move here, the more the rates rise. The city of Asheville also changed their tax structure about 5 years ago which led to the issues we are having with mountains being sold and bought up by land massacre-ers!
I landed here from Florida – so I am referred to as a “half-back”. Yankee who moved to FL then decided to move half way back up north. But there are lots of “GRITS” and for us yankees, we are always reminded that “NC is the south”. There is a drumming circle that meets every friday downtown which becomes a huge selling point for the city – yet people move here and try to shut it down. Quaint old buildings are being torn down and high-rises being put up – even in the middle of downtown – and are now “million dollar” condos.
I moved here from Naples, FL (originally from MA). It seems the same to me. there are those who get waited on, and those who do the waiting on. and then the barely making it retired/disabled folks.
So, if you don’t need to work, love the mountains, want to feel accepted in public but still have zero rights and want to pass as straight at your job (you will be easily fired if you are out on your job!), live 30 miles from the home of the KKK (Black Mountain – a really wonderful place regardless of the KKK and Billy Graham in Montreat etc.), find a not very diverse racial mix, live in a place that can’t figure out who it is (very artsy, very folksy, homemade beer capital of the US – tied this year with Portland OR, southern friendly hospitality, OK to be GL IN the city and NOT out of the city – and the city is really small…
come to (A)sheville. (also known as “Sheville”) We welcome new dykes all the time, you will find a very friendly community, you will be hit on as most new “energy” is, Just make sure you 1. have a job first or can work from home via the internet and your job is somewhere else. 2. Don’t mistake WNC as “entirely gay friendly” 3. Know what it means to be living in the south. For me, coming from New England, I still have a hard time with people saying one thing and meaning the opposite. “Bless your heart” means “you are an idiot” – mostly. Folks with smile to your face and gossip about you later…
I am NOT bitter. I love Asheville and would move someplace else if I knew of any place better. I just am not sure there really is any place any better. We ARE a sea of BLUE in a red state. We DO have a black female Mayor. We DO have an “atheist” city counsel member but they are trying to oust him – in NC you are not allowed to hold public office if you don’t “believe in almighty God” as the state law reads. I think it probably IS a great place to visit – esp since if you are on vacation you probably don’t care how much money you spend. We have extremely expensive hotels. Obama came here a few weeks ago – most of us didn’t leave the house! There are downtown festivals almost every weekend in the summer – which most locals don’t go near – it’s just a drunk fest. Did I mention traffic is really actually pretty bad?
Did I also mention that I really do love Asheville? I know sounds like I don’t, but I do. It’s really beautiful. It’s very peaceful. You can live 10 minutes from downtown and see mountains views from your driveway and hear birds chirping and see bears. It’s an interesting place. We will make you feel welcome. Asheville is where the pot-smoking hippies come to retire and we are proud of it! We ARE the tie-dye mecca of the US! So, get your funk on and come visit Asheville, NC. You can Kayak, hike, and breathe – although our air quality is NOT ranked the best in the world!
http://www.exploreasheville.com and http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbiantravels/a/Asheville.htm
I am not sure why we didn’t make the top 5 list since we are number one or two most everywhere else. Anything I missed? haha
Oh, did I mention that Asheville has NO pride parade? We just started having a “pride day” celebration – that divided the community in half actually with “in-bashing”. Although we could probably have an “on the street” parade, we kind of allow ourselves to be invisible here even tho we don’t need to be. it’s an odd “walking – not talking our talk” or “talking not walking” thing. Coming from the Boston area, it’s just weird. Almost seems like we “apologize” in asheville instead of demanding…where we don’t even need to be “demanding” so much – just stop being afraid to “ask”?. Has a lot to do with the “we will lose our jobs if we are out” thing sadly. NOT just in Salt Lake City, clearly! Sometimes it seems like the backlash against the “rights movement” is more painful than things were 20 years ago? it’s an interesting and sad thing. If Boston Pride Committee were in Asheville, we would have a pride the size of atlanta! We could do our own version of “disney gay days” and the town would make tons of money and that’s all we would need for the businesses to embrace gay pride!
@ Be- I, too, live in Asheville and agree with a lot of your points. I was living in Atlanta before I made the switch to the fresh mountain air, so I had visited a-ville frequently before relocating on a more permanent basis.
Once I settled in, I was never quite able to find any sort of organized, stable ‘community.’ There is a missing demographic- probably due in large part to the lack of sustainable jobs… you have the college age kids (a category I no longer fit into), and then you have the retired/almost retired/ I make enough money to work form home and vacation frequently age group. What’s missing is the giant chunk in the middle of mid 20′s to early 40′s.
Anyway, I love that I found another Ashevillian that reads Sasha’s blog! I love Asheville and all that it has to offer, but also understand your criticism as well. No place is perfect so if you’re gonna live somewhere with flaws, it might as well have a great view!
ive almost completely givin up on guys and i have always been interested in this lesbian scene….i have never done any thing with a girl but would be willing to try anything…..any advice would be wonderful
I’M A LESBIAN THAT IS BLACK 100% BLACK. WANT TO BE AROUND A RESPECTFUL GROUP OF BLACK GAY MIDDLE AGED WOMEN THAT ARE MATURE AND SETTLED. PEOPLE WHO LOOK THERE AGE .”MATURE” I’M 33, IN SAN FRANCISCO CALIFORNIA AND I HATE THIS PLACE. THE PEOPLE ARE RUDE UNWILLING TO HELP AND WHORES HERE! NO RESPECT FOR THEMSELVES NOR OTHERS. I WOULD NOT SEND ANYONE HERE THAT WAS RESPECTFUL OF THEMSELVES! IF YOU GET MY HINT! I WANT TO LEAVE BADLY, I HATE THE MEN HERE THEY CONSENTLY SIGNAL WITH RUDE INTENTIONS! I’M STAYING TO MYSELF SEXUALLY, UNTIL I CAN FIND A BLACK WOMAN WITH RESPECT AND CLEANINESS ABOUT HERSELF. THE PEOPLE ARE DIRTY AND THEY SMELL HERE! THEY DON’T LIKE TO SHOWER HERE AND THEY ARE ALWAYS WITH COUGH. SOUNDS LIKE A SICK ENVIRONMENT AND ALSO LOOKS THAT WAY GERMS. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET EMPLOYMENT HERE, THE PEOPLE ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU OWE THEM SOMETHING. THEY NEVER OFFER RESPECTFUL EMPLOYMENT. I NEED HELP GETTING TO THE PART OF AMERCIA THAT DOESN’T HAVE THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR GOING ON. SOMEONE PLEASE EMAIL AT vernitamtarver@hotmail.com. WITH GOOD IDEAS OF SAFE PLACES FOR BLACK LESBAINS TO GO.
Why even stick to USA..?? South Africa is faaaaantastic!! Firstly we have all legal rights that any straight couple has. The woman are gorgeous…. just have a look on our websites of parties we have like 1st friday and bent in durban. The country side is really gorgeous and the city is really buzzing. And Personality…?? you can’t even compare to the rest of the world!
This is for LOST
I would say that good places for black lesbians are Atlanta, GA, Washington, DC or New York, NY.
All of these cities have enought diversity to have a large black lesbian population. I am from Atlanta, but I have had a lot of fun in Washington and NY.
Good luck.
Tired of guys liking me! i am LESBIAN” tHAT’S ALL I WANT TO BE! I SMOKE WEED, PARTY AT GAY CLUBS! I ONLY WANTED TO HANG -OUT WITH “SINGLE” WOMEN THAT ARE ALL THE WAY GAY! NO BI SEXUAL WOMEN NOR MEN! I HATE MEN! I HAVE PEOPLE STOCKING ME SINCE I BROKE UP WITH MY LOVER! THAT WAS WAY BACK IN 2003 WHEN I BROKE UP WITH HER! I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE WE WEREN’T THE SAME RACE I DON’T KNOW I DON’T CARE! I WANT PEOPLE OUT OF MY BUSINESS AND OUT OF MY LIFE! I WANT MY LIFE PIRVATE AGAIN! I’M STUCK HERE IN SAN FRANCISCO WITH WEIRD PEOPLE THAT DON’T UNDERSTAND MY POINT ! I NEED HELP WITH THE DIRCTION OF WHERE THE BLACK HARD CORD STUD WOMEN ARE THAT’S WHAT I’M USE TO DATING! HIT ME ON THE EMAIL XTACY_0@HOTMAIL.COM