It wasn’t a joke or some overly dramatic gesture. When I took off her dog tags, we were really over.
We sat there in my car at 3:00 a.m. Both of us stunned at the turn of events, as if it was happening to us. Like observers that had no control over the situation, we both just sat there and tried to accept what had just happened.
In a tone as cold as I’ve ever heard anyone speak, I heard my own voice tell her, “You can ask your ex to take you to the airport tomorrow and you can keep all your stuff at her house.” Knowing every time I said the simple word, her, it stung both of us as deeply as if someone had stuck us with a blade.
How could a simple three letter word hold so much power and so much hurt?
Finally Remi spoke. Full of emotion and regret I could see she meant every word. But it was too little too late. At one point she got out of my car and ripped off the necklace and the ring she wore every day, the ones from her ex and she threw them into the dark street. I hoped that they had landed in the gutter where they belonged, but I was still too angry to take her back. Again, it was too little too late.
We sat there for hours. The sun was about to come up and neither one of us had slept in about 24 hours. I was so tired the whole world started to spin and I thought I might actually black out right there, sitting in my car. Broken up with my girlfriend who I was still in love with and who was about to go off to war.
We had gone over and over everything several times. There was nothing more to say. Finally she picked up her dog tags that she had thrown down on the floor. She looked at them for a few minutes as if charging them with all the emotion she felt for me and all the commitment that we once had for one another and that she hoped we would have again.
She leaned in towards me and this time I didn’t push her away. I sat there like a statue, barely breathing. She looked at me with so much hurt and regret in her eyes as she put the chain back around my neck.
I felt an electrical charge through my body as her hands barely touched me. Gently she brushed my hair out of my face. I felt myself melt into her hands and when she kissed me I knew that we had to try again. I knew that she meant it when she said she didn’t mean to hurt me.
I refused to tell her exactly what I wanted from her in order to get back together. I’m not into ultimatums. I wanted to know what she was willing and wanting to do to make things OK again. She told me she would change the things that had been hurting me and that she would never do them again. I’m not perfect either. I’ve made mistakes too early in our relationship. But she forgave me and I’ve never made them again. So now it was my turn to forgive her.
When she put her lips on mine and her hand on my heart, I knew I didn’t have a choice. I loved her more than I had ever planned on loving anyone. Forgiving her was the easy part. The hard part was going to be saying goodbye in 24 hours.
So while we were broken up for several hours, I think it was for the best. We needed to get some things out in the open so they could be fixed. We only had one more night together and we were going to make the most of it.
Oh I see, the dyke drama continues… I so should have seen it coming.
Anyway, good for you, well, as long as your girlfriend leaving for a year can be considered as ‘good’ of course… but at least she’s still your girlfriend…
Thank Dog.
It sounds like a string of dramatic events. I can’t handle relationships like those…but that’s just me. I don’t play games, and I have little tolerance for those who disrespect me. Again, I don’t know your situation, or what you both share. I wish you the best if this is what you want. For me? It would likely be a bit much to manage.
Oh thank goddddddd …………. don’t do that to me again.
Sasha I’m so glad you worked it out with her. I was talking about you guys with my friends at work. We all read your blog at our coffee break. Its like a little soap opera. I actually won $5. I knew you’d get back together with Remi. Thank you! If I ever run into you in Long Beach I’ll buy you a coffee with my winnings.
I’m glad you guys made up but I was also hoping that if you didn’t I’d get to read all about the tons of rebound sex you were bound to have. I miss reading about your crazy sex life. So what does this mean? No sex for however long your gf is gone? Booooohooooo
It’s me again, just wanted to say that if you want to tell us all about how you’re staying satisfied whille she’s gone, I’d love to read about that too I’m not too picky. I saw your photo on your about page, so go ahead describe away how you’re getting through the long nights alone.
yea! this is what the holidays are all about – happy endings (even if your girlfriend can’t be there with you)
guess this means less-sexy-yet-still-entertaining-dyke-drama stories for the next 12 months. hmm… i’ll take it!
Wow – You keep us all on the edge of our seats!
So it really has to suck when love and war literally meet. I’m sorry doll…I’ve also been neglecting my commenting duties too…I’m an ass…its ok!!!
I have a love/hate relationship with hearing this story and the all too many others like it that seem to orbits so many lesbians’ lives. What I love: they make me feel okay–and even justified–for being single and not interested in bars. What I hate: that so many lesbians live their lives out this way and shrink the dating pool of potential marriage-material lesbians to a puddle. What I know: I will *never* settle for that kind of junk in my life. What I wonder: why do others (who are probably better-looking, have better bodies, and are smarter than I am)?
You could SO much better.
There are lesbians out there that do not wear their exgf’s jewerly, that do not talk to or see their exgfs, and who amazingly are mature enough to handle a relationship.
I’m sorry but the same issues will be there when she gets back — the mistrust, the jealousy, THE EXGF.
And let’s be real — you’re not going to go out and party for an entire year, yeah right. And she’s not going to hook up while she’s away, yeah right.
You deserve better than that and there are those of us out there who are willing to give that to another woman…and who just happen to be super cute.
Good luck.
Where’s Sasha these days?
This comment is in response to a few readers who commented that I could do better. While I appreciate the support I also feel the need to defend my girlfriend: I really couldn’t do any better then her. She’s an amazing gf who loves and supports me more then anyone else I’ve ever been with and she makes me happier then I’ve ever been. Sure she’s made mistakes, but Lord knows I have too. The important thing is that we’re good for each other and that we’re working on building a life together. So while I thank you for your loyalty to my side of the story, I do want you to know that there are always 2 sides to every story. But it’s my blog and of course you only see mine
Remi is the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m grateful she’s in my life.