Or, just get drunk and spill your guts.
I’ve always considered myself lucky not be burdened with any feelings of jealousy, guilt or remorse. I know, I know … I sound like a sociopath. I’ve actually been accused of being one. But I don’t think I am. Especially not since getting with my girlfriend.
One night she was getting text messages from other women, constantly. This really odd and unfamiliar feeling started stirring inside me. It started in the pit of my stomach then started to whirl around a bit, like a tornado and I started to get really irritated. I had to ask myself what the hell was wrong with me? What was this I was feeling?
Then a little voice in the back of my head said, “This is what jealousy feels like.”
Oh crap!
Since when am I jealous? Never. At least never before.
Damn …. mental note to self: jealousy sucks. But it also told me that Remi must really be different from the other girls I’ve dated. Since no one else has ever gotten that reaction out of me.
But wait, it gets worse!
I’ve never felt bad about screwing up in relationships. I’m used to being the dick-head that does something jerky like run out, right after sex by pretending to get an important phone call. Or slightly overlapping my women … but hey, if I wasn’t in a “committed” relationship I didn’t owe anyone any explanation. I was a free agent and I acted as such.
Suffice it to say, that with that attitude, I’ve racked up a couple incidents that are maybe less than stellar character references. Which really didn’t bother me at all.
Until now.
The other night, Remi and I were at our favorite local gay bar and I was pounding the drinks. After getting sufficiently liquored up, I started spilling my guts about several dumb ass things I’ve done in the recent past.
Things that I regret doing, only because I knew it would bother her if she ever found out. Things that I felt I had to tell her, because she suspected there was something to tell and for some stupid reason, I can’t lie to this woman!
So with my blood alcohol level well above the legal limit, to be sure, I spilled my guts and told her not one, but two! Count them, TWO slightly horrible and slutty things I’ve done since she’s known me. Ugh.
I’ve never felt compelled to tell anyone the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I don’t get it? What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I keep my mouth shut around this girl?!
It’s as if I have to tell her everything, even the crappy stuff because I just can’t stand not to.
Please, somebody stop me!
Fortunately, she’s a very calm person by nature. She took in the information, drank some more and thought about it. Later, forgiving me but with the admonition that this new information would color how she viewed some of my future actions, especially when those actions involved drinking without her.
Eh. I shouldn’t be drinking so much anyways.
welcome to the perils of love….yeah, it’s ugly sometimes.
Look Sasha….the past is the past…no matter what. Obviously you felt you needed to tell Remi, even if you did have to be drunk to do it. On some strange level that shows the level of trust you have built with her so far. I’m not sure it’s fair to judge someone on their past actions and worry about how they will effect the future. She is obviouly your girlfriend, which from reading your blog is an unusual thing for you…she means more than most if not all the others you have blogged about have….
Guess you’re lucky she forgave you for whatever you did. But I want to know what you confessed? What happens in the desert stays in the desert!! lol … really.
I’m with Joe. I want the details. I think we all know what your next blog should be about. Your slutty, horrible things you felt you had to confess. I’m waiting…………
From what it sounds like, you were drunk when you did whatever you did? that’s just an excuse. You need to take responsibility for your actions and not blame alcohol. If you gf forgave you than she either really cares about you or plans on doing the same shit back to you someday and knows that you just gave her a free pass by telling her what you did. Pretty dumb move there Sasha, for an ex-player like you.
What happened? You used to be a pimp.
Ok, for the record, these incidents happened before we were actually together. So I’m not going to run out and retaliate. Although I didn’t go to the extent she did (and I don’t think she should blog about it), I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say that I was still talking to other people at that point too. I hadn’t made her my own yet ; )
I can’t judge her on the past because she seems to be completely different with me since being together. I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t have my insecurities but who doesn’t in a relationship? I’m sure she has her own with me.
Sasha, I want to know what you did! It must be juicy if you had to get drunk to tell her about it. BLOG BLOG BLOG. You’ll feel better if you write about it
Sasha, baby. I know you better then this. WTF were you thinking? You know pimps never tell everything. Did I not teach you anything??? Unless of course this is just another ploy of yours to lure her into a false sense of security? Haha, sorry. Shouldn’t hav said that.
being official changes everything…the past is a beautiful thing, because when you do find someone who it really works with, you realize that everything before it was just learning experiences getting you ready for the real deal. and…everyone fucks up at one time or another…it makes us beautiful, imperfect humans….
If you’ve never been jealous before than you never gave a shit before. I think your sudden need to confess to your girlfriend is a sure sign that you’re in love. She makes you feel things you’ve never felt like guilt, remorse and jealousy? Yep. Love. It can suck but enjoy it while it lasts.
This comment is to Remi, if Sasha has so much baggage she has to get drunk to tell you about it, you better watch out. I’ve been an avid reader of her blog since it started and I don’t know if you’ve read all of them, and no offense to Sasha, I love her blog! But part of the reason she’s so entertaining is because she’s more fucked up then most. (Again, sorry Sasha, nothing personal) but it’s nothing she doesn’t admit all the time through her writing. So just be careful because she seems to have a way of leaving destruction in her wake.
I humbly request that you reveal what you had to confess about. If you don’t believe in censorship as stated in your most recent blog then please, OH PLEASE tell us what you did???!!!!
Anonymous, stop trying to break up a beautiful thing. Everyone has a past and everyone has baggage, or have you never done anything you wouldn’t be so thrilled to reveal? We all make mistakes and (hopefully) learn from them. Sasha seems to be in a different place now that she’s with Remi. If she and Remi are both happy and have a healthy relationship, regardless of the past, then let it be!!! If you can’t be happy for them, at least keep your negative energy out of Sasha’s blog.
Thanks Cathy!!!!
Sasha – thanks! Reading this post felt like I was reading about myself. I too, am in a fairly new relationship with a girl that I find myself experiencing those goddamn twinges of jealousy and the compulsion to be honest about all my misdeeds (and of those, there are many).
I can only hope that my girl is as understanding as Remi has been about yours, when I do eventually tell her (alcohol will definitely be in the picture when this occurs). As some of your other readers have said – love and all the not-so-fun stuff it brings. What are we gonna do? *grin*