Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

Dildo or Snitch? You be the judge.

Posted on 19. Dec, 2009 by Sasha in Featured

Have you ever done something you knew you shouldn’t be doing, but you do it anyway? But you’re so sly about it, you’re absolutely, positively sure that you covered all your tracks and got away clean with it? So when you’re caught red handed and red faced, your brain can’t even think up a good lie or reason, you just sit there with a stupid look on your face and say, “Huh? … What? …. Me? … Nah-uh.”

Well that’s what I said when it happened to me the other day.

You may notice that unlike other lesbian blogs, I don’t review a lot of sex toys. While I was approached by several companies offering free goodies in exchange for reviews, I turned them down because I’m simply not a fan.

It’s not that I’m anti-toy. I’m just pro-good-old-fashioned-lesbian-sex using what God gave you. If I don’t need a man with a dick, I certainly don’t need a girl with a plastic one!

However, I’m not a prude and every once in a while my hormones take over and if my girlfriend’s at work … well …. then I’m not opposed to occasionally taking a look in the toy chest and seeing what might look entertaining for the moment.

A few days ago was one of those days. As luck would have it, Remi had just come across a pink rabbit in one of her seldom used drawers. She proudly waved it around as if she had found a long lost favorite sock. But like I said, we rarely partake in that those things, so she stuffed it back in the drawer and that was that.

Until one day when she was off at work and I woke up from a little cat nap. I had been having a particularly vivid dream, shall we say and feeling lazy and half awake I remembered the pink rabbit!

I made my way over to the dresser, opened the drawer and before even picking it up, I took a mental picture of EXACTLY where and how it was lying in the drawer. The last thing I needed was Remi finding out about this and teasing me about it for months. Nope, I was not going to leave a single clue that I had been there.

I carefully removed it, being conscious not to disturb anything around it, lest a wrinkle or fold be out of place, giving me away.

After retrieving the pink jelly looking contraption I pressed the ON button to make sure the batteries worked. Nothing.

I pressed it again. Nothing.

I shook it and pressed the other ON button. Nada.

I turned it upside down and smacked the bottom, hoping to jiggle the batteries into connecting and pressed BOTH ON buttons at once! Not so much as a jiggle.
Phooey.

I was too tired to look for new batteries so I placed it back in it’s bed of socks and tee shirts and closed the drawer.

Not thinking another thing about it, nor feeling any guilt since I hadn’t even used it, I totally forgot about it.

Our closet is really a spare room next to our bedroom and as usual, it was a mess. So I decided to come back later that day and clean up a bit. While I was putting clothes away I heard the all too familiar sound of our neighbor doing yet another type of home improvement project. I couldn’t tell what he was doing, but the sound of some far-off, distant hum of  machinery was not unusual so I didn’t think much about it.

Until Remi got home later that night. I heard her ask from the closet, “Were you in my drawers tonight?”

“Ummmmm …… yea, I out your laundry away.” I answered, as innocently as possible.

I could hear she was trying not to laugh, yet she still sounded like she was scolding me a little bit, “That’s not what I mean and you know it! Don’t lie Sasha. Is there something you want to tell me????”

She had come in the room now and had a giant, I-know-what-you-did grin on her face as she waited for me to dig a hole for myself.

I instantly knew what she was talking about but there was no way she could know! It’s not like she’s CSI or anything like that! So I stuck with my story,“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know what I’m talking about. Come on Sasha, you’re already caught. Just admit it. I want to hear you admit it!” She could barely keep a straight face as she started to interrogate me.

I stood my ground. Sort of. I knew I was caught I just didn’t know how caught until she told me that when she was changing her clothes, there was a weird, vibrating sound coming from her drawer. Apparently that sound I had heard earlier wasn’t our neighbor with a machine of some sort. That dumb little rabbit finally turned itself on AFTER I had put it in the drawer.

I couldn’t believe it! How embarrassing! And how totally busted I was! At that point, denial was futile and I just laid my head down in my hands and blushed profusely as I was forced to listen to Remi gloat and laugh about catching me in such an absurd way.

In the end, this just added to my list of reasons I don’t like toys. They lie to you about their batteries being dead and then they turn and betray you like little informants for the masturbation police.