Remi and I are fighting. We’ve barely spoken since last night. She came home from work and for some reason everything she did was on my last nerve. Little things like not washing her dishes and expecting me to do it all the time to not wanting to eat dinner with me, even though I told her the night before to expect to have dinner together when she got home.
Plus she’s pissed at me for having stayed in contact with an ex. Who I said I wouldn’t talk to anymore. I know, I know …. bad Sasha. So shoot me. I suck at monogamy. But I’m trying.
Ughhh …. living together is not easy. I guess the honeymoon’s over.
That was fast.
Now comes the hard part of actually working on the relationship.
My teacher Brian told me that up until now we hadn’t had a real relationship. Everything was go -go -go …. first it was the drama of her getting me away from the woman I was seeing when she came into the picture (which is the ex I was talking to). Then it was the excitement of a new love affair coupled with the emotional aspect of preparing for her to go back into the Marines with a deployment to Iraq and Afghanistan hanging over our heads every moment of every day.
Believe me when I say that nothing is more of an aphrodisiac then the thought of possibly loosing someone to war. It made every moment feel important, special, life or death — like time was running out. So we packed every bit of fun, love, sex and passion into the time we had before she left.
Then after that it was that she was away at training on the other side of the country and she was miserable and having a hard time. She was horribly sick the whole time she was there and an old injury had sprung back up. Knowing she was in pain had my stomach in knots 24/7.
After that there was the euphoria of her coming home, having been medically discharged. We were ecstatic to not have to have been seperated for a year. I was relieved that she wouldn’t be in harms way. We made it through all this, the rest was the easy part. Right?
Ha! Call me naive. I guess I was. I thought the feelings of being so madly in love would be strong enough to carry us through the every day grind. Guess I overestimated myself.
So this rant could go on for days but I’ll cut it down to size:
Remi and I went to kickboxing this morning and almost beat the crap out of eachother (Oh did I mention she’s joining MY fight gym?)
We drove home in silence, she got ready and left for work and we barely said goodbye. I wouldn’t have even acknowledged her leaving if she hadn’t forced the issue a bit.
She sent me several texts from work that I didn’t respond to, I was still too mad. Over what I don’t know. Everything I suppose.
She finally sent me a text that read: I can’t always be around so at some point you have to make a decision. Me or her.
I didn’t write back right away although in my head I chose Remi.
I didn’t respond fast enough for her, even though in my head there was never any decision to be made. We’re in a relationship and we’re trying to build a life together. What did she think my answer would be?!
But she ended up sending me this text: I will leave if you don’t stop talking to her. Because I’m not going to keep feeling like this.
Mmmmm ….. what am I supposed to say to that?!
This: No, Don’t leave. I love you. I won’t ever speak to her again. Please don’t leave. You promised. (Which is exactly what I did say.)
Suffice it to say after a few more texts, the fights pretty much over. But we’re both left feeling a little numb and worse for wear after the dust settles.
Actually, I don’t really think the dust has settled yet. It’s still swirling around making it hard to see and breath. It won’t be settled till she comes home tonight and we can finish this face to face.
Whoever said relationships are easy lied. Living together is a whole other set of challenges to work through.
It sounds like you’re committed to each other and making it work. Just take it a day at a time, things will work out.
Hey “Sasha” how you been? I can’t believe you made the big lesbian leap and shacked up with someone! I remember you from a few years back, you were pretty hard to pin down. Hard to believe you’ve changed too much.
Alex, how are you? It has been a LONG time. Guess I grew up a bit … or at least I’m trying. lol … it’s good to hear from you again.
Sasha, Alex told me about your blog. I don’t know if you remember me but I was one of your teachers in West LA. I didn’t know you were gay but I suspected. …. we could have had a lot more to talk about if I had. Email me, lets have lunch sometime, I’m in Long Beach every weekend for my son.
Terrie, I had a HUGE fuckin’ crush on you!!! I was always trying to figure out if you were or weren’t ….. but the locker room was always really awkward … lol … I thought it was just me!
LOL REALLY??? I really had no idea. Probably good thing since we weren’t supposed to date students. I would have gotten into a lot of trouble. Uh yea the locker room tension wasn’t just you. Funny how we never know these things when we could have actually done something about it. But congratulations on your relationship. Hang in there girl, anything worth having is worth fighting for.
Sasha… when she gets home.. hug on her.. and tell her how much you love her..
you two are really good together..
take care of one another..
you give me hope.
I remember when the honeymoon phase in my relationship wore off. Our first big fight was NOT pretty. But I couldn’t imagine my life without my girlfriend. Hang in there, Sasha. You guys will be just fine.
We get mad. We get on each other’s nerves. We fight over stupid things.
It’s all normal.
It doesn’t mean that you’re not good at relationships. It does mean that you both care enough to fight it out.
Good luck.
It’s interesting that you stated you aren’t good at monogamy. My theory is, when you’re ready, you’re ready. And if you’re not? Continue to play the field and f*ck around. That’s what your dissolute youth is supposed to be misspent on.
Co-habitation is marriage, for all practical intents and purposes. Marriage is serious sh*t. You fight, work it out, stretch, struggle, make up, ebb and flow, hot and cold, but through it all, you KNOW you are with the BEST POSSIBLE person for you. Otherwise, while bother????
So, either Remi IS the best possible person for you, or you’re playing house and can expect a lot more drama to unfold.
It is also very possible you are a drama or adrenaline junkie. In which case, drama will ALWAYS ensue.
Gotta say Sasha, if you’re honest with yourself, it seems you’re sabotaging yourself. You talk to an ex that you said you wouldn’t, you have flirted with other chicks in front of her (I believe), proposed a threesome while intoxicated, etc…
I don’t mean this in a mean way at all…I like and respect your honesty…but maybe it’s time to just be in no relationship at all, work on yourself, and figure this crap out.
It will likely mean buying a better vibrator than one you likely have, but the investment might save you some emotional pain down the road.
Just a thought.
It’s not her business what exes you talk to! Be careful she’s not controlling you!
And let her dishes grow fungus, then see how she likes it!
It sounds like she’s trying to role play being the controlling boyfriend…I was with a girl like that and it was never obvious, but it was abuse!
Just got out of an abusive relationship… just a red flag for me! Could be minor. Take an abuse survey!