I’ve noticed a trend among my lesbian group of friends. We are all frequent shoppers … online. I know personally I abhor shopping in person. I don’t like driving in traffic. Jostling for a parking spot in a crowded lot full of angry mini-van moms is a good way for me to give myself a small anxiety attack. Then once inside the store, I’m more of a heat seeking missile, list in hand or at least in memory, I zoom from objective to objective as quickly as possible and book it out of there at Super-Dyke speed.
I am not a browser, a window shopper or a bargain hunter. At least not in real life. But in the cyber world I’m a shopping super star. I can spend hours on end hunting down the perfect gift at the best price. I know all the ins and outs of online spending … just look at my credit statements.
I don’t know exactly when this aversion to in-person-retail-therapy began. Actually wait … I may be able to pinpoint the exact moment of trauma that forever altered my shopping personality.
I was about 5 years old. My mother is one of those 4 a.m. shoppers who will sit outside of the store the day after Thanksgiving hours before it opens with all the other nuts. All of them huddled near the glass doors, looking in, plotting their route of bargain destruction.
My mother used to drag me along with her and one particular morning I remember being pushed up against the glass of the still locked doors. A huge crowd of over-eager shoppers were literally crushing me against the doors. When the door finally opened I just felt a big whoosh against me and I went down. But almost as quickly as I went down, I was yanked up by my arm and swung into the air just in the nick of time before being crushed by the mob.
I landed safely in my father’s arms. Thank god, my mom and talked my dad into coming that day for one reason or another. But I’m convinced he came just to make sure his little daughter wasn’t collateral damage in the Mervyn’s after Thanksgiving blood bath of a sale.
I have many similar stories of pre-dawn shopping adventures with my bargain obsessed mother. I know that’s why I hate shopping to this very day. But what are other lesbians reasons for checking out online instead of in person/
I’ll venture a theory here: It’s because lesbians are smart. We’re logical, rational and like to plan ahead. Shopping online makes sense. Save on gas money, no parking hassles, and we get to compare prices all from the comfort of our living rooms. Then if after all our cyber-browsing still leaves us unfulfilled, when we do actually head to the physical stores, we are well versed in their competitors prices and are not above turning our noses up at over-priced merchandise we know for a fact we can get for a better buy some where else.
So when it comes down to it, even lesbians that love to shop are smart enough to do their homework first online.
Then there’s always the convenience of having your “toys” delivered to your door in a plain brown wrapper. 
Hahaha. Shopping is painful for me. I feel like I’m taking it hard…lol
You know what…I was recently called out on this…A gay guy asked where I had gotten my COEXIST sticker, I of course got it online
To which he replied whats with all you lesbians shopping online?? And when im dragged along shopping with my sisters I find myself wanting to bang my head against the wall while standing off to the side waiting for them to finish their incessant browsing. So umm yeah im there with ya’
By ‘toys’ I presume you mean the latest must-have from Mattel or Fisher Price??
One of these days “Sasha” and I will get what I deserve from you.
I should feel guilty about the money I just dropped… On clothes I didn’t exactly need, but had my eye on for some time. I comfort myself with the fact that I’ll earn the money back, and others have spent way more than me. Oh, and I’ll look sexy in them. And then, I really, really hope this one dress I got will be able to be taken in; what if the fabric is too thick? Who buys a dress that’s 2 sizes bigger than her, in the hopes of taking it in at the waist, and then working out/adjusting her diet to fill out the hip and bust part?
This chick. I hope this seamstress can work miracles!
(But seriously: A gorgeous, flattering cut and pattern, a former price of 71 plus, and it’s now about 21 USD? I am not passing it up!).
Oh, and I shop online because my clothing and general aesthetic tastes are particular, and my area provides almost no stimulation. I was presently surprised yesterday to find a few staple pieces that I liked, but the internet’s more reasonable quality-to-price ration has made me wary.
*Pleasant, yet present also fits. Ha. Almost. (But seriously- those retail stores are expecting me to pay 60 plus for something that’s so low quality, and I know where to find it cheaper PLUS a discount code- HMPH).
Oh my god. My mom loathes Black Friday shopping but she’s a bargain hunter too. That woman will walk into a store and make mince meat of it. She will go through every damned rack in the store, scouring through for great bargains and hidden gems. I have to give her credit though – she’s AMAZING at it. I have always had lots of designer clothes that were bought at really awesome prices. But because of this I do NOT have much patience for shopping. I go in, see what I want, buy or don’t buy.
If it wasn’t for my mom, I’d probably own about three things (and wear them over and over). Instead, I have more clothes than a supermodel and more shoes than Imelda Marcos (that’s a whoooole ‘nother blog).
Er, lost the topic subject – I do NOT buy online though. I have even less patience for that. If I want it, I want it NOW. I don’t want to have to wait for it to ship, and besides, if it ships and I hate it/it doesn’t fit, I’m never going to get around to returning it and that’s just a waste of money. So yeah, I defy the lesbian world that way I guess. Laziness and impatience rules over orientation I guess. *shrug*
I live for the packages in the mail. It makes me feel important. I miss the days when I’d get a new book or three every week, within two days of ordering because I happened to live in the perfect mailing area. Oh, retail drug.