I’ve been wanting to tackle some topics about our trans brothers and sisters but haven’t really ever felt as if I had enough information or maybe even the “right” to say anything on the topic. Except to state the fact that we need to be totally accepting of them in the community and stop the ostracizing of them that we see happening around us. It infuriates me when I hear other gay people make any sort of derogatory comment about a transman or transwoman in a feeble attempt to separate them from us and make them yet again, the “other” within a community of “others.”
Which is another reason why I have yet to really broach this topic, because two transmen I do know, used to identify as lesbian but now identify as straight. So if they choose to leave the queer community or wish to on some level, then who am I to beat the drum of “You’re one of us & I love you! ….Whether you want it or not.” Suffice to say, when it comes to the trans community all I can really say is this: I am an ally. Period. I support whatever labels and pronouns you wish to use. I feel a camaraderie with them and for some reason am very protective of them and their rights. I do not care if they now wish to self-identify as straight, gay, queer, trans or anything else. I am an ally regardless of what flag they fly.
However, I still really wanted CCL to start touching on some stories from the trans community to help enlighten and illuminate this topic a little more for all of us. Then the other day I was reading through the comments when I read a comment from Jolie that read, “First of all, I’m a butch-lovin’ femme; I kind of feel like I should introduce myself as such before tossing my proverbial scarf into the ring. Yes, I said scarf, not hat. I’m that kind of femme …. I love my transhusband’s differences from me. Yes, I consider him butch, because while he is male, he was born female. Therefore, female masculinity = butch, just at the extreme end of the spectrum. Our yin and yang is a significant player in our relationship. Sheesh. I should probably just write my own post on this.”
*Ding! Ding! Ding!!!!!* That was the sound of the bells going off over my head when it hit me like a ton of bricks that Jolie would be PERFECT for CCL!!!! So I emailed her and asked her if she would like to join our ranks of awesome guest bloggers and much to my joy, she accepted!
So femmes and butches, it is my greatest honor and pleasure to introduce you to CCL’s newest writer, Jolie.
Hey y’all. I’m Jolie, of This Side of Changed, and I’m thrilled to be Sasha’s latest recruit to CCL’s Guest Lesbians. I’ve also been one of Sasha’s most devoted readers for years now, so being invited to guest post is a tremendous honor.
I’m a thirtysomething transwife and mother of one amazing almost-eight-year-old boy.
I don’t identify as lesbian at all anymore.
I’m femme and I’m queer, in that order. My husband (who will probably end up being the topic, at least tangentially, of 90% of my writing here) identifies mostly as a straight man.
Rhett is also thirtysomething, and is pre-op at this point in time. I’ve known him throughout the last stage of his evolution from genderqueer to trans, and we’ve been married legally since May 17, 2010. He’s my best friend and the love of my life. We’re that couple that makes most people throw up in their mouths, just a little.
I’ve been blogging about being gay/queer/lesbian for almost two years, and have been bouncing around the queer blogosphere for almost a decade. I also identify as a mouthy broad. I’m rarely politically correct, I’m occasionally offensive. I take a perverse pride in being a walking, talking, blogging set of contradictions.
I suppose that takes care of the generalities.
Specifically, I’ve been gay/queer/lesbian all my life, and I believe I was born that way. I don’t have big coming out stories, or reconciliation stories, or faith-questioning stories because I was raised to believe that I could do or be whatever I wanted to do or be. Fortunately for me, my family lived up to their hype, and I’m still close to most of them.
My About page on my blog reads as follows, and probably sums me up fairly nicely:
I’m a transwife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister. I’m queer except where I’m not, I’m old-fashioned, I’m liberal, I’m conservative, I’m hard, and angry, and untrusting. I’m soft, and gentle, and an open book. I’m a work in progress, just like you.
Really, I’m just me, with all the facets, implications, and contradictions that go into those three words. I’m sometimes funny, sometimes bitchy, occasionally evil, rarely sweet – and every once in a while, I manage to hit all four in the same post.
Well, except for the sweet. You kind of have to go digging for the sweet.
I’m very much looking forward to contributing here at CCL, and being part of the conversation that Sasha has so generously opened up to us all.
She sounds perfect for CCL.
Hi there, Jolie. Welcome! I too am excited to read what you have to say. You sound like a fascinating woman. Sasha has a good eye for talent, as we all know from her other writers she picks for us. I can’t wait to learn more about you.
Again welcome!
Hi Jolie! Welcome! I hope you have a thick skin, because some of the other readers are pretty tuff on Sasha and Raye a lot of the time! heehee
I’m excited to read another femme’s perspective on here too!
Well if Sasha thinks you’re good enough for CCL then you must be something pretty special.
Welcome Jolie and I’m sure I speak for all of when I say, I can’t wait to read more about you and your life.
…. what an interesting woman you are. Queer, femme married to a transman. Uh huh … can NOT WAIT to read more
Welcome Jolie!
I’m dying to ask because I too am in a relationship with a transman. You mentioned you were married legally since may of this year? Was this a gay marriage? A domestic partnership? Or has your husband legally changed his birth certificate to male so you two were able to actually MARRY in any state in the US? Hope that isn’t too intrusive but I’m dying to marry my love and until prop 8 gets really overturned, we can’t. Just looking for a loop hole!
Welcome Jolie! You sound like someone who has a lot to say and I want to hear all of it.
Hey Jolie…welcome aboard. Here’s hoping we’ll hear from you frequently!
You’re right, I do love her already! =) I’m the partner of a transwoman (yes, I identify as a lesbian and did before she and I got together). She is also pre-op and the love of my life! I look forward to reading Jolie’s posts! Thanks!
Wonderful! Loving this new addition – good job Sasha! Good luck Jolie!
So I was reading your blog and got halfway through when I thought of something interesting. J and I discussed it and neither of us knows the answer. Maybe you could formulate one. If person A were born a man and was married to person B who was a female and then person A went thru “the change” and became a legal female would their legal marriage be null and void because its now homosexual?
Also Jolie welcome…I applaud you for being in the type of relationship that I myself found to be…..something other than I wished for and expected.
K
Well, hi to all of you! What a lovely warm welcome. Thank you all so very much!
And Gabby, thank you for a great post idea… Stay tuned, and I’ll answer your questions!
I’ll be seeing y’all soon,
~j
Welcome Jolie!
It will be wonderful to hear your point of view.
Welcome!! Very refreshing intro….love your writing already!
Oh I sooo excited! I will be waiting for your posts! The trans community is so fascinating to me! I can’t wait to hear your perspective!