Written by Guest Butch, K
Here it is.
Let’s delve into my past. I’ve noticed that many of you CCL readers are questioning whether or not you fit under this so-called genderqueer umbrella. So I’ll tell you my story….
When I was younger….and by younger I mean a little elementary school kid. I always noticed my teachers….now I had quite a few male teachers and I certainly found it odd that while my classmates thought Mr. So and so was cute, I was checking the slit in Mrs. Young’s dress that day. I was a cocky little thing even then. I’d flash a smile and talk all the young pretty women up….I could do no wrong to them. I knew then that maybe I was a little different.
And so a few years later I was old enough to date…and then came the dreaded “mom-talk.” We were driving one day and I asked her what she would do if me or my brother (known as B. Johnny) were gay. My mom stuttered through this speech about how all parents expect their little girls to grow up marrying men and vice versa for their little men. Needless to say….my attempt to tell my mom was…..failing. She dropped me off at my grandma’s and we left the conversation at that. Not an hour later she called me and told me that she felt like she offended me because although she didn’t realize it she thinks I was trying to tell her something. A very awkward yeah…..came out of my end of the phone. She took some time getting used to it but she’s great. Defends me and anyone who’s gay for that matter. She’s awesome.
She once asked me how I knew I liked girls. I told her I just did. Now I have a very open relationship with my mom….so she asked me how I could possbly know if I’d never been with a guy. So I asked her if she’d ever been with a woman. Surprised she thought and said no. So I questioned her as to how she knows she likes men. Discussion over lol.
My brother was 8 at the time I came out. And I broke the news to him on my own terms….it was simple. I pulled him outside and said….B. Johnny….what would you do if I was gay? And rather than freaking out or saying no or even asking what it was….the smart little bugger countered with… Well…..are you? I knew he was going to be my best friend for life after that. Now he’s 14 and got his own girlfriends and thinks its pretty cool that he’s got a sister who gets it.
All in all. For you ladies who are questioning…. You’ll know when you’re supposed to. I’m a huge believer in fate. So relax. When you see the woman who makes you tremble….you’ll know.
“For you ladies who are questioning…. You’ll know when you’re supposed to.”
Heh, indeed, K.
It’s interesting knowing you’ve identified as a “gold star” but then also being able to relate to your story of coming out to your mom.
I am so not a gold star, ha! I really in the dark about what was going on with me until I was about 24 years old, and even then, I identified as a tentative “bi” and continued to date guys.
Now, I can look back over my childhood and see a few red flags here and there, and there were so many incidents of other people telling me – or accusing me – of having “tendencies.” However, it wasn’t until I met the first chick to really give me the willies before I even started to get it, and years beyond that before I ever was able to act. It was a long saga of various puzzle pieces falling into place over the course of years, and I’ve never been able to sum up the history concisely.
So I wound up coming out to my mom shortly after I became involved with my girlfriend – at the age of 28.
Her response?
She took a long drag off of her cigarette and stated, “Yeah, I’m not shocked.”
She was just relieved I that I wasn’t coming over to say that I failed a drug test and lost my job.
thanks for the advice.