I have a secret obsession. Something so embarrassing it took almost a year for me to come clean about it to my girlfriend. It’s one of those seedy obsessions that once I start surfing the internet for it, I can’t stop myself. I can’t help myself sometimes, it makes me feel better. When I’m really depressed and Remi’s at work I’ll go online and see if I can find any new pictures of ….. are you ready for it? …… Of wedding cakes.
Yep. There. I said it. I’m obsessed with pretty wedding cakes. Not weddings. Not wedding dresses. Just the cake part. I seriously think of it like whimsical art that’s yummy in the tummy. How much better can it get?
I never told Remi about my secret desire, she sort of found me out. Late one night some time last week, she came home from work and found me all cried out in bed. It had been one of those days. She sat down at the desk, opened the laptop and to my utter embarrassment there was a page still open full of wedding cake pictures! She turned to me, a huge grin played across her lips as she said, “Weddddddddinnnnnnnng cakes, huh babe?”
I could have died from embarrassment. The last thing I want is her thinking I’m trying to hint around about marriage! Oh my gawd, I am not THAT girl! I’m so NOT THAT girl, I’m usually the one scoffing the loudest at any talk about brides to be. Yet here I was, caught red handed with dozens of pictures of wedding cakes all over my desktop. Ugh.
Luckily our relationship is secure enough and serious enough that the discovery didn’t send my girlfriend running from the room. It actually started an equally embarrassing and rather mushy ten minute conversation where Remi was sweet enough to day dream with me for a while about a few “what ifs” and “maybe somedays.”
Which got me thinking …. of course. That it’s really quite ironic that now that I might actually believe in marriage (prop 8 be damned!) I probably won’t ever get an engagement ring. Because besides the cake, the ring is my next favorite part.
Why wouldn’t I get a big fancy engagement ring? Because we’re both women and who gives it to who? Both of us? I can’t see Remi sporting a three carat diamond and it wouldn’t exactly be fair of me to want something more then she gets. I don’t know!?
In the end, it doesn’t matter. If and that’s a big if, it ever came down to actually setting a date, bling is the least important thing in this relationship. I’m proud to say I’ve actually let a lot of that materialism go.
Then today a friend of mine sent me a text message that said, “We’re engaged!!!!” and attached was a picture of her finger with a three carat, emerald cut diamond ring on it. She’s a lesbian and she got an engagement ring. WTF???
Don’t get me wrong, I’m stoked for her happiness. Really. But it totally threw a wrench in my mental dialogue about lesbians and engagement rings.
What do you think about the topic? W
OMFG Sasha, you crack me up! I spit coffee out through my nose when I read this! I thought you were going to confess something like some sort of fetish porn or something, but wedding cakes!!!! LOL
Remi’s lucky she’s got such a cute gf. if that’s her biggest worry that you might be daydreaming about marrying her someday than she should count her blessings. So adorable!
On rings:
I wasn’t getting an engagement ring. My partner noticed a ring in the shops for her – a reasonably cheap gent’s ring, so I put that on order for her secretly. She surprised me with wedding ring choice # 2 as my engagement ring – it’s a band of diamonds and pink sapphires which I’m wearing til our big day. After the big day I’ll be wearing something which resembles most women’s engagement rings – the diamond solataire type thing. I figure that’s all I’m going to wear, and the pink sapphire and diamond ring will go on my right hand. I didn’t want my ring to cost lots more than hers, so she managed to find something for her wedding ring in the same price bracket – it does have diamonds in it, and is mens. So there’s lots of options for the lesbian bride.
Meanwhile, I love wedding cakes too. I can almost taste them!
Sasha, dear, I’ve had a wedding cake of my very own… and it was my favorite part of my wedding. Looking back now, excluding my children, that fucking wedding cake was actually my favorite part of the marriage.
I knew exactly what I wanted, had it drawn, went to the baker with specs and plans, and specific details of what the filling was to be… etc etc etc. OMFG this baker did not see me coming. LOL, I was eighteen years old. Anyway. I have to say, my mother was disappointed in my lack of a cheesey traditional bride/groom cake topper, wtf is up with those anyway?
Every part of my cake design was symbolic to me. It’s the way it should be.
The meaning of wedding cakes has a very rich tradition. I think you should (if you haven’t already, I should not presume) read about that and I think you’ll become more obsessed with getting your own.
About the ring… yes… it’s materialistic. You can and should buy your own emerald cut 3 carat ring (or someday you can, you know what I mean). It doesn’t mean more coming from Remi.
You have her heart.
Why shouldn’t a ‘lesbian’ have an engagement ring? I do understand your conflicted feelings over this one, IF it is between two ‘matchy-matchy’ lesbians.
However, with the butch-femme dynamic, OF COURSE the femme gets an engagement ring, and the butch gets a beautiful wedding band.
We’re lesbians and we’re both getting rings. We don’t fit into the butch-femme dynamic, we’re both pretty much middle of the road, kinda butch but kinda girly too. My girl looks more butch but is such a girly girl inside! Her ring has to match her bolder personality so its gonna be pretty flashy. Myself, I’m more laid-back and flash doesn’t suit me so I’ll go with a more traditional ring. We’re picking both out together and its been a LOT of fun!
It’s my feeling that who ever does the asking should be providing the ring. Now what that ring looks like, band vs. diamond, depends on the person who is receiving it.
I think if you want an engagement ring then you should get one. Whatever kind you want AND whoever you end up marrying will want you to have exactly that. Plus, I bet your wifey will find something great for herself too that you can buy.
My gf would look great sporting a big rock or a thick men’s band with diamonds in it. If we get that far I will straight up talk to her about it and we will go out and buy our hearts desire.
These rules that come up in your head regarding how this should be and that should be… throw them out the window… make your own
Lol! I laughed out loud at your little “confession”. OK honey this is what’s going on here. If you’re looking at wedding cakes then somewhere deep down you’re daydreaming about marrying Remi. In which case, Remi must be doing something right! Go Remi!
If Remi didn’t mind you looking at cakes then somewhere deep down she must also let herself go there once in a while. There’s no crime in loving each other. From reading your blog it seems like Remi’s an amazing gf to you and a wonderful support. I hope to someday read many blogs about you planning an actual wedding and all the craziness i’m sure will come with that!
About the ring. That’s easy. The femme always gets the bling. Remi knows that, as any good butch should
But that isn’t saying you can’t get her some handsome band to wear as well.
Sasha, this is easy. You get the cake and the ring and the dress and the wedding however your little heart desires. Butches like me and I’m assuming Remi (I haven’t met her yet) don’t date “high femmes” without knowing things like this. Small price to pay to have a beautiful wifey waiting at home after a hard days work.
If I’m not mistaken, don’t you already have SEVERAL rather large engagement rings given to you in your past life as a confused straight girl? From stupid men that thought they could make you their property by putting a ring on your finger??
LOLOL Sorry to put your business on blast like that babe, but the public’s gotta know … you were quite the heartbreaker back in the day. How you got them to let you keep those rocks still has me chuckling. Especially when I see one of your ex’s every so often out with his new wife. I always have this urge to go up to her in the ladies room and say, “Do you know your ring isn’t as big as the one he gave his ex?” … hahaha … maybe I’m a bitch or just bored.
I’m going to throw my two cents in here. I doubt heterosexual men feel silted or jipped because their end of the matriomonial ring bargain is inferior. Why should women be any different? I want a diamond engagement ring. Not because I am materialistic, but because I think they’re beautiful and well, I want one. Now, could I see my gf wearing a rock? Hell no. But I do know that she is looking forward to the day she officially claims her stake (a peeing on the leg if you will)
with a large, sparkley piece of jewelry. She is not only proud that I am her girl but also that she can afford such an extravagant gift, something ill have forever. All I know is there will be a spring in my stilletoed step the day my left hand gets slightly heavier to lift.
It’s not materialistic for you to want an engagement ring sometime. Only someone who’s too cheap or can’t afford it would try to make you think it’s not necessary or stupid to want one.
I know when I finally meet Miss Right, I’m going to slap a big ass ring on her finger to tell the whole world she’s MINE. Yep, I said it, “MINE”. And if I want a ring, I’ll buy it myself, because I make enough money and am successful enough to take care of my woman and myself. All she has to do is love me and let me take care of the rest.
So I say, Sasha don’t give up on any little girl daydreams you had when you thought you were straight. The right butch can make them all come true. Even better then any many ever dreamed of doing. So if you ever do get married, I’m sure whoever that is will be proud to put a ring on that pretty hand of yours.
I think you should have a ring, big or small, whatever you want. Your gf prop doesn’t want something girly or frilly like that anyway. Most butches wouldn’t.
But it’s most likely a pride thing for your gf. She knows that tells other women you’re her’s and that it’s a sign that says more about you then her. So in the end, you’re both happy.