As much as I hate to be a cliche, I’m sad to admit that I fall prey to the “starving writer” persona at the moment. Yes, I used to have a great paying job that I hated. So I took a leap of faith and jumped off the gravy train and decided to try to burn a new trail all my own, as a writer. Which is actually working out on some levels. Except for the fact that you don’t get paid till your articles go to print. So while I may sell several articles, it’s usually months until I see a dime from them. Meanwhile, life marches on and I’ve got puppies to feed.
Enter my side job as a dancer. No, not a stripper. But as a burlesque dancer and belly dancer. First let me say that I used to be a professional dancer and dance teacher. I have over 20 years of training and that’s how I worked my way through college … as a ballroom dance instructor and belly dancer. NEVER A STRIPPER. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, because I don’t think there is, but that’s a whole other blog.)
While Remi was away in North Carolina I was pretty fuckin’ strapped for cash. A friend mentioned to a friend that she knew a dancer for a party they were throwing and before I knew it I was offered a paying gig to dance for a bunch of lesbians. I wasn’t sure how my gf would feel about it, but knowing that she trusts me and supports me, I took the job.
I hadn’t danced in a long ass time. Needless to say, I did not feel totally comfy dancing down to my garters, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Let’s just say that a room full of butch women are very appreciative of the female form and they made me feel pretty damn good about myself. Too bad it’s not their voices I hear in my head when I look in a mirror.
But I digress. I ended up getting a few more offers to dance from other people at the party. Which was good and bad news. The good news was that I could pay my bills and feed my dogs. The bad news was that I had to tell my girlfriend that I had spent the evening performing burlesque for a room full of very gay women, while she was over in North Carolina pretty much going through hell. I felt like crap. I knew this wasn’t going to make her feel good. But I had to do it.
Yep. Sure enough, it did not exactly go over that well. She tried to be supportive, but how would you feel if your gf was giving a lap dance to another lesbian? Granted, I did not take off all my clothes, so I wasn’t actually “stripping” as much as “strip teasing.” Haaaa ….. ummmmm yea. Not so funny to my gf.
So this is a current issue of debate between she and I. She wants to be supportive of me. She realizes I was a dancer before she met me, so she can’t really say anything about that. But she also feels weird about it and I can’t blame her. What do you think?
Would you mind if your girl made extra money dancing for other women?
Fuck that shit. No woman of MINE is taking ANYTHING OFF for another bitch. Hell no. I’d pay her to dance for me before I let her do that.
“Sasha” we just talked about this today. You know I’ve seen you dance a hundred times. I used to go to EVERY one of your performances. I think you’re a beautiful dancer. That’s not the point. The point is that this is a dangerous city we live in. There are dangerous, crazy people out there who won’t understand that you’re not a whore and that they can’t do whatever they want to you. There are people who will think that since they paid you to come to their house and dance seductively that that means you’re for sale in other ways. This is not a safe occupation. Not to mention that you have college degrees coming out of your ears. Why don’t you use that brain of yours and stop relying on your beauty. I don’t blame your gf for not wanting you to dance. PLUS burlesque is VERY different from Belly dancing. But not in th eyes of the Arab world. You will be looked at as a whore, so if you do this, be prepared for that. But you already know ALL OF THIS. You know how I feel about this. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you have to. But you’ve always been stubborn. I feel sorry for Remi on this one.
I think it’s pretty cool that youre a dancer too. I love your blog. I think it would be interesting to see you perform. You should post when you’re going to be dancing around LA area or LBC because I would totally go,
I wouldn’t want my girlfriend dancing for other women. Not only would I be jealous AS HELL but it is also potentially unsafe in many ways as already mentioned.
I think your gf is out of her mind if she lets you do this. I wouldn’t. But you’re not my girl so I guess it doesn’t matter. But you asked. I think if you care about your relationship you’ll work at Starbucks.
HELL NO I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER LET MY GIRL DANCE FOR OTHER WOMEN!
I might let her dance for men, but FUCK no, not for other dykes. That’s asking for a ass load of trouble. Women are going to be all over you. That’s not going to work.
Honestly luv I have to agree with Nate on this one. First let me say I have absolutely nothing against a women who knows their own sexuality and is confident enough to relish it. But we have to face the facts, the world we live in is pretty messed up. It could make sense to employ a body guard. Or perhaps advise a close friend that if you do not call them by a set time that they either come looking for you or they call the cops. As for your relationship. If my lady friend decided that this was something necessary for her to do to pay the bills. We would simply find another way for her to pay the bills. Something perhaps that could help keep her integrity in tact. As Nate stated, you have intellect, perhaps there is something out there that you could do? I have read that you stated you where a professional dancer at one time? Perhaps you could teach again? Maybe even find a company? I don’t know where you are located but perhaps you could audition for a show? I guess my point out of all of this rambling is this…. you have options, and your relationship comes first and foremost. And that if I was in this situation, I would allow my lady to dance for her own pleasure and enjoyment but never to pay the bills. And her safety would come first and foremost. I wish you well Sasha.
As much as I’d like to say that I’d be open minded enough to be okay with my girlfriend dancing for other women, realistically I know I would be anything but okay with it.
I think I’d go crazy with jealousy, knowing that other women were seeing my girlfriend half naked and dancing provocatively. Maybe your girlfriend is more open minded.
Good luck!
I’d be pretty damn upset if she started doing that. As for a long term thing…I’m not afraid to admit I just wouldn’t be secure enough to live with it. It’d crush me knowing what was going on, knowing that you have to be somewhat responsive to earn the money and get tips etc. Nuh uh.
Well, Sasha, I read you regularly but never comment. However, in this case, I feel compelled to make an exception.
I have to buck the trend of the other commenters, as well. I come from a background similar to yours, have college degrees, and was classically trained as a dancer. At times in my life, I have fallen back on dancing (again, never actually stripping) as a way to make ends meet. More than once, I was in a relationship when the occasion arose. While I was always very careful to make arrangements for the sake of safety, I never once considered that employment to be a) anything other than a form of employment, and b) in any way demeaning to myself or my relationship.
I get frustrated with people who say things like, “You’re so well-educated, can’t you do something more dignified/less demeaning/less risky?” As if having a brain somehow precludes being able to enjoy performing.
Fortunately, I only ran into a situation of insecurity with my partner once, and we found a way through that by virtue of much communication and building in additional safeguards.
You have my email – feel free to get in touch if you’d like a purely outside perspective from someone who’s been there.
That’s a tough situation, but i think that you two really love one another and a compromise will have to be met. Sounds like shes trying to be reasonable, which is a good sign. Keep on dancing, but if it really starts to effect something with the two of you, or you ever encounter a less than comfortable dance party, use good judgment and let burlesque go.
Interesting post and comments. I think that your girlfriend should be understanding. You’ve left your job and gone out on a limb and need a cash boost. If she trusts you she should know that dancing for those lesbians is just work- not erotic in any way- just work. A dance performance like any other. That said I can see how her mind might go into overdrive. Perhaps you could invite her to come along to some of your shows and wait in the wings. That way she’d be sure you were safe and know that nothing was going on. It could even boost ye’re relationship…once you’re all revved up after the performance you could give her a private dance!?!
I think belly dancing is as mad if not worse then burlesque dancing because it’s more of a dance of pure seduction. It’s way sexier. Burlesque is a little campy, flirty yes, but it doesn’t leave much to the imagination. While belly dancing is all about what’s underneath. I wouldn’t like my girl belly dancing. AT ALL.
Forget the girlfriend for a moment–Isn’t this potentially damaging for your sense of self-worth? No self-respecting writer ever made a side living as a burlesque dancer. None. What kind of company do you want to keep? How do you want to view yourself?
(And P.S., there are PLENTY of drop-dead gorgeous female writers out there that don’t try to profit off their bodies. Oodles and oodles of them that–I’m sure–could have been or could currently be models\strippers\whatevers if they chose to go that route.)
Funny my girlfriend and i have been discussing this lately. i love performing im a dancer and i adore burlesque. My girlfriend is jelouse and would hate for me to dance in my skivvies for men or women. My perspective is different, i think it is a crime against nature that she is not a burleque dancer or hell even a stripper. She is THE sexiest dancer i have ever seen! As someone who is quickly passing my prime i am encouraging her to make the most of her sxiness and youth while she has it, now she is really starting to like the idea. We believe in playing it safe though, she wants me to be her manager. Fact is who doesn’t like to watch semi naked ladies dancing? If you can make a living at it without getting jaded, that would be my dream job
Its all a matter of you taking advantage of your patrons money as opposed to them taking advantage of your body. Put the objectification and adulation of the correct sides of the stage. And if everyone in the room wants your girlfriend but she only has eyes for you, i cant see how that should make you jelouse maybe everyone else should be jelouse of the you, then again im not in North Carolina going through hell, that would totally change my opinion 