The other night we went out to Girl Bar, with Lana in tow. I had assured Lana several times, that she would not be mauled, attacked or hit on. I mean after all, it’s a lesbian bar and while it is a bar, we are still women. Which in my experience has meant that in general, women are usually pretty shy and don’t hit on each other without some serious body language giving the green light. And not even then most of the time!
All too often lesbian clubs remind me of those horrible 6th grade dances when all the boys would stand on one side of the gym and all the girls would line up on the opposite wall, waiting, hoping and wishing that that cute little boy that was 6 inches shorter then them would have the nerve to come over and ask them to dance.
So after multiple assurances on my part, that Lana would not be molested on her first night at a dyke bar, the ladies of West Hollywood quickly took up the challenge to make a liar out of me.
We hadn’t been there ten minutes before a girl walks up to our group, circles around, gives Lana an up and down appraisal, literally shakes her head yes, as if to say, “Yep, that’ll do!” and walked over to our group of five. I mean really, how often does a woman have the guts to approach an entire group of females just to get at one in the center?
She leaned in and yelled over the blaring music, “My friend is having a party right down the street and told me to come and find some hot women to bring over.”
We smiled, said thank you and maybe. Laughing hysterically that Lana had just been cruised mere moments after sitting down.
This type of thing happened through out the night. It was actually pretty funny watching the women circle around Lana like sharks circle fresh chum.
But nothing would make my night like what ended up happening out on the dance floor. Apparently, Lana is irresistible to older, shorter lesbians. Well, one in particular. Before we knew it, she was being man-handled by a very pushy woman.
Seeing my friend in distress I did what any good friend does, I threw my girlfriend in between them, confident that the interloper would take a hint. I mean really, if you were dancing with some chick and her friends come up and effectively cut you off from her, enclosing her completely within their protective circle, wouldn’t you get the hint???
Well she didn’t. She took it as an opportunity to molest Remi in ways that inspired, not anger but pure amusement on my part. To see my girlfriend, who was looking very sporty/almost butch that night in her black wife beater get felt up from behind by this tiny Mexican butch woman was almost too much for me to handle.
But being the persistent little thing she was, she did not forget about Lana. Nope.
Since she couldn’t get directly at her through us, she would occasionally take her hands off Remi’s ass and reach around her towards Lana, feeling for any boobage or booty action she could find.
After doing this extremely awkward anti-mating dance on the floor for a few songs, we gave up and went back to our seats.
Every once in a while though, Lana would throw herself down on the couch in the middle of our conversation. I was confused the first time this happened thinking maybe she had just suffered a stroke or something. But a quick look over my shoulder and I spotted the cause of her aneurism, the Mexican Molester was on the prowl again, looking high and low for Lana.
There were a few other encounters that while uncomfortable for Lana, were perfect for my night’s entertainment. Including a very very rough looking roller-derby girl with a very strong body odor that came and plopped herself down in the middle of our group to get close to Lana. And then on the way out there was a very tall, giant of a girl that fell into step right behind us as we left. She jumped out from behind the bushes of Girl Bar, right behind Lana and in the manliest voice I have ever heard let out a guttural, “Hi there!” Followed by an odd grunting noise.
It was at this point that I realized that Lana had earned a new call sign, “Bait.” Or “Lesbian Bait” or my personal favorite, “Pussy Bait.”
In spite of all the unwanted attention from creepy molesters, smelly roller derby chicks and six foot four women, Lana claims to have had a great time. We’re already planning out next adventure out to the Abbey. 
Oh hell yeah, your gal pal was total fresh chum in the mix.
I imagine you see many of the same people over and over again in Girl Bar, and a new face, especially a pretty girly one, is sure to get noticed. Who is this girl? Why haven’t I seen her before? How did she get here? Who is she with? The sheer novelty of her existence in that space for that time was enough to bring out the wolves.
This is hilarious!! This has happened to a couple of my straight guy friends when I take them to gay clubs with me!
I adore your blog, you always crack me up and inspire me!
think maybe I saw you guys at Girl Bar. I was sitting in the back with my gf, across from you. Were you in the back in the couches? If Lana was that very pretty femme with shrt blonde hair then I’m surprised she wasn’t hit on even more! She’s cute!
I am so confused. I think I’m straight. But I can’t stop thinking about one of my friends. Who is a lesbian. She’s a little manly and maybe I’m just confusing her masculine energy with something else?
But she kissed me the other night and I let her. I didn’t kiss her back. I pulled away after a few moments but I can’t stop thinking about her or that kiss! I really want to try more but I don’t want to hurt her if it ends up not being my thing.
Help me sasha!!!! What do I do?
@Sasha – Anything new to report on Lana? I mean, any more club outtings and/or hilarious happenings like above?
Poor Lana…lol…she must have been kinda uncomfortable that night! Although, it looks like she handled us like a trooper. *Smile*
Lana is still awesome
She’s got her hands full with the boys, of course. Lesbians aren’t the only ones that want her! LOL …. and I don’t think she was TOO uncomfortable that night, since she’s always game to hit up the gay bars with me. She’s a trooper. 