You guys might be wondering how Remi reacted to Tony’s temporary insanity? Well true to form, she took a deep breath after I told her …. listened to the entire situation ….. took another breath and then discussed it with me. She was not happy. But she didn’t overreact either.
She realized right away that alcohol was a major contributor and she knew what Tony’s recent history with Willa has been. 
Don’t me wrong, she wasn’t OK with it and she didn’t immediately give her a pass either. But Remi is nothing if not level-headed and fair (too much so, if you ask me) and after ruminating on the situation as a whole (after I finally told her, because I waited a day), she basically had this to say, “I understand how that could happen, because I’ve been there myself. Drunk and stupid. But that doesn’t excuse her and it makes me wonder if she’s really your friend for the right reasons or if she’s just your friend, waiting for another chance for something more?”
I understood her concern but I’ve been friends with Tony for nine years now and five seconds of a drunken lapse in judgment was not going to ruin our friendship. But I was worried that Remi might say that we couldn’t hang out anymore.
One thing I’m learning is to never underestimate Remi’s patience and ability to give someone a second chance. After a cooling down period and several apologies from Tony, Remi has decided to forgive her …. as long as she stays away from Willa!
Which unfortunately looks like that might be a problem. Tony sent me a text yesterday letting me know that she met Willa for lunch and fucked her in the parking lot. Ugh … that’s no bueno. Not to mention, super classy. (Just being sarcastic on that last comment, I mean who doesn’t love a little public sex now and then?)
I asked Tony what the hell was she thinking and her response was this, “I can’t help myself. Every time I see her I want to fuck her brains out. But it’s OK this time, Sasha. Don’t worry. I know it’s just a purely physical thing. I won’t get emotionally attached to her again.”
Uh huh …. would someone please come into the picture and make Tony fall head over heels in lust with you?
She’s a great catch. Honest. I mean aside from the whole, fucking her psycho-ex that she recently PAID off to drop a palimony suit and disappear from her life forever.
Apparently time does move differently in the lesbian world because “forever” was only a couple of weeks.
Good thing I am working tonight so I have a little time to comment here… I am shocked that Tony is allowing herself to be drawn back into this so soon… ok well not shocked but disappointed. I have been there in similar fashion with certain users and it sometimes is just too easy to allow yourself the indulgence. That and the fact that the cruel optimism you harbor about said person hangs on to you like a bad cold. It keeps you foggy and making bad choices. I am afraid to admit that it will probably take another hot femme to break Tony of the Willa spell. It isn’t Willa as much as it is Tony’s lack of self control and probably sheer dread at the idea of being hurt by yet another woman so why bother risking it? At least she knows this bitch is a backstabber but the sex is good right? Unfortunately Tony could end up with more than a lingering palimony suit or stalker. She could end up with an incurable STD. Tony for the love of all that is good, let this bitch alone. She will give you a fucking disease and drain your wallet! If for no other reason, think of the future girlfriend you could be missing out on or could lose due to her disgust at your raging case of herpes…. what? I’m jus’ sayin’…
What the fuck is Willa’s game? Seems Tony’s got little hope if she doesn’t move interstate. Or further.
Meh…
Oh NO! Jeeze I wish I were that irresistible to my partner…. Lol It’s crazy that Willa has that kind of control…. How is it that there are some people out there who can just get us in the palm of their hand like no one else can… It just boggles the mind. Tony really really needs to get out there and date. Anyone, everyone, until she gets this chick out of her system…. No contact with Willa would be best….. Poor girl….
What; so she drives off drunken into the dark of the night to your place and almost cries while maintaining a state of being royally stupid. Then, she says “it’s just a purely physical thing”….Right.
Someone is still blinded in a hormonal blur and choking on noxious pheromones.
I wonder why exactly she’s having trouble getting over [or whatever it is] her ex?
It seems odd.
I really admire Remi’s subtle strength. I wonder if she is going to unforgive Tony because of the Willa situation. I wouldn’t blame her one bit if she did. That is the type of drama that is well advised to stay as far away from as you can, and if I were Remi, I would not want it to contaminate my wife and my life either. This would, of course, place you in a difficult situation, because for the sake of Remi, you’d have to turn your back on a friend, and you’re probably so loyal you’d feel like you were abandoning Tony when she needs you most. Sorry to say, but sometimes tough love is called for. Tony is a Willaholic. The key to her weakness is in her statement, “whenever I see her…..” It is just like a drunk saying, “I’m fine unless I drink”. Your continued friendship ends up being interpreted as silent approval, and as long as Tony has that, she will continue to “see her”. This is not a case of you choosing Remi over Tony. This is a case of Tony choosing Willa over you. Willa is toxic and she will poison everything around her if given the chance. As far as Tony finding someone to fall in lust with, I don’t think there is a worthwhile woman who would involve herself with Tony right now. Not only does she have baggage, but she has Willa baggage, which is th worst kind to have. A person would have to be nuts to get involved with that situation. As Raye said, the way Willa carries on, she will likely be or get infected with some form of STD. No thanks. Tony, honey, sweetheart, you are better than this. Rise above it. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’re not still emotionally attached, because you are. If you weren’t, you’d be able to turn the other way (and hurl) at the sight of that two-timing, backstabbing, bloodsucking, user, skank. Are you really so shallow to risk several irreplaceable things so you can have a piece of her worn out, and likely infected, piece of ass? Get a grip on yourself. This is going nowhere. Whatever fantasy you have about Willa is just a fantasy and it is never going to materialize. So use your valuable time and pursue something that is worthwhile. You never get back time, and your wasting yours.
It’s one thing to stand by and try and be supportive as you watch someone continuously fuck up and participate in the drama that is consuming her life.
It’s entirely another when that someone allows her drama to spill over into yours.
Yeah, I know and understand that ditching a sociopathic ex is hell – I’ve done it myself. My girlfriend has done it. We just spent pretty much the entire last year watching a friend of ours do this exact same Tony dance with her own fucked-up femme.
She had to move to get away.
What I want to impress is that in all these instances, that shit became toxic beyond just the two people directly involved. When an emotional black hole like Willa sucks away all the goodness from someone like Tony, it’s only a matter of time before your friend starts sucking it out of you.
That time has come.
Yeah, we heard all the same shit last year from our friend – this is just sex, it doesn’t matter, I’m angry and over her…
Tony needs a real counselor. You’ve done what you can do.
Ditto what Rexies said BIG TIME!!!
*OUCH*
I have a few things to say.
1. I know Sasha’s been a great friend, who was right all along about “Willa” and I should have listened. But I know I’m not the only one that has been blinded by love, or lust or something. But I know I am not the only one that has ever been a fool in love! I’m human and I make mistakes.
2. I feel like shit over how I acted at Sasha’s not just because I risked our friendship but because I was disrespectful to Remi and she’s been the best thing to ever happen to Sasha. I apologize again for putting Sasha in a bad spot.
3. I want to publicly thank Remi for being the bigger person and giving me another chance. Thank you.
4. I’ve heard Sasha’s blog be referred to as brutally honest and emotionally raw. Well, her readers are a mirror image. You guys are harsh! But in a good way. I asked her to blog about what happened with me and Willa so that I could get some perspective on things from you guys, and boy be careful what you ask for lol! I heard you all loud and clear but i still had to ride it out to it’s painful end when I came home to find another woman banging my girlfriend in my house.
5. Pride was a mistake. Lunch with her was mistake. Sleeping with her again was a mistake. I know that I should stay away from her and I’m going to try.
6. I’m going back to AA. For the last decade I’ve been able to drink responsibly but since my relationship with Willa, I’ve been steadily falling further and further UNDER the wagon. So it’s back to AA with my sorry ass.
7. If only there was a Willa Anonymous.
Thank you for your painful, brutally harsh truths, advice, kind words, harsh words, warnings and everything else you’ve left. They don’t fall on deaf ears. I’ve been listening and if I’m lucky all this advice will drown out what my heart keeps telling me.
Tony I just want to say that my words to you are with all the love of a friend because believe me I am no better and I have been in your shoes more than I care to think about in my past. I know all of this advice is easier said than done. You are not alone. Just remember that there ARE other women out there and that a woman giving you a reason to have to go back to AA is a sign from God my friend. Be strong. You will get past this too. Good luck. I had my own Willa and it took years to get rid of her to no fault but my own.
(((Tony))) Best of luck to you. You are special in that you actually listen to what others say, even though you might not like what they’re saying. As you know, the first step of recovery is admitting that you have a problem. God speed.
Tony,
I’ve read the blogs and given some thought to your situation. I have a wee bit of experience with the , “staying in it far too long” club. First, I went down the road of denial, you know the one, “how could the person who’s supposed to love me do this to me?” Then came the promise of change, sadly temporary. By the time I was truly able to step back and acknowledge it was truly over, I had to admit to myself, nothing I could do was going to change the outcome. Their behavior had nothing to do with me. I am only responsible for my own choices. If only one person is working for the good of the relationship, it will not survive. So having acknowledged all of those incredibly painful things, what did I learn? Like you, I got soaked financially. I will recover from the financial loss. Emotionally? I lost who I was. This is unacceptable. I like me. Losing who I was for awhile was harder to recover. It’s been a five year process to find me again. My partner of two years has helped me realize many things I had forgotten, that I am a pretty amazing person (according to her). I am willing to bet you’re pretty amazing too and have just forgotten that for awhile. You are not bound to SWSNBN. Go back to what you enjoy and maybe enjoy it in a new place where you know she will not be. For me, it was finding a pool hall outside of my neighborhood. I became a regular, a little like Cheers at times, everybody knows my name…it was worth the trip. Best of luck to you.
Jay
Ahhh AA, okay. This is making more sense. Good you’re going back to it because it sounds like Willa is an addiction and definitely a sign of the slippery slope.
Remember this – you are meant to be no one’s hero except your own. I used to have a hero complex. Funny, it went along with MY life being totally out of balance (depression, no addiction issues). It was easier to find someone more fucked up than me who constantly “needed me” to save them so I didn’t have to face my own shit. Afterall, can’t be that bad if someone else is worse off, right? Also, I got a good rush out of being the hero. That’s as much an addiction as anything else.
I got my life together and amazingly, I got rid of all my “victim”/user friends. The people in my life now are awesome, strong people who can solve their own lives (because it’s not that bad). It’s a relief.
Take care of you. Be a hero to yourself. Make your life work again and integrate it again. See Willa as the symptom she is and use it to get your life back on track. You’ll find yourself a great femme that way.
And for god’s sake don’t pay for anyone like that again! Sheesh!