Going to the Long Beach VA with my Marine girlfriend is always an experience within itself. The other day, she had to go in to get her wrist checked. Apparently, dating me may give her carpal tunnel syndrome or worse.
As soon as we step foot on VA soil, we go into “act straight mode” … no hand holding, no kissing, NO TOUCHING whatsoever. I tell myself that it’s the same thing as if I were going with my straight best friend (if I had one, but she’s long gone because she was a backstabbing bitch). I tell myself that people probably just assume I’m her best friend, totally platonic … uh huh … no hot lesbian action happening here! No sir.
But apparently we stand out over there. Either we look extremely gay or it’s just that there’s something about the way people look at each other when they’re intimate with one another. I felt as if every time we made eye contact we sent up a huge rainbow colored flare that alerted every one with the vicinity that we were lesbians, we were in love and that we couldn’t stand to keep our hands off one another even just for a few hours at the VA.
Every man that we passed would literally turn and stare as we walked away. Now that could have been because we were both wearing some tight ass jeans, or in our head, it was because we were gay. (Everything is because we’re gay, didn’t you know?)
The old women nurses looked us both up and down with disapproving looks and her male nurse that was more then happy to walk her through and to the head of every line gave me a few disgruntled looks especially when he came over to ask about her wrist.
He walked over to us and asked, “So how long as you wrist been bothering you?” As he waited for the answer he glanced over to me and if there had been a thought bubble over his head like in cartoons it would have read: “Was your wrist bothering you before or after you started fucking her?”
Remi replied, “Ummm … for a couple months.” Which really meant: “Only since I’ve been with her.”
I think the nurse read her thought bubble more than heard her audible response because he sort of shook his head while still looking at me and said, “Uh huh, and does it get worse with repeated use, when you do things like this?” As he made an up and down motion with his wrist and his thought bubble read: “So does it get worse after you guys have sex all night long?”
To which Remi just grunted, “Uh huh.”
“I see.” Was his only response and with one more knowing glance at me and then at her, he walked away.
If anyone could have seen my thought bubble it would have read: “Hey!”
Remi and I looked at each other and laughed. We were both thinking the same thing, we both read the same thought bubbles.
Underneath every one’s careful smile we both felt a combination of curiosity, disapproval and judgement coming from the myriad of people we encountered that day at the VA. Some were more then cool and made it obvious that they knew we were together. Like the X-ray tech that said to her, “We’re supposed to give any women your age a pregnancy test just to be sure, but there’s no chance you’re pregnant is there? I mean NO chance, huh?”
I like the way some people let you know they know and that they’re ok with it. It can be a certain look or a smile and a nod or just a little joke. Those were few and far between that day but were a welcomed relieve from the oppressive feeling that hung in the air.
I do want to say this, that in spite of any real or imaginary moments that we felt were a little uncomfortable, everyone at the VA with the exception of one grouchy old nurse were pretty damn sweet.
On our way to the car I told Remi, “I’m pretty sure that they’re used to military women coming in here with their wives. I mean, come on, how many lesbians do we know that are in the service?!” To which we both just laughed and silently made a long list of the enlisted lesbians that we know personally, let alone the untold number across the country. Huh. All those lesbians and gay men proudly serving our country and yet their partners will never have the same benefits as straight couples. At least not until the world changes. Prop 8 is just one hurdle in a long battle to gay equality.
On a friend’s myspace page, Top Butch, his headline reads: “Prop 8 is this generations Stonewall. The fight continues … “
I was a Marine for 11 years. I’ve been a lesbian for 35. My wife is the most important thing in my life, I hate it that she’s not covered by my medical like my straight friend’s spouses. Things need to change but I doubt they ever will.
I retired from the Army. After over 25 years of serving my country, my wife and children are not recognized nor do they receive any of my benefits. Makes me feel like my life that I put on the line for our govt is worth a lot less because i’m gay. It’s BS but it’s the way it is.
My partner was in the Army for 8 years. She was wounded in Iraq and recieved a purple heart. Thank god she gets VA benefits but it sucks that she can’t put me on her insurance. I would qualify for CHAMPVA, under every requirement except that gay marriage is not legal and gays are not allowed in the service. Something has to change.
Sasha I bet the guys were looking at you two cuz you’re hot. You don’t even look gay!
Okay, someone help out a clueless Canadian…what does VA stand for?
Oh sorry Liz, VA stands for Veterans Affairs and the VA I was blogging about was the VA hospital for veterans of the armed services.
Yo Sash. I was at the LB VA last week and I could have sworn I saw you there with “remi” i think. Were you wearing some tight ass gray jeans and a blue top? I should have come up and say hi but you were busy talking to that other butch. Looked like you were mad.
Next time maybe i can say hi.
I’m in the service (won’t say which branch since there’s still 2 yrs left on my contract.) But I know a TON of lesbians in the service. In fact most of the women I work with are. I think it’s ludicrous that gays aren’t allowed in the military and that gay marriage is illegal in 48 states. I think if I’m willling to die for my country then my country should be willing to give my “wife” my death benefits.
Why don’t I ever just run into you around town? I swear I’ve seen 2 0r 3 readers comment that they’ve seen you around Long beach or WeHo or somewhere. I live in LB and I go to WeHo all the GD time …. I haven’t seen you! Maybe you can twitter about where you are, when you’re there …haha then you can really get some stalkers … me included … not that I’m a stalker, but I am a fan. Would be stoked to meet you. You’re freakin’ hilarious.
I’m hurt, you were in LB and you didn’t tell me?
I would never commit my life to serve a military that hates who I am. I don’t know what’s wrong with gays and lesbians that do that. Must be some form of self-hatred. I think it’s pathetic. Why don’t you have the guts and backbone to live your life out in the open and fuck any establishment that says otherwise. How sad for you and the ones who love you. I’m surprised Sasha’s with a Marine. After all, she’s about as out and proud as you can get.
I’m surprised you’re with a Marine too. You seem so free spirited and definitely opinionated and by your own admittance, sort of bratty sometimes. How do you reconcile that with being with a woman that’s willing to hide who she really is, even if it’s only when she’s around other military personnel?
To: Anonymous…. I am also ‘with’ a Marine. My wife hid who she was thanks to a life time of being told she wasn’t good enough the way she was and 8 years of being afraid of being kicked out of the service (she was one of a very select few female armorer experts). After the military said she couldn’t stay (hello, Clinton years where noone got to stay), she decided to be who she really was. Remi is an awesome woman both for serving her country and for just being her. Don’t attack someone’s life choices until you walk in their shoes. It is no different than my wife and I not being able to kiss this weekend while in Pella, Iowa for fear of having our vehicle mobbed. We do stand out a little.
Sasha, I totally understand what you are saying about the rainbow flag that goes up when you look at each other. My partner and I have been together for two years and we still do that every time we look at each other no matter where we are.
Just so I don’t get burned, I am sure all of the people of Pella, Iowa are very nice but I have never felt so noticeable in all of my life. One lady actually looked at our vehicle and then walked around to look at our tags, like ‘they damn sure aint from around here.’
Becca, thank you for your great comment and you sort of beat me to it. I don’t like to sound like i’m trying to edit any of my readers, so I usually try not to comment back too often, but some times I feel like I should. This is one of those times. My father was a Marine in the Vietnam war. He was wounded twice. Served 2 1/2 tours. He’s also the most amazing person I’ve ever known. Remi is also a truly amazing person that shows qualities in her character that are too hard to find these days. Like loyalty, strength, courage and compassion. Her time in the service has helped make her who she is. Her best friend, that I’ve also mentioned here, I call her Amazon is also Marines. She too exudes the awesome qualities i see in Remi.
….. Also let’s not forget that it’s these men and women that are willing to lay their lives down for the rights we so loudly boast about. We’re able to wave that rainbow flag because we live in a nation under another flag, that they fight for.
To GenerationXer
You should be thanking all those that are willing to “hide” who they are and their straight conterparts along with their loved ones. You must have no idea what each and everyone of them sacrifice. Which by the way since you’ve forgotten is the reason you and everyone else has the freedom to speak your opinions. What are you willing to lay your life down for, because they will lay down theirs for you.
I’m 18, i’ve been a lesbian since i was in like 8th grade… yea, seems young, biut it just felt right… Now i’m going into the Army, thats right, i’m a lesbian solider.. and i wish my wife could get the benefits of being with a solider… i wouldn’t trade her for anything in this world..
I would like to add to the hiding who they really are comment. I knew who I was when I 17 that didnt not stop me from doing what i thought was my duty to my country, my family and my gods. Sad to say I got caught. I dont regret being who i am. I was lucky I was not discharge for reasons less then honorable. I was given failure to cope with lifestyle. MY only regret was walking in to that bar. Im a proud woman and these days Im Loud and Proud, but if i could I would crawl back in to the closet to serve, protect and honor those Ideas I hold dear. that was my sacrifice to serve.