Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

Bipolar Pitfalls

Posted on 28. Oct, 2009 by Sasha.

A new reader, Martha recently left this comment:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your honesty. Like other commentators, I was searching for “lesbian” and “bipolar” and your site came up.
I’m not bipolar–I have struggled with depression in the past, so I have an inkling of part of what it might be like. But I am starting to date someone who is bipolar. I sense the potential for an amazing relationship here–she’s sweet, caring, sexy, creative, intelligent–ok, all that stuff we see in a new lover. I want to be able to offer her the support and caring she needs, when she needs it, without smothering or mothering. She’s an adult and has lived with this many years–she knows her signs and triggers, and doesn’t want or need a caretaker.
I know much of this has to come from her–and we have talked about it, in some depth. She’s shared her triggers and signs with me, and asked me to tell her when I think I see them.
I want this relationship to work, or if it fails, I want that to be as little about her illness (her term, not mine) as possible.
What I’m asking, I guess, is What do I need to know, what should I be aware of–what are the pitfalls and joys? I want to be with her and I want to support her around this in any way possible, without making it the focus of our relationship.
I hope this makes some kind of sense… And I am certainly not trying to make you the poster girl for bipolar lesbians, Sasha…but I didn’t see any other connections out there.
Thank you so much–I don’t know you, but I’ll send a hug your way anyway. I love your writing.

I thought it deserved it’s own blog.

I also thought that since you asked what are the pitfalls and joys of being in a relationship with a bipolar person, I was the wrong one to ask. Remi is actually the person we should turn to for her opinion on this.

So I decided to interview her.

Sasha: “Remi, what do you think has been some of the hardest things to deal with in dating a girl with bipolar disorder?”

Remi: “One of the hardest things is that when it’s really bad, you tend to lash out, verbally. It takes a lot of patience and understanding to remember that it’s not you. It’s another person. It’s the disease talking, not my girlfriend.”

Sasha: “Why put up with it at all?”

Remi: “Because always immediately following it, you’re so apologetic and feelings of worthlessness take over and it’s hard to see you like that. I know that you’re sorry. I know it wasn’t really you.”

Sasha: “What would you say would be another pitfall to dating a person with bipolar?”

Remi: “The constant worrying that you’re going to hurt yourself.”

Sasha: “How do you deal with that?”

Remi: “By trying to feel the day out before I go to work. But that’s not always enough because you can switch on a dime while I’m gone. So I try to stay in contact with you during the day. If I don’t hear from you for too long in between, I can start to worry.”

Sasha: “Anything else?” [...]

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Support Group for Bipolar Lesbians?

Posted on 15. Jul, 2009 by Sasha.

Since posting the blog about bipolar disorder I have cried many times while reading some of the comments left from readers. I can’t tell you how touched I am by the supportive comments, how heart broken I am from the comments about losing your loved ones, or how amazed I was at the personal stories and how similar they are to my own.

The last comment left from Sherry couldn’t have been closer to my own experience had I wrote it myself. When my girlfriend read it, she too was astonished at the similarities between our lives. But honestly, every single person that shared their personal experience on this blog deserves respect and honor for the courage it takes to talk about such personal things, that all too often are accompanied by feelings of self-hatred and shame.

I didn’t want to make this blog about being a “bipolar lesbian” but I have received so many private emails asking me for advice that I feel I should post a little bit more.

Like two other readers that I’ve heard from, I too have what they call rapid cycling which means you can literally cycle back and forth between mania and depression several times a month, a week or in extreme cases within a single day (that would be me.) Most people mistakenly think that mania is always hyper and euphoric. I used to think that too, and when I was younger that was mainly what I experienced when going through a manic stage.

However, like Sherry mentioned, as I’ve gotten older, manic episodes have deteriorated into much more of an irrational irritable and out of control aggressiveness. You’re sort of just angry at the whole world. I don’t know how it is for others but I always describe it as my blood feels like it’s literally boiling and my skin is crawling. I can’t even stand to be touched by my girlfriend or to be close to anyone at all, except my dogs. I swear those little things have literally saved my life more then I can count.

The worst and most dangerous thing about rapid cycling is that you can have what’s called, “mixed episodes.” [...]

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Bipolar Lesbians Always Take The Rap

Posted on 18. Apr, 2008 by Sasha.

Honestly, I think bipolar chicks get a bad rap. Every time some girl goes all fatal attraction and makes bunny stew, she gets labeled, “That crazy bipolar bitch.” What the hell? I would like to take a moment here and say that there is a difference between psychotic sociopaths and bipolar disorder.

Here’s a quick checklist to see if your girlfriend is bipolar or if you’re just dating your future stalker:

Does she sit up all night and stare at you while you sleep. Then when you catch her, she acts like it’s romantic and totally normal? That’s psychotic.

Does she stay up all night because she can never sleep, so she cleans the house at 3:00 in the morning, cleans out the gutters and cooks a hundred different kinds of cookies before you even wake up? That’s bipolar.

Does she turn up in the oddest places? Like outside your gym, at your friend’s houses, your office … even though you never told her where any of these places are? Then leave a stuffed animal with it’s little furry chest slashed open and a note that reads, “Hi baby, this is what I would feel like if you ever left me. Kisses!” That’s psychotic.

Does she disappear on you and friends for weeks at a time, claiming to be busy with work or school but really she’s too depressed to leave her house? Only to reappear hyper, talkative and the life of the party? That’s bipolar.

Does she have violent tendencies? Throw things, hit you, push you, slap you? Again, psychotic.

Another thing to look for is that bipolar people are usually pretty creative, artsy types. Psychos on the other hand are usually to busy pretending to be normal that they don’t have the time or energy to be artistic. However the artist in them will shine through when coming up with terrifying yet creative ways to stalk you and/or scare your friends.

Does she cause scenes in public?
Sleep around when she’s bored with life?
Is she the best sex you’ve ever had?
Does she make you feel like you’re the only person on the planet?

Well that’s a toss up. Because bipolar and psycho chicks are both amazing in bed and can hoe it up with the best of them.

Not to mention they can both be quite the drama queen. To further complicate matters both have an uncanny ability to make the one they’re with feel as if time stands still just for them. I’m not sure why but I have a working hypothesis. I think that that they are such forces of nature, so full of self-created importance and drama that they create a sort of force field around themselves, like gravity. When you’re tied to them emotionally or sexually, you get pulled into their orbit and it starts to feel like you two are the only two objects in the universe. It’s intoxicating until it’s smothering and you’re grasping for air, racking your brain for a memory of the last time you felt normal. Then you realize you haven’t felt normal since before she came into your life.

So there you have it, while it’s true that crazy chicks make for great sex. There are different types of crazy. Some types make them eccentric, artistic, brilliant, moody and difficult. But the other type makes them scary, hazardous to your future love life (because they tend to pop out of closets when you least expect it, even though you could have sworn you changed the locks) and just down right creepy. Face it ladies, no matter how good crazy sex is, it’s just not worth it.

If not for yourself, think of all the innocent teddy bears out there. Really, it’s only funny till it’s taped to your windshield.

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