Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

Apple Stores: The New Gay Cruising Zone

Posted on 10. Feb, 2009 by Sasha.

Like a lot of gay people, I’m a Mac girl. As in, my laptop is an Apple and I should have a permanent jack implanted in my head for my Ipod. I actually have three Macs and two Ipods, so if that doesn’t make my point I don’t know what will. I’m a died in the wool Mac girl, which apparently is the norm for the gay community.

I had to take my baby in to get repaired to the Apple store in Manhattan Beach the other day. I was greeted at the door by a sweet gay boy that I was pretty sure I’d seen dancing on a bar the night before in WeHo. I was then told to wait till my name was called by the first gay … err I mean, genius available.

While I was waiting I noticed I was being eye fucked by an older butch women a few feet away. [...]

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Little Ms. Innocent is a Masochist! Oh my!

Posted on 03. Feb, 2009 by Sasha.

There’s nothing I love more then when a reader leaves a comment that inspires an entire blog. Donna had this to say about my less then stellar behavior at Girl Bar last week, “Maybe you pick fights with her because they translate into hot sex?”

Mmmmm ….. let me think about that? That sort of goes along with something Remi said the other day when she found out I was going to my ex’s house to help her out with something. She sent me a text that simply read, “Are you trying to see how far you can push me?”

Donna may have a point. Nothing turns me on more then seeing the fire in my girl’s eyes knowing that I’m in trouble. Am I masochist? Definitely. But why? [...]

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Real Lesbians Sleep With Their Dogs!

Posted on 31. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Like most lesbians, I have a bevy of furry children and they all sleep in bed in with me. Well two out of three of my little four legged kids share a bed with me and my gf. Which makes for very awkward sleeping positions when you’ve got one little dog that insists on sleeping at the top of the bed, above my head and sharing a pillow with me. While the other, chubbier of the two corgi’s lays across the bottom half of my side of bed where my knees should be.

Hence I end up sleeping either curled into a ball with a puppy nose securely squished and snoring in my ear all night, while the queen of the family takes up the entire bottom half of my side of the bed. Or I’m in a very attractive position with my dog sleeping between my legs and the rest of me in some weird, contorted S shape that adjusts to my other dog and my gf who happens to yell at me in her sleep when she’s mad at me. Great.

So it’s been a month since my gf moved in and my neck and back are in dire need of a chiropractor or a king sized bed. They both cost a lot of money but are both worth every penny. I however vote for a California king sized tempurpedic bed.

But when all is said and done, at the end of the night when we turn off the lights …. nothing fills my heart with more happiness and contentment than knowing that everything I love most in life is right there in bed with me. Squished, crowded and snoring …. ahhhh one big, happy, gay family!

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Introducing The Lezzys, the Webs all Lesbian Blog Awards

Posted on 29. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

The Lesbian Lifestyle (TLL) is a blog written by lesbians, for lesbians. For the past two years the blog has hosted an online award competition for best lesbian blog worldwide. This year they are introducing The Lezzys. A new name for a bigger and better lesbian blog award contest. The Lezzys will have more categories and they expect thousands of votes from the TLL readers. [...]

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First Night Out in a While …. Oh boy

Posted on 25. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

A few of you asked me to re-post this so here it is. This is the previously deleted post that I took down because a reader left a scathing comment. Usually I have pretty thick skin but I guess I didn’t yesterday. But thanks to some of your comments I feel a little better so I’ve re-posted in an attempt to stay true to what I like to do, which is be painfully honest about the highs and lows. This was a low. So be it. I’m not only NOT perfect, I’m pretty fucked up sometimes. I know this. Remi knows this. I’ve apologized to her for the evening and she forgave me, so that’s all that matters.

So tonight was the first night that Remi and I have been out since she got discharged from the Marine Corps. But before we get to WeHo let’s back up a bit. [...]

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I apologize.

Posted on 24. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Yep. I was a jerk last night. Yes I deleted my last post because I was ashamed of my behavior.

Yes. I was a very bad girl. Wow what a surprise. I apologize to anyone who reads this for my saintly behavior.

So to those of you that now side with women I used to date who like to comment on here calling me a bitch. You’re all right. I can be. I don’t know how Remi puts up with me!!!

The end.

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A well trained dyke is an armed dyke.

Posted on 19. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

I just had to address what Judith said in her comment. Part of it read, “Because most people who are at risk of gay bashing (along with the general population) probably don’t know how to *use* a gun. Even if you do know how to use a gun, you’re more likely to have an accident, or accidentally kill the attacker rather than merely shooting them in the leg or frightening them, than you are to use the gun in the way you intended. What’s more, an attacker might, like you, know how to disarm a person, or might see the gun in her belt and grab it quickly. Same thing with knives, if you don’t know what you’re doing, someone could take your knife, or you could hurt yourself.”

OK, I realize I didn’t make myself totally clear, partly because the post was getting really long winded and I didn’t want to bore you to tears. But this is a good chance for me to clarify some things.

First of all, I don’t think that ANYONE, gay, straight, man or woman should own or carry a firearm if they are not well trained in the use and safety of said firearm. I think that everyone should at least take a safety course on the safe use and storage of guns, because even if you don’t own one personally, there is still a chance that you might encounter one. So it’s better that you know how to safely handle one, even if it’s just to unload it and clear the chamber so that you don’t accidentally shoot yourself or someone else.

Let me reiterate this point. I do NOT under any circumstances encourage people to own weapons that they are not trained in using. Including knives. I happen to be someone who is trained in the safe handling of various weapons, so I feel fine about it. My gf is also well trained in this area, so I trust her to carry a weapon if she feels the need to. [...]

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Armed Lesbians

Posted on 18. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

I’ve noticed an alarming trend among Southern California Lesbians. An aversion to guns or weapons of almost any kind. Which goes along with their mostly liberal politics. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as liberal as any dyke you’ll ever meet when it comes to keeping politics and religion out of my bedroom. But I have a very “conservative” view on the current gun laws.

I don’t want to get on a rant here, but you can google it yourself. Whenever a city has in-acted particularly strict gun laws, taking guns out of the hands of law abiding citizens, surprise surprise, violent crime rates sky rocket. Wait. What? No body told all the criminals that it was now against the law to be a criminal? Shame on them. Nope, instead strict gun laws act as an open invitation to violent criminals who are now assured of unarmed, defenseless victims, thanks to our current gun laws (i.e., L.A. County)

What does this all have to do with being a lesbian? A lot. When my girlfriend and I go out and dare to hold hands in a suburb of Los Angeles that maybe isn’t as progressive as West Hollywood or Long Beach, we are stared to an extent that is more then uncomfortable at times.

We have had men yell at us, “Look at the lesbians!”, “What are you? A fucking dyke?”, among other things. [...]

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Why don’t femmes pay?

Posted on 14. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Why don’t femmes pay?

When we were up in Oregon on our road trip to visit Remi’s family, we stopped by her sister’s work. It’s a pretty small town and I’m pretty sure we were the only lesbian couple walking around town holding hands. After we left, her sister was swarmed by the people in her office. One girl got up the nerve to ask what everyone else was wondering, “When your sister and her ‘friend’ go out, who pays?”

Hahahaha …… that was the biggest question? Not, “Is your sister gay?” Because apparently that’s obvious. But who pays was the question of the day. To which her sister answered, “Ummm …. I think my sister pays.”

Which brings me to the topic of todays blog, well actually, it’s a few things.

1. How come when we go out to eat, the waiter ALWAYS puts the bill in front of Remi.

2. Why do people automatically assume that she pays for everything and that I never pay for anything?

3. But more then that, why is that the case? Why does she insist on paying and why do most femme’s expect that their date picks up the bill? [...]

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Opinionated Lesbians: Huh. Who knew?

Posted on 11. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Well thanks everyone for your extremely well thought out comments about my possible dive back into the dance world. I have to admit, sitting there last night with Remi as she read all the comments you left felt a little weird. I was worried that some of what was said would have a negative affect on her being OK with my belly dancing again.

But thank goodness, it didn’t … at least not any that she would admit to. But I guess we’ll just have to see what happens when I actually start performing again. Like anything that I do, if I’m going to do it, I want to do it right. So before I accept any invitations to dance again I’m going to take a little time to get myself back into what I consider “performance ready condition” a.k.a losing those last few pounds and having a few new costumes made up.

I guess once I start dancing for all the lesbians in town, I’m sure to have some juicy bits to blog about one way or another. What do you wanna bet that any group of ladies willing to pay to have another woman come and dance for them is going to be a pretty wild group? I’m sure I’ll overhear or witness more then a fair share of lesbian drama. [...]

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Writing, Dance and Self-Respect: NOT mutually exclusive

Posted on 10. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Well I wasn’t really expecting for the comments that I got about my dancing on the side to be so, well … one sided. I guess I thought you might take my side on this, but boy when I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

But I would like to thank LurkerLezzie for her supportive comment. Like I keep telling my gf, when you’re a dancer and you’re raised up in a studio, being that physical with strangers really doesn’t mean anything. It’s just dancing. But people who aren’t used to it misunderstand and worry a lot more then they should.

When I taught ballroom dance, my male students were constantly getting their feelings for me confused because they mistook my physical contact with them as a dance teacher to mean something more. Because in the outside world, men and women don’t usually touch that much unless there’s some sort of intimacy between the two. So I can see how my gf would feel threatened or worried about my dancing in revealing costumes. [...]

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Don’t be a (Strip) Tease

Posted on 07. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

As much as I hate to be a cliche, I’m sad to admit that I fall prey to the “starving writer” persona at the moment. Yes, I used to have a great paying job that I hated. So I took a leap of faith and jumped off the gravy train and decided to try to burn a new trail all my own, as a writer. Which is actually working out on some levels. Except for the fact that you don’t get paid till your articles go to print. So while I may sell several articles, it’s usually months until I see a dime from them. Meanwhile, life marches on and I’ve got puppies to feed.

Enter my side job as a dancer. No, not a stripper. But as a burlesque dancer and belly dancer. [...]

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Response to Jen’s Comment

Posted on 05. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Jen wrote in, “This is really funny to me. I think I was one of the first girls you ever dated. I remember going out with you and we NEVER went home alone. We always had our pick of playthings to take home with us. I can’t believe you’ve closed your bedroom doors to the masses. Wow. She must really be some catch.”

OK just to set the record straight with a comment left by Jen. The doors to my bedroom were NEVER open to the masses. But dating you was definitely an experience in itself. I seem to remember a night when you ended up picking up a group of Aussies.

You left me in the living room with a room full of horny idiots and I didn’t see you again until you came out wrapped in a sheet and told me that your “plaything” wanted me to join you guys. I’m sure you remember the dirty look I shot you as I told you to get your clothes on so we could go.

Yep. Nothing like dating a chick that sleeps with other people right in front of you. Thanks Jen. I think you’re part of the reason I’m no longer attracted to femmes.

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Signs you may have accidentally gotten married:

Posted on 05. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

The first step onto this slippery slope is have her move in. Then the rest is a quick slide downhill. Witness the domino effect:

You join Costco together and one of you has to fill out the “spousal info” or even worse, as in our case, she fills it out for you, because she has ALL your information memorized better then you.

She puts you on her insurance and you’re put on as her wife.

You guys rush home from dinner with friends because you have to walk the kids.

You have a house that you’re now remodeling together and you spend too much time in the paint aisle at Home Depot arguing about shades of yellow.

You start getting mail addressed to both of you.

Strangers assume you’re “domestic partners” when you wonder how they figured out you’re even gay!?

What’s even worse is that people start calling you “partners” instead of “girlfriends” …. WTF??? You’re not 50!

You realize you don’t ever want to become one of those annoying couples that dress alike as you sit there looking at each other and realize you’re wearing matching house slippers.

You start worrying that your mothers may not get along at family functions.

You bake extra cookies so she can take some to work with her the next day. Then immediately feel as if you’re a 1950’s housewife. Albeit a lesbian housewife.

You hate being called domesticated but mostly because it’s getting harder and harder to deny.

So what’s an accidently married couple to do to break out of the mold?? I’m not sure yet. But you can be damn sure I’m going to figure it out because I’ll be a monkey’s mother before I become half of a boring pseudo-married couple.

Mmmmm …. I don’t know I think this calls for some daring public sex to liven things up a bit. Maybe even at Costco! ……. Oh gawd. Somebody shoot me.

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Time-Lapsed Orgasm Induced Blur

Posted on 05. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Sorry I’ve been a bit of a ghost lately. But I have a really good reason. Remi’s back! She was about to get deployed to Iraq and then to Afghanistan. Her original recall orders were for 7 months over-seas. But they were changed to 13 months! You can imagine the panic that kicked in when I realized how long she’d be gone and the reality of the danger she would be in actually hit me. Let’s just say that I never prayed so much in my life.

Well God works in mysterious ways and we got a Christmas miracle. She was released on medical discharge for a stress fracture. She was back home in Oregon with her family by Christmas morning. Three nights later she showed up on my doorstep a little before midnight and we proceeded to spend the next week in bed making up for lost time.

We did manage to drag ourselves out of the house to run around and act like huge dorks but for the most part, this whole last week has been spent in a blissful, time-lapsed, orgasm-induced blur. So please forgive me for not blogging.

I’ve never spent this much time with anyone before. People keep asking, “How’s married life?” To which I have this to say: I don’t believe in marriage but shacking up and living in sin is pretty fuckin’ cool. Thanks for asking

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Why am I the Wifey?! WTF??

Posted on 24. Dec, 2008 by Sasha.

The other morning when I went out to get the mail I was pleasantly surprised to see a Christmas card from Remi’s parents. Oh how sweet I thought. I opened it up and read it to Remi over the phone. “Awwwwww” was both of our responses.

But later I was copying her parents address into my address book when I realized how the envelope was addressed:

Remi and Sasha

“Our” home address

Holy fuck!!!

I’ve never been part of an “and” before on mail! This was the first “couple mail” I’ve ever received and I sure as hell am not used to having the same address as my girlfriend. Whoa. It took me a minute to absorb the gravity of the situation.

In an attempt to calm myself down I called Remi who then laughingly told me that her sister was going to address our card to:

Remi and Sasha (insert Remi’s last name here)

As if we’re married! Hahaha very funny to play with the commitment phobic couple.

But if that’s not bad enough, why does everyone assume I’m the wife!?

I know, we’d both be “the wife” if we were married, but you know what I mean. Somehow I automatically get relegated to “wifey status.” WTF??

Just because I like to bake when I’m upset does not mean I’m anyone’s wifey.

Ughhhh you know I’m just venting.

I actually adore her family and think they’re hilarious. Remi reminds me every once in a while that they wouldn’t tease me if they didn’t like me. It’s ok, I can take it.

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The Sign Read: Helpless femme, please rescue me.

Posted on 23. Dec, 2008 by Sasha.

I was at Home Depot the other day to buy some knee pads. Yes, knee pads. But before your dirty minds go where they’re most comfortable, there’s a perfectly good reason that a lesbian would need knee pads while her girlfriend’s away.

I’m laying down flooring in my house. I know, I know … how very butch of me. I can’t help but giggle when I think about it, but it’s true: I’m sort of handy. Not in a very butch way, but more in a “Look up how-to-videos on youtube and then feel over-confident about my abilities” kind of way.

So I haven’t actually started laying the floors yet. But I do have the outfit. I have the knee pads, the sexy torn jeans with paint splatter from when I painted my own house, the very sexy eye protection and by very sexy I mean dorky. And finally my hair up in a ponytail, under a well worn baseball cap. Hopefully I don’t look like I’m trying to hard, because I might actually be.

I might not look like I’m trying to hard, but I obviously don’t look like I know what I’m doing either. I was browsing the aisles of Home Depot when I realized I was being followed, and not so subtly might I add. A few feet behind me on every aisle was the same butch woman suspiciously eyeing me. Finally when I was looking at the knee pads she came up to me and asked, “What exactly does a girl like you need knee pads for?”

To which I involuntarily giggled because I have a dirty mind and she smirked, because she did too.

I proceeded to explain that I was in a mad dash to rip up my old carpet and lay the floors before my girlfriend got out of the Marines and moved in with me. At the mention of my girlfriend, her eyebrows shot up, “You’re girlfriend? Oh …. well … um … You know I’ve laid plenty of wood … I can help you out no problem. I’m right down the street from here, it would be my pleasure.”

I couldn’t help but think to myself how Remi would react if I did indeed took home a strange woman to help me get the house ready for her. While my intentions would be totally pure, my would be Knight in a shining tool belt might not be as innocent.

I thanked her for her generous offer but had to turn her down. She shrugged and handed me her business card, just in case I change my mind. Uh huh …

When I got home I looked in the mirror but couldn’t see it …. I kept looking but still couldn’t find the sign that read: Helpless femme, please rescue me.

Uh. Maybe it’s written in invisible ink and only people with hero complexes can see it. Not saying that Remi has a hero complex, or that any of the other women that offer to come to my aid do, but I swear, I’m starting to get one. What the hell is it about me that makes other women think I need so much damn help?!

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CCL Chosen as TLL Editor’s Blog Pick

Posted on 22. Dec, 2008 by Sasha.

So I’m just bragging a little here, because it’s not every often I have anything to brag about! But Card Carrying Lesbian got picked as Editors Blog Pick over on The Lesbian Lifestyle.

It’s this pretty cool site that has a lot of good writer’s contributing to it, so head on over there and check it out some time. I love finding other lesbian websites, after all, us dykes have to stick together … Well I guess we don’t have to, but we should.

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Being a “Typical Lesbian” never sounded so good.

Posted on 17. Dec, 2008 by Sasha.

The other day my friend Maggie left me a myspace comment that read: “Secondly, I have concluded that you are a typical lesbian. I know, I know, we thought it not true, but as it turns out (and to our dismay) you actually are.”

Another comment left on my blog that read: “You sure have turned into quite a GIRL.”

Now to the average reader, being called a girl or a typical lesbian may not seem like the scathing insult it’s meant as, when bantered between women such as ourselves.

Maggie and I used to be the only single ladies in a group of happily coupled lesbians. I have many fond memories of Maggie and I drinking vodka, texting each other even though we were sitting right across from one another, sarcastically commenting on our friends making goo goo eyes at their girlfriends or feeding them tacos with so much affection we wanted to gag.

We’ve had long philosophical conversations about how we must be intrinsically different from our friends. Since we were able to separate sex from love and vice versa. We prided ourselves on always being the one in control in any relationship. Always being the one that walked away, slammed the door or hung up first. Never the one that begged and pleaded or got overly attached against our better judgment. We were never such GIRLS.

So imagine Maggie’s surprise and maybe a little disappointment in reading my current trend of blogs in which I confess my undying love and devotion for my girlfriend in the most GIRLY, DYKEY way imaginable … complete with sappy stories of breaking up and getting back together and finally … u-hauling.

Geez. I guess she was right. I have turned into quite a GIRL … and I love it.

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Why Lesbians Shop Online

Posted on 16. Dec, 2008 by Sasha.

I’ve noticed a trend among my lesbian group of friends. We are all frequent shoppers … online. I know personally I abhor shopping in person. I don’t like driving in traffic. Jostling for a parking spot in a crowded lot full of angry mini-van moms is a good way for me to give myself a small anxiety attack. Then once inside the store, I’m more of a heat seeking missile, list in hand or at least in memory, I zoom from objective to objective as quickly as possible and book it out of there at Super-Dyke speed.

I am not a browser, a window shopper or a bargain hunter. At least not in real life. But in the cyber world I’m a shopping super star. I can spend hours on end hunting down the perfect gift at the best price. I know all the ins and outs of online spending … just look at my credit statements.

I don’t know exactly when this aversion to in-person-retail-therapy began. Actually wait … I may be able to pinpoint the exact moment of trauma that forever altered my shopping personality.

I was about 5 years old. My mother is one of those 4 a.m. shoppers who will sit outside of the store the day after Thanksgiving hours before it opens with all the other nuts. All of them huddled near the glass doors, looking in, plotting their route of bargain destruction.

My mother used to drag me along with her and one particular morning I remember being pushed up against the glass of the still locked doors. A huge crowd of over-eager shoppers were literally crushing me against the doors. When the door finally opened I just felt a big whoosh against me and I went down. But almost as quickly as I went down, I was yanked up by my arm and swung into the air just in the nick of time before being crushed by the mob.

I landed safely in my father’s arms. Thank god, my mom and talked my dad into coming that day for one reason or another. But I’m convinced he came just to make sure his little daughter wasn’t collateral damage in the Mervyn’s after Thanksgiving blood bath of a sale.

I have many similar stories of pre-dawn shopping adventures with my bargain obsessed mother. I know that’s why I hate shopping to this very day. But what are other lesbians reasons for checking out online instead of in person/

I’ll venture a theory here: It’s because lesbians are smart. We’re logical, rational and like to plan ahead. Shopping online makes sense. Save on gas money, no parking hassles, and we get to compare prices all from the comfort of our living rooms. Then if after all our cyber-browsing still leaves us unfulfilled, when we do actually head to the physical stores, we are well versed in their competitors prices and are not above turning our noses up at over-priced merchandise we know for a fact we can get for a better buy some where else.

So when it comes down to it, even lesbians that love to shop are smart enough to do their homework first online.

Then there’s always the convenience of having your “toys” delivered to your door in a plain brown wrapper.

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