Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

Activating your Gaydar

Posted on 24. Feb, 2009 by Sasha.

I realized something disconcerting: when my love life is a disaster zone, I’m quite prolific with my writing. In all areas: blogging, work, school … the whole sheebang. However, on the flip side, when I’m looking through rose colored glasses, freshly laid and amorous towards my girl, my creative streak takes a hit.

I mentioned this to my friend, Melody, who suggested that I write a blog offering advice on how to meet ladies.

What on earth gave her the idea that little old me would have anything to say on that topic?? LOL … Ok, maybe I do.

So here it goes:

First of all, the most important thing I can stress here is to resist the urge to behave in any stalkery fashion whatsoever. Do not become so obsessed with the first queer girl you make eye contact with that you lose your marbles and scare the poor girl. The last thing you want to do is get served with a restraining order or on a less dramatic note, get blocked from her myspace.

Since a lot of girls I’ve known have apparently had the stalker gene let me reiterate: Do not drive by her house a hundred times. Do not stop by her work a lot unless she works at a supermarket or something and you can legitimately get away with it. And do not cyber stalk her either. Even if she doesn’t know you’re doing it, you know and nothing is more unattractive than desperation. Girls can smell it a mile away.

So if you’re lucky enough to score her digits, do not text stalk her either. Remember, she could just change her number and how embarrassing will that be when you run into her and she lies about having dropped her phone in the toilet or something equally absurd just to avoid giving you her new number.

The main lesson here is to play it cool. You’re not cool, you say? I don’t care! Act like you are then hug your teddy bear and cry in private. But keep that to yourself.

So keeping your self-esteem out of the stalker gutter is of the utmost importance.

With that out of the way let’s move on to actually meeting your would-be stalking victim … Oh wait, you already promised me you wouldn’t do that. So let’s just call her the future object of your affection.

The first thing you need to do before you leave the house every day is turn your gaydar on.

How do you do that? It’s easy. [...]

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Is it just me or is everyone gay?

Posted on 30. May, 2008 by Sasha.

I used to lament about the lack of lesbians, or more accurately, my lack of gaydar which made it seem as if there were only six lesbians in the South Bay and I already knew them. But lately everywhere I go I’m noticing more and more gay girls.

It could be that it’s so trendy to be bi or gay, that a lot more women are just embracing the freedom to flirt with one another. Not to say that most of them would ever follow through but a little harmless flirting with a MILF at the gym never hurt anyone’s ego.

But I recently found myself at the Sheriff’s department (no fault of my own, I was simply defending myself) and before I left a lovely lady Sheriff slipped me her card with her cell phone, home phone and email on the back. Ummmmm ….. I may be wrong but she was setting off my gaydar so loudly I thought I’d go deaf!

Then earlier today I was in 7-11 and my favorite dykey clerk gave me a free lottery ticket and winked at me!!! WTF??? Seriously. Maybe it’s the heat, it brings all the lesbians out from under wherever we’ve been hiding, to show off our plaid cargo shorts and wife beaters.

It occurs to me as I’m writing this that maybe it’s not that everyone’s gay all of a sudden. But maybe I’m finally putting off the come-hither-I’m a lesbian-vibe … God I hope so.
Either way it seems that this summer is off to a fabulous start!

Pssst … I see gay girls.

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