Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

High femme vs Stone Femme: one interpretation

Posted on 23. Jun, 2008 by Sasha.

There are countless ways to define the femme identity/gender and as many ways for each woman to express it in her own way. But for the purpose of this single blog I will define these two versions as such:

High Femme: a femme lesbian who is ultra feminine in her appearance and behavior. May chose to only date butch women. Plays the passive role in the bedroom i.e., she is the one fucked, never the one doing the fucking.

Stone Femme: a femme lesbian that may appear to be an ultra femme in her appearance but expresses butch attributes in bed and may not allow her lovers to fuck her at all. Leaving all the seeming power securely in her capable hands.

Or she may allow herself to be fucked by her partners but never allows them to actually touch her where it counts. Emotionally, intimately, at her core, to break down the walls she’s so skillfully erected over time.

She’s figured out a way to expose her body and hide her heart in her nudity. Her sexuality has become a weapon, not a weakness. She understands that when they’re looking at her body they’re not really looking at her at all. So she’s able to hide in plain sight, to hide in full view, naked and aroused but untouched where it really counts.

A Stone Femme can wield her power over her lover and make her lover feel as if they’re the one in control. She’s strong enough to give up control of her body to someone else, because she knows that they’ll never control anything else about her.

Her lover may dominate her in bed but her lover will never really know her. She only sees what the Stone Femme allows her to see. Even tears are carefully placed props. What seemed like vulnerability was anything but.

Be careful if you know a Stone Femme. Chances are you do, but you don’t realize it. Stone Femmes are mistresses of disguise. Oscar worthy actresses and brilliant chameleons. They’ll be the girl of your dreams and your best friend. They’ll adapt to their environment without even trying, all those years of surviving have molded them into experts at blending in while standing out.

They can do and become anything you need them to be. Anything to keep you at arms distance, but no further. Tied to them through lust and desire but constantly pushing you away with ambiguity and neurosis.

There’s something about them you can’t get enough of. They’re addictive and dangerous yet something about them makes you want to save them. When you hold her body in your arms, the softness of her curves makes her feel vulnerable. When you look into her eyes, behind the long dark lashes you mistakenly think you see weakness. Something in her that needs to be protected.

You’re only half wrong. There’s no weakness left in her but she does need to be saved. From herself more than anything. But she’s made of stone and there’s no way you or anyone else can chip away at it. She’s a Stone Femme. It’s taken her whole life to make her that way. It’ll take a lot more than artful fucking to save her from herself. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

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a femme in the streets but a butch in the sheets

Posted on 29. May, 2008 by Sasha.

I would say that I am a femme/top. Whoa. What? Is that possible? Hell yea it’s possible. Normally this is not a problem, especially when two femmes are dating. I mean, someone’s got to bring the strap-on! Or even sans strap-on, someone’s got to be the aggressor. That person is usually me. Or at least it used to be.

Apparently butch women are not big fans of aggressive femmes wielding dildos and handcuffs. Hahaha …. But seriously, I’ve been thinking about this. What’s an aggressive femme to do when she’s dating a butch who has some pretty strict rules on how the game is played in and outside of the bedroom?

Sure, I love being treated like I’m the only girl on the date. It’s wonderful having someone open the car door for you, court you like you’re in an old movie, be chivalrous and all that good stuff that comes with dating butch women. I love it.

But … and there’s always a but: I’m not what they call a high femme. A high femme for those of you who don’t know, is a woman who is so feminine she may even identify as straight, because all her relationships follow usual gender roles. She plays the woman and gets fucked but never fucks. While her partner will always be a stone butch who fucks her brains out, but will never disrobe or allow herself to be fucked by her girlfriend. So while this may be confusing to some, others will know what I’m talking about.

While I may be classified under the femme label, I am in no way a high femme. I like to be the aggressor sometimes, or more than sometimes if I’m telling the truth. But when dating butch women, I can’t be. So I find myself in a dilemma: How to reconcile the more aggressive parts of my personality with my desire to date butch women?

I don’t want to change who I am for anyone else and I won’t. Nor do I want to restrict who I date to femmes who appreciate my ability to take control of a situation. Because truth be told, other femmes just don’t catch my eye lately.

While I am more than happy to play the submissive role (strictly in the bedroom) once in a while, I still want to be able to be myself and switch it up sometimes. But I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, so I don’t.

Hence I find that being a femme/top with switch-hitter capabilities isn’t as easy as it sounds.

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