Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

The List

Posted on 25. Feb, 2009 by Sasha.

Drum roll please ……

OK so in racking my brain to remember every place in Los Angeles that I’ve been able to pick up women, get picked up on or just spied some juicy possibilities I have come up with the following list.

(Sorry to my readers who are not local, but maybe your home town version of the same places might hold the same lesbian magic that these places seem to.)

First let’s begin with the obvious, obvious because they are deemed to be “gay” stomping grounds anyways, but still some are better then others.

1. Topping my list is Girl Bar in West Hollywood. It was the very first lesbian club I ever went to and I went alone. You can imagine how scared to death I was. But I ended up fooling around with one of the go-go dancers in the bathroom and then getting yelled at by her girlfriend in the parking lot. It was a good introduction to the lesbian club scene.

But honestly, Girl Bar is always a good time and I’ve never been there without getting at least one or two numbers stuffed in my pocket, even behind my girlfriend’s back. I only say that to stress the fact, that when women are at Girl Bar, they’re there for a reason; to have a good time. [...]

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Writing, Dance and Self-Respect: NOT mutually exclusive

Posted on 10. Jan, 2009 by Sasha.

Well I wasn’t really expecting for the comments that I got about my dancing on the side to be so, well … one sided. I guess I thought you might take my side on this, but boy when I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

But I would like to thank LurkerLezzie for her supportive comment. Like I keep telling my gf, when you’re a dancer and you’re raised up in a studio, being that physical with strangers really doesn’t mean anything. It’s just dancing. But people who aren’t used to it misunderstand and worry a lot more then they should.

When I taught ballroom dance, my male students were constantly getting their feelings for me confused because they mistook my physical contact with them as a dance teacher to mean something more. Because in the outside world, men and women don’t usually touch that much unless there’s some sort of intimacy between the two. So I can see how my gf would feel threatened or worried about my dancing in revealing costumes. [...]

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Musings on Lesbian Promiscuity

Posted on 01. Jun, 2008 by Sasha.

From my experiences in the straight world and the lesbian world I’ve noticed something diametrically opposed to one another. Well, at least for myself. When I was dating boys, I thought the fewer men I was with the better. I really kept my numbers low and I was very proud of that fact.

However in the lesbian world, at least the world I know … the more women you bed, the better. As a woman dating, kissing, sleeping with other women, there’s no guilt, no stigma, no bad reputation to be avoided. Unlike in the straight world, the lesbian culture seems to embrace sluttiness. Except like our male counter parts we’re allowed to take on the “player” title and let the “slut” label fall by the wayside. Even when somebody calls you a slut, it’s not really an insult. But more a badge of honor.

Why is this? Maybe because when the fear of pregnancy and the worry of birth control is gone, a lot of the stigma attached to sex disappears as well. Perhaps it’s the fact that the risk of STD’s is significantly lower among lesbians. Could it be that without the fear of being judged by men, we let our guards down and allow ourselves to indulge in our base nature more openly than our straight girl counter parts?

Notice I said “openly” not “freely.” There are plenty of straight women that sleep around and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that. But my point is that for the most part, they keep their real numbers on the down low, in fear of others thinking negatively of them. But as a lesbian I rarely feel as if I’ll be looked down on by anyone, regardless of how many notches I carve into my bedpost.

Seriously, no one cares how many women another woman sleeps with. Except maybe the woman you’re currently sleeping with. But straight men think it’s awesome and your gay and lesbian friends just high five you over vodkas … OK, only Amber high fives me, but you get my point. Even straight women don’t seem to care one way or the other. Because they either a) Are too uncomfortable to even ask b) If they do ask, are secretly excited by anything you do tell them or c) Are just hoping to be next on that list.

So overall, this is how I see it: Lesbian promiscuity earns you a player card. Straight girl promiscuity just earns you a bad reputation among hypocritical men and jealous women.

So if you want to act like a slut, be a lesbian.

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In Defense of My Gayness … Again

Posted on 28. May, 2008 by Sasha.

If there’s one thing that irks me, it’s when people who are already aware that I identify as an out lesbian think they have the right to contradict that fact. Based on what? The fact that they a) barely know me b) I’ve been in serious relationships with men in the past c) they don’t think I’ve been gay long enough to be considered a “real lesbian” or d) think I must at least be bi, if for no other reason than I look straight.

Huh, I love that logic. NOT.

Well not that it’s really anyone’s business but since I’ve got nothing to hide and everything to gain by making a few points clear, here I go.

Anyone that really gets to know me will come to terms with the fact that yes, I am indeed a lesbian. By lesbian I mean that I am not attracted to men. I do not want to date them, marry them or have their babies. When a hot man walks by, I can objectively admit that there goes a fine specimen of the male species. But that in no way implies that I get a little tingle from it. Beauty is beauty and I can appreciate it wherever I find it.

Yes, I was in a couple serious relationships with men in the past. But for many reasons and not the least of which, the fact that I later realized I was gay, it never went to the alter. I got close a few times, too close in fact. But something inside me just never let me go through with it. I realize that it sounds naive to not have realized sooner in life, but what can I say? I thought I was bisexual. But later I realized that being able to have sex with a man and enjoy it has nothing to do with who you want to spend your life with. I have found that I enjoy dating, relationships and yes, even sex, more with women than with men. I’m not saying boys are yucky. I’m just saying I prefer women so much so that I’ve excluded men from the realm of my dating possibilities.

Yet for some reason many people will never believe that I’m a lesbian because I can admit that sex with certain men didn’t suck. I have no intention of ever doing that again, but I also refuse to have any regrets. Everything I’ve gone through up to now has made me the woman I am today. Because of all the crap, heartache, confusion and denial I’ve fought my way through, I’ve grown into a woman who’s 100% sure of what I want, what I can offer and what I can and can not put up with. I think there’s a lot to be said for self-awareness and maturity. So anyone who can’t get past my past is losing out. Everyone has a history. I’m just honest about mine.

For the people who don’t think I’ve been gay long enough to be a real lesbian: Well first of all, how long did you have to be straight before you got your membership card?

I’ve been with women for 7 years now. Yes, there were a few stray men that snuck in there several years back. But they didn’t last because I had girls on the brain. Literally. So if we do the math, I’ve dated men for 7 years and women for 7 years. With a 2 year overlap in the beginning there.

But maybe the real question should be how many of each have you been with? Well, I don’t boink and tell but I will say this; the number of lovely ladies I’ve had the pleasure of, FAR outweighs the few men I’ve known on an intimate level … and when I say far outweighs, I mean it doesn’t even compare. So if it were strictly a numbers game, anyone who knew my numbers would never doubt for a second how very gay I am.

Finally, I must be bi because of my past and because I look so effin’ straight. Well, I’ve already admitted to my history with boys. But you know, there aren’t a whole lot of gold star lesbians out there. More power to them but in reality it took most of us a few trials and errors to figure this whole thing out. So I know I’m not alone. I know for a fact that I am not the only lesbian thats slept with a man. Even though most lesbians like to get on their hypocritical high horse and try to make me feel like I am, I’m not and they know it.

As for me looking straight …. well, I’m not going to chop all my hair off and get a bunch of tattoos or any other lame stereotype just to make it easier to point me out in a lesbian line-up. By the way the word for a gay girl that looks straight is “femme.”

Another thing is that yes, in some ways I chose to be a lesbian. I could have chosen to live a lie and married a man. Lived an unfulfilled life and probably committed suicide before I was forty. But I didn’t. I came out, to myself then to my family and now to anyone that wants to know. What astonishes me is when people feel the need to push me, at least partially back into the closet by trying to make me say that I’m bi.

There was a very long time when I held onto that label because I thought it was accurate. But as time went on that label stopped being appropriate. So I would hope that someday, people stop trying to push that title on me. I don’t want it. It’s not mine. Give it to the next girl who may or may not be on her way out of the closet. But it served it’s purpose for me, as a transitional term. But having surpassed that stage in my evolvement, I no longer feel that it has any place in my arsenal of adjectives used to describe myself.

To sum it up in the most simple terms possible and to reiterate to the point that I feel like I’m beating a dead horse: I am as gay as the day is long. My past does not define me.

Dude. I kiss girls! ONLY.

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Bipolar Lesbians Always Take The Rap

Posted on 18. Apr, 2008 by Sasha.

Honestly, I think bipolar chicks get a bad rap. Every time some girl goes all fatal attraction and makes bunny stew, she gets labeled, “That crazy bipolar bitch.” What the hell? I would like to take a moment here and say that there is a difference between psychotic sociopaths and bipolar disorder.

Here’s a quick checklist to see if your girlfriend is bipolar or if you’re just dating your future stalker:

Does she sit up all night and stare at you while you sleep. Then when you catch her, she acts like it’s romantic and totally normal? That’s psychotic.

Does she stay up all night because she can never sleep, so she cleans the house at 3:00 in the morning, cleans out the gutters and cooks a hundred different kinds of cookies before you even wake up? That’s bipolar.

Does she turn up in the oddest places? Like outside your gym, at your friend’s houses, your office … even though you never told her where any of these places are? Then leave a stuffed animal with it’s little furry chest slashed open and a note that reads, “Hi baby, this is what I would feel like if you ever left me. Kisses!” That’s psychotic.

Does she disappear on you and friends for weeks at a time, claiming to be busy with work or school but really she’s too depressed to leave her house? Only to reappear hyper, talkative and the life of the party? That’s bipolar.

Does she have violent tendencies? Throw things, hit you, push you, slap you? Again, psychotic.

Another thing to look for is that bipolar people are usually pretty creative, artsy types. Psychos on the other hand are usually to busy pretending to be normal that they don’t have the time or energy to be artistic. However the artist in them will shine through when coming up with terrifying yet creative ways to stalk you and/or scare your friends.

Does she cause scenes in public?
Sleep around when she’s bored with life?
Is she the best sex you’ve ever had?
Does she make you feel like you’re the only person on the planet?

Well that’s a toss up. Because bipolar and psycho chicks are both amazing in bed and can hoe it up with the best of them.

Not to mention they can both be quite the drama queen. To further complicate matters both have an uncanny ability to make the one they’re with feel as if time stands still just for them. I’m not sure why but I have a working hypothesis. I think that that they are such forces of nature, so full of self-created importance and drama that they create a sort of force field around themselves, like gravity. When you’re tied to them emotionally or sexually, you get pulled into their orbit and it starts to feel like you two are the only two objects in the universe. It’s intoxicating until it’s smothering and you’re grasping for air, racking your brain for a memory of the last time you felt normal. Then you realize you haven’t felt normal since before she came into your life.

So there you have it, while it’s true that crazy chicks make for great sex. There are different types of crazy. Some types make them eccentric, artistic, brilliant, moody and difficult. But the other type makes them scary, hazardous to your future love life (because they tend to pop out of closets when you least expect it, even though you could have sworn you changed the locks) and just down right creepy. Face it ladies, no matter how good crazy sex is, it’s just not worth it.

If not for yourself, think of all the innocent teddy bears out there. Really, it’s only funny till it’s taped to your windshield.

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Myspace the Ultimate Lesbian Network

Posted on 09. Apr, 2008 by Sasha.

Myspace gets a bad rap with all the pedophiles and kidnappers on there. But hey, it’s no worse than LA. Personally, I love MySpace. I actually owe Tom a little thank you for the awesome group of ladies I now call my posse.

It all started one night when I was browsing MySpace for single lesbians in my area. I’d gotten to a place where I really didn’t care to meet anyone, I was just “looking.” Yea right! You know how that goes, when you don’t want to admit to anyone, little lone yourself how pathetically bored you’ve become with the local prospects. So in the privacy of your bedroom you turn to your own private pimp, Tom of MySpace to see what he’s got in his stable of cyber singles and swingers, all conveniently categorized into age, location and other vital stats. So I made my selection: women, 21-30, single, gay, with at least a college education, no children and within 20 miles of my zip code. I hit the return button and Tom didn’t disappoint.

Almost immediately I came across a profile called “Now Recruiting.” It was a page put together by three best friends, tired of wasting their time on douche bag fakes and morons who couldn’t differentiate between “they’re” and “their.” They had put together an ingenious application process meant to weed through the grammatically challenged and bisexually slutty. Slutty was fine as long as you were only being a gay slut. If you couldn’t count how many men you’d slept with or know when you needed to refer to a dictionary, you probably weren’t their cup of tea.

Something in their witty sarcasm and high standards struck a chord with me and so I sat down with a cup of coffee and spent an afternoon filling out their application. I’m proud to say that I was their first recruit. From the first time I met them, there was a connection that I knew meant only one thing: I’d found some real friends. The type of friends you can see yourself with twenty years down the line.

Throughout the next few months many girls applied and many girls failed to pass the test. We eventually ended up with two more girls bringing the count to six. This number would prove to be a little fluid with the addition and subtraction of significant others that would come and go. I think there’s a few keepers in that list so the number’s a bit higher now.

But the funniest thing is that this application process proved extremely effective. It seemed that the lucky few who survived the grammar section of the test all seemed to get along from the moment we met, as if we’d been friends forever. Which is useful since that’s exactly how long I plan on hanging out with them.

So while Tom has yet to deliver what I ordered: a tall, educated and super hot chick with eyes only for me, he’s done something better. He hooked me up with my best buds who are proving to be a great source of inspiration, both personally and professionally.

I don’t know about facebook, but I know that Myspace is definitely dyke friendly and lesbian approved by yours truly, a card carrying lesbian since 2001.

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