Card Carrying Lesbian … What’s in your wallet?

Pre-Birthday Mind Games

Posted on 17. Oct, 2008 by Sasha.

So as you know it was my birthday last Friday. Sorry that it took me so long to document the weekend for your reading pleasure but let’s just say that it was so damn good, it’s taken me this long to recover.

Alright then … let’s get down to the business of catching you up. This is going to take a few minutes.

First of all I need to backtrack to a few nights before my birthday. Remi and I were hanging at the Dolphin discussing who was going to be coming out with us to Girl Bar when she casually mentioned, “Oh yea, I invited Chatsworth too.”

Wait. What did she just say? My ears must be bleeding because I know I did not just hear my gf say that she invited the very last girl she banged prior to me, to my effin’ birthday!!!

I took a another drink of my Jager, swallowed hard, glared at her and said, “Excuse me?”

Remi must have seen the steam rising out of me, or maybe the fire from my eyes burned her a little because she instantly tried to make it better. However, witness the break neck speed at which she makes things a thousand times worse …. she follows up by saying, “No no no, it’s not like that. You see it’s her birthday on the 12th so I thought …”

I had to break in at this point and for some reason my voice was surprisingly calmer than it sounded in my head but I interrupted her to verbally explicate the situation as I saw it, “Let me get this straight. Not only did you just tell me that you invited the most recent girl that you used to fuck before me, to MY birthday. But you did it because it’s also HER birthday a few days later? So I’m supposed to share MY birthday with HER? So you can kill two birds with one stone? …. That’s nice of you. Thank you. Then I should have invited Mr. like I wanted to.”

Yep, you read that right. I threw Mr. in her face. To which she jumped on that, “Oh yea, please do. I would love to see her. I have a few things to say to her.”

I just sat there a few moments. Absolutely livid. I really didn’t know what to say. So Remi kept trying to back peddle, “Look, I knew she couldn’t come anyway, that’s why I invited her. She’s not even coming!”

Uh …

Let’s put this all in order:

• She invited an ex-lover of hers to my birthday.
• Knowing that she couldn’t make it.
• But why?
• To make that girl feel like she still meant something to her?
• But if she knew she couldn’t make it and wouldn’t be there, then why, OH WHY tell me about it???!!!
• To piss me off?
• To make me jealous?
• To throw her in my face?
• But again I ask why?

I have no idea. But it pissed me off to no end. Lucky for her I was too tired and drunk that night to really make a big deal out of it and I’m one that likes to stew about things a little. Which I did and which I chewed her out about the next night to my satisfaction.

But have no fear, a few nights later Remi would totally and completely redeem herself by giving me the best birthday I have ever had!!!

Check back to tomorrow to see if I kept my promise about getting lucky at Girl Bar.

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Horny Straight Men in Gay Bars …. can you say yuck?

Posted on 30. Sep, 2008 by Sasha.

Last night my girl and I were frequenting our (only) local gay dive bar in Redondo Beach called the Dolphin. It’s a little hole in the wall place with the charm of a neighborhood bar where everyone knows your name, even the tranny sprawling out on the pool table trying to look seductive.

We stumbled in there one night after trying to have a normal evening on Pier Street. But after getting tired of being stared at by drunk surfer boys and hit on by forty year old men, we left in search of a more gay friendly atmosphere. Enter the Dolphin. The only gay bar in the South Bay. If you’re not up for driving to Long Beach or West Hollywood, this is the best you’re going to do.

The moment we walked in we were greeted by flaming gay boys, a tranny named Diana and a hot bisexual bartender. The drinks are cheap, the atmosphere about as gay as it gets and no body cares if I make out with my girlfriend in the corner. It’s a safe refuge for us homos stuck in the middle of upper middle class white America … aka … the beach cities. Add to the list the fact that it’s walking distance from my gf’s house and you can pretty much guess that we quickly became regulars, on a first name basis with all the bartenders.

Last night I needed to discuss something with my girl that I knew, sober I would never get out all of the details. So we headed over to the Dolphin on a Monday night (yes I am aware that getting drunk on a Monday night is a sign that I may need a 12 step program) with the intention of getting slightly hammered, spilling my guts and then apparently, pissing my girlfriend off to no end. All of which I accomplished in record time. Thank you very much!

After telling her the sordid details of what I had to tell her (and no, that is not for public consumption) she was understandably irate. Her word not mine. But eventually with enough batting of the eyelashes, and some angry make-out time … you know, when you grab her by the hair and kiss her as hard as you can, hoping she’ll feel what you can’t say. Whether it’s anger or sorrow, some times that’s the only way to get the point across … but I guess it worked because she started to calm down, when a man walked up to us, cleared his throat (mind you, I’m in the middle of kissing my gf in an empty gay bar) waited for us to stop, look up at him with stunned expressions that any idiot could have read said, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

But instead of reading the signals he proceeded to introduce himself to us and then hit on us. WTF?

A few minutes later I realized that two other men at the bar were staring at us. I didn’t give it too much thought after all, this is a GAY bar. These men are probably GAY.

But moments later we were surrounded by them. Three, drunk, horny, straight men hitting on two lesbians in a GAY establishment. It’s not really hard to know it’s a gay bar, the huge rainbow flag that hits you in the face as you walk in is usually a good sign. Not to mention the clientèle is a nice mix of uber gay men, butch women and trannies.

Let me wrap this up. One guy was a dentist and he left after he realized that: 1. We really were lesbians and he wasn’t going to get anywhere. 2. That the hot bi bartender wasn’t working that night and 3. That he wasn’t going to be getting any from any one there that night unless he switched teams.

One down. Two to go.

Which left one harmless older man who kept wanting to buy us drinks and give me his credit cards. And a super creepy ass hole that kept trying to feel me up, put his hand up my shirt and even tried to kiss me when my gf was out of the room. Oh yea, he also challenged her to a fight right there in front of all of us. Again I say, “WTF?!”

I got tired of being hit on by him so I excused myself to go play with the jukebox. It wasn’t too long after that, the creepy molester dude slithered out of there without so much as a glance my way. I didn’t think much of it till later I found out that when I had left the room, my super cool gf told him that if he touched me one more time she was going to have to kick his ass.

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!! How hot is that?! The really hot part is that however she said it, he took her seriously and made a quick exit with his tail between his legs. Afraid of getting his ass handed to him by girl. As he should be.

My question is this: Did these guys really not know this was a gay bar? Were they really secretly gay but afraid to admit it? Did they really think they had a snowball’s chance in hell at sleeping with two lesbians?

Whatever. I don’t care. I just know that we go to the Dolphin to escape the attention of the straight world and to feel comfortable and safe to be as dykey as we want to be. We never expected to be surrounded by a pack of horny (questionably) straight men, grabbing my ass all night long.

So straight men, if you’re reading this and I know a few of you do. (It’s ok I won’t tell) It’s fine if you go to a gay club. We don’t mind. But don’t hit on lesbians. It’s bad manners.

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