Ok, so this post is basically me saying I’m sorry for a post that I wrote 4 years ago. The post was “Butch/Femme Relationships versus Lesbian Relationships” and for those of you that didn’t read it …. Its at the bottom of this post. Because I’ve taken it down from the main site.
Within the last two days I’ve started getting a few comments on that post from people that have pointed out that I was unfair and hurtful in generalizations I made about butches. I tried to deny that, because hello??! I love butches!!! I think my regular readers would attest to that. I have sung the praises of all things butch many many times on this blog. To be honest, I totally forgot about this old blog post. So when I went back to read it (in order to defend myself) I was horrified that I couldn’t really. I was unfair. There’s no excuse for that.
No excuse, but let me try to explain it. First of all this was written 4 years ago and it was written on the heels of me getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a self identified stone butch. She was my first experience with a “stone butch” and I thought I could love her. I was so attracted to that physical type, to those mannerisms, to everything really that I happily jumped through every fiery hoop she wanted me to. …. Wait, she wasn’t the first butch I dated, she was the first I dated for any length of time. Because up until then, the other butches I fell in lust for, were such players it was more of one night stands and ongoing flirt fests at “da club.” Basically, my only experiences with butch women were based on sex and mind games. Even the one I thought I was in a relationship with.
Then I met Remi. Remi came into my life at the same time I met the stone butch I was involved with. Remi was the complete opposite of her. She was kind and thoughtful. She went out of her way for me. She called me beautiful. This was a 180 degree turn from the other person, who always told me I wasn’t good enough for her, not pretty enough, I was too tall, too big, too dumb, too needy, too fucked up, too- whatever for her to ever really care about me. And when I would ask her why she acted like this, she actually told me that butches treat bitches the way they deserve to be treated and if I would be better then she would treat me better.
You might be wondering why I was in such a relationship. Well, she wasn’t always horrible. She had a wonderfully caring and generous side as well. But she only showed me that side, whenever I started for the door. And I was stupid enough to hope each time that maybe she would stay like that that time. Maybe I could be what she wanted. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe …. Maybe ….. In the end, all the maybes got snuffed out by Remi who was so persistent in telling me that I was already good enough, already pretty enough, already enough and that she actually wanted me as I was!!! It was such a relief.
So when I left that other person and started a relationship with Remi, I asked her how she identified. She answered, lesbian. Not butch, not femme but something in between. Our relationship was more balanced then my last one. More balanced sexually and emotionally. So I did what I do. I wrote. I wrote about what I knew at the time and that was a stark difference between a self identified butch and a self identified lesbian. I wrote about my personal experiences. But I was wrong to word it in such a way that made it sound like I was making generalizations. Maybe I was at the time. I honestly can’t remember.
But I do know that when I go back and read it, it doesn’t sound fair. It also, is no longer my truth. My truth has changed and evolved as life as gone on over the these last 4 years. I have since married Remi. She has since come to the still-evolving realization that in spite of her not feeling like she’s “butch” that the world sees her that way. She also proudly claims me as her femme and always treats me as such. Which basically means, she takes the butch role in our relationship. We have discussed this a thousand times and have come to the agreement that we do live within the butch/femme dynamic. And to switch it up too much one way or the other, makes us both feel uncomfortable.
People sometimes take offense to my identification, screaming at me that there are other valid labels within the lesbian world. Yes, I know this. 
I don’t understand why it makes others feel threatened that I proudly identify as femme and that I am attracted to butchier women? I have never disregarded any other labels. In fact, just the opposite. I actually feel very protective of each person’s right to be who they feel they need to be. But I don’t always get that same support in return. Instead I get accused of being some sort of bitch on her high horse looking down at people. I don’t get it! I have also been told recently that the butch/femme dynamic is out of date, old fashioned, no longer relevant and oh my personal favorite, “hetero-normative imitation”. Ha!!! That is totally another blog!! Except, I could have sworn I already wrote about that.
Anyway, let me tie this sucker up. I’m sorry I wrote that old post and I really do apologize if I hurt anyone who read it. I truly, deeply, never meant for that! I took it down. Look, in the end, this is my blog and it started out as a personal blog, although over the years it has grown to something much bigger, with amazing guest writers. But at its core, it’s still about our personal experiences as lesbian women, living life. And that’s not always politically correct but it is always honest and true to life. Our lives.
Looking back, I think I did generalize butches based on my personal experiences. I then wrote about it, on my personal blog. At the time I was torn, because i was still madly attracted to the butch persona but I found myself in a relationship with a new girl who denied that label. It was really weird honestly. Here was this little butch, who looked and acted butch. But didn’t want the label. At the time I suppose I attached all the negative qualities I saw in the butch women I dated with the label “butch” and the first women I dated that was awesome, refused that label. Hence,my mistaken connection between the two.
I no longer think or feel that way. If anything, I’m more pro-butch then ever before!! Nothing makes me go weak int he knees faster then a hot butch. It’s just the way I’m wired.
And just to show how life can be funny, look at the last couple of lines of that old blog, “Granted, I think I’m still the femme in this situation. She’s a little more tomboi than I am and I like that. But when it comes down to it, I get to be a lesbian again and not a 1950’s housewife.” …… Ummmm jokes on me!!!!! I married my lubby and now she goes off to work very day and I stay home and take care of the corgi-babies, cook and clean! Irony is alive and well in my life.
The offending blog below:
Butch/Femme Relationships versus Lesbian Relationships
Now before you go and bite my head off yelling at me that butch/femme relationships are lesbian relationships let me tell you that I am well aware of that fact.
Having been involved in a butch/femme dynamic I am still reeling from the stark differences between what it’s like to date a butch and what it’s like to simply date a self-identified lesbian.
I couldn’t help but notice all the similarities between a straight relationship and a butch/femme relationship. The pseudo gender roles of the fifties were strictly enforced under the guise of chivalry and these roles extended well into the bedroom. As the femme, I was supposed to know my place and in my place I wasn’t supposed to be able to open a jar of peanut butter or touch my lover anywhere other than where she said. Which by the way, was basically no where except to grab her hair when screaming her name or to lie in her arms afterward.
Don’t get me wrong. I love butch women. I absolutely adore them! But in some ways, while dating them, I feel a bit cheated out of being a lesbian. I don’t get to please her, touch her, kiss her when I want to or buy her dinner once in a while. There are plenty of wonderful things that come along with dating butch girls. Men of today should take lessons from our butch sisters in how to treat a woman. There’s just something about having doors opened for you and generally being taken care of that gives me a warm, ummm ….. nice feeling if you get my drift. But in exchange for that, there is a price. To me that price was falling into a box where my role was “femme” and her role was “butch” and anything that threatened that delicate balance was grounds for a fight.
It’s been a while since I dated a woman that let me touch her, kiss her and walk her to her door. I forgot how nice it is to feel a woman, to taste her. I forgot how good it feels to make a girl weak in the knees when I kiss her neck or touch her just so. I recently started dating a girl that lets me kiss her goodnight and pay for a round of drinks. When I look at her body I’m reminded of how unbelievably gay I am and how glad I am that she’s okay with that! There aren’t any rules on who’s allowed to do what and when. We’re equal and both fully capable of taking care of ourselves and each other. So we sort of take turns being the dominant one or the girly one.
Granted, I think I’m still the femme in this situation. She’s a little more tomboi than I am and I like that. But when it comes down to it, I get to be a lesbian again and not a 1950’s housewife.
people change. situations change. feelings change.
the only thing that’s forever is the Internet.
proud of you for doing the work to update (notice I didn’t say retract nor correct) your thoughts and feelings publicly so your readers can keep up with where you are today in your opinions and experiences.
it’s not always about empowering other people, love.
sometimes it’s just about you. <3
What a brave post; I admire you for doing this. Not because of the fact that your personal perspective and feelings have evolved, but because of the grace with which you address the topic. I look forward to keeping up with your blog.
Just goes to show that it isn’t the relationship or roles that are important, and certainly those things should never define the people who are involved, but quite the opposite. The two people in a relationship should define what roles they will take on any given day. When you find the right person, it doesn’t matter how either of you do or don’t identify. Sure, you might be attracted to certain stereotypes, even want them and look exclusively for people who fit your ideal. But when comes down to it, falling in love with a label will come up empty every time. It only goes so far before you find yourself asking, “is this all there is?” You found this out with Remi. She doesn’t identify as butch, but yet her qualities were close to your idea of what butch is. You fell in love with her, a person, and because the chemistry was right between you two, you naturally evolved into the roles that define your relationship. Just the way it should be. I love the story of Sasha and Remi, and I appreciate the backstory before Remi came along. It helps me to know you so I better understand your unique perspective on the world. While I can agree with your reasons for removing that post, it is still a snapshot of you at that time in your life. You might tell yourself that you could have written it better for a wide audience, but back then, you were so caught up in the emotions of that horrible relationship that writing out your feelings was probably a way of releasing the negativity so you could cope. I like RobinS’s comment.
Okay I know I said I wouldn’t try to read this on my phone but I couldn’t wait. I honestly think (as a butch) that you should not have taken this blog down. This is an illustration of your life journey. Your feelings may have changed but that is the cool part about documenting your growth over the years. And FUCK those stupid lesbians who think they have the right to tell us how we should be. Outdated?? Who do they think they are? I will probably comment more on this when I am not on my phone. But for now I say DO NOT bow to these self-important whiney bitches.
OK so I had a long winded comment. I can’t remember everything it said. But I generally ….wait for it…agree with Raye. People who denigrate others for having the strength to share their opinions, however generalized they may be is ridiculous and closed minded. Just because you’re gay or support gay rights doesn’t make you open minded. Pro butch? I think I’ve seen your picture next to the definition on dictionary.com…
Wow. I also had intended to wait until I got home to say more than just what I did above, but I feel like I should at least take a moment to say, I was one of the recent commenters. I agree that there was no need to remove the post, and that blogging is a powerful way to document one’s journey. I hope that the writer didn’t feel personally attacked by my comment, and that this conversation doesn’t devolve into continued name-calling and vitriol. There’s a lot of good stuff to talk about here.
To see the process of one’s evolution is just as powerful, if not more so, than the conclusion we come to. Afterall, that’s why we study history, no?
I still have the post and all the comments, it’s simply private at the moment…. I took it down because I don’t feel I was fair in the way I worded it and don’t like the idea of people reading something I wrote 4 years ago, but thinking I wrote it yesterday and judging me by my old self and old mistakes ….. I might make it public again. I don’t know right now.
And thank you Kirsten for your comments since you were one of the commenters I was taking about, it really made me happy you understand where I’m coming from now.
And thank you to all the other comments as well! Xoxo to each of you.
Through it all life is a journey, a process. Through living one learns that life is the end destination but the journey of getting where we will eventually some how end up. We ALL say things, do things that we look back on and think WTF or WTH but that is OK because that is called being human. That is called living. Sasha you have a beautiful heart. Time evolves. People evolve. Thoughts change. People change. That is all OK. Sasha you are truly a magificent human being. No one is perfect. No one. And that too is OK. HUGS.
typo- life is NOT the end destination……
Thank you for your thoughtful self-reflection and for explaining where you were at during that time in your life. It was healing for me to hear your position explained- not justified, explained and illuminated humbly. I can match that by saying i got angry because of years of hurt from being told there was something wrong with me for being who i am (high femme) and loving who i love stone butches) by lesbians, and jumped up to react in that anger. Thank you, your explanation healed some of that hurt <3 I am also a survivor of an abusive relationship with the first stone butch i ever loved, actually. I appreciate you begin honest about that, as well… it was not easy for me to recover my femme self from that hurt either, and it is hard to admit that…. Thank you again for your truth…
MissMelus- I hate hearing about people being absused at the hands of another. I fucking hate that! I am a survivor of abuse fom an asshole man. (WAY back when I dated men- yeah NO thanks) His horrific action robbed me of many years of my life. I fucking hate him. It greatly sadens me to hear of females physically abusing other women. WTH is that??? We are all women. We must bond together not hurt each other. I hope you will have peace from the abuse you, Sasha and ANY women have endured and I hope everyone will always realize you are not just a survivor but you are a thriver! Live your life for you and not fom the memory of what the abuser did. She will get hers. Take care Jaz
I am really thankful for this post because it shows everyone that we owe it to one another to always strive to improve on our past selves. This post is particularly moving to me at this moment in my life as I have been feeling intensely bad about some decisions I have made in my past. And quite frankly, I shouldn’t. However, I am reminded daily by beautiful people here at CCL and this post that we are human and every step we make in life brings us further along to being the truly full human being that we are intended to be. Thank you Sasha for always being raw, true, yet loving and letting us to remember that it is ok to make mistakes and grow from them. I always know that when I come here I can be whoever the hell I am that day and that I am safe and that’s what I love damnit!
My brother commandeered the computer to watch the Super Bowl, so I apologize for the slew of mini-comments, Sasha
I didn’t realize when the post had been written until you posted this today; it only had a timestamp at the top of the page, which made it appear to have been posted yesterday to me. (I did look for a date on the post, but because of that, didn’t think to look at the dates on comments, which are complete)
If I hadn’t actively thought it was a current post, I’d like to think I’d have looked at more recent entries, particularly when this one was so long ago. I’d also like to think that, if someone responded to my four-years-ago self’s writing, I would handle it as you have, by re-reading, reflecting, and discussing the trajectory from my former Truth to my current Truth. So thank you again for that. And I will be more diligent in my search for dates on blog posts in the future
Sasha, you are such a vapid little bimbo. You were then and you still are. How dare you write about me and call me emotionally abusive!! Honey you have no idea what abusive really is. You’re such a spoiled little pillow princess that the minute someone isn’t kissing your ass you think you’re being abused! Lol what a fucking joke. You are a fucking joke. That little baby butch can have you. I don’t know why I ever bothered fucking you. I hope you’re happy lying to yourself and to the world about how awful I was to you! Now I wish I had actually taught you a lesson while I still had you in my bed. But karma’s a bitch and I’m sure you’ll get yours, you dumb broad.
@X, I’m sorry that you’re still hurt after all these years, hurt enough to lash out like that. I wish you nothing but the best in your life and I hope that you find happiness.
@Kristen, I just looked and realized that for some reason the date IS missing!! Thank god they’re on the comments still. I have no idea why that is and it’s an issue I will try to fix! And thank you for your comments.
@MissMelis, I am so glad you came back and saw my update and thank you for understanding and forgiving me. We probably have more in common then either of us know.
“Sasha, you are such a vapid little bimbo. You were then and you still are.”
“You are a fucking joke. That little baby butch can have you. I don’t know why I ever bothered fucking you. ”
“Now I wish I had actually taught you a lesson while I still had you in my bed.”
“How dare you write about me and call me emotionally abusive!!”
Why? Because it’s true? That you were a verbally and emotionally abusive person then, and still are now?
You know Sasha, I actually wasn’t going to comment on this post, even when I read about someone trying to convince you that you were too dumb when you’ve got such an education backing you, and you’re clearly street and book smart, because I thought it was obvious that whoever that person was, they weren’t looking at the real you, but an imposed version of you. Well, X/Mister has certainly set the record straight for everyone, I’m so glad you and Remi have each other.
If you give someone enough rope, they’ll hang themselves.
I mean seriously! You had the option to not read or comment on this site! And then you had ANOTHER opportunity to not only take the appearance of the high road, but to actually take another step in the journey of self discovery. The opportunity to say, “You know what? I’m sorry about how things went down between us, I’m sorry for how you felt or feel about it, and I wish you the best.” Shame on you.
From someone who DOES ” know what ” real” abuse” is let me reassure you that verbal abuse IS a form/one level of abuse.
X: Sasha didn’t have to write about your emotional abuse. You abused her yet again just today. Thank goodness she had the sense to get away from you and is well on her happy and successful way. What about you? Apparently, you haven’t moved on yet because you’re still here, reading and lapping up her every word. You’re right in that Karma’s a real nasty bitch, and she’s waiting for you to rack up enough points so she can really have her way with you. Have fun with that. Toodles.
Wow. X you are an embarrassment to butches everywhere. I hope I never have to be compared to a piece of shit like you. You have successfully showed to everyone that Sasha was right about you. If you had any class and she was really lying, you would have ignored her and moved on with your life. By running your mouth here, you showed your ass. Congratulations. You are a douche. And now everyone knows it. Sasha, be glad because you dodged a bullet with this one.
I do not understand what the point is of telling someone ” Honey you have no idea what abusive really is.” “Lol what a fucking joke. You are a fucking joke. ” and ” I Now I wish I had actually taught you a lesson while I still had you in my bed.” I was physically (and mentally) abused by some guy I went out with and to read these words you wrote to Sasha…well it is heartless. I think verbal abuse and physical abuse are forms of mental illness. I really hope you receive the help you need. Because NO woman “deserves” to be “taught a lesson” to be taught “what real abuse is”. X I wish you peace and healing.
Those who abuse others are FULL of hate and need to heal before they hurt someone else. They are weak. Those who have been abused yet still have a strong sense of self and who have moved on with their lives- they are strong.
You all can have her and while you’re at it you can kiss my ass.
Really, X? Don’t bother with the invitation. There’s likely good reason you don’t let anyone go down there, so I’ll just stay up here where the air is clean.
Seriously, Sasha didn’t deserve your abuse back then and we don’t need it now. Good riddance…and you can please go right on ahead and take your rear end with you as you go…
(yeah, I said that with all my midwestern, Ohio attitude
)
I for one am happy to count Sasha among someone who adds light and happiness to my little world. I’ll gladly take her!
Jaz, Melis and others – you will be in my heart as you continue to heal. Abuse in any form is barbaric. Keep shining, you are beautiful! Jazzy you just amaze me more every day and we seem to have more in common the more I learn.
@Rexie – HA!
Dear X, I don’t know about you, but when I don’t care about someone, I sure as hell don’t waste my time looking at what they write on the internet. Methinks you still care. Tough, she doesn’t.
i wasn’t going to comment on this but x ah man why don’t you shut the fuck up and leave sasha alone you truely are fucking a disgrace to all butches it’s people like you that give us a bad name it’s clear you have’nt moved on but guess what sasha has so why don’t you do us a favor and fuck off!:@
Thank you For the compliment Amanda ( hugs friend) Once I reposted my blog URL keep in touch.
X Thanks for the offer and though some people really enjoy ass kissing it’s not my thing I’m more a boob girl.
Rexie You are wonderful.
Damn. I had to reread this a few times before commenting. I remember when Sasha was “involved” with this douche bag and I never knew what she saw in her, but as her friend, I did get to hear some of the issues they were having. But she NEVER let on that it was that bad! I’m sure she was embarrassed to be treated that way. And given the fact that she can kick ass and I’ve seen it, it does make me wonder why she did put up with it. But then again, physical and emotional abuse are two different animals. Plus the fact that I know Sasha would never hit a girl she was dating. Ever. Even if said girl was a “stone butch”, lmfao. Yea right. No self respecting butch would treat a woman like Sasha that way. I don’t know what X is but she sure as hell isn’t a real butch!
Not to take the light away from the topic at hand, but Sasha I’m a little hurt. I thought you considered what we once had as something more then a one night stand?? And last time I looked in the mirror, there was a butch staring back! Lol. In any case, you know I’ll always love you. And X is just ridiculously pissed and jealous that she lost you. Even though she never early had you to begin with, because of she was “all that” Remi wouldn’t have been able to steal you away!
Edit: no self respecting butch would ever treat ANY woman that way.
For everyone’s clarification, I don’t read this shitty blog. Ever and I don’t give a flying load of crap what sasha writses about. A friend of a friend reads this drivel and told me that she was talking shit about me. So I checked it and yep, the bitch was talking shit. For all of you who are defending her, you don’t know her like I know her. She’s a pain in the ass and not worth half the trouble. I’ll tell you what she’s good for, she good for laying on her back and getting fucked. She’s a damn good lay but that’s about it. Not much to look at. Her body’s just ok, nothing to write home about. She’s got the bomb pussy and great tits. But she could stand to eat less, a lot less. Unless you like your bitches thick. Then she’s your girl. Sashanisnt even really a high femme. She wears jeans all the time and thinks that sexy tops, heels and lipstick make her femme! She’s worthless. She’s bipolar and every negative connotation that holds. She’s unstable and anyone who reads this shit and believes her is probably bipolar or equally crazy.
I don’t have the time to go back and reply to everyone of you assholes that think you know Sasha and think you know me. You don’t know anything. None of you really know her. She’s a first class nut job. Don’t believe me. I don’t care. She’s someone else problem now, I glad to be rid of her.
Alex, you’re one to talk. Didn’t sasha leave you for a femme? What kind of butch loses a femme to another femme? Fuck off. Everyone of you. Say what you want, I won’t be back. I have better things to do.
Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you!!! And Sasha didn’t “leave me” for anyone. We were never “together” but unlike you, we’re still friends. Because I never treated her like shit and she’s none of the things you say, none of the negative things you say. She’s an amazing person, that’s why people stand up for her. She’s also gorgeous you fucking idiot!!
Sasha don’t listen to this asshole.
Don’t let the door kiss you in the ass, X!
And THIS is a perfect example why it’s MUCH better to “just get a dog”. Wow X you are one very fucking angry individual.
X you said “A friend of a friend reads this drivel and told me that she was talking shit about me. So I checked it and yep, the bitch was talking shit”
Either, a) you still talk about Sasha to all your friends AND they know you really are a dick head. That the minute she mentions being in an abusive relationship, they all say “oh hey she’s talking about you!!!” guess they know you are abusive to women because she never mentioned you by name.
Or b) you’re just full of it and you read her blog ALL the time because you never really got over her.
Personally, I prefer a) because that would mean that even your friends know what kind of person you are.
PS: even after reading it, if you really were never abusive to her, the logical mind would say to itself, “Who is she talking about? Because I sure never treated her like that!”
But no. You came on here and admitted that you recognized she was talking about you!!!
this shithead won’t leave sasha in peace you claim you got better things to do but here you are talking shit and piss you really need to go get your self checked out yo it’s you the one with the fucking problem
Who the hell is this “X” loser trying to beg for attention because they are so pathetic they feel the need to taint your amazing blog??
Sasha you are fucking awesome ! I love you and your posts and i want to let you know that you are an inspiration to me. Keep doing what your doing,spread the love ! ! XOXO
you better check your self dude and stop treating women this way keep it up i guarantee you’ll live a miserable lonely fucked up shitty life it’s clear you haven’t moved on and see sasha is happy and you wana ruin so just fuck off motherfucker let sasha be
oh X . Don’t hate what you can’t imitate. stupid ass
This type of abuser LOVES inflicting pain through hateful words and actions. Toxic. Not worth our time.
(side note- YB please come call my neighbor a “motherfucker” she is vacuming and keeping my ass awake and I’m fucking exhausted! Who vacuums at almost 1am! )
Sasha You know you are absolutely amazing! YB is right on the mark X will end up totally alone and miserable. That is what happens with an angry hate filled heart.
Wow, X clearly has a whole shit load of unsolved issues!
Moving on to more important things, Sasha, this was a touching post because you actually showed that apologising is not a weakness, its a beautiful strength. That means a lot to someone like me who is both a young lesbian and writer. I look up to you and this post just reminded me even more about why I do.
I’m very sorry about the abuse you and others who commented on this post went through. You have come out stronger and so much better! I’m glad you found Remi, she is a thousand staircases(not just one step) up from X.
Hm, Sasha, I see X was in your world just long enough to do what she does best:
Hone in on your insecurities, and say just enough that her vitriol sounds true. So even when you know it isn’t, the knife still stabs deeper than it should. I really feel sorry for the next soul that falls for whatever charms she has left, as this person still have a lot of maturing to do. I think her responses are testament to how far you’ve come, honestly, because you used to be on a level where a person like that was acceptable. Not now! I know Remi has your back.
As for X/Mister, you can fuck off, and you can take your drama-causing “friend” (who probably got more of a kick out of watching you act a fool than actually grow as an individual, some friend) with you.
Seriously X is not worth our time. Trust me professionally I work with many people like this in the system and have for 15 years. So unfortunately I know this abuser mentality all too well. And on I personal level I have (WAY back in the day) been involved with such an abuser. Telling her to fuck off actually excites her because abusers LIVE to hurt. Hurting others is their air. It is their passion. Their hobby.. Their orgasm. I know that all of us could give a shit about X and our “fuck offs” are said in TOTAL support of Sasha. Sasha you ARE very much appreciated. Sasha you know how much you and your blog mean to us. Sasha you know we do not believe X’s blah blah blah. We love you Sasha.
I honestly don’t understand why X thinks her “personal” description of Sasha would reflect negatively on Sasha. Those of us who know her (and yes I do know her) know that she is flawed just like the rest of us. It makes her more attractive to be so. Sasha is not some poster chick on a wall. She is a real woman with feelings and a survivor spirit. She is beautiful in every way even the things that make her weak. And if someone was on here talking shit about my girlfriend I would say the same things. I am not saying any of this for the benefit of X because I hope she never comes back & dont give a fuck what she thinks. She’s a first class moron. I am saying this for Sasha. Because Sasha you need to remember that abusers say anything if they know how to hurt you whether it is anything true doesn’t even matter. You are a force to be reckoned with. Where are the throngs of followers telling X she is an inspiration to them? Nowhere. oh wait they COULD be in prison… hmm.
Right on, Raye.
And thank you Jaz. Having felt the sour end of abuse, it honestly just makes me angry! These cowardly fuckers think we should shrink away, or stay silent and that just fuels their contempt. When we band together and tell them off, they do back off because, again, they’re cowards. But once I’ve said my piece I am happy to let them shrivel away from lack of attention, I just don’t ever want it to be percieved as acceptable in the first place.
wow! what was meant to be an apology blog and it turned into out right insanity because some X got their panties in a bunch. yes i said panties. because in all honesty no butch i know gets so fucking bent out of shape like that over a fuckin’ blog!! over something that happened 4 FUCKING years ago! and that remained anonymous!!!!
the main factor people have to remember about blogs like sasha’s is that she has enough respect to keep names to herself. she didn’t even out this X character!!! instead she came on here like a whiny bitch and outted herself! proved sasha’s asshole memories of the bitch right.
well done, dumbass.
X- whether you want to admit it or not. you are in fact abusive. i think you need to take a moment and read back through your hateful comments…logically and rationally! get some help. therapy does wonders
Exes are an Ex for a reason. Thank you X for being the very example as to why that statement is soo fucking true.
Sasha- i certainly hope this person hasn’t gotten under your skin. they are the ones who need the help!! and your sweet heart doesn’t need to be the one to do it. you handled this as respectfully as you could. as you can see, you are very LOVED!! Remi came in and saved the day the first time you had to deal with this fucktard. and Remi, your LUBBY, is right by your side now
just know that this X person has issues of her own to sort out. big huge texas hugs from raye and i!
Sasha, even though I haven’t been reading your blog long, I just wanted to say thank you. you have been such an amazing inspiration to me, and have helped me more than I could EVER express in words. your blog has become my home, my safe haven, and a place of support where I can truly be myself along this journey of mine. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I had not come across your blog. every time i get overwhelmed, or confused, or upset about my sexuality, or life even, I come here and it never fails to make me feel better,safe, and keep me going.
I hope you truly know how amazing you are, and what an inspiration and lifeline you are to all of us women who are questioning our sexuality, or our lives. your unwavering support of all LGBT people is truly inspiring and your complete acceptance of everyone’s sexuality, has been a blessing for me. since finding your blog I have never felt less alone, and like I will make it whatever happens.
I also have to applaud you for admitting that your views of four years ago have changed. it takes a strong person to change, and even stronger one to admit that change.
I don’t know X, but as a survivor of physical and emotional abuse, you are so lucky that you got out of that situation. And that’s exactly what she is. an abuser. I have lived through emotional and physical abuse and almost lost my life to it, so don’t let her words hurt you. that’s what their intent is, and you are a much healthier, stronger person than X could ever hope to be.
remember Sasha, you are a guiding light for more women than you could possibly ever know, and your blog is a lifesaver for so many people, me included. thanks for making my way in life a little easier by showing us yours.
This is not for X even though we all know her stupid ass will be lurking. It’s been bugging me since last night the shit said about Sasha! The low blows about her body and her looks. Anyone who has ever known a woman knows those are no nos to attack, unless you really are that abusive and that insecure that the only place of weakness you can attack are a woman’s biggest insecurities. I have seen Sasha recently, within a few months and unless she has gained 200 pounds in that time, she is not thick, you fucking moron! She is tall and curvy. Curvy, as in bombshell, not curvy as in code for fat. She h womanly curves, think Marilyn Monroe and the like. Back when women looked like fucking women. She doesn’t need to eat less or lose any weight, she’s fucking hot as she is. Any femme loving butch would bite their lip when they saw Sasha walking their way. Which just proves again, you’re a fucking tool. And as for her not being that much to look at? I don’t think I have to go into that, everyone knows what she looks like. So yea, I guess of exotic, classic beauty isn’t on your list of what you consider hot, then maybe she’s not your type. You probably go for something more attainable, women that would let you keep hurting them because they don’t think they can get anything better. I feel sorry for any woman who ever meets you.
I know of at least two women (online) who have been victims of abusive ex-girlfriends. Others here have mentioned they have too. Same-sex domestic abuse isn’t addressed as much as it should be. Perhaps someone here wants to write about it?
I realize it’s an intensely personal and vulnerable topic, so perhaps just some facts if no one is comfortable sharing their experiences. Maybe this can turn into a positive experience for this little community?
WWG, Sasha does has a (frighteningly) popular post about that subject, I think it’s efficiently titled “Abusive Lesbians,” and my own post “On Love, When It Isn’t” covers my perspective of the emotional aspects of it.
I think, after this …… I’ll write something else on this topic.
It does not matter what someone’s external package of looks are as long as their internal package of looks are beautiful. Sasha has both. I am a very calm very peaceful person but I have to say the negativity that Sasha received from her x yesterday was fucking uncalled for. I went into my advocacy mode when I read that and have to say a few, nonpoetic things, on her behalf. You do not discuss someone’s bedroom privates in public- not cool. You do not disrespect someone’s weight/physical appearance unless you accompany that comment with a nude photo of yourself for critical critique. You do not tell someone they are a “fucking joke” unless you plan to stamp your publically displayed nude photo w that across your own forehead. Above all you need to have some fucking sensitivity for those who as you so jacked up put it DO “know what real abuse is” and have the common decency to not tell someone you wished you had taught them that lesson when you had the chance. Sasha has become my friend off CCL as well and she is an outstanding human being. She is kind, caring and genuine. Please X get the help you desperately need before you hurt another woman.
No wonder you are called X, you dick! Haven’t we already told about lurking here on this site? WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE! And do you really have friends at all? Cause I would be ashamed to call you one of those…if any of those so-called ones are reading the blog to report back to overly identified dumb-ass friend! All you fuckers associating with your ingnorant wife-beater friend needs to also stay the fuck-off of this site. We don’t want you here, unless you can gain your balls back and understand that nobody deserves to be verbally or physically abused. If you still call this ass a friend you need to check into the abusers ho-fucking-tell and keep out of our way!!! And, I agree with Alex…you low-life! Never say anything like that to a femme if you are a true butch!
Sasha, we love to no end my friend. It takes a lot to grow and move forward. That’s what life is about-growth. So, you see, your doing it right!
Fo’Shizzle!!!
X’s first comment is interesting. To paraphrase: I’m not an abuser, but I wish I would have abused you while I had the chance. To anyone who wants to be able to recognize an abuser, just take a look at X’s mindset. A normal person does not say the things she says. No matter what, in her mind, Sasha did.
Abusers will always tell you what they are. They can’t help themselves.
Sasha, roundfile X’s comments. That’s where they belong.
Femmelover X does have friends they recognized that the abusive butch Sasha was writing about was her. How pathetic to have a rep as an abuser. But like Kenda said “Abusers will always tell you what they are.”
Please people don’t judge butches by X there are SO many amazing butches on CCL.
Jazz, I know x has friends! These are the idiot friends who are reporting back to her! As if they condone x’s behavior. Not cool at all, Jazz. That is what I am saying…IDIOT, friends! They are still her friends, abusive as she IS! Yet, they are still her friends…reporting back to her! See what I am saying?
Love you, Sash!
FL I was only saying her “friends” recognized that she was the abusive butch being described and I think that’s pathetic to have such a rep as an abuser that people who know she is the one who is being described. Yes I get it.
Jazz – I think they ID’d dumb x as Sasha’s EX first more so than the abuser told herself out to be. I think that’s how her buddy system related x to Sasha’s comments. x is the one who verbalized her abuse of Sash more so than anyone or anything Sasha said. But, I hear what you are saying too!
Also, “side note- YB please come call my neighbor a “motherfucker” she is vacuming and keeping my ass awake and I’m fucking exhausted! Who vacuums at almost 1am! Be glad you don’t have male voyeurs!!
lol jazzy does she vacuum all the time at that hour ? i’d really tell her off she won’t even dear do after 8 pm
(LOL thanks YB. See FL it’s always good to have a vampire on your side.- YB said once that she is one. Hey YB can’t you do a vampire hex on X?
just kidding)
and sasha someone that don’t see you as i do incredibly irresistible and drop dead sexy femme
got a serious problem and need to be checked out
sure i’d do anything to protect my friends
JAZZY
Sasha I am so glad you and Remi found eachother!
I’m trying to bump my Jazz Poem post out of your most read posts
so I need to up the comment number on this by one comment- neck n neck now.;) hope this works.
Needs one more- hope this works
I think the most reads on your blog should be post you write. Hugs
I don’t see anything too wrong with the original post. I mean, I understand the offense some have taken because the butch/femme dynamic is not always brought so far to the extreme, but you were basing off of a 100% male/female type roles that were very strict as compared to a more female/female relationship that both are on about the same level
Very interesting blog – just want to add that the emotionally abusive personalities are not restricted to stone butch’s. I was in a 3 yr emotionally abusive relationship with a soft butch I s’pose you’d call her (tough, short hair, masculine, spend more time on hair and make-up then me) and like Sasha I have no idea why I stayed so long. Each time I’d leave or get ready to leave she’d be beautiful again, like when I first met her and I’d hope this time would be the time it would last. I eventually realised she’d never change and left for good. Within 6 months I met the most amazing woman, I still suffer from anxiety and mild depression as a result of that relationship but with the love and support of this awesome chick I get through the bad days.
I just wanted to say thank you to all those that have shared similar experiences, it’s reassuring to know I’m not worthless and I didn’t bring it on myself – those people that abuse are the one’s with the issues. I wish you all love and light as you move on from your hurtful pasts.
xx
One more thought on the question of why we keep going back…it’s because we wonder what WE did to make the other person act ugly, because we remember how nice they can be. So WE must have done something. And then we see that person again and they seem charming and nice and warm, and we forget the bad stuff. Then, all of a sudden, wham! And we go back to questioning what we did to set her off.
I think what’s really going on is the abusive person wears a mask but can’t keep it up for very long. That’s why there’s no making sense of what made them act ugly this time. It’s simply that they are able to act the part of the warm, charming, caring person, but the mask eventually comes down and the real character of the person is revealed.
And here we’ve been beating ourselves up about it.
Hi all, usually i just read ccl silently. I love all the people here n i hope it continued to become a positive place n eventually help a lot of people around the world – and that include me.just wanna say thanx for existing. As for x – lets just ignore her.she does not worth our attention. Peace all.