OMG, I keep getting angry comments on my blog about my experience in San Diego, at Gossip Grill, where I realized that the crowd was more Butch on Butch love, then Butch on Femme energy. Which was cool with me!!!!
I mean, hell, I was there with my girlfriend. So it wasn’t like I was looking for attention from anyone but her. I was just surprised at the whole vibe of the place because I had never been around anything like that before.
I was not in any way trying to insult women that prefer butch on butch relationships. Why would I? I am always trying to educate people about our rights to be whoever we want to be and express ourselves in way we feel most comfortable.
I have a tendency to write things as honestly and freely as they cross my mind. And some of you like to take them out of context and try to beat me over the head with them. Which is sad because if you would read my blog in the spirit in which it was written you might have realized that it was a surprise to me and my girlfriend, but that it was never anything that we looked down on.
You can’t really blame me for taking a second to wrap my head around something that I had never been exposed to before. And admitting that I come from an area that does indeed tend to stick to arbitrary and dumb roles does does not mean that I subscribe to them religiously.
Yes, I happen to enjoy the butch/femme dynamic. But I also totally appreciate the fact that others find the butch/butch or femme/femme or boi/boi energy appealing.
Holy smokes people!!!! I blogged about a personal experience I had and how it dawned on me that what was going on around me, was the complete and total opposite of what I was used to. It was funny to me! Not what was happening but that I didn’t get it sooner. My ignorance to the situation and then consequent realization of it was what was funny. Not the women around me. They were cool. In fact, there was a lot of eye candy around and I didn’t mind one bit watching one piece of candy make out with another. It was actually pretty hot.
So excuse me for being honest and naive at the time about what I was walking into.
But let me reiterate. I am not anti butch and butch relationships. I’m all for it! I just can’t be in one myself, because I happen to be femme and that’s just who I am. Just like I understand and respect that some are butchies and some are bois and that’s just how we were all born. Period.
So please, for the love of God stop assuming that I’m anti-butch/butch love. Because nothing could be further from the truth.
I never read that post as anti-butch on butch. And to be honest I was naive about that too. Don’t worry about it!
Thank you Becca. Then you read it, the way I meant it. But it just really bothers me when I get emails and comments from women telling me off and yelling at me, calling me anti-butch/butch.
Because #1 that’s not what I meant at all!
and
#2 I would NEVER want to hurt a part of our own LGBT community EVER!!!!
Truly, Sasha, I think some people are just too sensitive. That post, to me, was one of your more memorable and it is one of my favorites. Why? Because you wrote it with such humor, almost poking fun at yourself. Here you are, very open-minded, and yet you describe your reaction to something you had never been exposed to before. The comedy was aimed inward and not outward. I did not see it as a detractor in any way. If anything, it brought attention and awareness to a topic that hasn’t been brought to light very much.
Rexie, I always look forward to your comments … CCL wouldn’t be the same without you.
This is the part where you can feel free to tell the “fucking fuckers to go fuck themselves up their fucking assholes”…okay, maybe that’s a little harsh and something like “take a deep breath” is more suitable, but still.
For what it’s worth, your writing always strikes me as refreshingly open and honest and true to you…which is what makes it really wonderful (butch/butch post included). But for some reason that threatens some people and puts them on the defensive.
Bottom line…your blog, your voice!
*blushes* “tis an honor you think so. Thank you.
oh all those people getting their boxers in a wad over your blog just have a chip on their shoulders about being butch loving butchies. Don’t sweat it. I didn’t read it that way. I found it hilarious because I could just see the lightbulb clicking on above your head as this saga unfolded. Not to mention the fact that you have read Stone Butch Blues with full appreciation and understanding so it would be impossible for you to be anti butch at just about anything. lol I myself find other butchies attractive but that is usually as far as it goes. One butch girl had a real crush on me once and she was super hot with great abs and all and gawd how I tried to want her…. alas the kiss was… eh. No chemistry for me. What can I say? I love the high femme in heels. This butchie doesn’t feel it but I can certainly understand the attraction… we’re hot in our own way.
Dude, I’m personal friends with Sashi, off line like in the real world and she’s cool as hell about butch/butch, femme/femme, tranny/straight man cheating on his wife, WHATEVER man she doesn’t hate or discriminate AT ALL. So anyone who got their panties in a bunch over that older blog needs to re-read it and chill the fuck out because the last thing you should be doing is hating on one of our most Outspoken, Out Lesbian Advocates that does everything she can to make sure that anyone she comes into contact with leaves with more education about the LGBT community.
Don’t worry Sasha, I’m pretty sure most of your readers are smart enough to have understood the humor in your writing.
ROFL! I’m one of your myspace friends and I’ve seen pics of Remi. I have to agree with Jessy on the other blog, Remi would be considered Femme down here by almost any standards.
Just because she has short hair, doesn’t make her butch or anything close. I don’t know her personality but just judging a book by it’s cover I’d call her a femme bottom.
I’ve lived in SF and SD and LA and true it seems LA has more of the old school butch/femme energy alive and well. But LA’s idea of what a butch is is whack beyond comprehension. You girls think Shane from the L word is butch when really girls like that and Remi are just the type I like to bend over and ….
Yea Remi’s femme. In looks at least. I guess that makes you Sasha in a femme/femme relationship! You’re just High femme and Remi’s just femme.
Well, I thought your prior post was funny as hell.
What I love about our community is it’s internal diversity and dynamics. We have a very complex culture, people just need to learn to relax and enjoy it (which you have).
Now I just hope we haven’t chased you away from San Diego.
To “west coast dyke” and “sd dyke”
Despite her eyeliner, I assure you that Remi is no femme. She is a close friend of mine and I know she would rather be killed than wear a dress or heels. Actually, just thinking about her dressed like that makes me crack up. The way she walks, moves, insists on paying, opening doors, is very, well, gentlemanly.
Ummm yea, Lana is one of our best friends in the entire world and if anyone knows Remi, it’s her …. Oh wait, and ME!!!! Her girlfriend!!! and I can tell you that Remi is NOT femme.
I’ve dated femmes before, high femmes, ultra femmes, and girls so femme they were actually STRAIGHT. I know what it feels like to be with another femme …. and this is not it.
and @ West Coast Dyke: Watch your manners. I don’t appreciate that kinda talk about my girlfriend. I may be open game on here to be ridiculed, because it’s my blog. But Remi didn’t do anything except get involved with a girl that blogs.
Here’s the thing: It’s your blog. It’s your thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc. What sucks, or can suck at times… is that others can misinterpret those thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc.
But you still own them.
Chin up. You’re doing great.
Be forgiving, hun. Butches are a much maligned bunch and as a result tend to be very techty, especially when fellow lesbians say anything that could even mildly be interpreted as yet another unwarranted attack on their right to exist. It does bring about a siege mindset.
And this is exactly why I don’t get the whole labels thing and why anyone believes they are necessary. WHO CARES? I mean really. I have long, blond hair, green eyes and hate wearing anything that even remotely resembles a skirt or a dress. My girlfriend on the other hand has killer red hair, beautiful blue eyes, and knocks ‘em dead in heels. We don’t need to be defined. We are who we are. We wear many hats, we are daughters, mothers, aunts, nieces, teachers, bowlers. I am also a ball player, but I do not need to be defined by any hat I wear. Cliche coming: “I am woman, hear me roar.”
Wow! I had no idea you were getting nastiness from anyone about that blog! It was funny as hell!! And I could so so SO relate to the entire scenario. Sorry you get so much hate for everything do and blog!
Take a pill folks and try to read thoroughly one more time!!
@those two asshole DYKES…cut the shit! I know what you were both trying to do and it didn’t work, did it? you fucks!
The hell with them Remi, you know who you are. And Sasha, I was cracking up when I read the blog. I mean, it was ok for you but Remi must have been a bit on edge. I know I would have been. I just luv femmes so much…anything else just doesn’t feel natural for me.
This is Sasha’s blog so if you don’t like it step off. Plus WCD that is not cool to make rude comments about her girl -saying about Remi you would “bend her over and…” Are you fucking kidding??? That is a very gross thing to say about someone’s girl- have some class. How would you feel if someone said that about the one you love? Sasha you know I think you are great Sasha.
Remember what I wrote you before- practice hearing “blah, blah, blah..” LOL 
Hugs to you. GO SASHA WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
I have to say that the story was funny, and I’m sure others would agree. What people were upset about was some of the comments you made. One example was the one you made about knowing roles and sticking to them. There is already so much negative energy out there about homosexuals that we don’t need to be sending out the wrong message ourselves.
As I said, your story was funny, and now I know of a good place to move to one day. I thank you for that, but I’m sure you could see why people were offended with the last part, the commentary. I’m glad you set the record straight here with this blog, and I hope the readers will be more enlightened by it.