I think I’m in a low place right now. Some how I keep getting up every day and functioning on some level. But it’s definitely not at the level I wish I was. Basically, I’m fighting the urge to just stay in bed all day long, passed out from sleeping pills and wine. But instead, Insanity just got here. Oh joy. :/ The wife wants to start tonight but I don’t. Been fighting my back and today it’s kicking my ass. It’s out like mofo and I refuse to take pain killers unless I have to be somewhere in public. Because I don’t care if I look like I’m in pain at home. But I don’t want to look like that in public. So I save my pain pills for public days.
I need to dig deep and find my motivation again. I was on fire with that last 30 day challenge and for some reason, I’m just not anymore. I really have to find something I can hold onto, that’s mentally motivating and emotionally charged enough for me to stay on track with my next set of goals I’ve set for myself.
So far the 7:00 am thing? Yea, total bust. SO FAR. Not giving up on it. I can’t really. I have to be able to make it to 9:00 am classes at my fight gym if I’m going to accomplish what I’m going for. But yea, thought I’d be honest about my progress, or lack there of.
I’m also trying to figure out if my back is getting thrown out because I’m emotional right now. It happens. There is a strong physical/emotional connection in everything and for me, when I get upset or stressed either my neck or my lower back give out. But it’s also an old, nagging injury so I have to be careful. Bleh.
Then there’s my jewelry line. I hardly have anything left in my Etsy store and I really need to make some new things. But I only make things when I’m in a good place because I’m a strong believer of energy and vibrations getting attached to things. And I only ever want to send out good, happy vibes with my little sparkling packages of gayness. So, I’m sort of waiting for my jewelry muse to visit again so I can make some new things for everyone.
Yea …. I don’t know wtf is wrong with me. I don’t have anything to be sad about. Yesterday Remi took me to Sephora to cheer me up. I got all new makeup from my favorite natural makeup line. Before getting out of the car, I turned to Remi and said, “Prepare yourself for the shock at the cash register. This is going to be expensive.”
To which she said, “I prepared myself for that the day I married you.”
We then proceeded to spend an absurd amount of money on a very tiny bag of goodies. But it did cheer me up for a bit. ….. Wow, see that? <—— I know I wrote it but I sort of want to slap myself for being such a spoiled brat. But it’s true what they say, money doesn’t buy happiness. That has to come from within and right now, my inner supply is dwindling.