I have been following a few celebrity lesbians quite a bit recently and have begun to notice more and more proof of my theories, about not only the straight media but even our own lesbian media becoming seriously anti-butch. I am sure this is not really news to most of you but I would like to get some thoughts from those of us “Card Carrying Lesbians”, (to play off Sasha’s self-proclaimed but ironically fitting status) and those of us who really need no ID card to make it known.
It started with an article I read in Curve mag, in which the writer described K.D. Lang as “androgynous”. This of course was in reference to the recent coming out of country music star, Chely Wright, who is more than a little femme. (Hot omg totally hot… and I can say that because my femme girlfriend oogles random butchie FBI agents on the Fox News Channel.) Anyway I wondered if this totally lesbian magazine was afraid to label K.D. as “butch” and why? Because I seriously doubt anyone would dispute the fact that Lang is clearly a butchie complete with crisp white dress shirt, black jeans and leather boots. I mean she would have to wear a sticker that says “Hello, My name is K.D. and I am a butchie.” to be any clearer. Yet this magazine either finds the term “androgynous” less offensive than “butch” or is afraid of offending Ms. Lang by using the word to describe her if she finds it offensive. Either way, it disgusts me that either one would find the term offensive. We are what we are. You are wearing not only the shoes but the whole outfit Ms. Lang…. it fits. So own it and wear it proudly.
Then I turned my attention to Chely Wright’s You Tube videos to view the comments that were made after her coming out. And just as expected, I saw comments that went from supportive to irritating, to downright disgustingly ignorant. My favorites had to be the ones from the men (and women) who commented, “I’m shocked, she doesn’t look like a lesbian!” Which is funny to me because I could take one look at her face and my gaydar began pinging. There is just something about certain femmes, usually ones who have known from early childhood, that makes them just have a different energy about them. I can’t really describe it but you just know it and feel it and many times you can see it in her face if you pay close enough attention to people and body language. It’s the same feeling I get with Terri Clark and Wynona Judd. Maybe one day they will come clean too.
I commented at one of the dudes saying, “You know there IS such a thing as femme lesbians… dur.” To which he replied that femmes are rare and most lesbians are fat, butch, man-haters with buzz-cuts. Now I am a butchie with very short hair and probably no fatter than this asshole commenting, but one thing I have noticed is that the femmes I know tend to be the bigger man-haters. And why shouldn’t they be? They are the ones who have to listen more often to the comments about just finding the right man with the right cock. And truthfully, we butchies do run into men hitting on us from time to time, but what we don’t have to do is endure the endless barrage of “I could turn you.” comments. You poor ladies endure this endlessly.
I found that there were quite a few femmes willing to set the record clear that femmes are not as rare as one might believe. However, it was aggravating to me that they were almost defending themselves against being associated with butchies at all as lesbians and not defending butchies one bit. Here is some man talking shit about butchies and our femmes were almost apologizing to him that we even existed and distancing themselves from us as though we are outdated and somehow undesirable simply because a man was disgusted with us. Yet that same femme will be disgusted by that same man when he eye-fucks her on the street like a piece of meat, and she will ignore the butchie who tries to smile and make eye contact with her or strike up a friendly conversation. We are women too you know. We feel those looks of disgust or disdain as though we don’t have any place in your world because the rest of the straight world doesn’t find us attractive. And don’t forget there would not be that stereotype about all lesbians being butch if we had not been the vocal butchies who started your revolution allowing you to be yourself. We BELONG in the lesbian community. We have earned at least that much. That is not to say that no one else belongs here but it is to say that no one has the right to discard us simply because the L Word didn’t find us sexy enough or appealing enough to garner male viewers. Kit Porter thought there was a place for butchies and voiced it to Max if you will remember.
I read an article about Cynthia Nixon of Sex and the City fame and how she loves her butchie Christine Marinoni (not only a butch but a ginger too!) And it made me angry how many people made fun of Cynthia and Christine because Christine is a short, kinda chubby butch lesbian. Cynthia is gorgeous and is in love with a fat, butch ginger kid! Hallelujah! There is a God! But I bet there are some of you who would google their picture and wonder wtf? Admit it.
I then watched a video of Joan Jett on You Tube circa 1998 when she was rockin the blonde butchie buzzcut. And I noticed a girl commenting that she was “sooooooo effing hot.” Of course a dude responded that she was no where near hot. And some other chick said she was hot but that she looked better with what I call “the Shane wannabe” andro haircut. Still further, someone gave a backhanded compliment that her hair “didn’t matter” because her eyes were what made her so hot. Now I ask you ladies… why the hate on our butchie buzzcut? I have been growing my hair out a little more lately because I wanted to see if I could tolerate it longer again. And it looks ok I guess but I like my high & tight clipper cut to be honest. I HATE my hair longer. It annoys me. I like my gel. I like my spikes… but my fauxhawk looks fucking spectacular these days. Anyway I don’t get it. Why the hate on our butchie buzz? You know you enjoy rubbing our fuzzy heads while we bury our faces between your legs so stop the hate already.
I love my short hair and boyish looks but I have a few extra pounds despite the fact that I work my ass off everyday in a physically grueling job or doing something physical at home in the Texas heat. I have allergies and get sick pretty easily plus I am a ginger who burns like a lobster when in the sun without wearing dorky sunblock. Woo hoo! Boy am I a catch! lol (no seriously I am pretty cute) but I can tell you from dating experience that beautiful femmes have their fair share of physical and emotional flaws just like anyone else. And I also know the old saying is true, just because she is gorgeous doesn’t mean anything. I guarantee you that somewhere, someone is tired of putting up with her shit. (see Willa & Tony)