I have been following a few celebrity lesbians quite a bit recently and have begun to notice more and more proof of my theories, about not only the straight media but even our own lesbian media becoming seriously anti-butch. I am sure this is not really news to most of you but I would like to get some thoughts from those of us “Card Carrying Lesbians”, (to play off Sasha’s self-proclaimed but ironically fitting status) and those of us who really need no ID card to make it known.
It started with an article I read in Curve mag, in which the writer described K.D. Lang as “androgynous”. This of course was in reference to the recent coming out of country music star, Chely Wright, who is more than a little femme. (Hot omg totally hot… and I can say that because my femme girlfriend oogles random butchie FBI agents on the Fox News Channel.) Anyway I wondered if this totally lesbian magazine was afraid to label K.D. as “butch” and why? Because I seriously doubt anyone would dispute the fact that Lang is clearly a butchie complete with crisp white dress shirt, black jeans and leather boots. I mean she would have to wear a sticker that says “Hello, My name is K.D. and I am a butchie.” to be any clearer. Yet this magazine either finds the term “androgynous” less offensive than “butch” or is afraid of offending Ms. Lang by using the word to describe her if she finds it offensive. Either way, it disgusts me that either one would find the term offensive. We are what we are. You are wearing not only the shoes but the whole outfit Ms. Lang…. it fits. So own it and wear it proudly.
Then I turned my attention to Chely Wright’s You Tube videos to view the comments that were made after her coming out. And just as expected, I saw comments that went from supportive to irritating, to downright disgustingly ignorant. My favorites had to be the ones from the men (and women) who commented, “I’m shocked, she doesn’t look like a lesbian!” Which is funny to me because I could take one look at her face and my gaydar began pinging. There is just something about certain femmes, usually ones who have known from early childhood, that makes them just have a different energy about them. I can’t really describe it but you just know it and feel it and many times you can see it in her face if you pay close enough attention to people and body language. It’s the same feeling I get with Terri Clark and Wynona Judd. Maybe one day they will come clean too.
I commented at one of the dudes saying, “You know there IS such a thing as femme lesbians… dur.” To which he replied that femmes are rare and most lesbians are fat, butch, man-haters with buzz-cuts. Now I am a butchie with very short hair and probably no fatter than this asshole commenting, but one thing I have noticed is that the femmes I know tend to be the bigger man-haters. And why shouldn’t they be? They are the ones who have to listen more often to the comments about just finding the right man with the right cock. And truthfully, we butchies do run into men hitting on us from time to time, but what we don’t have to do is endure the endless barrage of “I could turn you.” comments. You poor ladies endure this endlessly.
I found that there were quite a few femmes willing to set the record clear that femmes are not as rare as one might believe. However, it was aggravating to me that they were almost defending themselves against being associated with butchies at all as lesbians and not defending butchies one bit. Here is some man talking shit about butchies and our femmes were almost apologizing to him that we even existed and distancing themselves from us as though we are outdated and somehow undesirable simply because a man was disgusted with us. Yet that same femme will be disgusted by that same man when he eye-fucks her on the street like a piece of meat, and she will ignore the butchie who tries to smile and make eye contact with her or strike up a friendly conversation. We are women too you know. We feel those looks of disgust or disdain as though we don’t have any place in your world because the rest of the straight world doesn’t find us attractive. And don’t forget there would not be that stereotype about all lesbians being butch if we had not been the vocal butchies who started your revolution allowing you to be yourself. We BELONG in the lesbian community. We have earned at least that much. That is not to say that no one else belongs here but it is to say that no one has the right to discard us simply because the L Word didn’t find us sexy enough or appealing enough to garner male viewers. Kit Porter thought there was a place for butchies and voiced it to Max if you will remember.
I read an article about Cynthia Nixon of Sex and the City fame and how she loves her butchie Christine Marinoni (not only a butch but a ginger too!) And it made me angry how many people made fun of Cynthia and Christine because Christine is a short, kinda chubby butch lesbian. Cynthia is gorgeous and is in love with a fat, butch ginger kid! Hallelujah! There is a God! But I bet there are some of you who would google their picture and wonder wtf? Admit it.
I then watched a video of Joan Jett on You Tube circa 1998 when she was rockin the blonde butchie buzzcut. And I noticed a girl commenting that she was “sooooooo effing hot.” Of course a dude responded that she was no where near hot. And some other chick said she was hot but that she looked better with what I call “the Shane wannabe” andro haircut. Still further, someone gave a backhanded compliment that her hair “didn’t matter” because her eyes were what made her so hot. Now I ask you ladies… why the hate on our butchie buzzcut? I have been growing my hair out a little more lately because I wanted to see if I could tolerate it longer again. And it looks ok I guess but I like my high & tight clipper cut to be honest. I HATE my hair longer. It annoys me. I like my gel. I like my spikes… but my fauxhawk looks fucking spectacular these days. Anyway I don’t get it. Why the hate on our butchie buzz? You know you enjoy rubbing our fuzzy heads while we bury our faces between your legs so stop the hate already.
I love my short hair and boyish looks but I have a few extra pounds despite the fact that I work my ass off everyday in a physically grueling job or doing something physical at home in the Texas heat. I have allergies and get sick pretty easily plus I am a ginger who burns like a lobster when in the sun without wearing dorky sunblock. Woo hoo! Boy am I a catch! lol (no seriously I am pretty cute) but I can tell you from dating experience that beautiful femmes have their fair share of physical and emotional flaws just like anyone else. And I also know the old saying is true, just because she is gorgeous doesn’t mean anything. I guarantee you that somewhere, someone is tired of putting up with her shit. (see Willa & Tony)
Amen brother.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN-py8zojfk
Check out this great ivan coyote piece. It is more of what your saying about lgbt media [and organisers] disowning butch women. It was written in response to winnipeg pride not wanting extremists [drag queens and butch women] at their pride parade because they are not family friendly.
“and apparently this woman hadn’t read that part of queer history where drag queens and butches started the whole f**king thing”
hope this wasn’t too far off topic.
a butch friendly queer
First of all, great post, brings to light a lot of things.
Second of all: Joan Jett is possibly the hottest woman alive (I have a ridiculously major crush on her), and the butch haircut only intensified that.
And also, I think that the media isn’t quite ready to accept butches and drag queens yet, like BFQ said, because it’s so much easier to leave out people who aren’t at all like them. The way I interpret it, mainstream culture must think that at least a femme LOOKS like a woman. Butches and drag queens and genderqueers and anyone else who doesn’t fit the binary have the double strike against them; not only are they gay (and therefore differerent), but can’t even pass for straight. Maybe that’s what “family friendly” means?
BFQ hit the nail on the head, I think. Gotta remember where the revolution started.
It seems funny (like, funny ironic) to have to say that I too, am a butch supporter. As a dyke who does not identify as butch (and passes as straight quite often), I shouldn’t feel the need to come out and say “I support you”. But here. Support from one more non-butch. I love to be affilated with y’all. And bringin’ out my Texas butch on my arm in public….no better feeling.
Well I don’t really understand why some women shy away from the term butch… I think a lot of times Androgyny is just saying basically the same thing, it’s just I guess some people are more comfortable with that because there isn’t the same stigma attached to the word “androgyny.” Which kind of irks me actually because the only real reason I can gather that being “butch” would at all be an insult is because it’s women rejecting feminine gender roles, which I say good on ‘em!
I love a strong women who wants to be judged by what she can do and who she is rather than what she looks like or if she is pretty enough!
I dunno.. I’m femme and I’ve mentioned this before, but even my boyish girlfriend gets really offended when anyone calls her butch, (and good god please never call her a dyke). She responds “HEY! I still wear make up and I have feminine traits!” I think it’s cute that she gets antsy over terminology like that, because it’s really silly to me.. I mean she dresses like a boy, she can beat most men at arm wrestling, she’s got muscles like a horse and the cutest short hair you will ever see… I mean yeah she DOES wear a little make-up and I have to save her from snakes and lizards, but if it looks walks and talks like a duck?
I guess if people are more comfortable calling butch women androgynous now, who cares? It’s really a rose by any other name…..
When I find myself in the random circumstance of having to argue against a guy about how hot a lesbian of any kind is, my stock answer has become, “She’s not trying to make you think she’s hot. It’s me she wants to impress.”
Unfortunately, now that we are gaining more and more mainstream acceptance, I predict our subculture is going to become more and more watered down. I’ve seen it happen to other edge groups before. On one hand, our community as a whole is putting a lot of stock in convincing the straights that we’re really not all that different from them, but I don’t think we should need to sacrifice our own diversity in the process.
so true so true….
I’m saddened by lesbians who don’t defend the butchies. You don’t *have* to be attracted to the woman to defend her—we’re all in the same boat, right?
That being said, I’m about as femme as they come (according to my “soft” butch girlfriend…yes, even she seems to want to dissociate herself from the term, sadly, and I can’t really expalin why) however, I’d just like to say, I’m on Sasha’s side with this one: butch woman occupy the majority (if not, the entirity) of my fantasies. To me, nothing makes me melt like faster or fall harder than a butch girl and there’s no way I’d let anyone disparage them in my presence.
I know this isn’t a spot on example, but while I’m on the topic of eye candy; Anyone ever seen Dietrich in the movie Morrocco? slicked back hair in a tux? *swoon*
After reading through this a second time, Raye, and revisiting the details, goddamn there’s so much in there to address that it’s hard for me to sit here and not type my own novel.
For one, I chafe at being called “The Femme” because OTHER LESBIANS give me the impression that I’m a little less authentic when they use it. My girlfriend doesn’t like being labeled as “The Butch” because of all the negative connotations associated with that. The only concrete difference between she and I? About 35 pounds.
So that makes the difference between butch and femme, our weight? Really? I know there’s more to it, but that right there tells me a lot of what is up with society’s perception of butchies verses the girlier types, and to gain greater acceptance, we’re put in the position to pander to that.
brutally honest time. before i started reading this blog, a few months ago, i had no idea what the actual correct names were for the different types of lesbians. i just used one of two words. gay or lesbian. i just knew that i was sexually and emotionally attracted to women. of all varieties.
i can’t identify with any one group. i have long hair but only rarely ‘fix it’. my face is fat and short hair makes it look fatter. sometimes i wear miniskirts (when i’m feeling confident) and sometimes i’m in yoga pants and a sports bra. i don’t wear make up, unless i’m feeling insecure and need the attention that ‘fixing up’ brings.
i don’t have a type of woman that i’m attracted to. every woman is different and unique and should be treated uniquely. sometimes i’m dominate, sometimes submissive. it depends on the woman i’m with and the way we ‘fit’.
i try to not figure out someone’s station in life based upon the way that they’re dressed or how they’ve styled their hair. i’ve been mis labeled for a tacky outfit, and mislabeled others based upon my interpretation of their wardrobe selection.
perhaps the media feels the same way i do? unsure of what a particular individual would like to be called.
agreed, the media should be responsible for fact checking this stuff before going to print. but, i can kind of understand their hesitation.
and to all of you who blog here, thank you. for educating me. for opening up a whole world to me. for allowing me to not feel so alone. thank you.
I might be hanged for saying this, but I think the media is not forsaking the “butch.” I think, for once, the butches are just not the “only” women recognized as being gay…and that’s novel for much of America.
I mean, if you look at old portrayals of many gay women…look back at the 80s, and even much of the 90s…and most of it was butch. Now, we see that gay women are everywhere – they come in all shapes, sizes, and expressions. For me, as a more feminine gay woman…it feels liberating. Not all gays “look” a certain way (which is commonly identified as “butch”)….so now, unlike the past, butches aren’t the only ones who are possibly gay in this world when people look around them – and that’s pretty liberating.
Butches are one expression of the many varieties of lesbians out there. But for the many of us who may not be butch…maybe we’re getting some airtime now in the mainstream. In the meantime…we’re helping take the stigma off of the butches in some ways. Gay women aren’t necessarily trying to be men (the common misconception), but rather gay women represent all varieties of women…who just happen to like having sex with other chicks.
Jul I think that is sometimes one positive aspect of what is happening and I am glad for that. However that diversification of our community in the media can be done without vilifying the butch. Because it is not opening up the acceptance of lesbians of all shapes & types. It is trying to replace one type with another more acceptable type to straight people. I personally have to agree with Melissa more about what is happening. We can embrace the acknowledgment of femmes in our culture without denying the importance of butchies in our culture as well. What is happening is NOT that. What is happening is growing disdain for butchies. It is nothing new really. It is that same old saying that heteros have been using for years. “I don’t mind if you are gay as long as you act straight around me.” The more unconventional we are at blurring the gender norms, the less we are accepted by the whole of society. So the PERCEIVED acceptance we are gaining without defending the butch culture is basically like running forward on a treadmill. We get a lot of exercise and slim down our community but we don’t really go anywhere new. We are still stuck in the same apartment.
Rhett and I were just touching on this same topic, lightly, while watching commercials the other night.
It was a superficial conversation, with me pointing out that I really don’t give a shit that he checks out the pretty girls on tv, because I would, too.
If my kind of “pretty” were represented on tv anywhere, that is.
I love my butch, and butches out there everywhere, and have blogged about it ad nauseum, but the dearth of representation in modern media is just… the way it is. I don’t like it, and I’d really love to see it change, but I think that’s a way off yet.
I agree with parts of just about every comment here, and may have to write my own post in response – to avoid commenting a novel myself, too! Thanks for the food for thought.
Raye – I hear what you’re saying. It is true that butches have yet to gain acceptance in a world where they are not truly understood.
My point was just that until the common hetero can understand that sexual orientation comes in all packages (femme included), it has absolutely no hope in understanding the particulars of butch dynamics & identity.
The average person out there is pretty dim-witted, and I think the repackaging of the “lesbian” to forms that many heteros are familiar with, opens the door for further exploration. Butches have had a number of media representations…a number. I mean, look at Ellen – I wouldn’t call her hardcore butch, but she’s not femme. These grey areas open the door.
In some ways I agree with you Jul. I agree that the opportunity to grow from those open doors exists. However, if our own community decides to distance themselves from us and apologize for us then we are effectively shutting those doors and opportunities.
This is an extremely interesting post – I know it’s from last year but wanted to comment so we can fi d it again and read it more carefully tomorrow. Gd nt
I found this Terri Clark video of Poor Poor Pitiful Me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3064dD-qGQ&ob=av2e
Though she winds up with a guy in the end, I had to laugh at the plight of the poor woman being lavished with unwanted male attention, just like so many of us.
You call Terri Clark and Chely Wright femmes? I would have thought tomboys. I’m a lot like that and have been calling myself a tomboy (soooo new at this).
I hope lesbians distancing themselves from butches in the public eye is a passing thing. Everyone wants to be on the winning team and be accepted, and this new “window of opportunity” is probably presenting the temptation to fit the more accepted mold and gain entrance, leaving everyone else behind. I think as lesbians become more accepted in society, marketing will come around to the lesbian consumer (right now the target seems to be heteros), and it will necessarily include butches because there are so many lesbians that are attracted to that.