By Guest Poet, Jazmenha
“Blind World ”
Written By Jazmenha Starileana
(All Rights Reserved)
“So much more would we see if we were living in a completely blind society
Moving
Interacting
Breathing
Touching
Truly communicating
based on words and interactions
wiithout superficially seeing.
Molding interpretations
based on external visions.
no longer
forced to mask our inner faces
from eyes that see in actuality.
Well seeing reflections of what they want you to be.
Becoming a hidden sense of who is truly me. To the core of me.
So long the world has forced their blindness onto me that
a lifetime later
my own vision of me has become
painfully blurry.
Yet to the core I remain true to the inner me.
Learning to no longer give a shit what people think they see.
Acknowledging that
their eyes are mirrors reflecting
who they and society visualize
me to be.
Hidden reality of what really is.
Yet regardless
I know who I am.
Strength in my own vision I stand.
For if we truly lived in a blind society we would all be on the same level.
External vision gone.
Words spoken would become the only visual song.
Only seeing the hidden soul.
Locked away prejudice of color, gender, orientation, ability, time or space.
Gone would be the external interpretations of the external face.
Instead truly visualizing
the human race.
No more bull shit of living in the world of a hurried pace, of a seen face
yet
where people
walk away without a trace
Or wait……
do we already
Live
in seeing world
that is truly
blind?”
Written By Jazmenha Starileana
(All Rights Reserved)
I like this one. (Hopefully this won’t be a double comment).
Very interesting contrast. A blind society could really see, and a seeing society is really blind.
Thanks Elegy and Thanks Rexie
)
(warning- this comment is pee-coffee
Maxi it isn’t necessary to be so snarky and rude either. It’s ridiculous and YOU sound like a jealous bitch who can’t find anything else to criticize. What? Do you just like sit there and try to find something to complain about? Or are you just naturally this nasty? In any case you just made yourself look like a cunt. Congrats.
lol! see! i knew you would word that better than i would!!!
lol! Yeah I’M THE ONE who came here to hate on someone for no fucking reason. I would rather have a name like Jazmenha Starileana than something that sounds like a feminine hygiene product. My response was not rude. Rude implies unwarranted. You earned my response bitch.
lol That is my pen-name Maxi (short for Maxipad I presume).
I am looking foward to our poetry contest Maxi. Bring it on bitch.
Jaz some people are just naturally nasty. Let me apologize to you for her since she can’t seem to recognize a bully in the fucking mirror. Ugh I have no patience for this kinda shit today.
And yeah I imagine Maxi IS short for maxipad because this chick is apparently perpetually on the fuckin rag.
Thank you Raye I really appreciate people like you. Maxi is the bully NOT you. The ultimate bully throws nasty stupid comments and then turns around calling the one who calls her on her shit a bully. What a fucking joke!
“ladies” lol Trust me there are no quoets around this “lady” I am ALL woman living a very happy life in my closet. Just cause someone is in the closet doesn’t mean there alone in there
hummm if my closet could talk. As for my poetry like I said I sincerely look foward to our poetry contest with you any time bitch. Bring it on fucker. OMG lol that Maxipad comment has brought me such joy. Bet you have heard that one all your life ha Maxi? lol
I define myself. What others think of me is totally irrelevant to me. Anyone whose knows me knows my strength to have overcome what I have and to do what I do for a living for the last 15 years (and currently). I help advocate for children so the comparison to a ten year old was honestly a huge compliment. You would not survive a minute in my line of work the x-inmates would eat you alive. Though your tough exterior would help they are very smart and would see right through it. I am who I am. I am very proud of who I am. You should be proud you are out not be so hateful and angry towards those who are not out and referring to them as “cowards”. You insulted a large population of CCL with that comment. I think it is very courageous of you (and all) who are strong enough to be out in this judgmental society. Though your “coward” comment adds to the judgemental comments from others outside the LGBT community. Like you I will be out in my own time and in my own terms. Interesting you have totally avoided my friendly offer to have a poetry contest. Guess you have been to busy spewing your intense hatred.
LOL Couldn’t think of a better one? No worries I guess you are a “closet poet”. When “you” have the “balls” to live as an out poet let me know.
Good for you. I never said I was a professional poet or published writer and I am totally fine with that. It’s important to have hobbies and writing poetry is my hobby.It would have been a more productive approach if, as a professional writer, you had offered suggestions regarding “All Rghts Reserved” instead of lashing out in total anger and hate. My job is being a child advocate, chid defender. I defend them. I am their strength and their voice against some very intense circumstances and people. I love my job. Wow you have SO much hatred in your heart. You have SO much anger in your words. Like you “have” to prove something. Like you “must” use your words to hurt and to harm another person who has done absolutely nothing to you. Hummm reminds me of many clients I work with.
Maxi You wrote- “Bet any old butch could have you for a few bucks and a burger.” Though I do like hamburgers and butch women, my life is worth WAY more than a “few bucks”. My life is precious and so is yours. My life is priceless and so is yours.
nice poem jazz i can totally relate to it
Maxi you are pathetic. You come on here being a class A douchebag and then blame it on “being up for tenure”? God I hope no one as immature as you gets tenured. If you do, please let me know where so I can lose all respect for the institution. I don’t need to compare dicks with you because my dick size doesn’t define me as I am a grown butch (with dicks of all shapes colrs and sizes) and your goading is beneath me. If you are as fucking OLD as you claim to be, then that goes doubly so. I guess age has not benefited you much. As far as your offer, no thanks. I don’t suck cock unless it’s on a femme because frankly I’m freakier than you and I’m not turned on by old bitches going through a second adolescence and menopause at the same time. And it’s not because you’re old. Cougars are sexy but old bitter butches with a nasty attitude are not. I would offer to let you suck mine but your name reminds me of my great aunt and that’s just gross. Now that kiddie time is over, I am out. This gets old real quick. Jaz you are a class act love.
LOL, talk about blind worlds- I slept through all of this. Nice to see it got diffused positively. Jaz, you’ve gotten a lot stronger- it takes time.
Jazz as always I enjoy ur poetry.. Keep it coming..
Thanks Young Butch.
Thanks Raye.
Thanks Arin.
Thanks Rexie.
Thanks Elegy.
Maxi (or whoever) the next time you decide to “use CCL to conduct” some fucking “social experiment” I suggest not choosing to do it on the post of someone’s honest and heartfelt poem. And you called my poem “pathetic” hummm interesting. Just an FYI- I AM a real person, I have real feelings, this poem came from a real place. This is not some fucking joke. I did not “fight back” because you “were butch” I fought back because you were being extremely disrespectful to me. And I do not tolerate disrespect from anyone- straight, gay, butch, femme etc. I am NO ONE’S “social experiment”. I “fight back” every single day at work defending children regarding important life and death situations (literally) so I have more important things to “fight back” over then some’s “social experiment”. I hope you’re happy with the results of your fucked up mind games (aka “social experiment”).
Maxi- If I was a CCL butch I would not appreciate your “social experiment” pretending to be an “asshole bunch”.Butch women deal with enough discrimination that do not need more amo for people to judge them.(On a human side note I know what being invisible feels like and it sucks BUT that is NOT an excuse to disrespect me or anyone. I have repeatedly reached out in loving support for MANY CCL commenters over the years so to be the main subject of your “social experiment” is very heartless on your part.
Wow. Starved for attention. I hope Sasha reveals who this is when she and Remi get back from their well deserved vacation, it’s not like this is the first time something like this has happened (really, why does your alias need an alias?), but it’s always shameful when it does. It isn’t that hard to participate for participation’s sake, instead of attention’s sake. You just keep on posting, keep on interacting, and hopefully you’ll find something useful, or offer it for someone else. If not, for most well-adjusted individuals (I would not say adults, I’ve known some strikingly mature people of all ages), they’d just move along. No harm, no foul as they wouldn’t derive self-worth from attention on the internet.
iPhone type- regarding your pretending to be an “asshole butch” (OMG when will be unit as a HUMAN race???)
Forget the “asshole butch” part- you’re overvaluing the “butch” part and undervaluing the “ASSHOLE” part. CCL has had ASSHOLES of all identies, and they all get negative attention because of their ASSHOLE behavior- be they ASSHOLE femmes, ASSHOLE bois, ASSHOLE butches, or anything else. And yes, the emphasis is necessary, the meaning of and consequences of the word seems to be escaping you. Being “tired of being ignored” and then acting out to get a more direct IS being attention starved, and it is a very immature reaction. You’re just trying to dress it up as if you’re the “tired” victim. And I do not understand what you expect, what meets your criteria of “[connecting] with”- is it only good enough to be addressed by alias? Quoted?
For future reference, to any individuals who enjoy CCL’s positivity, and want to interact:
This is a how-not-to, and it shows deplorable character. Instead, I DO say post, interact, get your name/alias out there. Realize that what you’ve said may have been said before, that you may not always be quoted. However, also know that your contributions can add from, and not take away from, the attractive atmosphere we have on Sasha’s blog. Yes, maybe it’s been said before, or maybe no one knows how to respond to you, but just by virtue of posting someone years down the line may read what you had to say and identify with it. Make it something worth remembering, and influencing.
Maxi? Sorry but every single one of your “arguments” or “experiments” failed. Fell flat. Didn’t fly. Bit the dust. Choked the chicken. You get the point. I guess a bulldyke could label themselves femme if they wanted to, and I wouldn’t doubt that could be the case here because despite being a published essayist (is that code for blogger?), your approach is as flawed and convoluted and conflicted as your little experiment was. Can’t get attention any other way than to project insults? What about you contribute something meaningful? Or is it that you’ve tried and have received no notice? Again, fail. Is negative attention really what you want? Are you so desperate for it that you’ll take any attention as long as it is attention? Before you make recommendations about what is overkill and amateurish, I suggest you look in the mirror, because your method to whatever theory you were trying to prove is that: overkill and amateurish. And while we’re talking about closets, the fact that you are hiding behind a fake screen name behind an alias is about as closeted as it gets. You are a study in hypocrisy. Not sure you can save face here. Even if you were to reveal the name you normally “contribute” under, added an apology and then perhaps outlined what you hoped to “prove”, I am not sure anyone, except maybe good-hearted Jazz, could warm up to you.
And Jaz, I’m sorry that you’re lovely poem has been turned inside out, having the comments section become the exact negative manifestation of “sight” in your poem. But then again, hopefully the positives can outshine it. It’s really too bad, I think your post deserved a better way of gaining comments.
And P.S. please forgive my spelling and grammar errors! I am seeing them all over, after the fact- haha. Thank goodness this is a relaxed atmosphere.
Maxi- Jazmenha would not want me doing this… I have hijacked her phone because I’m pissed. Being online doesn’t give you the right to criticize someone’s work in such a disrespectful manner. Obviously this website has “queer” oriented content and to open yourself up, and have someone be so insensitive, doesn’t create a welcoming environment . When you read this Jazmenah, don’t be mad, your “gay-boy friend” needed to speak up. I think this poem is beautiful, and you are a beautiful lady and I can relate to most of it. Ps, don’t be mad that I stole your phone… I had good intentions. Jaz works it. She has a huge heart and Maxi are an online bully. Ahhh she’s coming back!!!
Thank you Rexie and Elegy I appreciate you both very much. I am very lucky to call you guys and Raye friends.
Maxi- Being butch had absolutely nothing to do with anything it was your very rude comments. Again I really think it is a horrible injustice to butch women to pretend to be an “asshole butch” and under that pretext completely disrespect me ( a femme). Please butch women already deal with enough from society they don’t need more! Actually Raye and I did not receive any butch reference from you until a couple of your rude and heartless comments had been spewed forth from you- only then when you told Raye to suck your “dyke dick”. I sincerely hope that you get the professional help that need to overcome the personal internal pain that caused you to conduct this hateful “social experiment”. Just because in past posts ” no one returned your comments” that isn’t a reflection against you as a person- online we are all typed print blending into cyber space- maybe they didn’t read the comment section or maybe (like you in “conducting this CCL experiment”) were only thinking of themselves. What you did today to me was horrible and I truly hope you take the time you heal your pain before you project it onto another person again. Peace and inner healing be with you.
And Maxi please get professional help regarding your lying as well. Pretending to be a “professional writer” and slam my poetry is very wrong. I worry about your mental state especially if you really are an “airline pilot” it’s critical to get the help you you’ve shown you need to be healthy.
At Bitch maxi – Originally, you called Jazz out as a poet…you smart-ass idiot! Listen to yourself – “Oh, I have the “balls,” but poetry isn’t my medium. Unlike you, however, I’m a professional, published writer. I’m an essayist not a poet.”
Are you fucking serious? What a dumb broad you are…hahahaha! Hahahahah! Okay…”I’m an essayist”…hahahah!
Wow, my fucking sides are hurting!!!!!!
I think I smell a rat bastard. Maxi could be long for Max and not short for Maxine. Could be some dude who thinks he’s straight but is really a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.
Damn, I just realized that maxi is a real life scum bag!
Jazz, this person is sick for starters; And, for another
thing, it’s not a girl. Maxi is a dude I think for sure…maybe that dude that has been here lurking as a lesbina before…In other words, he’s not a real lesbian at all. It was a man that posted the shit above; or, a writer that got their ass kickeed off of CCL …!!!!
Honestly Maxi, I originally just thought you were a bitch. I suspected femme at first and was actually surprised when you claimed to be a butch. And I responded because you were an asshole. Period. I don’t get into pissing matches and dick measuring just for the sake of trying to prove how butch I am. I defended my friend plain and simple. I am glad that once again you proved that I am not the twat here. And if you hate me so much then why do you keep wanting to do sexual things with you? Are you upset that I personally haven’t noticed you? lol wow my haters really ARE my biggest fans.
wow! i hate it when i miss out on these things
Jaz, you are certainly growing into a beautifully strong woman!!! keep it up gorgeous 
clearly this fool was craving some attention!
nobody said anything to me in the comments. blah blah. so i tried this “experiment.” *ahem* that’s confessing you’re desire for attention.
sucks your feelings got hurt and you resort to being an asshole.
it’s like i tell my ELEVEN YEAR OLD!!! there’s positive and negative attention! YOU decide based on your actions!
please tell me this whinny cry baby has left the blogsite!?!?!?
CCL is also an insomnia club
looking at the post times including my own.
on CCL.
OMG Gender Free- How did u do that- very sneaky of you!!! I’m never leaving my purse/cell w u again and hello I wasn’t in the bathroom that long!!! I love u dear friend! And you need your OWN account!!! (using J’s phone) lolYou WILL be hooked I promise!!! When u come over Monday we are getting your CCL set up!
Thanks Femmelover for the poem compliment.
Thanks Sarah for the compliment as well. She said some very fucked up things to me. I’d be lying if I said Maxipad’s comments were not hurtful but I noticed a deep “oh hell no she didn’t” strength that I didn’t have a year or so ago. My self worth and assertiveness have dramatically improved playing w the big dogs
Rexie – My real life friend “Gender Free” claims/swears that he is a lesbian trapped in a man’s body but he definitely is not straight.
Raye Dear Raye (((hugs))) Ok it is SOOOO obvious that Maxi’s school girl crush on you started this whole mess! Damn you Raye if you had not be so incredibly desirable I would not have fallen victim to Maxi’s very hateful and hurtful cross fired. Seriously though she made it very obvious she was craving your attention. Come to think of it no other femme has asked you “suck” their “dyke dick”.
All of you Raye, Rexie, FL, Sarah, Elegy and very special to me and I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you guys. ((((hugs))))
Maxi you are a pathetic pathological lier and no one gives a fuck who or what you are. Your fucked up presence has increased the lesbian population so that’s a positive. You do not give a shit who the fuck you hurt along your demented rampages. I’m glad it all happened because I needed more practice dealing with assholes and phychos to carry over practice into my work life. Yeah you wouldn’t last a fucking day with x-inmates. They’d eat you alive. They love me because I am kind towards them and totally real with them. You can play these fucked up mind games on the Internet but I wouldn’t advise doing it in real life because their are lots of people that are packing who would are just as physco as you are but trust me they don’t play. And honestly its important to stay safe. It might be all fun and games and get a borner on for you but if you cross the wrong person with these fucked up mind games you unfortunately might be sorry so be careful. You seriously need advanced psychological help and I sincerely hope you get it Frank, Anon, Jack or whoever. Why a man goes on a lesbian website I’ll never know lol. I doubt you’re a pilot but if you are I’m taking the train. You’re fucking crazy I’m rather deal with the x-inmates.
Jaz – this is yet another beautiful piece of work by you. Thank you for always sharing a piece of your soul with us. I’m sorry that on one hand it has meant ugliness, but I see lots of beautiful women who care for you standing up for you on the other hand. Please know that I value you and all that you bring to this world, and that is all that matters, that you do. And I know you already know that
I hope you have a great day!
I normally reserve my comments for the original author of the post because I think in many cases it is the respectful thing to do. But in this case I also wanted to address all the other CCL ladies. Thank you for demonstrating how important it is to stand up for one another. This is what makes ‘our’ space here so important and why I continue to come back. I know in my heart that if I needed anything, and voiced it – operative word here being – voiced, even though I am new, I would have your support, answers and guidance. Thank you all for being you – caring, tough, sweet, smart, imperfect, growing, all of it….
Now, back to Jaz – please keep sharing your poetry. And I say copyright the f out of it if you want, when it gets posted it’s your damn show!
“entertainment” LOL Wow you are a hopeless fucker aren’t you. Well that’s ok it takes all types. But seriously keep this fucked up hobby of yours online and not into real life because you cross the wrong person I gautentee they are packing. And I’m not talking about the about the type of “packing” I know you enjoy.
Seriously yall, Maxipad is a waste of energy. There is no way to tell what this pathological liar, sociopath whack job really is. I have known butches, femmes, men and weirdos of all persuaions who are all crazy enough to make all the ridiculous claims this douchebag has made. All of this is in an effort to get a rise out of anyone he/she/it can. Bottom line, Maxipad is an attention whore. I have a sneaking suspicion it really is not a man. It only claims to be a man because that is what this person thinks will get the biggest rise out of this group of people. Seriously it’s best to just ignore her/him/it. Maxi has a crush on me and is mad that I rejected her/him/it. The only thing that makes me think Maxi MIGHT be a man is because it still uses the old outdated term of diesel dyke and that is how stupid men are. But then again that might just be a tactic to “act like a man”. I personally think this person is too good at being a whiny bitch to be a man. When no one gave positive attention, she shifted gears to try for negative attention, and what better way to do that than claim to be a shit stirring guy on a lesbian blog? It’s really quite pathetic and predictable.
Nope, still a FAIL. Do trolls have genders? It tried to think of the most glamorous thing it could claim to be and airline pilot was all it could come up with. Pathetic on so many Norman Bates levels I don’t know where to begin. Raye is right. Not worth the energy. It doesn’t like to be ignored, so I say we should all do just that.
ok. so i’ve thought about it. and i’m ok with Raye’s cock getting sucked off by some other bitch.
with a few requirements, of course! this femme don’t share her butch for free!! i wanna be there, filming & directing!! and whoever wishes to see this needs to pay ME! Mama needs a new pair 5″ stilettos!!!
Yo VIP, CCL represent!!! ha ha ha
LMAO, Sarah!
Ignore it is!
Like Gender Free told me at dinner last night “How selfish of someone to turn your beautiful poem post into their own agenda.” The interesting thing is Maxi hijacked the post of/written by a femme to spew out anti butch hatred. If this person really had the balls it claims it has then it would have hijacked the post of a butch not of a femme. Hummm I wish all men were as wonderful as Gender Free- then again he swears he is a lesbian trapped inside so I know that is why he is so wonderful.
Hi friends, ok, as you know I’m on vacation with Remi and haven’t had a chance to monitor the comment section. Until now. WTF!.? …. Ok, I don’t know for sure but that psycho sounded a lot like another, truly disturbed person that I even had to blog about and then block her and all her aliases. Remember who I’m taking about? Stabbed in the back …. Yea. Well I don’t know that it’s her, but some of the drivel that she wrote had a familiar feel. Or maybe, people that are that emotionally and mentally ill all sound alike?? Anyways ….. I’ve deleted and spammed her comments on this poem because that shit falls under hate speech as far as I’m concerned.
But she might sneak back on under another name or address, so if she does, I’m going to ask you all to ignore her, don’t even comment back to her. Because when I get home, I’ll delete any comments of hers that slipped in.
Jaz, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Now, I have to get back to my Gaycation.
miss you all!!! 
Thanks Sasha
Thanks Amanda
Sasha, see what happens when you leave us home alone? Hope you and Remi are having a wonderful time. Can’t wait to hear all about it. xoxo
Sasha and Amanda- This whole thing (on a deeper level then just the hate that spewed from that person’s comments, it’s HUGE for me to share my poetry and this expeience this week was really crappy
. That combined with my aunt STILL 
being in critical care in the hospital (she is dying 
and is literally like a 2nd mom to me). That combined with me seriously injuring myself on Monday during dance class yet not resting my injury because of my crazy workload. Well I am totally and completely drained. 
Oh Jaz, I am so sorry. I hope you are feeling better and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have an aunt who is a second mother to me and I would be inconsolable if this was happening to her, all while everything else was swirling outside my doorstep. My goodness. If I may, you have shown incredible strength and courage this week (I know I am repeating others as I say this) while this has happened. However, I am not surprised, you show incredible strength each day in your job, which takes a huge heart, intelligence, patience and compassion.
Keep on inspiring here on CCL and in your daily vocation. You are powerful, lady!!
Yay, Sasha to the rescue! Sorry about the conflicts in your life, Jaz, I hope you pull through, and your Aunt has the most comfort available. I’m sure just knowing her loved ones are with her (be it physically or in spirit) is comforting.
Amanda Thank you. You are always so sweet to me. I appreciate that and you. Yeah this is a stressful time.Thanks for the compliment. Yes I’m very strong but I am human too so I am exhausted. I wish I had a girlfriend and a puppy to cuddle with. Sigh…
Elegy I always appreciate your kind support. I appreciate your cyber friendship. Unfort I can’t visit my aunt as the hospital they only allow her sister (who is my mom) and her husband/her kids only for 5mins at a time. We have a work holiday next week so that will be really good for me.
(((hugs))) to you both – Jaz
Aww Jaz hey look at it this way, you got to see a strong showing of love and support. Don’t let that douchebag ruin your day. Look at the good side and all of the people who jumped up to defend you. Haters gon’ hate. Just another jealous bitch.
Thank you Raye. Yes she or he was a very mentally unstable jealous bitch. One bad rotten apple in an apple pie made with the most beautiful apples hand picked for their powerful flavor doesn’t ruin the whole pie. I am sincerely very appreciative of your friendship, love and support Raye and that of everyone else who stepped up on my behalf in this post.
AMANDA- They just (today) gave her one month to left.
I am going to mail her a card everyday for this month starting tomorrow. 
I just found out right now. Jaz
Looks like I missed all the action.
And whoever that creep was, ignore him/her/it. They are not worth your time.
Anywho, Jaz, I’ve been reading the CCL archives and it is wonderful how much you have grown! You’re more out and sure about it than you had been before and your badass side has definitely been revealed; I like it.
Also, I’m so sorry about your aunt. I’ll pray for you both. (hug)
I really love how the CCL family stands up for people. Its so heart warming!
Jaz – I just came across this today. Beautiful poem.
All of Maxi’s comments have been deleted, but I’m sure what she wrote wasn’t worth anything. Any time any of us puts ourselves out there, it seems to be a universal law that a hater will take notice and attack. It’s a given. And in a way, it’s impersonal. It’s just a hater injecting venom where they sense a vulnerability. You just go on being your beautiful self.
Thanks Kenda and Novia. Thanks also to anyone else on this post who stepped up w support. I am in a very sad place rt now over my aunt so I’m not really focused/wording correctly today sorry.
ok so this is realy bothering me for a while now….jaz im so sorry i didn’t defend you when you were harassed by maxi…i just didn’t know what to say and i was a bit shocked someone would be mean to a nice girl like you and i was lost for words i hope you know that i do care i just had to get this off my chest cause you’ve been there for me all the time on CCL i’m sorry….
prayers for your aunt
YB- (((hugs)))
YB Thanks for writing me about it- I did wonder, but now I totally understand. No worries I know we are solid my friend. I’m in a funky place personally rt now w everything going on here at home etc. so I’m kinda quiet – all I could get out to you was a (((hug))).
Dear Young Butch (and other dear CCL friends asking about my aunt) She is not doing well. In and out of consciousness. Cancer all over. Mom is beyond devasted crying all the time
it breaks my heart. I stopped eating no appetite and have lost 5lbs in last week an half. I forced myself to eat today. Thanks I will keep you posted. Hugs Jaz
oh im sorry to hear hope you get back your appetite and she’s always in my prayers
Thanks Young Butch. This week has just been beyond too much. Seeing my mom like this is killing me. I do all I can but still feel so helpless. She is completely destroyed with this news. She is my world so this has been too painful for even me to handle. But I do. I put on my little armor vest
of inner strength and I deal with it. Anyhow, I really appreciate your friendship very much. I hope you are doing well. Jaz (And yes haters – two friends are chatting on a post off topic about a dying aunt (2nd mom figure) on the a post written by one of the two friends so please give me a break- I do not want to hear it.) Have a good weekend YB.
Well it’s been wonderful knowing you all- I am borarding onto a plane
sweet Jesus- Maxipad claimed to be a pilot lol (and a writer, and a dude, and a butch and a femme etc).My flight will be fine because he/she/it is a circus clown not an airplane pilot- or one can hope. 
YOUNG BUTCH and AMANDA(and my other dear CCL friends) My dear aunt just passed away today at 2:30 pm. We are totally heartbroken.
Dear Jazmenha:
I offer my sincere and deep condolences for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers. May you all find strength, peace and solace to see you through this very difficult time. My thoughts are with you.
Rexie
i’m so sorry to hear jazz
my condolences to you and your family when a loved one has gone you feel you may never smile again but as time goes on you will find that she is still right beside you , in your heart and always will be. may the lord care and bless with consolation those left to carry on.i hope you and your family be strong during this very sad time (HUGS)
Take care of yourself, Jaz. I know you’ve been really stressed during this time. Take the time to mourn, but don’t necessarily let yourself slip away either.
Jaz I am so sorry for your loss my friend. I pray God grants you and your family peace through this storm and holds you until the rain goes away.
Thanks Raye, Thanks Elegy, Thanks Rexie, Thanks Young Butch. I sincerely appreciate and genuinely care about each one of you.
I never felt SO incredibly alone. My friends in noncyber space are SO self-absorbed
hugs!)
I can not believe she is gone. I am thankful those good people on CCL (you all know who you are
Jazz, very sorry for the loss of your Aunt.
I pray that you and your family will get through this sad time. I know how it feels to lose someone special…as I lost my brother years ago. But, keep your chin up and that your Aunt is not in pain anymore and is with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. (Huggs, my friend)
Thanks Femmelover yeah is an unspeakably empty feeling loosing someone you’ve known everyday since you were born.
I feel so sad.
I’ve only been reading CCL for a short period of time but I appreciate the community y’all have created here, and I was moved to offer my condolences to you, Jaz. I lost my 18 month old daughter to cancer in 2007 and I’m still working through my grief. I hope you’ve found some support IRL as well as here.
GlitterGirl Wow, placing my hand on my heart, lowering head I am sincerely sorry to hear of your unspeakable loss. Yes my aunt’s passing has been incredibly difficult. Life is unique with it’s messages. I was, myself, diagnosed with cancer a week later but had emergency surgery to remove all of it. Skin cancer, but cancer still and it had spread to two inches in length. My first 3 month check up and I’m in the clear. Life is precious. That bitch at work means nothing when you go through such a deep loss like you and I have. But to loose your child to this monster of cancer
I wish I could give you a big hug.
Thank you, Jaz. Glad to hear that your check up was clear, and praying for your continued good health. I’d love a hug
for now we can exchange a cyber hug! (((hug)))
((((hug))))