By Guest Writer, Effi Mai
Being single does have its perks. The living arrangements can be one of them. The living alone thing can have it’s up and it’s down. These points are the ups of being free to do what I want, free of makeup and if I so desire, free of clothes.
Yes curling up in bed with someone after a long day is nice, but I have my teddy to do that, and the teddy doesn’t roll around and kick me once it falls asleep. And of course if you live with someone there’s sex on tap available. But I have brightly colored whirring moving toys that can do that job that won’t complain that it’s their turn or want to cuddle afterwards.
You have the freedom to do anything. If I want to watch the same episode of L Word over and over while drinking wine from the bottle and eat candyfloss for breakfast there’s no one around to judge me. Or give me that tilting-their-head-pity look.
My flat also looks exactly how I want it. It’s girly, pink and looks like Cath Kitson has thrown up in it. But I love it. I have a lovely expensive couch which I can sprawl out on and fall asleep on if I wish, fairy lights around the place because they make me happy and one wall covered in writing notes, ideas and random scribbles (and a picture of a cock which I drew when I was drunk just to see if I really knew what one looked like) (FYI I didn’t, it looks like a machine gun).
Oh and the haven of all people living on their own. The shining beacon of light that leads you towards the bathroom. And it’s not just a bathroom; it’s an always empty bathroom. There’s no pacing around the flat trying to think of anything except the pictures of running water that are flashing through your mind because you desperately need to go. You’re free to take showers whenever you want, for as long as you want, and sing Katy Perry as loudly as you want.
The best ever beats-everything-else reason to live by yourself is that if you had flatmates, the had-a-bad-one-night-stand-morning after would be a lot worse. Now, it is simply 1. Remove arm from under sleeping person. 2. Vow never to drink tequila again because I’m thinking how could I pull an uglier girl and 3. Throw something at her and say ‘Ok, there’s the front door, please vacate’. I can’t even imagine the looks, the comments and the shaking of the head that I would get if I lived with someone else.
So for the time being I will enjoy padding around in my knickers and vest with my hair in curlers, toothpaste covering my face to dry out the spots, and singing along to Celine Dion pretending she’s singing about me, because, well I can.
Careful there, effimai. Live alone long enough and you risk never being able to integrate another human into your space. Someone else doesn’t know how to lounge around on your expensive sofa, because to them it’s just a sofa. Not an expensive sofa that you sacrificed and saved for, living half a year eating only honey and beans and celery. And drama! Hating those little toothpaste speckles people leave on the vanity mirror so much that you cover every shiny surface with plastic film that can be peeled and thrown away quite often. Somehow though, when you really really love someone, those toothpaste speckles become endearing..”awwwww…just LOOK at those…” The things that would normally irritate and annoy actually become a source of pride and comfort, when you REALLY love someone. I once found my OCD ass in the closet, buttoning every single damn shirt (after it was flawlessly ironed), and I remember thinking, “I’m such a lucky girl..I GET to do this! Other women would DIE to be able to do this.” And then reality came and kicked me in the head and that was the end of that! Trust. It was THE END of that and I’ve never found myself in such a stupid situation. Again.
She must have read your blog effimai: http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/115-years-together-tortoises-separate-ways-182500381.html LOL :p
Oh yes! Thank you for this, I will be showing this to my gf. More reasons as to why she is not permitted to stay 2 consecutive nights in a row. Yes, I know I said permitted, perhaps I am just old and set in my ways.
I love having my own space. As I tell her, how can I miss you if you don’t go away? Yes, I have commitment issues, lol.
love it sounds like an awesome life except for the pink id pick black XP
I’ve lived alone, and I don’t now…and I loved both of them – they were right for the place I was in at the time…and that’s what I think counts.
Then again, none of the concerns you mentioned about living with someone is something you have to worry about when you live with the right person.
For me, it’s about having someone in my life who gives me the space to be me. Who won’t complain when I have daily gym rituals, and a rather meticulous cleaning habits. Who lets me have alone time, and also has her own thing going on.
All those traits of someone being judgmental, caring if you sing loudly, or caring what you eat for breakfast sounds like a nightmare girlfriend…as well as a housemate.
Ultimately, you should be able to be you – especially in your own home…and maybe that will be the test when you do decide to have someone join you in your flat – can you still be yourself – uncensored? If yes, she’s a keeper.
Personally, I loved your post – it was honest and really fun.
Jul – you ARE a lucky girl! I know you already know this without having someone tell you. It’s like you’ve found Nirvana. I want to be you when I grow up.
I’m struggling with this (as well as a LOT of other things) right now and I think I really needed this reminder that it is OK to be alone and not have to share space or daily life with another person. It also has reminded me that I REALLY need to make a shopping trip soon…:)
You forgot to mention the absolute best thing about living alone – a massive bed ALL to yourself! I love sharing with my gf but sometimes I’d like to spread out without fear of hitting her and on hot summer nights there’s never any cool spots left to roll into
After 9 years of living alone I absolutely hate it. Warning I have my negative pants on. Of course it’s great to be able to have your own space, but as the years pass and there is no one there to eat dinner with, to laugh over stupid stuff around the house, to put my cold feet on in bed at night…well the absence of these shared living experiences for almost a decade has been beyond paralyzing at times.
Effi – As usual loved the blog! I think everyone needs to live alone once and awhile to discover the sheer joy of naked Tuesdays, Pancake Sundays, no line ups for the freakin’ bathroom! Wonderous..
Jul- Who complains about your cleaning habits?! If they do.. they’re NUTS and you should LEAVE THEM ( and come live at my place… I won’t complain.. I swear!)
Heather –
I had an ex who used to complain a lot about both my cleaning and gym habits. I didn’t understand it – who doesn’t want someone who keeps their body in good shape, and keeps the house nice? After a while, I did leave her. Now, I have someone who actually appreciates both…
…unfortunately, no meticulous cleaning for you! lol.
Great post, as always. You had me cracking up at “It’s girly, pink and looks like Cath Kitson has thrown up in it.”
I’m one of those people that thought I’d have a hellish time trying to integrate my life with someone else’s, but it’s actually been a huge improvement. Like others said, it just depends on who you’re with. My fiance and I both have work-from-home jobs (she’s a graphic designer, I do research) so we should be at each other’s throats constantly but it never happens. A little respect and a lot of love for the other person goes a long way, and so does having a bed big enough that you can roll away in when you need some extra space at night, LOL.
wow,ihaven’t lived alone in so long. but i do daydream about it sometimes. maybe a lotta times lol. is that bad? ps– i would LOVE to live in a pink apartment that looks like Cath Kitson threw up in it. lucky girl.
I went from living with someone for 2 years to living with my parents. The nights get really lonely. I think I would prefer living with a loved one again. Then again, I’m also a mom so I would never really be alone
Hi Jul-
I’m glad that you have a sig other that treats you right now!
But I’m also sad for me… I could so use a spotless house! lol. I clean, but the only time I do really meticulous cleaning is when I’m frustrated. Then I’m on hands and knees scrubbing the tile with a toothbrush kind of crazy cleaning. lol.
Living alone sucks! Period. It is fine for a year maybe two. Great. But a fucking decade of living alone….well it is a miracle I am still here to write this. Getting a dog has helped but it’s not the same as a person.
I want to explain my “Bitter Betty” comment stems from living alone for five years in the same apt where I was attack by an assume guy. Yeah I don’t recommend doing that.
Iphone Typo- asshole guy
Loved it!
“These points are the ups of being free to do what I want, free of makeup and if I so desire, free of clothes.”
This should be a given in any event.
“And of course if you live with someone there’s sex on tap available. But I have brightly colored whirring moving toys that can do that job that won’t complain that it’s their turn or want to cuddle afterwards.”
Exactly! They both have their pluses. Toys aren’t exactly inventive, so if you luck out with a person who is… yes. On the other hand, toys don’t get sick, or tongue/hand/finger cramps. Then again, they can still burn out, so you best have a few in your arsenal that you know can get the job done.
“You have the freedom to do anything. If I want to watch the same episode of L Word over and over while drinking wine from the bottle and eat candyfloss for breakfast there’s no one around to judge me. Or give me that tilting-their-head-pity look.”
Yes! Confession time: I have been known to rewind a single part of a scene (say 2 minutes or less) over five times, sometimes more, to catch what’s being said, or the little details. Sometimes I’ll watch scenes the same amount. I’ll definitely put videos on in the background over and over. The dog doesn’t complain, but another person in the house? Err, consider it one of my many endearing charms.
“My flat also looks exactly how I want it. It’s girly, pink and looks like Cath Kitson has thrown up in it. But I love it. ”
Haaa! Woe to the person who moved into my own place. If I was going to join houses with someone, I’d ideally (I know, in this economy) want to get a joint place totally separate from what either of us created. Because I am just so territorial. Unless said person adored my place and didn’t desire to change much of anything besides moving her things in and placed them in a harmonious manner. Haha, rare thoughts. Then again, there is that whole cloning thing in the lezzie community.
“The best ever beats-everything-else reason to live by yourself is that if you had flatmates, the had-a-bad-one-night-stand-morning after would be a lot worse. Now, it is simply 1. Remove arm from under sleeping person. 2. Vow never to drink tequila again because I’m thinking how could I pull an uglier girl and 3. Throw something at her and say ‘Ok, there’s the front door, please vacate’. I can’t even imagine the looks, the comments and the shaking of the head that I would get if I lived with someone else.”
Aw, com’on! You don’t like the hazing?
I love being single. The occasions when I feel I’m missing out on something, or really crave a relationship, I’ve found that it’s actually societal influence telling me what I should want, not what I actually want in this place of my life.
There’s something bad about living alone? Seriously? Aww hell no, I disagree. I think it’s freaking awesome. Having had my fair share of nutcases as roommates, I love it.
Yes, at moments I’d love someone to cuddle with. And considering my libido doesn’t seem to want to activate on Friday and Saturday nights, but loves to rear its ugly head at, oh, say 3pm on a Tuesday, I wouldn’t mind a live-in love for that reason. And yanno, someone to share the bills with.
But other than that? Um, remind me again why living alone sucks?
Ps. Toys don’t snore.
Aw Rexie, idk if you’re in a relationship now, and maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, but I hope you find someone who makes you want to button up all their shirts again : ) That made me laugh.
And Jaz, I know you worry about the age thing, but if you want it, you’ll find it. That’s true for people no matter what stage of life they’re in. Maybe you’re just in a healing phase right now. Go easy on yourself. And I love that you rescued a pup.
Elegy, I agree society’s ideas on the way things should be can stress us out or make us feel like we’re missing out or that our lives should look different. But how are we supposed to just let someone with bad taste move in and mess with our stuff?!?
WWG, yes, y’all please remind us again why living alone sucks.
Hi guys!
I mean it’s the middle of June and it’s eight degrees here and pouring it down. Such fun.
xx
Sorry I’ve been mental busy to reply to all your lovely comments! Elergy as always I love how you pick out parts. I’m very happy being single and living on my own. Maybe in september I’ll be living with a friend so I’ll see how that goes. But yeah I do get how it would be lonely after a while but at the moment I’m loving the big bed, the bathroom and the pinkness of my flat.
Oh and ?OZFemme – I live in ENGLAND. There are NO hot summer nights. There are rainy, cold, hailing, and snowy-have-to-cover-yourself-up-in-four- fleeces nights
Thank you for the lovely comments as per
*Elegy