By Guest Writer, DDK
Now for a topic very near and dear to my heart, well it can be annoyance really. The stigma of butches must have short hair. I don’t agree with that at all but oddly enough its what most people I talk to see as being one of the hall marks of butch, as if you must have the haircut to join the club. I was talking to one of my femme friends one day who said if you don’t have your hair short your not butch. Even typing this out it sounds so odd to me.
I’ve had long hair for most of my life and I’ve always considered myself butch. See I consider it an attitude if not the swagger as most femmes put it. I’ve met plenty of women in my life that were plenty butch and had long hair. I think it may be the younger generation that may be setting these ways, that people feel you must be this or that. Wow I’m sounding old here, but I find it more with younger people, saying you have to have a haircut.
On the other hand here, as I said I had long hair for most of my life, then I cut it short. Almost without realizing it I was semi proving a theory that butches need that hair cut to get noticed or more known for who they are. That night when my hair was cut the shortest and most masculine I ever had it I was noticeably getting a whole lot more attention from people. I didn’t change anything, I was being myself and somehow this haircut was attracting random people to me. Hmmm I started thinking maybe there was something to this. With this over time my confidence even grew as I kept my hair short. A lot more smiles and batting of eyelashes came my way.
I don’t care for the attention most times but I do think its funny that a haircut can apparently change so much. It was a refreshing experience and I do recommend the experience at least once in your life if you consider yourself butch and have long hair. And if you have long hair and love it, well that’s great. Rock it and be who you are, there is absolutely no shame in having long hair and being butch. This goes for tomboys, trans, sporty, whatever you may be. Though we may confuse our femme counterparts in the process of having long hair, isn’t that part of the mystery that attracts them to us?
I think a lot of butches can rock the long hair!! I have mine short (ish) but I am in the process of growing it out. Personally, I go through phases of wanting long hair and short hair. I too have seen this trend of butches typically having short hair….it is time for change!! Great post DDK!
The reason short hair for butches is popular is cuz the short dyke cut makes it so you may as well be holding a “BUTCH” sign in front of you. People know right off the bat what type you are. So, femme’s that love butches see it and they KNOW, that’s “what I want”. It screams out “I’ll take care of you and fuck you till you can’t take no more”. I personally like having super short butch hair for the simple fact that’s it’s easier. More manageable. I just get up, spray it down with hair spray, mess it up, and I’m ready to go! So simple yet sooooooo sexy. The butch wardrobe is easier too. If you have all butch clothes, just grab a shirt that fits the weather and choose either pants or shorts and just grab any pair. Simple, easy, awesome. Or if you wanna go with suits, super easy too. Just keep your suits paired up and you can just clothes your eyes and grab one off the hanger and be sexy! Ahhhhh, I love being butch
I first started cutting my hair shortER when I was 16. I started cutting it pretty short when I was almost 18. And I just started keeping it REALLY, almost buzz cut, short a few months ago. I couldn’t rock a buzz cut though. I don’t have the face for it. My face is too squishy & round.
As a femme, yes, I do prefer my butches with short hair. A lot of women I meet who are clearly butch with long hair I just wanna grab my scissors and chop it off!!
Because, as you said the confidence changes when a butch cuts her hair off. Most long haired butches don’t have the assertiveness and confidence that would be present if they cut their hair.
There was one butch I had met a few years back who had long blonde hair. Her hair was so very gorgeous! It suited her for some reason. When she’d run her hand through it, move it out of her way…it suited her. She didn’t own the term butch, but I could see that she was sooo very clearly butch.
Long hair is acceptable on a butch under very specific circumstances. As you said, if YOU can ROCK IT! Very few do. Most get that sense of being BUTCH and being comfortable with how they look when they chop those tresses! Like a FTM getting top surgery…it feels right, I suppose
You are correct BIH. (:p I’m being lazy). As soon as I chopped off my long hair, I felt like I could take on the world. Still working on the shy factor though… A femme can rock short hairstyles too. Some anyways. Like pixie cuts are cute. But long, waving, locks of silky smooth soft hair just gets me going >//<
I never understood the hair thing nor the whole butch/femme dynamic that comes with that. I’m of the belief that you should do whatever the fuck you want to do with your hair, regardless of how you do or do not identify. If someone doesn’t like your hairstyle, then they can move on and find somebody else, it’s that simple.
I do have to admit though, once you change your hair from one extreme to the next, you get all kinds of weird attention. I always hated how hair gives you attention if you change it up even slightly. I’m not the type of person who loves to be in the spotlight (give me the background any damn day) and although compliments are nice from time to time, it can kind of get ‘annoying/uncomfortable’ for someone like me.
It’s like this:
Person obsessing over your hair: Hey! Your hair is really cute!
Me: Thanks. *thinks to self* I cut my hair like 3 years ago and people are still obsessing, what gives?!?!
P.o.o.y.h: Where did you get it done?
Me: Um, in such and such city.
P.o.o.y.h: Oh… that’s too far away from me.
Me: *tries to divert attention from self and onto something else* So, did you hear about the marsupial that had ancient dinosaur dna?!?!
I think it has to do with the style of long hair too. The shaggy long-for-a-guy type thing is much more butch than long layers or having it all the same length and below your shoulder blades.
Wow DDK, very interesting topic. I’ve never put much thought into it. You are definitely right about the attention thing. After I cut my hair off it was like I became visible to the public. I think there are lots of reasons for butches rocking short dos though simplicity, differentiation, self confidence, comfort, etc. But I contend the good ol’ “Shake what yo momma gave ya!” Be yourself and fuck what everyone else thinks. When someone is confident in themself it’s the sexiest thing ever.
I don’t recall ever having issues with long haired butches. They just remind me of guys who like to cultivate long hair, and most of them are European or metal dudes, and no one is going to question their masculinity. And yes, it does add to the allure.
P.S.
I’ve seen many a short haired and even bald headed femme- so what’s the big deal? I know people find short hair butches attractive, but no, that’s not all that’s out there, nor is it the only way to be. I think one of my favorites for the longer styles is the kind of 90′s-00′s chin or shoulder length shaggy androgynous cut, ha.
You do not fuck with a stud’s carefully cultivated long braids. Never for a second would I consider them not masculine for it.
Both my partner and I are femmes and have long hair…and it’s funny, I think that the only time I’ve seen a butch that I could identify, she usually has short hair – or long hair in baseball hat, pulled back, or something. I’ve never seen it down and flowing. I might have…I have horrible gaydar…but not one I’ve noticed.
I agree with the poster that butches have that swagger, a style of dressing, and a *way* about them that seems far more than just about what hair they have. I agree with Virgo that certainly there shouldn’t be any ‘rules’ around hair…just do what makes you feel comfortable. It’s what I do…everyone should have that pleasure. Also, to Lee, some of us with long hair have a super easy-to-manage style that doesn’t take forever at all. It’s all about someone who knows how to cut it right. My stylist is a wonder. I put some mouse on my hands, run them through, and go. Also, you can get the brazilian straightening done so it’s basically straight and frizz-free for months. Awesome.
I was attracted to this post because myself, I’ve never had short hair or even dated anyone who did…and I think it takes breasts to just whack it off. I’d probably cry like a girl.
ugh…I don’t put ‘mouse’ on my hands..but mousse…lol!!!! Legendary typo!
It’s not the hair but the heart that makes the person. Butches are sexy as hell to me regardless of their hair.
Jaz: I can’t afford to get my hair straightened or permed or anything like that. I have fairly thin hair so I can’t really rock a long do and still look butch. Plus, the short hair is just a personal preference. It’s cooler in the summer, can just wear a scarf and ear muffs in the winter, plus I like when running my fingers through my hair is just an inch. I just like how it FEELS to have short hair. As I said, personal preference. I first cut it short because I had it down to my butt and it got HORRIBLY tangled and it killed my hair so I cut out all that was damaged
@Jul – LOL, I just got the most funniest visual. “Yeah, just add some mouse to my hair, it’s the newest thing. I’ve heard it increases libido because of it’s swag effect.”
Hm, anyone remember “Ivan” from the L Word? Technically Ivan was a dude (or genderqueer going on trans going on male, I got a bit lost towards the end) but when we thought Ivan was a woman and a butch, the character rocked a longer, slicked back style of hair. http://www.afterellen.com/archive/ellen/TV/thelword/butch.html (Third picture).
Butchkitty – Yeah to me hair is to each her own what is more important to me is the person behind the hair- any which way butch is so sexy to me.
And I apologize if I offended anyone with this: “(or genderqueer going on trans going on male, I got a bit lost towards the end)” I was trying to express that I feel they handled the Ivan-Kit storyline poorly. Then again this is The L Word, so some might say that’s typical.
@Elegy – Funny you mention that, I was just watching a re-run of the Ivan scenes, yesterday.
Haha, I just found myself very attracted to Ivan (in the beginning, anyway).
Virgo –
LOL! totally right about that mouse! It’s the newest thing…haven’t you heard? So hot!
Yeah, like others, I agree the Ivan storyline was done terribly…but I thought they also did the Max storyline terribly for those that are trans. Sad to say, I do miss the show though…because there really isn’t any other show like it.
When it comes to any kind of butch culture, I guess I would only expect the same of them that I expect of any femme…to be yourself.
It’s interesting to read the strong positive reaction some have gotten when cutting your hair…I would also imagine you would get some strong negative reactions too from employers (on interviews, etc..) because butch culture seems to fly in the face of many stereotypical notions femininity. People don’t realize that women can express themselves in so many ways. Has anyone experienced negative reactions from interviews, work colleagues or others? Just a question.
It’s something I really admire about butch women…they live authentically even when it means getting crap from others because people see them as more identifiable and likely more threatening…
Thoughts from the butch girls (or others) out there if being more identifiable in haircut, etc…has been a negative experience?
It can be bad when you are spotted by bible thumpers or anyone else that doesn’t like gays. For the most part though, I seem to go unnoticed by most people
@Jul – It’s like Medusa with a head full of snakes, except your MOUSEdusa with a head full of mice, haha! Oh man, I don’t think I’ll ever see your name as Jul again, you’re going to have a new nickname in my head now whenever I see you comment.
Oh and regarding shows, “The Real L Word’s” new season is July 12th, I cannot wait to laugh my ass off.
I cannot count how many times women have given me strange looks in public bathrooms or even mentioning to me that it was a women’s bathroom. I do have broad shoulders and tattoos on my forearms, but I do have feminine qualities. Sometimes the ignorance infuriates me but most of the time I brush it off.
Virgo –
Awesome. Love it. Medusa was bad-ass!
….and I couldn’t get into the “Real L Word.” It just sucks so hard. They’re all women I would run from, or totally disgust me. If you can laugh, I suppose you are at least getting something out of it.
Kay & Lee –
These are the experiences I was wondering about…and that is what makes you all so brave…you often face crap I never do, and I take that for granted. Thanks for having the courage to be yourselves.
I’ve seen plenty of haircuts that I don’t like on straight women…but I never would be so rude to tell them or make them feel badly about having a crap stylist. Maybe I should start. Then again, anyone who cares about another person’s haircut that much to treat them poorly, has no life.
I wrote a blog about the effect of cutting my hair off and I don’t think it is just about recognition. I think it is the implication that this is a person who does not give a FUCK what society thinks and doesn’t mind being out loud and proud about being butch. I love the way women want to touch my fuzzy head and I like pissing off the Bible thumpers and I look damn good with my hair short and spiked or feauxhawked. Most butches with long hair just look awkward. Some lesbians tend to forget that they live in a gayborhood bubble culture and think it is a big deal for a butch to keep her hair long. Really it is just camouflage for the straight world. It takes guts to walk around looking like a boy in a straight world. And it all boils down to personal preference. I think long hair on a butch looks like crap because they usually don’t know how or don’t care to style or take care of it and they just look sloppy and messy. That may not always be the case but it is VERY common. The ponytail hair in a baseball cap thing is lazy in my opinion. And frankly I am tired of the argument. This whole subject is old and played out. No offense to the original post but people keep rehashing this and I think if you look good and take care of your appearance, then fine rock the long hair. But if you look sloppy and lazy, cut your damn hair hippy. Real talk.
LOL @ Raye…
@Raye – I definitely do not agree with your analogy, but different strokes for different folks.
I have done my part to having long hair to camouflage my inner dyke when I was in the military. Frankly, I don’t give a shit about the stereotypical “boi” haircuts and falling into some type of “look” for butches. I’ve been sporting my faux hawk for awhile now and I personally think I’m bored with it. Now I’m ready to grow out my hair, because I miss the way it feels brushing against my cheek. Does this make me any less a butch? A hippie? Sloppy? Don’t think so.
Like I said Kay as long as you do something with it and don’t look sloppy and lazy with your hair, knock yourself out. I could care less. And I REALLY could care less if you agree with me about the rest of it.
Lol
@Jul – Ditto on people I’d run from as well, but yes, I do get laughs out of it. I love laughing as it’s definitely a plus to life with all the bullshit out there.
Anyways, back on topic…
I definitely agree that it takes a “bold” person to rock short hair, hell it took me like 2 years just to ponder over the “maybe” aspect of actually cutting it all off. I have received comments that ranged from, “I love your hair,” “Your hair is cute,” “Sir,” “You look like a boy,” “Is your hair suppose to stick up like that?!” et cetera.
I no longer give a fuck about my hair as much as I use to and there is definitely a stronger confidence over my hair then say 4 years ago, when it was long. It’s amazing how strong people feel about other people’s hair, where they feel they need to police it and tell you how you should wear it. I don’t identify as femme nor butch, I’m just me and I strongly believe what Jul said above, “People don’t realize that women can express themselves in so many ways” and I happen to be that type of woman. I’m a very versatile individual and if my versatility offends anyone, then that’s on them. Perhaps the people who are offended, should look in the mirror and ask themselves why it offends them so much, as there is usually some underlying subconscious issue that has yet to surface, that they have not faced yet.
“Thoughts from the butch girls (or others) out there if being more identifiable in haircut, etc…has been a negative experience?”
No. I’ve almost always had positive experiences with my mohawk (when it was super short, almost bald, and then as it grew out). Some experiences involved older folks literally latching onto me to compliment my hair, and others shouting out from a distance that they liked my hair. It was just a really good cut, that always makes a difference. I’ve had other experiences, but the positive was the relevant majority.
Yes this is totally a personal choice and you should do what makes you feel good in your own skin.
But MY personal preference is definitely short hair. I think it’s sexy as fuck and really hot when a butch owns it like that.
Whenever Remi and I see butches with long hair we always joke that “it’s time to let go” because it always seems like it’s the last thing to go before they’re TRULY 100% comfortable with their identity. But that’s just our thoughts. I’m sure plenty will disagree and I like to hear it because it might help me understand better why a butch would want long hair??
And …. I know this is also probably politically incorrect to admit, but I agree with Elegy I don’t consider braids or dreds to be femme at all and have seen butches rock those so hard I almost fainted. So maybe it’s not about the length of hair but the attitude??? Maybe the girls I saw with long hair were giving off a “newbie” vibe and I mistakenly attached that to their hair??? I dunno … to each her own.
I kinda made Remi cut her hair from short but a little shaggy to now really really really short and everyone loves it on her, including her. It happens to be the best look for her. Maybe some butches can’t pull off the short hair???
I take that last line back …. I think EVERY butch can pull off short hair.
Just wanted to post this because I thought it was interesting and totally related. I was reading the transcript of the trail of Joan of Arc, and noticed this bit…funny, people were always worked up about women who didn’t conform…the more things change, the more they stay the same:
“You have said that, by God’s command, you have continually worn man’s dress, wearing the short robe, doublet, and hose attached by points; that you have also worn your hair short, cut above your ears, with nothing left that could show you to be a woman; and that on many occasions you received the Body of our Lord dressed in this fashion, although you have been frequently admonished to leave it off, which you have refused to do, saying that you would rather die than leave it off, save by God’s command.
As for these points, the clerks say that you blaspheme God in His sacraments; that you transgress divine law, the Holy Scriptures and the canon law; you hold the Faith doubtfully and wrongly; you boast vainly; you are suspect of idolatry; and you condemn yourself in being unwilling to wear the customary clothing of your sex, and following the custom of the Gentiles and the heathen.”
Wow Jul!! How apropo!
Another reason I like short hair on women, it’s sort of a sign of rebellion from societal norms. A big F U to to the gender binary. I guess I just like anyone that fucks with the status quo. And in some cases, a butch with long hair could be seen as doing just that within the butch/femme dynamic.
@ Lee “Butch Kitty”
I cut my hair really short just about 3 years ago because some insanity possessed me and I decided that since I’d reinvent myself for college, I would get my naturally straight, would not hold any curls, hair permed. NEVER again! I ended up dealing with it for awhile before cutting it to just above my ears from shoulder length curls. Only time I’ve heard someone compare the hair on the salon floor to a standard poodle, but I could not deal with the insane frizz from humidity where my hair would swell wide enough to touch both sides of a door frame.
Am I the only one who’d like to hear more about this marsupial with dino DNA?
I too find short-haired butches sooper hot. Love the feel of the spikes on my skin, poking me in the eye
Nothing beats a swaggering, short-haired butch. Mmmm
@Raye EXACTLY!!! I couldn’t have said it better myself!!
About the straight girls looking lesbian. I actually walked up to a girl wearing a shirt with a gay rainbow heart on it and started flirting with her and she actually got mad at me! I just looked at her and laughed and said “Oh my god! HA! You didn’t know? That’s a gay pride heart.” and patted her the back and walked away. If you’re gonna look gay, expect people to think you are!
And it’s true Raye. It does take guts to walk out in full butch do. Takes a real butch to be able to take the heat.
I actually have fun walking into the women’s room when I look like a guy. The reaction is just so funny. If they are really shocked, I make it look like I’m pissing standing up in the stall lmao. I’m mean, I know lol
I agree with Raye, long hair on Butches tends to just look awkward, I completely disagree that braids and dreads can’t be femme. I think non black people tend to think black hair is masculine and so those hairstyles can’t be femme, but i’m a part of the black lesbian community and LOTS of femmes have dreads and it does not make them any less feminine. I think maybe the people that you saw with those hairstyles just….I don’t know, were not femme.
I cut my hair super short (like 1 inch long) many years ago. This was during my trying to be straight years too! As soon as I did it, a friend let me know some guy friend of hers thought I looked like a lesbian. So, it’s basically assumed socially that short hair = lesbian, while long hair = straight, which is ridiculous of course, but it is what it is. I think femmes can look super cute with pixie hair cuts, and I have no problem with a butch with longer hair. I dated a butch woman who had chin length hair. Considering people asked her what pronouns she preferred, her hair length clearly did not impact how she was viewed as a butch!
Personally, I think to each her own. Wear your hair as you’d like. I’ve always viewed butch and femme more as an energy than a style anyway. The style itself just compliments the energy.
As for dreads and braids, there’s no way in hell I’d assume they’re necessarily butch or femme. It depends on the woman. If anyone remembers the Cherrybomb vlogs on Afterellen, there was a woman who stopped by as a guest speaker by the name of Valerie who is a black butch professor (I believe) and she had long dreads. I wish I could remember or find her last name, so if you remember, please tell me! Anyway, there’s no way I’d mistake her for femme! And there are many black femmes who shave their heads. But, there are many black femmes with dreadlocks and braids (example: Gloria Bigelow of the Cherry Bomb series).
I don’t know about Valerie, but you just reminded me of their guest Skyler. Oh my fucking god Skyler is hot as FUCK. Seriously. Just… AND Skyler has long hair, too:
https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/205430_10150213754425091_3711640_n.jpg
https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/37503_446131310090_4670116_n.jpg
Short hair: https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/6400_140066160090_5979817_n.jpg
Look her up, anyone who is interested: Skyler Cooper. I’m saying her, last time I checked she didn’t mind either pronoun.
Oooh yes, Skyler Cooper! Yuummmm! And true! You know I quoted Skyler in a previous post of mine, right?
http://www.cardcarryinglesbian.com/left-behind
Elegy OMG another person who stood in the good looks line twice before the stork dropped her off.
I think I missed the trees for the forest in that case! I… Ai! She’s so sexy, intellectually and physically. Anyway…
Jaz: I have two more pictures and her full name (which WWG thankfully posted) but since it’s two links the comment is awaiting moderation. Definitely look her up!
thank you i was told i have to cut my hair to be considered butch even though i love my hair just the way it is
Jazmenha, I’m stealing that line about looks!! Love it!
I loved my long hair, but when it was gone, I loved it even more when its short
oh and by the way, Sasha I could never imagine your hair really short, lol I just can’t. I consider it a dare jokingly. There would be an up roar if you were to cut those beautiful locks off.
DDK, thank you and don’t worry … I value my marriage too much to cut my hair! Remi actually threatened to leave me if I ever did!! After asking her how serious she was, she said, she wouldn’t leave me but she wouldn’t speak to me for 6 months!!! Lol.
I love short hair on OTHER girls.
It’s an even bigger F U to the gender binary when you’re a butch transwoman! Nobody knows what to do with me at all! It’s awesome!