A while ago I posted a blog about some random survey done in some far away land, that said people think differently of women that take their partner’s name after marriage. And by differently, I mean they think we’re stupid. Nice, but stupid. OK, maybe I’m paraphrasing but that was what I got from it.
Well I just wanted to put my two cents in on why I am choosing to take Remi’s name. Actually, I’m going to hyphenate it.
It’s really quite simple actually. I feel like it’s one way we can show the world, straight and gay, that we’re really a family unit. Since it’s tradition for a woman to take her husband’s name after marriage, doing so helps a lot of straight people to put our relationship in the same arena as any other marriage in their minds: “Mrs. and Mrs. Remi Smith” “The Smiths” ….. nothing says you’re married quite as easily and non fussable as having the same last name.
I know I shouldn’t care what others think about our relationship, but I do to a certain extent. I want the same respect given to our commitment as any other married couple and I feel that having her last name is one little step closer to that.
Also, on a personal note … I just really love her and couldn’t think of any better way to show the world that I’m hers than to have her name. Sort of like a tattoo but without the pain and cliche attached.
OK so that’s my reasoning behind it. But wait, I’m hyphenating my name. Why would I do that if I have so many uber-romantic reasons to take her name to begin with? That’s super easy too. First of all, Sasha Lotrian is not my real name. My real name is some hard to pronounce (according to spelling), Persian name with an equally hard to pronounce Samoan surname. My entire life growing up, I hated my name because people couldn’t pronounce it and I got called every unflattering version people could muster. But somewhere along the line, I grew into my name and figured out how to tell people to say my name correctly. And *voila* like magic people started complementing something they used to ridicule me for. What used to be something I was embarrassed of, became something I took pride in. My unique name that told a story about where I came from.
Then we also have the fact that even though Remi’s real last name isn’t Smith, it’s something equally all-American. I like the way that hyphenating our last names makes it obvious that I’ve married into that name. My name tells the story of my life. My first name is from my mother’s side. My father’s family name tells the world I’m half Samoan and the new addition at the end, shows that I married someone I love very much and added their name to show the whole world that we have now formed our own little family.
And luckily, under the current domestic partnership laws of California, you can legally change your name to your partners just like any other married couple. 🙂 So there you have it, my two cents.